Celebrating Menarche

Wendy wrote:
Is there some nice thing that mothers do with their daughters when
they first start their period? All my mother did was point out the
uses of cold water. Can I do better than this?

Wendy, there was a thread on this subject in here a few months ago that
generated some good suggestions and I've made some plans from that for my
daughter who is currently 11.5 and probably at least a year away from
menarche at this point. We've already discussed what she has to expect at
some length.

1. A bag containing a couple of choices of pads and panty liners for her to
keep in her drawer. I asked some of my friends with older daughters what
they use.

2. A pretty basket of lotions, bath salts etc. hidden away in my room as a
surprise for her first period (note to self - must remember to add
chocolates....)

3. I plan to take her on a mother-daughter outing and spoil her a little
while 'talking up' this new stage in her life.

4. My daughter's a quiet shy wee thing so I'll be making a real effort to
keep this a private celebration along the lines of 'secret women's business'
and leave the male members of the family out of it. Especially her tactless
big brother. Although her father will know what's going on, of course.

Tai

On Thu, 16 Oct 2003 14:43:16 -0400, "Sophie" wrote:

I'm not being sarcastic/mean/weird but what's there to celebrate about
*that*?

While I really doubt that I'll be throwing either of the DDs a period party, I
do hope to encourage them to view their period as a positive thing, rather than
a negative.

When I was growing up, it was like the big secret that women had periods. I
think my mom tried really hard to be very matter-of-fact with me about it, but I
never got the impression that menstruation was anything but a big PITA. OMG,
until I was in my early 20s, if I had to go buy tampons, I'd about die of
embarrassment -- and heaven help me if the checker at the store was a guy!! I'd
have sooner bled all over myself than go through the line.

Then I read "The Great Cosmic Mother" and it changed my whole perception. Women
used to be revered because they bled! They had to be powerful if they could
bleed for five days and not die! It also showed how in tune they were with
nature!

Now, I don't look forward to getting my period each month like it's the greatest
thing that happens, but I take great comfort in it. Every month, I'm assured
that my body is working as it was designed to. This is what I want to teach my
daughters. Regardless of whether they plan to have children, their bodies will
do what women's bodies have been doing for thousands of years, and it's a very
special thing.



Tracy
======================================
We child proofed our home 3 years ago
and they're still getting in!
======================================

(Herself) wrote in message ...
Wendy wrote:

Sophie wrote:

I'm not being sarcastic/mean/weird but what's there to celebrate about
*that*?

I recall being nearly 14 - a 9th grader - and everyone else in the world
(including my little sister) had gotten their period. I felt left behind
in childhood. I've got an 8th grade daughter in the same boat. It's
really a big deal to the kid.

The article from Mothering was nice. I found it online:
http://www.mothering.com/15-0-0/html...menarche.shtml

If you have that good a relationship with your daughter, I think it's
totally worth it. Even if it mortifies her...she'll look back on it
when she's older.


*Guy alert*

Wow! As a guy, I never KNEW there were women out there like the lady
who wrote this Mothering article! It just reinforces my suspicion
that all women know all other women, and you have some kind of secret
language that men know nothing about...you use it to confuse us. (Not
that that's so hard, though...)

As to the article, I can only imagine the shrieking maelstrom of
humiliation that would have developed between my ears if my Dad had
ever suggested some kind of party, with all my buddies in attendance,
to celebrate my first wet dream. I think I honestly would have had a
stroke...no pun intended.

Sorry to butt into this thread, but the title intrigued me. As the
father of a 4 year old girl, I guess I'll be facing this event sooner
or later, but I think I'll pass on the red party and the singing of
the "River, she's a-flowin'" song. And I hope my wife has the sense
to treat my sons' first wet dreams with the aplomb my own mother
showed: utter silence.

Take care, all. It was an...informative read.

Mark

Wendy wrote in message ...
Is there some nice thing that mothers do with their daughters when they
first start their period? All my mother did was point out the uses of
cold water. Can I do better than this?


Well, I highly doubt too many people are ever going to do what we did
but....

We went to a Passover Seder on the first night of Passover! :-) You
couldn't get weirder timing than that, could you?

We had to stop at Walgreens and pick up supplies, which I had planned
to get, really! But I just didn't get around to it in time, even after
a huge thread on this very topic not too much earlier. Oh well, best
laid plans and all that. After Walgreens, we had a 1.5 hour drive to
where we were going, which gave us some time to chat, as her brother
falls asleep within seconds of being in a car, and I think she was
pretty comfortable with it all. Not embarassed or ashamed, at least.

It took a couple of cycles to 'get in the groove' and there were some
really disgusting moments, like I forgot to tell her how to dispose of
her supplies, and her idea of disposal was pretty darn gross. But
we've gotten past all that now, and I'm comfortable and she's
comfortable (as one can be, considering) so I guess it wasn't too
traumatic.

Marjorie

Wendy

Clisby wrote in message ...
Wendy wrote:
Sophie wrote:


I'm not being sarcastic/mean/weird but what's there to celebrate about
*that*?


