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#21
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10 ways to be a better father
In article ,
toto wrote: On Thu, 20 Nov 2003 15:39:40 GMT, dragonlady wrote: Yes, the child has a real dad out there somewhere. The child will suffer from her actions until it is reunited with his father. My father was born in a home for unwed mothers. When his mother later married, her husband refused to let my father live with them, because, he said, he wasn't going to raise "some other man's *******." My father may have been hurt by never knowing who his bio-dad was, though when he was older and Grandma offered to tell him, he decided he'd rather not know. He was DEFINATELY hurt -- badly -- by being rejected so thoroughly by a man he knew. 1 - Not all men WANT to be reunited with a child they sired. 2 - Regardless of what happens with the bio-dad, it is definately hurtful to be rejected by the man who you thought was your father, and who claimed to love you. I can't imagine the pain of being told that that love was conditional upon biological relatedness. Another pertinant story. My cousin eloped with a man twice her age (she was 17 at the time) and became pregnant. When he learned that she was pregnant, he abandoned her and divorced her. She returned home and her mom helped her through the pregnancy and helped with the baby until she remarried a few years later. She and her new husband had 3 biological children. However, the *other man's child,* my cousin's oldest was beaten and despised until she ran away at 11 and was adopted by her grandmother. My cousin was beaten by him too. She was a waitress, sole financial support of the family. He couldn't keep a job. She finally divorced him (and yes, she initiated the divorce, Bob). She moved and supported the children until they were grown. She died from cancer some years ago. Her children are doing ok, but they sure didn't have a real father. Which actually raises an interesting question: in the studies of who initiates the breakup in the case of divorce, what, exactly, is considered? If it is "who filed for divorce" that would not seem to be adequate information. I had a friend a few years ago who had been abandoned, and when she wanted to start dating again, she had to prove that she had searched for her husband before she could divorce him. (She never found him, by the way. Even his own family didn't know where he'd gone.) He definately left her -- but in the stats, since she is the one who filed for divorce, is she the one credited with the breakup? Or, in the case you describe above, is a woman credited with initiating the breakup when she leaves because of domestic abuse? I suspect that who really "initiated" the breakup is hard to know most of the time; people seldom keep their unhappiness entirely to themselves. With others of you, I suspect that *most of the time* there are two people at fault, to at least some degree. Just curious as to whether or not anyone here knows what the statistics actually measure. (Note newsgroups other than misc.kids have been stripped. What's the point?) meh -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#22
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10 ways to be a better father
On Thu, 20 Nov 2003 17:26:36 -0500, Nan wrote:
You know Dorothy... no amount of reasonable logic is ever going to be accepted by these guys. Nan Yeah, I konw. I should probably stop, but maybe some lurkers will *get it.* -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#23
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10 ways to be a better father
toto ) writes:
On 21 Nov 2003 03:20:25 GMT, (Andre Lieven) wrote: Funny thing this... When I reported on a case that was covered by National Canadian media, and went all the way to the Canadian Supreme Court, I was told that I was using anecdotes, that weren't worthy. I was not the one who objected to anecdotes. I don't know who that was, but you might attempt to realize that not everyone here is the same. I'm just pointing out that posters *hypocrisy*. Which did NOT come from soc.men... I have no objection to using anecdotal evidence at all and it was Bob and you who told me that this was not worthy. As proof of societal trends, no. When *added* to trend proofs, they make for *examples*. I never said anything about that with your post of a case. I didn't answer that post at all. I was keeping the record honest. Andre -- " I'm a man... But, I can change... If I have to... I guess. " The Man Prayer, Red Green. |
#24
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10 ways to be a better father
In article , Bob
wrote: Nan wrote: Bigotry rocks some people to their absolute cores. Nan It sure does, doesn't it NAN. You ought to know. Oh my lord, he's actually been reduced to, "I know I am, but what are you?" (Cross posting cut) meh -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#26
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10 ways to be a better father
On Fri, 21 Nov 2003 17:16:06 GMT, dragonlady
wrote: Oh my lord, he's actually been reduced to, "I know I am, but what are you?" He pretty much started that way. It's compelling, in kind of the same way a train wreck is compelling. |
#27
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10 ways to be a better father
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#28
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10 ways to be a better father
On Sat, 22 Nov 2003 15:32:08 -0800, Rauni
wrote: Some of Bob's gems! http://www.insurgent.org/~alcatroll/...oldenbull.html The man is deranged. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#29
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10 ways to be a better father
Joni Rathbun ) writes:
On 23 Nov 2003, Andre Lieven wrote: "Jayne Kulikauskas" ) writes: "Joni Rathbun" wrote in message ... [] Frankly, I don't believe a man should be forced to support a child that is not his biologically. If the child is more than just a baby and has grown to know and love that man as "Daddy," such abandonment could, of course, destroy the child and any man that does that should be castrated and removed from the gene pool. But no, he should not be forced to care for a child not sprung from his very loins. And in the long version of this story, the child will probably be better off not knowing such a man. How can you be so harsh? Because of Ms. Rathbun's slavish adherance to the Feminist Principle: " *Always* blame the nearest *man*, no matter what ! " Far be it for her to *hold the author of the problem responsible*, IE- Easy Mommy. Rather, the *man* is, in her view, *supposed* to *always* *fix anything that the woman did wrong*, and if he doesn't, no matter that SHE is the one *who ****ed around on her marriage and made a child APART from her HUSBAND, if the husband doesn't totally take the bullet of responisbility for HER*, HES the Bad Guy. Another lame ass attempt at avoiding the issue. Translation: " How dare you people not agree that women=blameless for anything. How dare you actually want to speak about women's responsibilities for their created messes. " Perhaps you boys aren't playing with a full deck. Translation: " Anyone who disagrees with me is mentally ill. I learned this from the former Soviet Union, where they believed the same thing. Who knows. Translation: " I know nothing, and thats fine. " But I'm not into your cry baby blaming game. Translation: " Daring to demand that women and men be *both* held to the same standards of personal responsibility is bad for women. Plus, only WE get to cry. " My concern is with the resulting child Translation: " My concern is with making sure that women always get what they *want*, no matter what evils they do, and the messes they make MUST always be cleaned up by men. " whom you wish to blame for his or her mother's mistakes. Lets see... YOU want to blame the man for what the Easy Mommy did. I want to hold Easy Mommy *responsible*, and NOT make men clean up her resulting messes... Now, as it was Easy Mommy who made the mess, in the spirit of Real Equality, I say, " let her clean up her own mess. " Period. Thanks for showing, once again, that Feminists HATE the idea of equality... Your concern is only for you. yawn Translation: " How dare men think of their own feelings and interests ! Only women's count... " Your misandry proven. Plonk. Andre -- " I'm a man... But, I can change... If I have to... I guess. " The Man Prayer, Red Green. |
#30
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10 ways to be a better father
"Andre Lieven" wrote: Perhaps you boys aren't playing with a full deck. Translation: " Anyone who disagrees with me is mentally ill. I learned this from the former Soviet Union, where they believed the same thing. And how have you been characterizing those in this thread who disagree with you? P. Tierney |
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