OT Stupid things heard at Thanksgiving - vent

At the Thanksgiving dinner table with everyone there yesterday, my BIL
says to me, "So now that you're home all the time, what are you doing?
Watching soap operas?"

Me: "No, I've never watched a soap opera and highly doubt I ever will"
(no offense to those that do)

BIL: "Oh, are you doing any reading or anything intellectual, or have
you *put your brain on a shelf*?" (emphasis mine)

Gee, I hadn't realized that raising children requires no mental effort
whatsoever. UGH!! Although I should have let him know how insulting
this was, rather than cause a scene, I just tersely replied that I
didn't have any time for reading and described my typical daily routine.
What is it with people thinking SAHMs are vacuous??
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 7 mo.
And Jaden, 2 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
At the Thanksgiving dinner table with everyone there yesterday, my BIL
says to me, "So now that you're home all the time, what are you doing?
Watching soap operas?"

Me: "No, I've never watched a soap opera and highly doubt I ever will"
(no offense to those that do)

BIL: "Oh, are you doing any reading or anything intellectual, or have
you *put your brain on a shelf*?" (emphasis mine)

Gee, I hadn't realized that raising children requires no mental effort
whatsoever. UGH!! Although I should have let him know how insulting
this was, rather than cause a scene, I just tersely replied that I
didn't have any time for reading and described my typical daily routine.
What is it with people thinking SAHMs are vacuous??

lol
I know what you mean, but at least he asked rather than assumed. Truth is,
when you have kids it IS hard to do anything typically intellectual. Its
like farming or gardening or carpentry, takes some skill, but not al ot of
deep philisophical pondering all day and night,
I would say one doesnt usually use their brain in the same way as before
being a SAHM. But so what? I think we shouldnt be upset that people assume
we arent using our intellect or educations,most of us ARENT practicing
medicine/pharmacy/accounting/ etc a home (on the other hand,in a sense, most
of us ARE). But whats wrong with that.
Let me give an example of what Im trying to say, when someone says "SO, now
that you have kids are you now more emotional etc". Instead of being mad
that someone would assume that, wonder WHY its something that angers you?
Theres nothing wrong with becoming a mother or the emotional changes that
accompany it, but because society doesnt value this,w e become offended
because it seems like an insult.

No, I am not using my brain like I did when Iw as studying computer science.
No, I dont read all sorts of deep mind blowing stuff, yeah I read the
occasional romance novel and every so often catch a soap opera or novela. I
can say it and be proud. Becuase at the same time, Im breastfeeding a baby.
Raising a family, passing on values to the next generating, running a
household etc. I dont have to be busy doing "non-mom" things to feel my time
is being spent wisely, if I never read another book on compters again, so
what. I wont consider my brain and talent wasted.
That society doesnt value the job of being a mother makes these sort of
questions loaded.

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
At the Thanksgiving dinner table with everyone there yesterday, my BIL
says to me, "So now that you're home all the time, what are you doing?
Watching soap operas?"

Me: "No, I've never watched a soap opera and highly doubt I ever will"
(no offense to those that do)

BIL: "Oh, are you doing any reading or anything intellectual, or have
you *put your brain on a shelf*?" (emphasis mine)

....I just tersely replied that I
didn't have any time for reading and described my typical daily routine.


I wouldnt have gotten defensive. To do so implies that not "doing any
reading or anything intellectual" is a bad thing. Since it seems you dont
have time for that,and you are proud of what you do as a SAHM, just say so
without giving the impression that its a slur. "yeah, my brain is on the
shelf for a while. Right now Im concentrating on raising children, and when
they are older maybe I will change my focus to other things".

When people asked me "Wow, you're still breastfeeding at 18 months?" I could
have taken it as an insult and a stupid thing, "Yes!! Why? 18 months isnt
that long, people givr 18 month olds bottles", I choose to take it as
complimentary of the lifestyle I chose (whether thats what they meant or
not)
"I sure am. Im glad I have been able to nurse her so long"

or here's one, one of my friends saw a pic of my daughter as a baby and
commented on her nose, it was pretty wide in that pic. He said she looked
black because of her nose , i said pleasantly "Since both of my husbands
have been black, thats not surprising". Some people would have gotten mad,
but why?

Ok, enough of me and my examples.
I've been a SAHM for 10 years now, so I've gotten used to peoples
perceptions and ideas. I like what I do and have no problem with it and if
anyone seems to look down on me, I don get angry, I just figure they dont
know any better and I pity them. I have a helluva brain and am well
educated. Do i use any of my education here? Nope. But thats ok. My kids are
the most important thing to me, and if anything on earth is deserving of my
full attention and intelligence, its the rearing of my children. Books?
Theory? bah, what I do is far more important than that. The shaping of a
human life is putting into practice EVERYTHING that we as humans go to
school to learn. Medicine, philosophy, language, science, nutrition,
accounting,art etc. all are a part of child rearing. There comes a time when
you put down the books and put the knowledge into them to work. To spend a
life learning all these things but never having the chance to USE them and
pass them on is what is a waste in my mind.
*lecture mode off*


Then let them wonder why you didnt get angry.

