Need Some helpful advice

Ok I have a 2 year old son whom has spirled out of control since his
dad left recently. I mean the tantrums are unbelievably bad. He
hits me kicks me spits on me throws things purposly terrorizes the
house. I am 30 weeks pregnant and suppose to be on bed rest cause I
have gone into labor twice now. In any case I honestly do not know
what to do to solve theese all day out burst.
Also he refuses nap even bedtime for that matter like lets take last
night for example mind you this is pretty much everynight. He went
to bed finaly at 2:00 am than was up 4 times cause he dont sleep
through the night still which I am dreading cause when the baby gets
here I will be getting up with two of them. Than was back up for
the day at 8:00am.
Someone has to know how I can tame my little monster I am completly
at wits end and don't know what to do anymore. Also he is an escape
artist I can not even go to the bathroom without him trying to get
out the safety locks for the round door handles do not work I have
bought from usa baby to wal-mart and have been failed by all. I
have put up a chain lock but now he just moves a chair to the door
than stacks books on the chair to reach. And the dead bolt that
don't even phase him.
My two year old is spiraling out of control and I really dont know
what to do anymore. PLEASE HELP!
Thanks Kim

mommyslove wrote:
Ok I have a 2 year old son whom has spirled out of control since his
dad left recently. I mean the tantrums are unbelievably bad. He
hits me kicks me spits on me throws things purposly terrorizes the
house. I am 30 weeks pregnant and suppose to be on bed rest cause I
have gone into labor twice now. In any case I honestly do not know
what to do to solve theese all day out burst.
Also he refuses nap even bedtime for that matter like lets take last
night for example mind you this is pretty much everynight. He went
to bed finaly at 2:00 am than was up 4 times cause he dont sleep
through the night still which I am dreading cause when the baby gets
here I will be getting up with two of them. Than was back up for
the day at 8:00am.
Someone has to know how I can tame my little monster I am completly
at wits end and don't know what to do anymore. Also he is an escape
artist I can not even go to the bathroom without him trying to get
out the safety locks for the round door handles do not work I have
bought from usa baby to wal-mart and have been failed by all. I
have put up a chain lock but now he just moves a chair to the door
than stacks books on the chair to reach. And the dead bolt that
don't even phase him.
My two year old is spiraling out of control and I really dont know
what to do anymore. PLEASE HELP!
Thanks Kim

What would be ideal is if you could get someone who can be at his side
24/7. Two-year olds have a lot of energy, a lot of opinions, and not
enough mental resources to deal with life the way we as adults think
they should. Of course he's angry. He's ****ed because his dad left,
because his mommy can't do the things with him that he'd like to do,
because there's always stuff that he's not allowed to touch, to do, to
have. Think about how ****ed you'd be, if there was an overbearing
person in your life continually stopping you from doing things, leaving
the house, telling you when to go to bed, what to eat. (I'm not telling
you this to attack you, just simply to create some empathy for your
son....)
He needs stability in his life, and a flexible routine.
If you have relatives or friends who can help out, get as much as
you can.
Get him out of the house and to the playground, somewhere where
it's safe to just run around and be crazy.
Make the house as safe as you possibly can, and I don't mean just
lock everything or put it up high. Think, if you can reach it, he can
and will. Even to the point of making your house completely empty
except for the basics of clothing and food.
I'm sure someone here has ideas for two yo houdinis, I just know
that the door knob locks don't work, even for normal kids, let alone
those maniacally determined to Get Out.

Stasya

On 25 Sep 2006 07:33:40 -0700, "mommyslove"
wrote:

Ok I have a 2 year old son whom has spirled out of control since his
dad left recently.

This is pretty normal for a child of this age when there is a lot of
change and stress in his life. Does dad see him at all? Is it
possible to arrange visitation?

I mean the tantrums are unbelievably bad. He hits me kicks
me spits on me throws things purposly terrorizes the house.

It's really *not* purposely terrorizing the house. He's scared and
angry about several things - dad leaving is one, your pregnancy is
probably also causing him anger and upset.

I am 30 weeks pregnant and suppose to be on bed rest cause I
have gone into labor twice now. In any case I honestly do not know
what to do to solve theese all day out burst.

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

Its difficult, but try to focus on the positive and ignore the
negative as much as you can.

For the spitting and hitting and kicking (this is hard because you are
pregnant, but try this if you can manage it)

1. Hold him firmly but gently away from you, so that he cannot hit or
kick and so the spit does not reach you. He will get loud and
probably struggle and you must ignore that as much as you can.

2. Say *you are really angry about.......* Describing and
acknowledging his anger will really help him see that you understand.

3. Say *hands are for clapping* and clap with him. Or say *feet are
for kicking soccer balls* and take him outside with a ball. Or say
*spitting in the sink when we brush are teeth is ok* and let him spit
into the sink.

4. You can also say *we touch gently* and show him how to touch
gently (this step can be omitted for this particular situation or it
can be added in if you want to add it).

5. Say nothting else and pay no more attention to the actions, just
go back to what you were doing before this happened.

6. Do this every time he hits, kicks, or spits.

Also he refuses nap even bedtime for that matter like lets take last
night for example mind you this is pretty much everynight. He went
to bed finaly at 2:00 am than was up 4 times cause he dont sleep
through the night still which I am dreading cause when the baby gets
here I will be getting up with two of them. Than was back up for
the day at 8:00am.

