Do you "correct" others' kids?

"P. Tierney" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 17 May 2004 20:54:30 -0500, Nan wrote:

On 17 May 2004 18:51:38 -0700, (ted) wrote:

In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

Thanks.

I give the other parent an opportunity to say something, and if they
don't, I have no problem speaking up to preserve my belongings.
Usually a calm "honey, please don't do that" is sufficient.


Me too. I do, despite my failure to say it in my own post, give the parent
an opportunity to say something.

Same here. I'd like to give the parent, if she/he is
readily available, a chance to have the first word. If that
parent seems to decline, I'd say something like the above.


P. Tierney

"Marie" wrote in message
news
On Mon, 17 May 2004 22:27:04 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote:
I wouldn't correct table
manners or tell them what to eat or anything like
that,

It is sooo hard for me to have another child over and listen to them
sit there chewing with their mouth open, smacking their lips. I want
to say something so bad I can barely stand it. (also when kids cough
without covering their mouth or at least turning their head away, and
this is with kids who are old enough to know better)
Marie

While I hear you, those would be ones I would choose to let slide.

"Marie" wrote in message
...
On 17 May 2004 18:51:38 -0700, (ted) wrote:
In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.
This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

I would say, "We don't jump on the furniture!" as soon as the child
started (usually if the child will do this in the first place the
parent isn't planning on stopping it).
Marie

I cannot assume this pattern that if the child is doing it the parent is not
planning on stopping it. At least not on the itty bitties like my 3yo DS.
Excitement and a strange place can turn him into another child. Usually for
the better, or really more behaved and cautious. But occaisionally not.

In article , Sara says...

Banty wrote, in part:

In article , eggs says...

I am the mother of two 'sofa
jumpers' as we specifically bought big sturdy sofas so that the kids
could jump on them. We are an enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind
of family.

[snip]

So, you're an "enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind of family". Are all
your
hosts to have to anticipate that, or that another set of guests may be
"enthusiastic, art-on-the-walls type family", or an "if it's in the
refrigerator, it's ours to eat" type of family, or even a "laid-back cool
people
understand people like us a make-a-call-abroad-when-we feel like it" kind of
family? And therefore hand each guest a list of all house rules covering all
such items? Or would it be more reasonable for them to expect that their
guests
have some measure of common sense and courtesy enough to identify which of
their
activities may be damaging r exploitative to others, and refrain from them?

I don't think jumping up and down on furniture is something that needs notice
that it's inappropriate.

But it sounds like it _is_ appropriate at the Eggs'. Whee!

LOL! Let's go! -I'll come in my gym clothes :-)

Banty

In article ,
(ted) wrote:

In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

Thanks.

I've always been of the "it takes a village" approach to being around
children. This may be from coming from a large extended family, or the
Native American roots, or lord knows what, but I figure *I* can use all
the help I can get with my kids, so why not be one of the adults helping
raise ALL children?

What that means is that if I see a kid doing something that is clearly
against ALL rules (hitting, biting -- things where there really seems to
be no room for "family rules" that vary) I step in and stop it, no
matter where I am; specifically how will vary, depending upon the age
of the child and how close their parents are and stuff like that. If a
child is doing something that is generally against rules, but where
there may be a different option in some houses -- and I'd include
walking on furniture, especially for the toddler and preschool set, in
that category -- I will stop it in my house, but generally with an
apology; something like "I'm sorry, but I can't let people walk on this
sofa."

I behave like this at home, at other people's houses, and out in public.
Just a few weeks ago, for example, I stopped a small group of boys who
were probably around 10 years old and on their way into a 7-11. I told
them that when they just dumped their bikes on the sidewalk like that,
it made it hard for some people to get into the store, and they needed
to put them in the bike rack. They apologized, and moved their bikes.
(It probably didn't hurt that I was using my cane that day!) I didn't
do it with anger, nor did I treat them with disrespect: I gave them
information, undoubtedly reminding them of something they'd been told in
the past but forgot in the manner of unthinking 10 year olds living in
their own moment, and they responded appropriately.

I've very seldom had people get upset. Once in a while, an older child
(think teens) will get nasty, at which point I walk away.

