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why women hurt niceguys when they love them .



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 20th 05, 05:16 PM
shyguy
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Default why women hurt niceguys when they love them .

Do you think this happens more with women or men? My wive acts like the
cold fish alot.
Ms pnoopie Pnats wrote:
ric wrote:

THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A WOMAN BASHING THREAD .

after reading many posts posting many threads and talking to many
women on P.O.F and other dating sites & forums I've found a common
pattern . the reason many nice guys are so bitter (and i'm not
talking about nice guys who can't even start relationships) is
because they get into relationships only to have them go terribly
wrong do to the fact that he wants more than she can or will give.
now its bad enough when she never gave her affection but its 10 times
worse when she started out just as into him as he into her and here
is the pattern. many women who complain about nice guys say things
like "it was cute at first" or "I was feeling smoother'd . this
implies that in the beginning she incouraged this behavier.

in the beginning of every relationship both parties cant get enough
of each other . you can always tell a new couple they are the ones
making kissy faces at parties . they are the ones that disappear
every few minutes to the parking lot at the local bar . they are the
ones that stay one the phone 12 hours a night . they are the ones
that are driving in front of you going 15 miles an hour shoulder to
shoulder or he has his arm around her while driving.

in fact most couples are hot and heavy when they first get together
but here is the problem (for nice guys) this usually does not last
long enough . many women at some point want to get back to their
normal schedual . this translates to the nice guy as a form of
rejection (after all he has gotten used to a more loving treatment)
and if she was soooo effectionate at first why did it stop ? well
this is boiled up to a difference in the way life is viewed . A nice
guy is by nature an effectionate person and will always be so . now
if the woman he is with is not a true nice girl she will be cold
hearted enough to take away the effection (not knowing she is being
cruel) so he feels she must be giving another the effection he was
once getting . as I've said in other treads the one who cools down
first usually hurts the other . Now to be fair she may actually
still be in love with him so she is confused about what the problem
is , she is thinking the cool down is a normal part of a relationship
. in her mind you start out hot and heavy then you get back to your
real life (the things she felt she was putting off to spend time with
you )


I've heard women (when they first hook up) brag about how romantic
and caring their man is only to call him needy a month later .he did
not change SHE did (meaning he still treats her the same way he did
in the beginning ) .

Many women in my other threads referr to geting back to their real
life hhhmmm. so much for women being the more compassionate and
caring sex .

guys & girl's i'd like your imput and also I'd like to know how long
does the honeymoon stage of a relationship last for you? and feel
free to e-mail me with your opinions .


i dont think this just applies to nice guys. it happens to lots of
people. guys do it too. start out all attentive and affectionate and
then take her for granted later on. maybe it is human nature? I dunno.

another thing, is if people start out hot and heavy because of lust and
little else, that will fade eventually. you have to have something
substantial to make a relationship last long term.

my X started out all nice and attentive etc. Later on he was very cold
and distant. but all the while he claimed to love me? well he sure
didn't act like it.

sometimes I wonder if I am too nice and too affectionate but that is
the way I am.

i think things do cool off a bit but there has to be a balance between
being stuck up each others butt 24/7 and the cold fish who refuses to
show any feelings affection at all and expect the partner to put up
with that.


  #2  
Old August 20th 05, 07:29 PM
zen_dog
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

ric wrote:
THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A WOMAN BASHING THREAD .


Sure...

after reading many posts posting many threads and talking to many women
on P.O.F and other dating sites & forums I've found a common pattern .
the reason many nice guys are so bitter (and i'm not talking about nice
guys who can't even start relationships) is because they get into
relationships only to have them go terribly wrong do to the fact that he
wants more than she can or will give.
now its bad enough when she never gave her affection but its 10 times
worse when she started out just as into him as he into her and here is
the pattern.
many women who complain about nice guys say things like "it was cute at
first" or "I was feeling smoother'd . this implies that in the beginning
she incouraged this behavier.

in the beginning of every relationship both parties cant get enough of
each other .
you can always tell a new couple they are the ones making kissy faces at
parties .
they are the ones that disappear every few minutes to the parking lot at
the local bar .
they are the ones that stay one the phone 12 hours a night .
they are the ones that are driving in front of you going 15 miles an
hour shoulder to shoulder or he has his arm around her while driving.

in fact most couples are hot and heavy when they first get together but
here is the problem (for nice guys) this usually does not last long enough .
many women at some point want to get back to their normal schedual .
this translates to the nice guy as a form of rejection (after all he has
gotten used to a more loving treatment) and if she was soooo
effectionate at first why did it stop ?
well this is boiled up to a difference in the way life is viewed . A
nice guy is by nature an effectionate person and will always be so . now
if the woman he is with is not a true nice girl she will be cold hearted
enough to take away the effection (not knowing she is being cruel) so he
feels she must be giving another the effection he was once getting .
as I've said in other treads the one who cools down first usually hurts
the other .
Now to be fair she may actually still be in love with him so she is
confused about what the problem is , she is thinking the cool down is a
normal part of a relationship .
in her mind you start out hot and heavy then you get back to your real
life (the things she felt she was putting off to spend time with you )


I've heard women (when they first hook up) brag about how romantic and
caring their man is only to call him needy a month later .he did not
change SHE did (meaning he still treats her the same way he did in the
beginning ) .

Many women in my other threads referr to geting back to their real life
hhhmmm.
so much for women being the more compassionate and caring sex .


Why does this sound familiar?

guys & girl's i'd like your imput and also I'd like to know how long
does the honeymoon stage of a relationship last for you?
and feel free to e-mail me with your opinions .


You're operating on the assumption that women absolutely know what they
want in a partner any more than we men do. I think we're all a bit
confused at different stages of our lives and in matters of the heart,
people often get hurt. Both men and women.

