Am I crazy for wanting another baby so soon?

My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

I am back at work part time for a month and will then resume full time.
My Mum who is retired has moved in for six months to help us look
after the baby. After she leaves we plan to put our daughter in
daycare.

I've asked around to see what other people's experiences have been like
with having two young children, and I am getting mixed responses.

What's the right way to approach this question? I feel we might do
something rash if I got pregnant while still in this 'babymoon' phase!

I became pregnant with #2 when #1 was 6 months old. Many might say that this
is too soon, but we wanted another child sooner rather than later and made
this decision for us, not anybody else.

If you do decide to try to conceive another child, perhaps have a check-up
to see how well your body has recovered. In my case, I felt well and
generally was well enough. My childbearing organs were in good enough shape
to cope. This was not the case with my back and core strength, and I have
paid the price of my spinal prolapse acting up and making it virtually
impossible to look after my son for days on end. I'm sure there are other
physical considerations to take into account, I just can't think of them
right now.

Other considerations might be whether you think you can cope with having two
who are so similar in age - kind of like having twins. The older one might
not be walking yet when the second one arrives. Also, when do kids get
admitted to schools where you are? Having both of them in the one year at
school might make the older one unhappy about having to share classes with
the younger one.

On the other hand, they get to grow up together. I have friends who were
born 11 months apart and they are great friends. I have cousins who are just
2 years apart and they, too, are pretty good friends. Siblings will fight
whether they are months or years apart. Larger or smaller spacing doesn't
guarantee anything.

I don't think you're crazy at all. Just make sure that you are mentally and
physically able to cope with the pregnancy and subsequent child rearing. And
if you are on maternity leave from work, check your employer's provisions
for when you can get the next lot of leave. That might even be the deciding
factor on whether to have another one now and quit (if necessary) or whether
you need to wait a little bit longer.

"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in message
oups.com...
My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

I am back at work part time for a month and will then resume full time.
My Mum who is retired has moved in for six months to help us look
after the baby. After she leaves we plan to put our daughter in
daycare.

I've asked around to see what other people's experiences have been like
with having two young children, and I am getting mixed responses.

What's the right way to approach this question? I feel we might do
something rash if I got pregnant while still in this 'babymoon' phase!

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

I am back at work part time for a month and will then resume full time.
My Mum who is retired has moved in for six months to help us look
after the baby. After she leaves we plan to put our daughter in
daycare.

How will another baby soon affect your work situation?

I've asked around to see what other people's experiences have been like
with having two young children, and I am getting mixed responses.

Probably because it varies significantly depending
on the personalities of the parents and children involved.
You could get an easy second baby, or you could get a really
challenging one (or anywhere in between, obviously).

What's the right way to approach this question? I feel we might do
something rash if I got pregnant while still in this 'babymoon' phase!

There isn't any right way, as long as you think
it through based on what you value as a family. Physically,
it is harder on your body to get pregnant so soon, and there
are slightly increased risks for the baby with a short
inter-pregnancy interval (mostly prematurity, low birthweight,
that sort of thing); however, obviously things work out
just fine physically the majority of the time. After that,
it's all about what you are willing and able to deal with.
Every spacing, close or far, has pros and cons. I do think
that having two is significantly more work than one,
especially if they're both very young, but maybe that's
just my personality. My babies haven't been very challenging,
and personally, I'm good with small babies. But if you
were to get pregnant now, you'd have a newborn on your
hands with one who's just starting to toddle. That's a
whole new level of work, as they seem hellbent on trying
to kill themselves the first year or two that they're
walking. Heck, it's hard work just doing all that stooping
over to hold their hands while they try to walk ;-)
And then, you get to deal with a 2yo while #2's just
learning to walk! Wheeee! But again, some people do
very well with that. For me, the toddler phase is
challenging, so I'm not terribly keen on adding in a
newborn at that stage. For you, it might be just fine.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article .com,
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote:

My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

I am back at work part time for a month and will then resume full time.
My Mum who is retired has moved in for six months to help us look
after the baby. After she leaves we plan to put our daughter in
daycare.

I've asked around to see what other people's experiences have been like
with having two young children, and I am getting mixed responses.

What's the right way to approach this question? I feel we might do
something rash if I got pregnant while still in this 'babymoon' phase!


My kids weren't this close together, but from what I've heard from
others, the first two years or so are pretty tough -- but then having
them close together is kind of nice.

Plus, when they are this close together, you don't have to go back to
"baby mode" for stuff: you're already there.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in message
oups.com...
My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

Go see a doctor and check up on your overall health. If you've recovered
and things seem fine, then there should be no reason not to try again, if
that is what you are physically - and mentally - prepared for. DS1 was 3
months when we found out we were pg with DS2 - and I had just had an
emergency c-section with DS1. My OB said I was in fine shape - I was also
very, very young (I could almost be a grandma when I'm 35 lol, although
I'm really, really hoping for that to NOT be the case!), physically very fit
(from years of playing soccer and even many years of dancing and tae kwon
do) and although we hadn't really planned it, I did feel very much ready for
it all.

I am back at work part time for a month and will then resume full time.
My Mum who is retired has moved in for six months to help us look
after the baby. After she leaves we plan to put our daughter in
daycare.