I think part of this is that I want a relationship directly with the
children as people in their own right, rather than one that is just
through their parents. What's more, that's how I want other adults to
relate to MY kids: they are not an extension of me, they are their own
people.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

(ted) wrote in message . com...
In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

I correct to imform/clarify house rules. At other people's houses, if
I see the kids doing something that I am unsure about, I will ask the
other parent if that is allowed. It is always possible that my kids
will do something at another house where it doesn't occur to me that
it might not be allowed. In this case, I want the other parent to
speak up.

For instance, at my house, it is allowed to jump on the bed but not
the couch. Running in the house is allowed. Climbing the apple tree in
the back yard is not because the branches are fragile. Etc. All of
these types of rules are likely to vary from house to house, so the
resident parent needs to speak up.

Outside of a house, I rarely speak up to correct other kids unless
they are *way* out of line or in danger of hurting my kids. I often
regret not speaking up more. I saw a 5 year old take gum out of her
mouth and drop it on a pool deck and I didn't say anything. I wish I
had.

-Jan

ted wrote in :

In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

It is definitely OK to say something to do them about it. Adults can
guess that coffee tables might collapse and sofas might tear, but children
don't always realise that.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

"Marie" wrote in message
...
I would say, "We don't jump on the furniture!" as soon as the child
started (usually if the child will do this in the first place the
parent isn't planning on stopping it).
Marie

I would prefer someone not correct my child in this manner. It would make
me feel more defensive. It would make me feel better if my child was asked,
"Please don't jump on the furniture."

On Tue, 18 May 2004 06:46:08 GMT, "eggs"
wrote:

I think the answer to your (Ted's) question depends on the age of the
"kids". Are they 3 yrs old or 10?

I don't see that the age matters, other than my expectation that 10
year olds should darned well know better than to behave that way!

Were they made aware of the House
Rules when they arrived (or as soon as they transgressed them)? You
can't be peeved with them for breaking your rules if you never told them
what the rules were in the first place.

Sure you can be peeved. Logic dictates that most people aren't going
to be very happy when kids come in and act destructively, or do
something potentially damaging to your belongings, or to themselves.
It's up to parents to teach their children these common sense rules,
NOT up to the host to present a list of rules as the guest enters your
home.

I am the mother of two 'sofa
jumpers' as we specifically bought big sturdy sofas so that the kids
could jump on them. We are an enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind
of family. And yes, stuff gets broken at our house a lot. We will
replace the sofas in a couple of years when the kids are older
(preschoolers now). So, it's possible that your little guests didn't
even know that their behaviour was out of line. Some kids have no
experience of delicate furniture.

Then it's up to you as a parent to teach them that what is allowed in
your home, may not be allowed elsewhere.
Otherwise, your kids may possibly be presented with a very LONG list
of rules to follow the minute you arrive (likely ticking YOU off), or
you'll find yourself lacking invitations to visit.

Obviously, my kids do need to be reminded about the different rules at
the houses of family and friends, but it has really been no big deal
teaching them to respect 'different place different rules'. I do,
however, tend to curb my kids a lot when we are out of our house. They
are well mannered in a very old fashioned way and are respectful of
others. So even though I haven't taught my kids to respect furniture, I
have taught them to respect *people*. If you asked them to stop jumping
on your sofa, they would stop.

How about you teach them that it's not appropriate to even do it at
all?

So, I guess if I were you I would (like Nan) just ask those kids to stop
jumping. It usually works. My friends and I correct each other's kids
if they are disobeying house rules (or broader social rules like being
rude or mean) - but we start each visit with a reminder of *what the
rules are*: "Remember, no shoes on in Grandma's house!", "Remember, no
drinks in Bobby's living room!", "Remember, Don't knock on the fish
tank!", "Don't change the TV channel on Poppy's TV", "No loud voices in
the hospital", etc. It's not fair if you keep the rules to yourself but
then get upset when people break them.

Common Sense Rules, which is something you as a parent need to teach
your children. To blame someone for "keeping the rules to themselves"
is just wrong.

Nan

On 17 May 2004 18:51:38 -0700, (ted) wrote:

In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the
coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me
thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before.

This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways,
if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to
jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite
your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the
right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't
behave in other people's houses.

What I used to do was introduce house rules. I would simply say, we
dont jump on the furnture here, buys. If you want to jump you go
outside (or to the basement where there is a mattress on the floor, or
whatever

Barb

Thanks.