Blaming one gender is just stooopid. I've noticed that women, like men,
get more dialed in as they mature. My advice is to NEVER give your
heart to anyone much under 25. People need time to grow and people
under 25 are still growing emotionally.
FWIW

ZenDog

  #3  
Old August 20th 05, 07:38 PM
zen_dog
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Default

Do you think this happens more with women or men? My wive acts like the
cold fish alot.


Don't always imagine that it's really about you. She may be the one
with a problem. The "coldfish" thing is only troubling if she never, or
rarely, becomes a hotfish once in awhile.

ZenDog

  #4  
Old August 20th 05, 11:54 PM
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 06:38:08 GMT, JayCee the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Anon-e-Mouse wrote:
JayCee, your post is misogynist. Good way to stay alone.

ric, Your post is better than your title. The title is kind of
slanderous but you say you just want to know.


My post isn't misogynistic, you god damned ****ing whore.


Lovely. Visitors.


Yeah, I was pretty tempted to post about my crazy ex and all his loving
attention but figured.... leave it be! lol

T


  #5  
Old August 22nd 05, 10:42 PM
michaelashouse
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

zen_dog wrote:
You're operating on the assumption that women absolutely know what
they want in a partner any more than we men do. I think we're all a
bit confused at different stages of our lives and in matters of the
heart, people often get hurt. Both men and women.


Nice.

Blaming one gender is just stooopid. I've noticed that women, like
men, get more dialed in as they mature. My advice is to NEVER give
your heart to anyone much under 25. People need time to grow and
people under 25 are still growing emotionally.
FWIW

ZenDog


Promise me that you'll come back and read this paragraph again
in five years time.

- Michaela



  #6  
Old August 22nd 05, 10:43 PM
michaelashouse
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Posts: n/a
Default

zen_dog wrote:
Do you think this happens more with women or men? My wive acts like
the cold fish alot.


Don't always imagine that it's really about you. She may be the one
with a problem. The "coldfish" thing is only troubling if she never,
or rarely, becomes a hotfish once in awhile.

ZenDog


Yeh. Just get on with your life. She'll come round.

- Michaela




  #7  
Old August 27th 05, 02:27 AM
robert
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Default

I want to return to ric's post. My experience of 28+ years is that the
honeymoon stage waxes and wanes. Many folks assume that once it is
over, its done and that the rest of married life is a powerstuggle over
sex and money. I have to tell you that there was a short time when I
might have agreed.

The "honeymoon" period changes during the dating time, just as ric
suggests. It becomes strong again right after the marriage as the name
suggests. After that, it takes a bit more work by both partners to
keep it alive - not every day, but making sure that it resurfaces from
time to time. This comes in the form of vacations (with kids at the
grandparents or friends), walks in the park holding hands (cheap,
inexpensive and often) and then finding the honeymoon period again
after the kids are out of the house.

I have recently discovered that one of the things that nobody tells
their adult kids is just how much fun empty nesting is! I think it is
because they think people will think that they did not love their
children - nonsense. Maybe it is because society thinks that you stop
having sexual relations at 40 - nonsense again.

Anyway, my message is that whether we are discussing dating or
marriage, it takes some effort to keep the passion alive, but if you
can do it, the results are more than worth the effort. I have been
married 28 years (quit thinking that that is old!) and we still hold
hands, I kiss her at least 3 times every day and I still open doors
(not something that was in vogue, even when we atarted dating). It can
be done if you believe it can be done, but your time frame has to be
longer than you think.

Robert

http://www.romantic-gentleman.com

  #8  
Old August 27th 05, 02:34 AM
Ms pnoopie Pnats
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Posts: n/a
Default

robert wrote:

I want to return to ric's post. My experience of 28+ years is that
the honeymoon stage waxes and wanes. Many folks assume that once it
is over, its done and that the rest of married life is a powerstuggle
over sex and money. I have to tell you that there was a short time
when I might have agreed.

The "honeymoon" period changes during the dating time, just as ric
suggests. It becomes strong again right after the marriage as the
name suggests. After that, it takes a bit more work by both partners
to keep it alive - not every day, but making sure that it resurfaces
from time to time. This comes in the form of vacations (with kids at
the grandparents or friends), walks in the park holding hands (cheap,
inexpensive and often) and then finding the honeymoon period again
after the kids are out of the house.

I have recently discovered that one of the things that nobody tells
their adult kids is just how much fun empty nesting is! I think it is
because they think people will think that they did not love their
children - nonsense. Maybe it is because society thinks that you stop
having sexual relations at 40 - nonsense again.


That is wonderful and true. Kids just ruin everything.

I love my kids but kids are pain in the arses.


Anyway, my message is that whether we are discussing dating or
marriage, it takes some effort to keep the passion alive, but if you
can do it, the results are more than worth the effort. I have been
married 28 years (quit thinking that that is old!) and we still hold
hands, I kiss her at least 3 times every day and I still open doors
(not something that was in vogue, even when we atarted dating). It
can be done if you believe it can be done, but your time frame has to
be longer than you think.

Robert

http://www.romantic-gentleman.com


  #9  
Old August 27th 05, 07:20 PM
the Danimal
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Default

robert wrote:
Maybe it is because society thinks that you stop
having sexual relations at 40 - nonsense again.


Society is probably trying not to puke. Who wants to
imagine hideous old people having sex?

Sex doesn't necessarily end at 40. But at some point it
stops being watchable.

-- the Danimal

  #10  
Old August 28th 05, 03:01 AM
robert
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Default

Ya, but I've seen some overweight, out of shape, 20 year olds that I
would rather avoid seeing the buff as well. Age does not equal beauty.

Robert

http://www.romantic-gentleman.com

 




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