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Single Dad needs advice
....damn original subject line eh?
....anyhoo... Hi, I'm Eric, single dad in Colorado. I have a 7 year old and a thirteen year old (both boys), and I'm just in the beginnings of divorce (long overdue). My 7 year old has no problem whatsoever entertaining himself. Of course, here in CO there is so much for us to do that we do many many things together, but when dad needs "me" time, he heads off to his room to read, build legos, etc. etc. My 13 year old, on the other hand, totally lacks this ability. His comments EVERY weekend are "What are _WE_ doing today". Granted, we do a lot together (and I do mean a lot, so it's not like I'm trying to avoid him all of the time!!), but again, dad needs his "me" time (even once a quarter would be nice). No matter what I say or do, this boy is always around, always wanting to do something...no ability whatsoever to entertain himself. He has a lot of friends who live in the neighborhood, and when he goes out to play with them they ALWAYS end up back at my house, bored, and sometimes just stand there staring at me...waiting for me to do something. I'm not insensitive to his needs, I realize that he misses his mom, and we are in a new town, but damn...I've never seen anything like this...24/7/365, "What't the plan for this afternoon?" We've talked about it and I'm going to try to get him into model-building, since it's time consuming and something he can occupy himself with when we are in the house during the winter months. I'm scared though, since he usually gets frustrated easily and gives things up quick, once again running to me for something to "do". Does anyone else have a similar situation? If so, what do you do about it? Thanks, Eric in CO |
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Single Dad needs advice
Thanks for the reply!
'Kate wrote: Such a tough age for kids. What does he say when you ask him, "What do you want to do this weekend?" "I don't know" :-) I hear that a lot. During summer, we did a lot of hiking which I thought he would like, but he seems indifferent. I also enjoy MTB, so I built him a nice one out of a 18" TREK frame...he rarely rides. So much for having the same interests :-( There are a lot of kids around here that are hard-core MTBers, I was hoping that he would hook up with a group of them and take off on weekend adventures like I did at his age. He seems to prefer motorized things (he has an electric scooter) as opposed to things that need work to operate. We come from sea level, and it took me about two months to be able to ride effectively, especially up-hill. I'm wondering if that's part of his avoidance...he doesn't want to be embarrased if he has to stop on a big climb. When I ask these things, it's always "I don't know" ... he sound like he's seeking just what he needs at this point - structure and stability. Has he always been this way or is this the product of the separation and move? If it's the latter, this will pass. Take the time now and you will avoid problems later. His mother did everything with him (and the other kids too), she was always afraid of letting him do anything on his own. I think maybe it's a direct result of that. Are you interested in model building or is that just something quiet that will take up his time? Can you slowly build his interest and ability with projects that are easy to build so that he begins to feel competent and then work with him on increasingly harder projects? I loved to build models, sometimes I would take weeks per project. Then I got married and my hobbies disappeared. I'd like to start again though and hopefully get him interested too. Is he interested in sports? Are there local community groups like boys & girls clubs, boyscouts, etc...? He plays basketball at school, he also attends the boys and girls club after school, and is also a Life rank scout. I get him involved in anything I can to keep him from being idle, but it's the idle times that drive me nuts. There's plenty of structure in his life, but it's all supervised structure. Maybe individual sports would help,like Golf, bowling, go-kart racing? Another thing that scares me is that his sister (age 15 and sexually over-active, with her mother's full support) who lives with his mom is making overtures to me that she wants to move here too. I would like to help her, but I can't handle her lifestyle along with trying to raise these boys. What a nightmare! Eric in CO |
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