Sad story about "Christian spanking" on NoSpank.net

http://www.nospank.net/edyta.htm

I am a female adult. My family was very dysfunctional: physically
violent and mentally ill older brother, heavy-drinking and physically
violent father, and a manipulative mother who enabled them. As the
smallest and youngest, I was very much at the low end of the violent
pecking order. The family violence was at levels that resulted several
times in emergency room treatment and intervention by the police and
state authorities including the family courts.

When I was 10 and my brother 13, my entire family began attending
sessions at Christian Family Institute in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The set-up
there was quite creepy. We sat in a room with 3-4 young therapists; I
believe they were graduate students from Oral Roberts University
nearby, which is where Dr. Dale R. Doty, their supervisor, had also
attended. Doty and 2-3 other young therapists would sit in the next
room behind some one-way glass for the entire session which was also
videotaped and recorded. Toward the end of the session, the therapists
who'd been in the room with us would go and meet with the supervisor
behind the glass for about five minutes. They'd come back and tell us
what Doty observed about the session. It reminded me of Oz, where we
didn't often see that much of the Wizard yet his wisdom was sought.
Despite the sessions apparently being a training ground for new
counselors, it was quite expensive.

The therapists very much believed in "spare the rod, spoil the child,"
and on their instruction, my parents spankings of me increased. This
probably wasn't a good idea in a family with documented legal problems
with alcoholic rages and violence. I'll also note that at age 10, in my
view, that's too old to be increasing physical punishment. They also
taught that physical discipline should be immediate, which meant it
should happen in public if that's where the offense occurred. For
example, if a dirty word was said, according to them, your parent takes
you to the nearest public bathroom to wash your mouth out with soap,
regardless of whether other people are in there. To my recollection,
they never addressed my father's drinking, constant foul mouth or
angry demeanor.

I wasn't allowed to discuss my brother's of father's abuse or
behavior in general in sessions. They didn't deny I was telling the
truth, they just wouldn't let me talk about it! It was really odd and
frustrating. The counselors said, "These sessions are for you to talk
about your own feelings, not other people." This still perplexes me,
because it was family counseling. Weren't we supposed to talk about how
the family was getting along? Wouldn't restricting talk about one's own
personal feelings be for individual counseling, and even then, aren't
personal challenges often in relation to one's family? The counselors
most certainly didn't stop my parents from talking about their kids, so
apparently the rule applied to me only.

When the counselors would ask me how the previous week went, and I said
anything about my father's or brother's physical abuse, my father was
instructed to pull me over his lap and spank me in front of everyone.
The first time it happened, my father began to pull my arms toward
toward him on the sofa, and I thought he was about to hug me. When he
then pulled me over his lap and spanked me, I was mortified. Two of the
therapists in the room smiled and giggled the first time, and one
clapped afterward. Between the family and counselors, there were around
10 adults total watching this and, as mentioned, the sessions were
videotaped. I have no idea how Doty used these tapes. This was
incredibly humiliating.

I became sad and withdrawn, and my performance at school decreased. I
often vomited at home before we left for sessions. I decided to limit
my speaking in the sessions, as I hated being spanked in front of
everyone-- what person would like that? But, then I was also spanked in
front of everyone for being "sullen".

In the front room, there were several self-help paperback books for
sale. One day while waiting for our session in the waiting room, I
noticed a small paperback titled An Answer to Depression. I asked my
mother what depression was and she told me. I realized that I was
depressed! The following week, I brought money and bought the
paperback. I had high hopes, taking the title of the book at face
value, my depression would be answered!

Unfortunately, the book did not help much, as much of the advice, such
as joining a health club or taking a hobby class, didn't apply to a
10-year-old living in the rural sticks without transportation. However,
one would have thought that a child buying a depression self-help book
would have set off alarm bells with both parents and counselors. It
didn't. The humiliating spankings stayed on course. We went to CFI for
about nine months, stopping only because my father was out of work and
we couldn't afford it anymore.

Today, Doty has become somewhat of a mini-celebrity in both Christian
and secular counseling circles, including giving keynote addresses at
conventions. I'm currently in a treatment program for post-traumatic
stress disorder, and one of my issues being addressed is the treatment
at CFI. It's ironic that I'm in counseling to address what happened
to me in counseling!

Edyta

Golly Don, nobody will know it was you.
Have you enlisted another atheist?

Greegor wrote:
Golly Don, nobody will know it was you.
Have you enlisted another atheist?

Why would you think I am or know this person, Greg?

On what evidence do you base our opinion?

And why did you, as usual, when you are lying and or can't support your
argument, abort the attributed remarks of the poster?

0:-

Don't worry Don, you have plausible deniability. Really you do.