differing parenting style issue

On 15 Aug 2003 07:49:51 -0700, (Cathy Weeks)
wrote:

I also wonder how common is nursemaid's elbow in young children? I
mean, if one or two kids in a 1000 get it, that's significant from a
larger population standpoint, but does it make sense to give up
something fun, likely to be harmless, for a 1 in a 1000 possibility
that it could cause injury?

Can't find any stats online, but all the orthopedic sites say it is
a common injury for children under 4.

http://www.nebraskahealthsystem.com/ortho/nmelbow.cfm

Nursemaid's Elbow
What is nursemaid's elbow?

Nursemaid's elbow occurs when the radius (one of the bones in the
forearm) slips out of place from where it normally attaches to the
elbow joint. It is a common condition in children younger than 4 years
of age. It is also called pulled elbow, slipped elbow, or toddler
elbow. The medical term for nursemaid's elbow is radial head
subluxation.


I'd been swinging Kivi by the arms around in a circle, and I've
decided that I'll hold her by the armpits/around the chest instead.
But the occasional 1-2-3 wheeee...I'm still thinking about that one.

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

In article ,
Nan wrote:
On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:58:12 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote:

Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has
even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't
reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can
understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is a
2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too
rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens
fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he
begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a
fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an
accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for
"not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the
time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and
whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just
says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me.

Have you pointed all of this out to your husband? I don't think rough
play is over the top, but if your ds is getting hurt, then your dh
needs to take a breath and think about what he's doing.
For some reason, some men seem to think they need to "toughen up"
little boys. Why, I'll never know!

I have a slightly different opinion on this. My 7yo and almost 10yo
love to play roughhousing games with their dad. Often one of them gets
hurt somewhat (enough to start crying). But they always want to get
right back into the game, and they always want to play even knowing
that they have a good chance of getting hurt at some point in the
game. (Sometimes DH gets hurt too!) I haven't found it to be a
problem with the boys being physically careless and hurting me. I
worried about the rough play a bit when they were younger, but bottom
line is they like it even though people accidentally get hurt most of
the time. No one has ever been seriously hurt.

I'd say to take cues from the child. Does he want to play even when
you remind him that he got hurt the last time? (Try to differentiate
wanting to play with dad somehow with specfically wanting to roughhouse
with him -- if he feels it is "this or nothing" that is not a fair test.)

As to the arm-pulling, show him some websites or books describing
"nursemaid's elbow" and see if that helps. I'd take a "no compromises"
stand on that one.

--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01)

x-no-archive:yes

On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:58:12 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote:

Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has
even agreed to stop the offense. snip the problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.

I've taken this sentence out because it is bothering me.

Isn't it pretty common that children's bodies are handled in a way
that they have no control over? Even if the child objects, sometimes
this is necessary isn't it? I mean no one would object to someone
grabbing a child so that they didn't run out in the street would they?
And at least before children walk, they are carried around all the
time and have no control.

Isn't this a necessary part of growing up?

Note: I'm not talking about handling a child abusively.

grandma Rosalie

On Mon, 18 Aug 2003 17:37:24 GMT, Rosalie B wrote:
x-no-archive:yes

On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:58:12 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote:

Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has
even agreed to stop the offense. snip the problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.

I've taken this sentence out because it is bothering me.

Isn't it pretty common that children's bodies are handled in a way
that they have no control over? Even if the child objects, sometimes
this is necessary isn't it? I mean no one would object to someone
grabbing a child so that they didn't run out in the street would they?
And at least before children walk, they are carried around all the
time and have no control.

Isn't this a necessary part of growing up?


I don't think I would have used those particular examples, but
many children like being put into positions where they, temporarily,
have no control. My 2-1/2 year old, for example, LOVES being
tickled to the point where he's doubled over with laughter and
can't do anything else. And then when we recover, he asks for more.
In other cases, kids like being picked up and held over your head,
spun around, etc - cases where they certainly have no control.

Now, obviously, if the child objected to that sort of play,
it should stop immediately. But in the case of the OP, I'm
not entirely convinced that the rough-play portion of the message
is necessarily out of line.

- Rich