A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » misc.kids » Breastfeeding
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old September 19th 06, 05:37 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
FrisbeeŽ
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 45
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
. ..
FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you
should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should
definitely be done in private.


I understand your intentions are good, but do you
understand the repercussions of this statement?


I phrased it poorly.

It most
definitely makes breastfeeding a difficult and isolating
chore for women.


That was not my intention.

Many babies spend quite a lot of time at
the breast. You cannot always predict when they will need
to eat. Breastfeeding only in private means that most women
will give up breastfeeding early because they're going stir
crazy and are unable to carry on with their lives because
they can't go anywhere for fear that they'll be caught out
in public when they need to nurse. (And believe me, public
restrooms and such are *NOT* an acceptable alternative most
of the time.) So, keeping it in private is an absolutely
unacceptable solution, in my opinion. I've spent about
four years of my life breastfeeding, and breastfed in
public whenever necessary or convenient for all of it.
I never got a single dirty look or comment. It is entirely
possible to breastfeed discreetly in public. Anyone who's
seeing too much when a woman is breastfeeding discreetly
is actively looking for trouble.


I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as
BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to
be directly applied to this particular home situation.

One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.


I don't believe that's necessarily true. I'm sure it'll
be odd and maybe even uncomfortable at first, but they will very
quickly get to the point that they don't give a rip and just
want to make sure baby gets fed and stops fussing quickly.


As a teenager, it would not have been odd or uncomfortable to me. It would
have been VERY sexually arousing. I'm not kidding. At thirteen, (or for
that matter, eighteen), I'd have made any excuse to watch it. Watching my
own wife (who googles my posts) BF our twins was quite arousing. While I
believe that for a majority of men BF-ing in general is a turn-off, there
are many of us for whom it is a turn-on. But even for teens for whom the
BF-ing act itself might be a turn-off, I doubt very many teenage boys (who
are straight) would miss out on an opportunity to see bared breasts. This
is all I'm saying. Again, in public, you know what you're dealing with in
that it is what it is. Discretion is always a good idea, when possible
(when not possible, screw 'em!) but it would be, in my humble opinion, even
more important when BF-ing in front of teenagers that are not your own kids.
Unless you don't mind that you very well may have caused some "stirrings."
Believe me, I'm not a prude, but I know how I would react in that situation
(as a teenage boy).

It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his
biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom,
the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not
related.


I don't buy that either. I suspect most step-sons would
feel guilty about ogling, but you know what? There's a *really*
easy cure for that. They can choose not to ogle.


They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced
the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd
understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying
that's right, I am saying it's natural, however.

While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's still a
pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible.


I would definitely agree that discretion is appropriate.
However, saying a woman must avoid breastfeeding in public AND
ALSO in her own home whenever one of four family members happens
to be around is just way beyond the pale in my opinion. I can't
imagine hardly anyone breastfeeding beyond a week or two under
those circumstances. Who'd want to live like that? I just don't
think you can claim to be "supportive" of breastfeeding on the
one hand, and then impose so many restrictions on it that practically
no sane person would continue to do it. One of the things
many women need the most after having a baby is support and
companionship. Handing her a baby that needs to eat frequently
(and possible for long stretches of time) and then telling her
to go away every time she needs to nurse can have lots of
negative consequences.


I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the
importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're
implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help
avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a
teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her
step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly
some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the
children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people,
or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible.
If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?


  #22  
Old September 19th 06, 05:40 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
-L.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 192
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible.


They'll never get it. You are wasting your breath.

-L.

  #23  
Old September 19th 06, 05:48 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

In article .com,
says...


Anne Rogers wrote:
).

To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned
about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they
either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised
questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely
to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the
book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception
on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women
breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and
without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that
that is how mammals feed there young.

I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it
up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about
what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it
as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is!


I don't think this approach would be a great one for most 13 and 16
year olds. They KNOW where babies come from. They also know, on an
intellectual level, that women produce milk in their breasts.


LOL - right. They'd be pretty put off by anything that sounded like The Big
Talk.

If anything, the tack I'd take, if they seemed suprised or gicked out or
anything like that, would be to smile and say something like "Um, you ARE aware
humans are mammals."

