Fifth Grade Boys

No horror stories here, just a question prompted by the Fifth Grade Girls
thread:

It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now). When I tell people
I feel bad about taking my kids out of their existing school, they say, "Oh,
kids are resilient, they'll adjust." But when I tell them the oldest will
be entering 5th grade at the time of the move, they invariably seem
horrified.

To those of you who've been through this phase with a child, whether or not
the child was new to a school, does that indeed seem like a exceptionally
bad time to move a kid? Would you not do it, if it could be avoided? (It
could be, but not easily.)

Thanks.

In article , Beth Gallagher wrote:
No horror stories here, just a question prompted by the Fifth Grade Girls
thread:

It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now). When I tell people
I feel bad about taking my kids out of their existing school, they say, "Oh,
kids are resilient, they'll adjust." But when I tell them the oldest will
be entering 5th grade at the time of the move, they invariably seem
horrified.

To those of you who've been through this phase with a child, whether or not
the child was new to a school, does that indeed seem like a exceptionally
bad time to move a kid? Would you not do it, if it could be avoided? (It
could be, but not easily.)

When I was a child, my family moved near the end (April) of my 5th
grade year. I was accepted just fine into the new 5th grade class,
and made a close friend in 6th the next year (still in elementary in
the city I moved to). I had my share of social problems, but mostly
they were in high school, and I can't really blame them on the move.

(But I'm still ****ed about the big 5th grade camping trip in May
that I had to miss!) ;-O

Although summer seems the logical time to move, it may actually be
easier if you can move in the spring so he can get into school and
meet some friends before summer. If that's not possible, try to find
out what kind of activities are popular for kids in his school over
the summer and try to sign him up for some of those so he can meet
some kids from school before he starts.

Good luck,
--Robyn

In article , "Beth Gallagher"
wrote:

No horror stories here, just a question prompted by the Fifth Grade Girls
thread:

It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now). When I tell people
I feel bad about taking my kids out of their existing school, they say, "Oh,
kids are resilient, they'll adjust." But when I tell them the oldest will
be entering 5th grade at the time of the move, they invariably seem
horrified.

To those of you who've been through this phase with a child, whether or not
the child was new to a school, does that indeed seem like a exceptionally
bad time to move a kid? Would you not do it, if it could be avoided? (It
could be, but not easily.)

Thanks.



I don't know that there is a great age, and how difficult it will be
will vary from kid to kid, but this will be easier than moving when he's
12 or 13.

Is there any chance you can move BEFORE the summer? While it makes
sense to try to not move kids during the school year once they are in
high school, and maybe 7th and 8th grades, there are some advantages to
moving during the school year when the kids are younger: they know kids
before summer starts, and as the "new kid" in the middle of a year,
instead of just one more new kid at the beginning of the year and when
everyone is reconnecting with friends they may not have seen over the
summer, they get more positive attention, and are less likely to get
lost in the shuffle of everything starting fresh.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article , Beth Gallagher wrote:
It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now). When I tell people
I feel bad about taking my kids out of their existing school, they say, "Oh,
kids are resilient, they'll adjust." But when I tell them the oldest will
be entering 5th grade at the time of the move, they invariably seem
horrified.

To those of you who've been through this phase with a child, whether or not
the child was new to a school, does that indeed seem like a exceptionally
bad time to move a kid? Would you not do it, if it could be avoided? (It
could be, but not easily.)

No personal experience (my son has had times away from his regular
school, but he's only 2nd grade, not 5th).

I think it depends a lot on the kid and what sort of friendships he's
formed and how easily he forms new friendships. If he is a member of
a group of kids who have been doing things together for several years,
it may be very difficult for him to adjust to a new group---groups of
friends form microcultures that can shape how kids interact with
others in powerful ways. If he has moved before or has participated
in camps with kids he's not met before or has several different
activities with different groups of friends in each activity, then
he'll probably find it easier to adjust to a new group.

--
Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus
life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels)
Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed)
Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz
Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics
Affiliations for identification only.

In article , "Beth Gallagher"
wrote:

No horror stories here, just a question prompted by the Fifth Grade Girls
thread:

It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now). When I tell people
I feel bad about taking my kids out of their existing school, they say, "Oh,
kids are resilient, they'll adjust." But when I tell them the oldest will
be entering 5th grade at the time of the move, they invariably seem
horrified.

To those of you who've been through this phase with a child, whether or not
the child was new to a school, does that indeed seem like a exceptionally
bad time to move a kid? Would you not do it, if it could be avoided? (It
could be, but not easily.)



I haven't been through this phase with my child yet, but I remember it
pretty well from my own youth. I was in the same school from K to 8th
grade, and had a pretty rugged time in fourth grade from the kind of
toxic girls mentioned in the other thread. If I'd been told we were
moving to a new school for 5th grade, I probably would have turned
cartwheels of joy, had I been able to turn cartwheels at all.

