How old should children be before being left alone?

Banty wrote in :

Age 7 - probably not. Perhaps that poster's parents are the type who
can't
imagine anything happening. Of course, there are also parents who seem to
think
disaster's around every corner. It's a matter of balance and common sense
IMO - things may happen, most probably not, but at what age can the child
deal with emergencies.

Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile
while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old
sister with her.
I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load
became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound
was, the
washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses.
Then I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled
at me for
not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???"
:-)

If you could guarentee there would be no emergancies you could leave quite
young kids alone.

Like someone said, what is "being left alone". Is it alright for me to
leave the 9yo in the house, while I hang out the washing in the garden?
I don't think that would be a problem. Is it alright for me and dh to
take our cups of coffee to the end of the garden, and leave the kids inside,
or do we insist that they come outside too? And if both of those are OK,
why shouldn't I post a letter at the post office: it takes less time then
hanging out the washing, and is closer then the end of the garden?

FWIW, I wouldn't drive anywhere and leave the kids unsupervised, but walking
seems to be different.

--
Penny Gaines

In article ,
"Donna Metler" wrote:

"Seth Thomas" wrote in message
...
wrote:

How old should children be before being left alone?

The following was recently suggested as a guideline by a pediatrician,
and I
must say I'm totally dumbfounded. The pediatrician recommends age TEN
as the
age when apron strings are loosened. I was given free reign to wander
the
neighborhood by age four and was often off hiking in the woods alone by
age
seven. Has the world changed that much, or are kids just more stupid
today?
How early in life were you given some degree of autonomy?

Recently parents have been eager to ask me how old their children should
be
before they can be left at home alone, without a babysitter. I feel at
home but
not alone with this common question so let me provide some information
on the
topic. First of all, no children under age ten should ever be left
alone, even
for a few minutes. Beyond that there is no hard and fast rule. It
basically
comes down to a combination of the children's level of maturity, their
ability
to make decisions, the parents' comfort level, and the community or
environment
in which the family lives. If your children are over age ten but still
apprehensive about being left alone, don't leave them alone-it's as
simple as
that. If your children are over age ten and want to try being left
alone, here
are a few hints that will make things go well: Set the house rules ahead
of
time, and make sure your children understand them and can repeat them
back to
you. The rules are up to you, but they usually include things like "No
guests
when an adult is not home," "Never answer the door for a stranger," and
"Never
tell someone on the phone that you are alone". Make sure your children
know how
to respond in the event of an emergency by talking them through
different
situations and hearing how they would respond. Post all key phone
numbers and
any special instructions in a visible place, such as the fridge. If your
children do need to be alone after school while you are still at work,
ask them
to call you (or a neighbor, if you are unavailable) as soon as they get
home,
just to let you know they're okay. Also, instruct them to never enter
the house
if they come home from school and find the door open or unlocked. With
these
hints in place, try running your children through a practice session.
Start by
leaving them alone for only fifteen or twenty minutes. Then, increase
their
time alone gradually. Hopefully tips like this will be the key that
unlocks
your peace of mind it comes to leaving your children home alone without
adult
supervision.

Awwwk.

Kids differ from child to child. 13 is a good age for trust
and responsibility.

Here, the law is age 12-there is still a limit as to how long a young teen
can be left alone, or in supervision of other children. And it really
depends on the child. I have known 7 yr olds I would trust much farther than
some 15 yr olds! So at 12, some children might be very ready, and some might
not be ready at all.




we used 10 for ours although not for extended periods -- but we also had
a foster daughter at one point who we simply would not leave along well
into her teens because we knew she was unreliable --- this really is to
some extent a judgment call based on the child

looking back, I think 12 is probably a better rule of thumb. our son
was reliable at 10 but sometimes his judgment was a bit flawed. we did
have very strict rules e.g. he liked to cook, but was not allowed to use
blenders or similar devices at that age alone -- he could mix brownies
by hand or whatever but not use any power tools, or blenders or boil
things on top of the stove.

what is heartbreaking is the situation like the recent mother whose
sitter didn't come, and who left kids alone while she went to work -- a
fire in the apartment building killed them [I think it was a 9 year old
watching a 4 year old] Sure it was negligent -- but she faced losing
her job if she failed to get to work and welfare reform means that there
isn't welfare to fall back on if she did lose her job -- and then she
might lose her kids to foster care for losing her apartment/job --- it
is a choice that is a loser for her any way you look. of course most
mothers pushed into this choice don't have a tragedy --- but now
apparently the plan is to lock this hapless women up for a few years for
a situation with no way out

: Like someone said, what is "being left alone". Is it alright for me to
: leave the 9yo in the house, while I hang out the washing in the garden?
: I don't think that would be a problem. Is it alright for me and dh to
: take our cups of coffee to the end of the garden, and leave the kids
inside,
: or do we insist that they come outside too? And if both of those are OK,
: why shouldn't I post a letter at the post office: it takes less time then
: hanging out the washing, and is closer then the end of the garden?
:
: FWIW, I wouldn't drive anywhere and leave the kids unsupervised, but
walking
: seems to be different.