Banty

  #24  
Old September 19th 06, 05:53 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Stephanie
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 200
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


"FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message
reenews.net...
wrote in message
oups.com...
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.


Okay, for what it's worth, here's the opinion of a guy...

I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you
should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should
definitely be done in private.

One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.




Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should their
faulty impression be corrected?

It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his
biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom,
the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not
related. While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's
still a pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible.

I hope this is taken in the way I intended.



  #25  
Old September 19th 06, 06:02 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Jamie Clark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 855
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13
yo boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the
intended purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm
just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger,
or mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the
step-mom role may have dealt with/approached it with their
stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.


But it's not any more difficult to explain to a teenage boy what
breastfeeding is all about, whether he is yours by birth or not. Perhaps
this is obvious, but sit and think about how you'd explain it to him/them if
they were yours by birth. How would you do it, and what words would you
use. Think about what tone you'd take, and how you would explain it, then
pretend that they are all biologically yours, and sit them down and explain
it to them. It's pretty straight forrward. I'd have you and your husband
and all the boys sit down together, and be very straightforward. "Breasts
are a sexual thing in our society, but they are also, first and formost, for
feeding babies. Breasts make milk, and babies feed from them. I'm going to
be breastfeeding the new baby, and you might be uncomfortable with the idea
at first, but you will get used to it, because it is a natural thing. I
will make an effort to be discrete, but at some point you may catch a
glimpse of my skin, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you have any
questions or want to talk about it in more detail, I'd be happy to talk to
you some more. In the meantime, here are some books that talk about
breastfeeding and show some photos. Feel free to look at them. I'm here if
you want to talk."

It's really not that difficult or complicated.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! --
www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password


  #26  
Old September 19th 06, 06:04 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
FrisbeeŽ
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 45
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:[email protected]
"FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message
reenews.net...
One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.


Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should
their faulty impression be corrected?


Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become
aroused by seeing your breasts? I seriously doubt that this will reverse
the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's
what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's erotic
to them.

I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all
of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to
control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts?

Will I regret getting into this conversation?

Stay tooned!

(I wonder what my googling wife is thinking of my posts so far.)


  #27  
Old September 19th 06, 06:10 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

In article ews.net, FrisbeeŽ
says...


They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced
the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd
understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying
that's right, I am saying it's natural, however.


Yeah right - Ericka (or I, by implication) would not have any clue what having
raging hormones would feel like, it just never came up for people like us...
:-/

I basically agree with you that simple discretion is called for, similar to
pulling on a bathrobe to go from the shower to get a cup of coffee in the
kitchen, but you seem unable to make your point without inserting a lower
extremity into your facial orifice.

Banty

  #28  
Old September 19th 06, 06:24 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,293
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the
importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're
implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help
avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a
teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her
step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly
some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the
children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people,
or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible.
If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?


I think so. If you're saying that it would be a
good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at
home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that.
I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private"
at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front
of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme
and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not
strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense.
As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is
whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately
provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to
avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm
pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching
halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become
capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life,
which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some
reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll
cope.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #29  
Old September 19th 06, 06:25 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
cjra
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,015
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


FrisbeeŽ wrote:
"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:[email protected]
"FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message
reenews.net...
One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.


Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should
their faulty impression be corrected?


Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become
aroused by seeing your breasts?


Don't teenaged boys get aroused by *everything*? That's basically what
most men willing to admit it claim...

I seriously doubt that this will reverse
the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's
what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's erotic
to them.


I'm willing to bet it's more likely to be 'gross' to them than erotic.
(I have a handful of teenage nephews dealing with these raging hormones
right now)



I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all
of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to
control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts?


Not at all. Why should they? They should control their responses to
those urges, but urges themselves? they're natural. I just don't think
it's very likely they're turned on by the site of their step mom
breastfeeding. In fact, it will probably turn them off boobs for awhile.

  #30  
Old September 19th 06, 06:29 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,293
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as
BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to
be directly applied to this particular home situation.


Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

Best wishes,
Ericka
 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 November 18th 05 06:35 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 October 19th 05 05:36 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 August 30th 05 05:25 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 November 28th 04 06:16 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 October 29th 04 05:23 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:13 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright Š2004-2017 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.