I recall being nearly 14 - a 9th grader - and everyone else in the world
(including my little sister) had gotten their period. I felt left behind
in childhood. I've got an 8th grade daughter in the same boat. It's
really a big deal to the kid.

Not to me. I was 15, and hugely disappointed that I wasn't one of those
oddities who didn't get a period until 16 or 17. If I had read then
about delayed menarche in girls who really train hard for athletics, I'd
have probably been out running marathons.



In fact, there aren't many life passages bigger than that one for a
child. I believe in acknowledging people's life passages. (I send
graduation cards, too.)



But graduation is something to look forward to. Menstuation is just a pain.


Clisby
(sign me up for the can't-wait-for-menopause club.)


You might want to rethink that parenthetical statement. Peri, and then
menopause is really really unpleasant for a large segment of women.
I'm really hating it myself. The hair loss alone stunned me. I've gone
from *extremely* thick hair to thin stringy hair, and I don't like
it. The dry skin, the mood swings from hell (you think PMS is bad, you
won't believe this!), the hair in places you really didn't need it,
the acne, the aches and pains, the flooding, the cramping....puhleese.
It sucks, and unlike menstruation, nobody talks about it, so you
really don't have a clue unless you know someone willing to share.

Marjorie

"dejablues" wrote in message ...
This was discussed in one of these groups a few months back. Very
interesting thread, as I recall.


It was this group, and I started the thread, so do a search for me and
you'll probably come across it.

Marjorie


"Wendy" wrote in message
...
Is there some nice thing that mothers do with their daughters when they
first start their period? All my mother did was point out the uses of
cold water. Can I do better than this?

Wendy

In article ,
(chiam margalit) wrote:

Clisby wrote in message
...
Wendy wrote:
Sophie wrote:


I'm not being sarcastic/mean/weird but what's there to celebrate about
*that*?


I recall being nearly 14 - a 9th grader - and everyone else in the world
(including my little sister) had gotten their period. I felt left behind
in childhood. I've got an 8th grade daughter in the same boat. It's
really a big deal to the kid.

Not to me. I was 15, and hugely disappointed that I wasn't one of those
oddities who didn't get a period until 16 or 17. If I had read then
about delayed menarche in girls who really train hard for athletics, I'd
have probably been out running marathons.



In fact, there aren't many life passages bigger than that one for a
child. I believe in acknowledging people's life passages. (I send
graduation cards, too.)



But graduation is something to look forward to. Menstuation is just a
pain.


Clisby
(sign me up for the can't-wait-for-menopause club.)


You might want to rethink that parenthetical statement. Peri, and then
menopause is really really unpleasant for a large segment of women.
I'm really hating it myself. The hair loss alone stunned me. I've gone
from *extremely* thick hair to thin stringy hair, and I don't like
it. The dry skin, the mood swings from hell (you think PMS is bad, you
won't believe this!), the hair in places you really didn't need it,
the acne, the aches and pains, the flooding, the cramping....puhleese.
It sucks, and unlike menstruation, nobody talks about it, so you
really don't have a clue unless you know someone willing to share.

Marjorie

I was lucky that a friend went through menopause very early and talked
about it, so when I hit peri menopause early, at least I knew what it
was.

I wasn't nuts about the heavy flow or the irregularity, but didn't have
a horrid problem with hot flashes. (I had occassional very nasty ones,
but nothing like the many-times-an-hour that my mother had.) I was
completely finished by about 47. I miss the thick hair on my head, but
have more than enough on my chin to make up for it . . .

But overall, I certainly don't miss having my periods, and find I can
deal with the rest of it.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Sue wrote:

Hmmm, well I read the article and it's pretty crunchy granola for me. It has
some nice suggestions, but I think I'll pass on a red party.

Yeah, it's pretty crunchy, but still, I think it's pretty nice...if you
have that type of family.

--
'Tis Herself

Mark wrote:

Wow! As a guy, I never KNEW there were women out there like the lady
who wrote this Mothering article! It just reinforces my suspicion
that all women know all other women, and you have some kind of secret
language that men know nothing about...you use it to confuse us. (Not
that that's so hard, though...)

Does my butt look big in this? :-)

As to the article, I can only imagine the shrieking maelstrom of
humiliation that would have developed between my ears if my Dad had
ever suggested some kind of party, with all my buddies in attendance,
to celebrate my first wet dream. I think I honestly would have had a
stroke...no pun intended.

I really think that a wet dream is quite different from your first (and
forever) period.

Take care, all. It was an...informative read.

At least you read it :-).
--
'Tis Herself

I suggest giving her a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, especially
if she's at all scientifically inclined. Make sure she knows that it will
probably take a while to settle down into a regular pattern, and so it
isn't wise to rely on cycle knowledge to avoid pregnancy in adolescence! -
but I *really* wish I'd known more about my cycle than just that sometimes
I bled, when I was an adolescent. It's understanding the whole cycle
(properly: not just "your body gets ready to grow a baby") that makes it a
powerful female symbol, to me - if all you understand is the blood, then
yes, it's yuck.

Sidheag