So I guess it depends on his experience with his current school, how
much his social life is bound up with his schoolmates, whether he'd
still be able to get together with his closest friends after you move,
etc. If he likes his school life and is doing well, it does seem to me
like a bad time to move, especially if he'd be starting middle school in
sixth grade.

It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now).

We just did this, moving last summer right before Henry started 5th grade. It
was hard for him to anticipate it all summer, and he was mad, mad MAD at us,
but ultimately he has done very well.

Advice:

Reach out to the school and let them know your concerns. Work with the
principal for the right placement in the right classroom for your son. This
was imperative for us and our principal did an outstanding job, placing Henry
in the exact perfect situation to optimize his success. In other words, don't
be afraid to assert yourself with the school.

Let your son find his own way, don't push him into summer activities just to
meet kids. Henry did not want to do that and we did not push him; neither did
we push him to meet kids in the neighborhood. He made his own fun over the
summer (which he is happy doing) and made friends on his own terms come fall.
YMMV of course, depending on the kid.

Reach out to families in the new work environment -- we had one family that we
hung out with over the summer and that provided enough friendship for Henry.

Acknowledge it will be hard, but repeatedly let him know you are confident he
can handle it and will do well. Reinforce that he is strong and capable and
can do it. It's tricky, but this can be done while still letting him know that
you understand his apprehension.

There's a thread of advice that I started last April or May when we learned of
our move -- you could probably find it on google (I don't have time to look
right now).

If you want to talk via e-mail, let me know.

-Dawn
Mom to Henry, 11

"Beth Gallagher" wrote in message ...
No horror stories here, just a question prompted by the Fifth Grade Girls
thread:

It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now). When I tell people
I feel bad about taking my kids out of their existing school, they say, "Oh,
kids are resilient, they'll adjust." But when I tell them the oldest will
be entering 5th grade at the time of the move, they invariably seem
horrified.

I have a 7th grade boy, and a 3rd grade boy, so I know something about
this age. In my experience at least, boys in 5th grade are pretty
accepting of someone new and a move at this age is not a big deal.
Boys seem to care less about the cliques and are less judgemental
about clothing, hair, etc. as girls these age tend to be.

Now, all my caveats. In our school district 5th graders are still in
the elementary school, in others near here 5th grade is variously part
of a "middle school" of 4-6 grade, 3-5 grade, and 5-8 grade. I think
the 5-8 grade situation might be harder to move into. Our school is
also fairly rural and very small (the same 70 kids that start
kindergarten together graduate from HS together). While we have our
drug, alcohol, and sex problems, we don't see as many issues as others
schools. Fifth grade can be the start of those things.

Based on what i see now, I think moving in 7th or 8th grade would be
much harder. These are tough years for most kids, so if the option is
to wait a year or two, I'd say move now.

Chris

"Beth Gallagher" wrote:

No horror stories here, just a question prompted by the Fifth Grade Girls
thread:

It is likely that we will be moving to a new area (new school) the summer
before my son enters 5th grade (about one year from now). When I tell people
I feel bad about taking my kids out of their existing school, they say, "Oh,
kids are resilient, they'll adjust." But when I tell them the oldest will
be entering 5th grade at the time of the move, they invariably seem
horrified.

To those of you who've been through this phase with a child, whether or not
the child was new to a school, does that indeed seem like a exceptionally
bad time to move a kid? Would you not do it, if it could be avoided? (It
could be, but not easily.)

As dh was in the Navy, my kids moved a lot. Dd#1 had been in 7
different schools by the 7th grade, dd#2 in 5 schools by 5th grade and
dd#1 in two kindergartens. We didn't move after that so ds did not
change schools at all. I personally feel that if the child has
parental support, that they will indeed adjust. IT seems to me that
moving during hs might really be more of a problem although we did not
have to do that.

We found that it was way harder to move during the summer than to go
ahead and move in say - April of the year. . DD#1 moved 5 times
during the school year (kindergarten, first grade, second grade, 4th
grade and 7th grade) and twice during the summer (third grade and 6th
grade).

It also does depend on the child's personality. DD#2 was much more
extroverted and high energy than dd#1 and dd#3. Moving was always
more difficult for dd#1 regardless of her age or grade.

My dd#1 was a very self possessed but introverted child. We did not
have any particular issues with moving until dd#1 entered 3rd grade in
a new school at the beginning of the year and her teacher complained
that dd#1 didn't talk about her friends, only about her sisters. In
4th grade the teacher was very annoyed to have a new student in the
spring and refused to explain the method that dd should use during
long division - just flunked her for not doing the right method even
though she got the right answer. She had migraines for a short time.

DD#2 had an issue with writing cursive - she was doing it in 2nd grade
and the school she moved to didn't do it until the 3rd grade, so she
refused to write cursive in the 3rd grade.

Others have given what I see as good advice on the best way to do it.
My only advice is that kids whose mothers are OK with the move do not
have significant problems with moving.



grandma Rosalie