tubal ligation questions xposted

JMO, but I have to live for the "now", not for the very remote "what could
be".

Clearly, I'd love to see some statistics on how many people request reversal
for sterilisation, it's not an insignificant number, it would also be
interesting to see what is the motivation behind the request.

Anne

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
I don't deny that, what I'm confused about is why my response is not
reasonable.

Because she was looking at something more permanent than what you were
suggesting.

I know Larry has two families, I don't know the history, but without being
able to see into the future you don't know what is going to happen, I
don't
consider sterilisation the answer to "My DH and I have decided our family
is complete

For you maybe. You don't know what the OP's husband thinks about it. He
could very well be done having children no matter what, so some of us
brought up another option for them to look at. It's clear sterilization
bothers you, but for some here and a lot of people IRL, it is a viable
option.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Out of curiosity Anne, how old are you and your husband?
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

On 28 Oct 2005 09:06:59 GMT, "Anne Rogers"
wrote:

The OP stated, "DH and I have decided that our family is now
complete..." Suggesting the possibility of a vasectomy is a perfectly
reasonable response.

I don't deny that, what I'm confused about is why my response is not
reasonable.

It's not unreasonable, but it wasn't all that helpful, given the OP
requesting a permanent solution.

But you don't seem to have picked up what I was saying either, deciding that
_our_ family is now complete is quite different to saying that in a
hypothetical situation that each indivdual may not have more children.

I've understood you perfectly. You would never suggest a vasectomy to
your dh in the rare possibility that he may want another family if
something happens to you.

Say you and your children were to die in a car smash tomorrow, I've no idea
how old your DH is, but the chances are is he is plenty young enough to want
to have a new family if he meets the right woman.

He's 41, so he's not likely to want that. However, I refuse to live
my life with hypotheticals hanging over my head. If we were both 30
and felt done, we'd be done. If something happened to him or me, life
would go on, with or without more kids from a new partner.

I know Larry has two families, I don't know the history, but without being
able to see into the future you don't know what is going to happen, I don't
consider sterilisation the answer to "My DH and I have decided our family is
complete", instead it is the answer to the question "My DH and I have
decided our family is complete and having thought about it, both of us are
completely convinced that whatever the situation and whatever might happen
in future that neither of us wishes to have a child with a different
partner."

And that's okay for you. However, I know many people that don't want
to live that way.

Nan

Out of curiosity Anne, how old are you and your husband?

youthful, I'm 26, he is 25, if we had decided our family was done, which we
haven't, right now I wouldn't consider sterilisation as an option for either
of us, even if we thought we were done. I think that in 5-10 years time we
will have either decided not to have more children, or gone ahead and had
the number we want at which point, I would consider getting myself done, I
think by then I would be able to be sure that I never wanted to be pregnant
again (for me being pregnant is a bigger consideration than having another
child, I think if we could do that without being pregnant we'd have one
every 2 years, at least for a little while). The time when I think we would
consider vasectomy is around age 40, if it looked like I would still be
fertile for a while.

As I understand it female sterilization is done laparoscopicly and I had one
of those when DS was just turned 1 and to be honest it felt like I'd been
stood on by a horse for several days afterwards, thankfully we had an au
pair at the time, otherwise it would have been a very difficult situation. I
was still nursing him and it was at that time that he dramatically reduced
his nursing as he was not with me in the day time for about a fortnight, so
I can identify with the original posters concerns about recovery and looking
after her youngest.

As the statistics I unearthed show, about 1in40 vasectomies are ultimately
reversed so despite the procedures, the signing, the counselling, etc.
that's still a significant number that are slipping through the net.

One of the things I like about newsgroups is that you can post asking about
something and people can come up with completely different ideas about how
you might acheive something, giving you an answer to a question you hadn't
even realised you wanted to ask. If it hadn't have been for this newsgroup I
would be looking ahead to years of unsatisfactory condom usage, which would
have been ultimately damaging to our marriage, as it is I'll soon be getting
a Mirena.

Cheers

Anne

It's not unreasonable, but it wasn't all that helpful, given the OP
requesting a permanent solution.

well in which case Jamie and Sue were also being unhelpful, the OP wasn't
requesting a permenant solution, she was requesting information about the
recovery from a tubal. But it seems that as their opinion did not vary from
the norm, it is allowed yet a slightly more controversial one isn't.

Anne

Anne Rogers wrote:

Say you and your children were to die in a car smash tomorrow, I've no idea
how old your DH is, but the chances are is he is plenty young enough to want
to have a new family if he meets the right woman.

Heavens above, what are the chances of that? Seriously. I think the
chances of accidental pregnancy are so much higher than the chance of
accidental death. I would be more inclined to go with the what if we
divorced scenario since that is far more likely than the accidental
death scenario.

Jacqueline

Sue wrote:
Out of curiosity Anne, how old are you and your husband?

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
youthful, I'm 26, he is 25,

Okay, that explains a lot. You are too young to be thinking about permanent
birth control ;o) My husband and myself were 32 when we decided we were
done. We are now 40 and there have been no regrets.

As the statistics I unearthed show, about 1in 40 vasectomies are
ultimately
reversed so despite the procedures, the signing, the counselling, etc.
that's still a significant number that are slipping through the net.

That's not very many, imo.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Anne Rogers wrote:
The OP stated, "DH and I have decided that our family is now
complete..." Suggesting the possibility of a vasectomy is a perfectly
reasonable response.

I don't deny that, what I'm confused about is why my response is not
reasonable.

But you don't seem to have picked up what I was saying either, deciding that
_our_ family is now complete is quite different to saying that in a
hypothetical situation that each indivdual may not have more children.

Say you and your children were to die in a car smash tomorrow, I've no idea
how old your DH is, but the chances are is he is plenty young enough to want
to have a new family if he meets the right woman.

That's why my mom had the tubal, instead of dad getting snipped. She
knew she was definitely done having babies, and they didn't want to
limit his ability to have another family in the event that something
happened to mom.

For other couples, it makes more sense for the husband to have the
permanent sterilization, because he knows he won't want more kids in
any situation.


I know Larry has two families, I don't know the history, but without being
able to see into the future you don't know what is going to happen, I don't
consider sterilisation the answer to "My DH and I have decided our family is
complete", instead it is the answer to the question "My DH and I have
decided our family is complete and having thought about it, both of us are
completely convinced that whatever the situation and whatever might happen
in future that neither of us wishes to have a child with a different
partner."

Anne

Makes sense to me.

Melania

On 28 Oct 2005 14:28:41 GMT, "Anne Rogers"
wrote:


It's not unreasonable, but it wasn't all that helpful, given the OP
requesting a permanent solution.

well in which case Jamie and Sue were also being unhelpful, the OP wasn't
requesting a permenant solution, she was requesting information about the
recovery from a tubal. But it seems that as their opinion did not vary from
the norm, it is allowed yet a slightly more controversial one isn't.

Since a tubal is permanent, then responding with the fact that a
vasectomy would be far easier on her husband than a tubal would be for
her (given her concerns about recovery) they were very helpful.

Nan