My dgd gave up her nap at 2, but we had *quiet time.* You may want to
try a quiet time where you cuddle him and read him some stories. I
suggest reading stories about emotions and how to handle them. Some
possible books:

The Temper Tantrum Book by Edna Mitchell Preston
When Sophie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang
When You're Mad and You Know It by Elizabeth Crary
I Was So Mad by Norma Simon
That Makes Me Mad! by Steven Kroll

You can add in books about other emotions as well so the focus is not
only on anger.

Today I Feel Silly by Jamie Lee Curtis
My Many Colored Days by Dr. Suess
When You're Happy and You Know It by Elizabeth Crary
I'm Lost by Elizabeth Crary

Someone has to know how I can tame my little monster I am completly
at wits end and don't know what to do anymore. Also he is an escape
artist I can not even go to the bathroom without him trying to get
out the safety locks for the round door handles do not work I have
bought from usa baby to wal-mart and have been failed by all. I
have put up a chain lock but now he just moves a chair to the door
than stacks books on the chair to reach. And the dead bolt that
don't even phase him.

Having an autistic grandson, I understand your fear well. This
product was suggested on a board about autism:

http://www.autism-ally.com/products/products.htm

And this one was suggested for travelling with kids and use in hotels,
but there is no reason you can't use it on your doors at home and it
is relatively inexpensive.

http://www.walkabouttravelgear.com/safety.htm

Portable door lock.
Our Walkabout door lock is an essential if you're planning on staying
in budget lodgings, and recommended no matter where you stay.
Extremely simple to use, it installs on a door in seconds. A
quick-release feature allows for fast emergency exit. Stops anyone
from entering your room, from mysterious strangers to unwanted maids
at hostels. Small and lightweight: 1.7 ounces, 1 x 5 inches.
Inexpensive, too.

#595XC Walkabout Door Lock $10.25

My two year old is spiraling out of control and I really dont know
what to do anymore. PLEASE HELP!

Once you have gotten some of the hitting under control, then you can
move on to teaching him proactively how to handle situations and also
to helping him learn what will happen when the new baby comes home.

For the pregnancy and new baby stuff, this website has lots of
suggestions.

http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/newbaby.htm

Some ways to help him with anger management (great for adults as well)

http://members.aol.com/AngriesOut/

Thanks Kim

Good luck!


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

"mommyslove" wrote in message
oups.com...
My two year old is spiraling out of control and I really dont know
what to do anymore. PLEASE HELP!
Thanks Kim


Is there any way you could have a mother's helper or some other person to
help look after him? It may help to have someone there to entertain him
while you lay around.

mommyslove wrote:
Ok I have a 2 year old son whom has spirled out of control since his
dad left recently. I mean the tantrums are unbelievably bad. He
hits me kicks me spits on me throws things purposly terrorizes the
house. I am 30 weeks pregnant and suppose to be on bed rest cause I
have gone into labor twice now. In any case I honestly do not know
what to do to solve theese all day out burst.
Also he refuses nap even bedtime for that matter like lets take last
night for example mind you this is pretty much everynight. He went
to bed finaly at 2:00 am than was up 4 times cause he dont sleep
through the night still which I am dreading cause when the baby gets
here I will be getting up with two of them. Than was back up for
the day at 8:00am.

As others have said, I don't think that his behavior is unusual or
unexpected. That doesn't mean its acceptable, of course. But IMHO,
sometimes, just knowing that you're not alone helps.

It strikes me that he's scared. So many familiar things in his world
are changing. He's going to have a new baby, and he doesn't know how
that will affect *him* His Dad is gone. I can only guess that this
must have affected you as well, and he's most likely picking up on
those emotions, plus his own of missing Dad. And then, well, he may be
worried that *you're* going to disappear as well. I don't think that
there are enough times in a day that you can tell him how much you love
him, and that you will always be there for him.

Usually, I'd suggest co-sleeping. But if you've never done it before,
he's a kicker, and you're 30 weeks pregnant, I don't know. Could you
at least move his mattress into your room, so that he can see you when
he wakes up at night? Even if its not co-sleeping, make sure there's
plenty of snuggle time, maybe reading or watching videos.

Tantrums are also difficult because of your stage of pregnancy. He's
got a lot of anger, and he doesn't know how to release it. Try to give
him some way of releasing his physical aggression, like a pillow or a
stuffed animal that he can punch or throw. Kicking a ball in the yard
is also a great idea, but it has limitations (can't do it late at
night, can't do it in certain types of weather). Some kids respond
well to being touched or spoken to at the height of a tantrum; others
don't. If he is a responder, you can try to sit him in your lap,
facing outwards, holding his arms back behind him so he can't hit.
Tell him gently, over and over, that you won't let him hurt himself,
you won't let him hurt you, and you love him. (This is the part I was
a bit worried about with your pregnancy.) When he relaxes enough, you
can turn him around and snuggle him, and keep repeating. IMHO, those
after-tantrum snuggles, strokes, and whispers are key.

As for the bathroom, privacy is highly overrated. ;- Let him come in
with you. Since he's 2, get him his very own little potty that he can
sit on (fully dressed, unless he has other ideas) while you go.
Someone suggested some other very cool looking safety devices you could
try as well.

Others have suggested that you get someone in to help you with him, and
to take him to the park, etc. I'm of two minds on that. You could
certainly *use* the help, and he could certainly use the outdoor time
that you might not be physically able to give him. But I'm also
concerned that he might see that as some sort of prelude to your
leaving him entirely. Time with his Dad would be great. Or do you
have a friend with a child about the same age as your son? Your friend
could come with her child. The kids could play together in your home,
under your friend's supervision, while you relax on the couch. That
might also provide a better segue to *let's go to the park while your
mom naps*

Best of luck to you.

Barbara