Ugh! I think I would have kicked him under the table! How rude! Kudos to
you for keeping your cool and answering in an intelligent manner!

Sue

p.s. Is this guy married? If so, his poor wife, lol!

Ooh, you're better than I am, I would have had to tear him a new a**hole.


"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
At the Thanksgiving dinner table with everyone there yesterday, my BIL
says to me, "So now that you're home all the time, what are you doing?
Watching soap operas?"

Me: "No, I've never watched a soap opera and highly doubt I ever will"
(no offense to those that do)

BIL: "Oh, are you doing any reading or anything intellectual, or have
you *put your brain on a shelf*?" (emphasis mine)

Gee, I hadn't realized that raising children requires no mental effort
whatsoever. UGH!! Although I should have let him know how insulting
this was, rather than cause a scene, I just tersely replied that I
didn't have any time for reading and described my typical daily routine.
What is it with people thinking SAHMs are vacuous??
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 7 mo.
And Jaden, 2 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

lol
I know what you mean, but at least he asked rather than assumed. Truth is,
when you have kids it IS hard to do anything typically intellectual. Its
like farming or gardening or carpentry, takes some skill, but not al ot of
deep philisophical pondering all day and night,

I am not sure how to take the above statement

Forgive the typing, I keep forgetting to run the spell checker and now that
I have the baby in one arm, its harder to type well. Plus, I tend to say
less than what I should because its difficult to be expansive when using one
hand. Sorry.

What I meant was, that taking care of kids is something that does require
knowlegde and skill, just as (just giving examples) gardening and/or farming
do. On the surface it seems like grunt work, nothing but dirt, plants,
digging and watering. A person who didnt know any better would think "Any
fool can do that. What kind of brains does it take to water flowers/build a
shelf/plant peas etc." And indeed, it doesnt require lots of time spent
thinking, pondering and wondering about theory. 'But you have to already
have some skill and knowledge in the area at hand. A person who comes in
thinking its easy and that ANYONE could do it , would be surprised at the
amount of skill and know-how it takes to do.

"AT" wrote in message
...

lol
I know what you mean, but at least he asked rather than assumed. Truth
is,
when you have kids it IS hard to do anything typically intellectual. Its
like farming or gardening or carpentry, takes some skill, but not al ot
of
deep philisophical pondering all day and night,

I am not sure how to take the above statement

"cloud nine" wrote in message
...
Ugh! I think I would have kicked him under the table!
How rude!

I'd have to have a lot longer legs. He was at the other end of a
looong table.

Kudos to you for keeping your cool and answering in an
intelligent manner!

Thanks. One thing I've learned from being a parent to a toddler is how
to *not* react when baited.

p.s. Is this guy married? If so, his poor wife, lol!

Yeah, married to my sister, who's been a SAHM to their kids for, oh,
about 20 years... Nice to know how highly he values her efforts.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 7 mo.
And Jaden, 2 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...

Yeah, married to my sister, who's been a SAHM to their kids for, oh,
about 20 years... Nice to know how highly he values her efforts.

Ewww, *Huge* ick factor here. I feel for your sister.
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply

In a nutshell what I mean (replying to self)
Its as if a med student asked a resident or intern "Oh, so now that you
arent in school do you still study or is your brain on a shelf" and the
reply "You may study medicine, I practice medicine".
I see all that I have done educationally etc as preparing me for life, and
rather than feel as if its an insult that I no longer am studying and
preparing, I feel I have accomplished something by putting the theory behind
me and actually PRACTICING.

"Nina" wrote in message
...
Forgive the typing, I keep forgetting to run the spell checker and now
that
I have the baby in one arm, its harder to type well. Plus, I tend to say
less than what I should because its difficult to be expansive when using
one
hand. Sorry.

What I meant was, that taking care of kids is something that does require
knowlegde and skill, just as (just giving examples) gardening and/or
farming
do. On the surface it seems like grunt work, nothing but dirt, plants,
digging and watering. A person who didnt know any better would think "Any
fool can do that. What kind of brains does it take to water flowers/build
a
shelf/plant peas etc." And indeed, it doesnt require lots of time spent
thinking, pondering and wondering about theory. 'But you have to already
have some skill and knowledge in the area at hand. A person who comes in
thinking its easy and that ANYONE could do it , would be surprised at the
amount of skill and know-how it takes to do.

"AT" wrote in message
...

lol
I know what you mean, but at least he asked rather than assumed. Truth
is,
when you have kids it IS hard to do anything typically intellectual.
Its
like farming or gardening or carpentry, takes some skill, but not al
ot
of
deep philisophical pondering all day and night,

I am not sure how to take the above statement