Situation update

(Melvin=A0Gamble) wrote:
"No, Bob, [Brian is] saying this poster should go after the CS so the
real father will "run like renaldo" (paraphrasing) and stay out of the
child's life. He wants this poster to do the same as he's done - make
sure that another child grows up without their father."

---Nice job, Mel. You got it.

That is correct. If he goes away, I could care less. This isn't about the
money, I've got enough and don't need his. But, if he insists on doing this,
then I'll make sure he pays for it, one way or another.

Thanks for all the comments. The petition the kid filed is a order to show
cause and petition, which means he's trying to establish paternity. My being
married to my wife at the time of conception and birth only means that I am the
father unless proven otherwise, which is what he's trying to do.

wrote:
Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

I wish them luck.

(gini52) wrote:
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father
wants to be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this
entire matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that
your wife had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?

That is correct. If he goes away, I could care less. This isn't about the
money, I've got enough and don't need his. But, if he insists on doing this,
then I'll make sure he pays for it, one way or another.

Thanks for all the comments. The petition the kid filed is a order to show
cause and petition, which means he's trying to establish paternity. My being
married to my wife at the time of conception and birth only means that I am the
father unless proven otherwise, which is what he's trying to do.

wrote:
Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

I wish them luck.

(gini52) wrote:
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father
wants to be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this
entire matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that
your wife had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?

We would be saying the child was adopted, which we would have to ultimately tell
him if we succeeded in getting rid of this %^$@. If it's proven that I'm not
the father, and we get him to let me adopt him, then that's one solution.

I've already dealt with the moral ramifications of her affair. When it
happened, unfortunately, I did not insist on a test of the child while she was
pregnant. She was sure there was no chance it wasn't, which was her 4th or 5th
mistake. If I have already tried to get past this, knowing about what she did,
am I a hypocrite if I wind up leaving her if the child isn't mine?

All I want is to know why this is happening at all, and maybe I'll get answers
in court next week. If the threat of him paying CS for the next 21 years isn't
enough for him to give this up, then I'll just have to find some other way to
make his life a living hell. Maybe when he ultimately gets married, I'll screw
his wife and get her pregnant! That would be pretty funny!

I'll have my day. Revenge is a dish best served cold...

Melvin Gamble wrote:
And what happens if he succeeds in getting "the kid" out of the child's
life and then "the kid" comes back in 15 years? How does he explain
lieing to the child for 15 years? How does he explain 15 years of
denying the child a relationship with the real father? How does the
mother answer those same questions?

If you must lie to your kids...lie about Santa Claus and the Easter
Bunny, not about who their parents are.

We would be saying the child was adopted, which we would have to ultimately tell
him if we succeeded in getting rid of this %^$@. If it's proven that I'm not
the father, and we get him to let me adopt him, then that's one solution.

I've already dealt with the moral ramifications of her affair. When it
happened, unfortunately, I did not insist on a test of the child while she was
pregnant. She was sure there was no chance it wasn't, which was her 4th or 5th
mistake. If I have already tried to get past this, knowing about what she did,
am I a hypocrite if I wind up leaving her if the child isn't mine?

All I want is to know why this is happening at all, and maybe I'll get answers
in court next week. If the threat of him paying CS for the next 21 years isn't
enough for him to give this up, then I'll just have to find some other way to
make his life a living hell. Maybe when he ultimately gets married, I'll screw
his wife and get her pregnant! That would be pretty funny!

I'll have my day. Revenge is a dish best served cold...

Melvin Gamble wrote:
And what happens if he succeeds in getting "the kid" out of the child's
life and then "the kid" comes back in 15 years? How does he explain
lieing to the child for 15 years? How does he explain 15 years of
denying the child a relationship with the real father? How does the
mother answer those same questions?

If you must lie to your kids...lie about Santa Claus and the Easter
Bunny, not about who their parents are.

wrote in message
...
(Bob Whiteside) wrote:
"Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because
you failed?"

---We didn't fail. 'Naldo Deadbeat is gone. That is a success. We
don't want his money so long as he stays away.
==
Huh? When did this transition come bout?
==
==

wrote in message
...
(Bob Whiteside) wrote:
"Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because
you failed?"

---We didn't fail. 'Naldo Deadbeat is gone. That is a success. We
don't want his money so long as he stays away.
==
Huh? When did this transition come bout?
==
==

you sound like my husbands response when I read him the original post.

dani wrote:
On Thu, 18 Sep 2003 18:51:46 +0000, flopit72 wrote:


I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.
To catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting
pregnant, but she really thought the child was mine so she never said
anything to me, hoping it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she
had the affair with made her take a paternity test, it came back that he
couldn't be excluded from being the father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.
We've gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may
not be much we can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first
place. If he's established the father, then he's going to want
visitation, to which we'll attempt to limit, and to petition for child
support in return. His motives for doing this seem to be pure spite and
revenge, and having failed to break up our marriage, now he seems intent
on staying in her(and my) life for the next umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is
the father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My
wife's family it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family,
while my side is going to be heartbroken that this child is not of my
blood. Not to mention the contempt they may show her assuming we can
manage to stay together throughout all of this. This guy has no
consideration for what he's done, and quite likely is bound to just
disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is, leaving the mess
behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support, but the damage
done will be tremendous.

