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#1
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Single Dad in Oz
Hi folks,
I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also unpartnered. It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a lot of strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come over after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's not on. Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want their children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes it so hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out. I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find any other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be able to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand. My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has no interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried to encourage his relationship with her over the years. I would like to know what are your thoughts. SiD |
#2
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"SiD" wrote in message ... Hi folks, Hello, and welcome from Alberta, Canada! I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also unpartnered. Most of us are single parents. I have 2 boys, 4 and 5 years old, and my youngest lives with me. I'm not really single at all, and we're expecting a baby girl in the summer. It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a lot of strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come over after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's not on. Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want their children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes it so hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out. Ahh... It's not supposed to be easy, is it? Kids are a lot of work, no matter who you are, I've noticed. My 2¢ on the issue you have with your son is... Well, your son is at the age where he should be hanging out and playing with school friends. Does he go to friends' house after school at all? If I were in your situation, I would definitely encourage his friends, obviously. If your son goes to friends' house, maybe when you drop him off/pick him up, stay and chat with the other kid's parent(s) and get to know them. Maybe get to know the other parent(s) and while you invite your son's friend over, let that child's parent know that you'd like to maybe get to know them as well, since it appears that your son and their child seem to have taken a liking to eachother and are friends. Have them come in for a coffee/tea/juice/whatever and just chat. It's hard sometimes, but there's been times in everyone's life, be it a single parent (mom or dad) and just any person in general, that people have judged too soon. By what you've said, it seems like you are already being judged because you are a single dad to your son. I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find any other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be able to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand. Well, there's lots of single dads, believe it or not. There's definitely more single moms, but yes, there are other dads as well. Do you have any resources close to home? A support group maybe for single parents or specifically for single dads? There are single dads here in ASS-p, but as far as locations go, everyone's pretty much spread over every different country and time zone. Check your newspapers or community news letters. You never know what you might find. There might be support groups designed for single fathers. If all else fails, there's always here for venting, bragging, talking, reading, advice, information, suggestions, etc., and even though it's not the same as actually having someone right there beside you who can relate, it might help at times when you just don't know where else to go and might not even have anywhere else to turn. My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has no interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried to encourage his relationship with her over the years. It happens. The best you can do is let your son make his own decisions. He's at the age where you think you know what's best for him, but he might think differently. All I can suggest here is support how he feels. Don't ever badmouth her, even if he does. She still is his mother, and if you or he likes it or not, that's the way it is. Perhaps in time his mind will change. Perhaps it won't. Don't ever talk down about her, because, in a way, that's like talking down your son, even though you've given no reason to believe you have, it's just something to maybe think about. I would like to know what are your thoughts. You're in a tough situation. We've all been in situations similar, or even different. I found a link on google that you could maybe check out and see if anything applies to you. Maybe there's a link for something close to home or something that might help you at all. http://www.community.gov.au/Internet...le%20Parenting Even if nothing directly applies to you, maybe there's a contact number for something similar to your interests and needs and if you call, perhaps someone can offer advice or recommend you to call a different number. You never know. It could be worth a shot, and the worst that could happen is you find absolutely nothing, which I'm doubting, and are just in the same position you are in right now. SiD Best of luck with it, and welcome. We don't bite (hard) and if we do, there's usually no skin broken or blood. Hopefully you could find here a bit helpful at times, and offer advice of your own from your own experiences! ~Kat -- A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text. Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing? A: Top-posting. Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet? |
#3
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"SiD" wrote in message ... Hi folks, I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also unpartnered. It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a lot of strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come over after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's not on. Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want their children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes it so hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out. I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find any other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be able to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand. My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has no interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried to encourage his relationship with her over the years. I would like to know what are your thoughts. SiD Another welcome from Alberta, Canada. Where are you from in Australia? Reason I ask is because I have a few friends in Oz who are single Moms and they might have some insight. Christine (Single mom of 9 year old twin boys) |
#4
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"SiD" wrote in message ... Hi folks, I am a single full time single dad with an 8yo son. I am also unpartnered. It's a lot of work - obviously - but the biggest problem is the stigma associated with it. Single mums seem to have recognition but I have a lot of strange suspicious looks when I ask if my son's school friends can come over after school. The other children are keen but most of the time it's not on. Mum's seem to look at me as if I am someone who they don't want their children to be around. Why? I am a decent human. This attitude makes it so hard to ask again and my son is the one who misses out. You think it is bad with a son......try a daughter, :-) I have been doing this for over 6 years and I have not been able to find any other men in the same situation as me and it drives me crazy not to be able to talk about how it feels to someone who could really understand. My son's mum is no help at all as she is not mentally able. My son has no interest in her and no longer wants to vist her even though I have tried to encourage his relationship with her over the years. I would like to know what are your thoughts. Count your blessing, and keep encouraging him to have a relationship with his mother......the key word being 'encourage' it is not something you can force. SiD |
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