I think you just have to use your judgement and be reasonable. If your
child is fairly responsible, I don't see anything wrong with running over to
the post office, or something like that, as long as you feel your child is
responsible enough to not get into trouble while you're gone. OTOH I have
some 15- and 16-year-olds in my classes that I wouldn't leave alone for one
minute.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

"Vicki" wrote in message
...
"toypup" wrote in message
news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01...

"Banty" wrote in message
...
Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile
while she
took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister
with her.
I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load
became
unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was,
the
washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the
hoses.
*Then*
I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled
at
me
for
not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???"
:-)

This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone.
Though
some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life
experience
to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have
known where the main water line was, from life experience.

But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She
probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the
neighbor.
It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the
flood.

No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was
angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was
not taken by the child in charge.

In article PaBmb.13799$ao4.31150@attbi_s51,
"toypup" wrote:

"Vicki" wrote in message
...
"toypup" wrote in message
news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01...

"Banty" wrote in message
...
Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile
while she
took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister
with her.
I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load
became
unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was,
the
washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the
hoses.
*Then*
I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled
at
me
for
not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???"
:-)

This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone.
Though
some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life
experience
to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have
known where the main water line was, from life experience.

But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She
probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the
neighbor.
It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the
flood.

No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was
angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was
not taken by the child in charge.



I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at
all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken
when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact
that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article PaBmb.13799$ao4.31150@attbi_s51, toypup says...


"Vicki" wrote in message
...
"toypup" wrote in message
news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01...

"Banty" wrote in message
...
Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile
while she
took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister
with her.
I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load
became
unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was,
the
washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the
hoses.
*Then*
I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled
at
me
for
not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???"
:-)

This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone.
Though
some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life
experience
to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have
known where the main water line was, from life experience.


Right. I was probably too young.

But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She
probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the
neighbor.
It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the
flood.

No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was
angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was
not taken by the child in charge.

Well, if I had been taken on the errand and not left home, the house would have
flooded worse. My mother would have started the laundry, then taken everyone
out of the house.

But even if I were older, I don't think I would have known where the main water
cutoff was (I'd wager many adults don't know that for their own homes - maybe
one adult, but not all adults in each house.) But I do think I would have had
the sense to investigate the banging going on in the laundry room :-)
I was too absorbed in some book or hobby (I forget exactly). I could have just
as easily not responded to a smoke smell.

Banty

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at
all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken
when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact
that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage.

What I think is, she was lucky it was just a broken hose. If it had been
some other emergency, quicker action might have made a more profound
difference.

In article , Penny Gaines says...

Banty wrote in :

Age 7 - probably not. Perhaps that poster's parents are the type who
can't
imagine anything happening. Of course, there are also parents who seem to
think
disaster's around every corner. It's a matter of balance and common sense
IMO - things may happen, most probably not, but at what age can the child
deal with emergencies.

Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile
while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old
sister with her.
I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load
became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound
was, the
washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses.
Then I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled
at me for
not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???"
:-)

If you could guarentee there would be no emergancies you could leave quite
young kids alone.

Like someone said, what is "being left alone". Is it alright for me to
leave the 9yo in the house, while I hang out the washing in the garden?
I don't think that would be a problem. Is it alright for me and dh to
take our cups of coffee to the end of the garden, and leave the kids inside,
or do we insist that they come outside too? And if both of those are OK,
why shouldn't I post a letter at the post office: it takes less time then
hanging out the washing, and is closer then the end of the garden?

It's not just a matter of how long they're left alone, but also how available
you are in case they need you. So if you're in the far side of the garden for
30 minutes, they can find you, but leaving them to get milk at the store for 20
minutes may be more of a risk. They can't get your help if they need it.

Banty

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at
all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken
when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact
that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage

In theory, I have been told, you should not leave the house while any appliance
is running (dishwasher, washer, etc.). Something could always go bust or go on
fire or whatever.

In hindsight, what the kid (was it Banty? I have already forgotten!) should
obviously have done is turn the washer off. But I know washers that are going
BANGBANGBANG are pretty scary.

Come to think of it, *I* don't know where the water shut-off valve is in my
house. I have known, but I can't remember at the moment. Must ask.

--Helen

In article ,
dragonlady wrote:

In article PaBmb.13799$ao4.31150@attbi_s51,
"toypup" wrote:

"Vicki" wrote in message
...
"toypup" wrote in message
news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01...

"Banty" wrote in message
...
Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile
while she
took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister
with her.
I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load
became
unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was,
the
washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the
hoses.
*Then*
I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled
at
me
for
not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???"
:-)

This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone.
Though
some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life
experience
to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have
known where the main water line was, from life experience.

But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She
probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the
neighbor.
It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the
flood.

No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was
angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was
not taken by the child in charge.



I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at
all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken
when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact
that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage.

meh

only a fool leaves an appliance like a washer or dryer on when they
leave the house -- this is a fairly common event i.e. broken connection
flooding --and having it run for literally hours when one is gone could
do tens of thousands of dollars of damage depending on the location of
the washer -- dryers are among the more common causes of house fires and
should never be left running when people are not home