Not to be mean or spiteful by asking this, but are there people out here
that have fathered a child with a married woman, and tried to make himself
part of that child's life, when the woman didn't want any part of it? It
just doesn't make sense why someone would want any part of it, especially
if it was assumed from the start that the child wasn't his. Why keep
digging, unless it's for spite? There won't be much child support paid
out, since the kid has no job and is a complete loser. Maybe one day
it'll come back to bite him, but the child is never going to understand
any of this. Why should he suffer later on in life, knowing that he was
the worst mistake his mother could have made? Of course his mother will
never say that, but if it cost her her marriage to me, does she not ever
resent him?

It's a no win situation to say the least. The right thing would be for
this guy to go away, but that's not going to happen. If I manage to get
through all of this, and keep my marriage, there won't be a day that goes
by that I don't wait for my revenge...

First court date is coming up, in which we respond to the lies in his
petition, and ask the court for our own blood test. Maybe by some miracle
I won't be excluded either. The more I look at him, the more I still
think he looks a lot like me. I'm told he looks nothing like this other
guy, but I also know that doesn't mean a thing.


Your married to her right? She wants to stay married, right? So, this guy
doesn't even have a case. It's been decided and its written in the law.
Same as a sperm donor. Afterward, the only person who has standing is the
mother and the presumed father, the one married to the mother.He and his
attorney may make a lot of noise, but they really have nowhere to go with
this, except to spend a lot of money and create problems.

On the last part. If he looks like you, he's probably yours. If not,
who cares, he's still yours. Tell him to take a flying F---!

~ Dani

you sound like my husbands response when I read him the original post.

dani wrote:
On Thu, 18 Sep 2003 18:51:46 +0000, flopit72 wrote:


I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.
To catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting
pregnant, but she really thought the child was mine so she never said
anything to me, hoping it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she
had the affair with made her take a paternity test, it came back that he
couldn't be excluded from being the father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.
We've gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may
not be much we can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first
place. If he's established the father, then he's going to want
visitation, to which we'll attempt to limit, and to petition for child
support in return. His motives for doing this seem to be pure spite and
revenge, and having failed to break up our marriage, now he seems intent
on staying in her(and my) life for the next umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is
the father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My
wife's family it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family,
while my side is going to be heartbroken that this child is not of my
blood. Not to mention the contempt they may show her assuming we can
manage to stay together throughout all of this. This guy has no
consideration for what he's done, and quite likely is bound to just
disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is, leaving the mess
behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support, but the damage
done will be tremendous.

Not to be mean or spiteful by asking this, but are there people out here
that have fathered a child with a married woman, and tried to make himself
part of that child's life, when the woman didn't want any part of it? It
just doesn't make sense why someone would want any part of it, especially
if it was assumed from the start that the child wasn't his. Why keep
digging, unless it's for spite? There won't be much child support paid
out, since the kid has no job and is a complete loser. Maybe one day
it'll come back to bite him, but the child is never going to understand
any of this. Why should he suffer later on in life, knowing that he was
the worst mistake his mother could have made? Of course his mother will
never say that, but if it cost her her marriage to me, does she not ever
resent him?

It's a no win situation to say the least. The right thing would be for
this guy to go away, but that's not going to happen. If I manage to get
through all of this, and keep my marriage, there won't be a day that goes
by that I don't wait for my revenge...

First court date is coming up, in which we respond to the lies in his
petition, and ask the court for our own blood test. Maybe by some miracle
I won't be excluded either. The more I look at him, the more I still
think he looks a lot like me. I'm told he looks nothing like this other
guy, but I also know that doesn't mean a thing.


Your married to her right? She wants to stay married, right? So, this guy
doesn't even have a case. It's been decided and its written in the law.
Same as a sperm donor. Afterward, the only person who has standing is the
mother and the presumed father, the one married to the mother.He and his
attorney may make a lot of noise, but they really have nowhere to go with
this, except to spend a lot of money and create problems.

On the last part. If he looks like you, he's probably yours. If not,
who cares, he's still yours. Tell him to take a flying F---!

~ Dani

Which would be a lie ...

wrote:

We would be saying the child was adopted, which we would have to ultimately tell
him if we succeeded in getting rid of this %^$@.

coming from the real mother.

If it's proven that I'm not
the father, and we get him to let me adopt him, then that's one solution.

I've already dealt with the moral ramifications of her affair.

How about dealing with it from the perspective of the child's rights
instead of your own wounded ego?

When it
happened, unfortunately, I did not insist on a test of the child while she was
pregnant. She was sure there was no chance it wasn't, which was her 4th or 5th
mistake. If I have already tried to get past this, knowing about what she did,
am I a hypocrite if I wind up leaving her if the child isn't mine?

Not at all.

All I want is to know why this is happening at all, and maybe I'll get answers
in court next week. If the threat of him paying CS for the next 21 years isn't
enough for him to give this up, then I'll just have to find some other way to
make his life a living hell.

Reeeeaaal nice attitude towards the parent of the child you claim to
want to adopt. Makes it VERY difficult to believe you won't find a
thousand little ways to take out your anger on the child too.

Maybe when he ultimately gets married, I'll screw
his wife and get her pregnant! That would be pretty funny!

Yeah, real funny - one more damaged child. You're a real laugh.

I'll have my day. Revenge is a dish best served cold...

Too bad you can't limit the suffering to the one who cuckolded you.

Mel Gamble

Melvin Gamble wrote:
And what happens if he succeeds in getting "the kid" out of the child's
life and then "the kid" comes back in 15 years? How does he explain
lieing to the child for 15 years? How does he explain 15 years of
denying the child a relationship with the real father? How does the
mother answer those same questions?

If you must lie to your kids...lie about Santa Claus and the Easter
Bunny, not about who their parents are.