How will 2 infants - possibly as close in age as 12-13 months apart - fit in
with work? Not saying this is the case, but is your mom willing and able to
help out with a baby around a year old and also a newborn? Will YOU be able
to cope and deal with 2 babies if your mum isn't available or willing to
help out full time for the first little while? I don't know about the area
that you are in, but here, there's really no childcare available for
newborns. This might play a role with your work plans, or the work plans
for DH.

I've asked around to see what other people's experiences have been like
with having two young children, and I am getting mixed responses.

For me? It's been great. DS1 and DS2 are a year apart in age. DD will be
15 months old when we have this next one. There's a 4 and a half year gap
between DS2 and DD... DS1=6, DS2=5, DD=9 months. I find with the boys, they
have basically a playmate available pretty much any time. Sure, they have
their little spats, but generally, they have always gotten along. They also
have eachother to gang up with on DH and I - and they know it

What's the right way to approach this question? I feel we might do
something rash if I got pregnant while still in this 'babymoon' phase!

For us, something just felt like it was alright. Not necessarily great, but
definitely not bad. It just felt like it was alright, and it turned out to
be just fine. I had no doubts in my mind and I felt no regrets. My one and
only fear with the second was the fear of another C-section, but this was
also my fear for DD, and luckily I escaped both times with a fantastic VBAC.
I really don't know what the right way to approach it would be. I think if
it feels right to you, and even him, talk it over. I know that one definite
bonus is that you don't have to worry about going out and rounding up more
baby stuff - you should pretty much still have it all, some may very well be
still in use and will not be used for the first when a second comes around.
A playmate as well - or you could just as easily have WWIII on your hands,
but I've seen this to happen (both ways) with siblings close in age as often
as further apart in age, a pair of brothers, pair of sisters or one of
each...
I have a girl friend who's daughter was 8 years old when she had her son -
friend said that it was basically like being pg for the first time, only she
wasn't 19 anymore. She also just found out she's expecting #3 (some time
mid-Jan, she figures) and at this point, her daughter will be almost 10, son
will be about 16 months old. There's pros and cons with EVERYTHING when it
comes to siblings... Maybe sit down and figure a list out of both pros and
cons that suit you and your family? (by family I guess I mean more you, DH
and DD, moreso than the extended family like the grandparents, aunts,
uncles, etc.)

dragonlady wrote:

In article .com,
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote:

My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

My oldest child wanted to have her first one before she was 30, and
she did make it but just by a few months. She then had her second one
five years later.

I am back at work part time for a month and will then resume full time.
My Mum who is retired has moved in for six months to help us look
after the baby. After she leaves we plan to put our daughter in
daycare.

I've asked around to see what other people's experiences have been like
with having two young children, and I am getting mixed responses.

What's the right way to approach this question? I feel we might do
something rash if I got pregnant while still in this 'babymoon' phase!

My mom always said that she'd love to have a 3 month old baby to take
care of all the time. It is a nice age.

My dd#3 just had her third child at 38, and it was significantly
harder for her than the other two. OTOH my niece had her first child
at 41 and I hear she is pg again.

My kids weren't this close together, but from what I've heard from
others, the first two years or so are pretty tough -- but then having
them close together is kind of nice.

Plus, when they are this close together, you don't have to go back to
"baby mode" for stuff: you're already there.

I think you can be in the baby mode even if the children are farther
apart. I had my first two 2 years apart and I didn't notice much
probably being in the baby mode - my breast milk even came in really
quickly with the second one as there was only about 3 or 4 months
between the time I stopped bf and the time I got pg with the second
one.

But a significant disadvantage will be that you do have some of the
baby stuff, but the older child won't be finished using them yet.

I once acted as a chauffeur to the clinic for a lady who didn't have a
driver's license (her husband was deployed). She and the kids all had
the stomach flu. She had a 3 yo, a 2 yo and 8 month old twins. She
only had one car seat/carrier so she had to carry the second twin in
her arms

[NOTE: THIS WAS IN 1968 so it was way before mandated car seats or
booster seats]

So the older child probably won't be out of the crib yet, won't be out
of diapers yet, you will need another car seat etc. The baby clothes
for a small baby will be almost all that you can use when the kids are
only a year apart. Two years is more manageable IMHO.

grandma Rosalie

Mom to 4
(dd#1 age 45, dd#2 age 45, dd#3 age 38, ds age 35)

grandmom to 11
(dgs age 26, dgd age 24, dgs would be 16 if still living,
dgs age 14, dgs age 13, dgs age 12, dgd age 10, dgs age 8,
dgd age 6, dgd age 5 and dgd b Dec 2005)

dragonlady wrote:
My kids weren't this close together, but from what I've heard from
others, the first two years or so are pretty tough -- but then having
them close together is kind of nice.

Yep, that's about right. The first year of DD2's life I barely
remember. It was pretty tough, and she was an easy baby, and I was
still in my 20s. Although I did have back problems (that continue to
this day), nutritionally, I was in great shape since I did pay very
close attention to my diet, knowing that back-to-back pregnancies can
take their toll. Because I was careful, I had a healthier pregnancy the
second time around. DD2 was born with higher apgar and two whole pounds
heavier than DD1. So it can be done!

Despite the stress of the first two years, if I was to do it all over
again, I'd do it the exact same way. I love having two girls so close
together. They are very close to each other, have always played well
together. Today, in middle school, they share many of the same friends
and have crushes on the same boys. Little sister is rarely told by big
sister to stop tagging along (we had some of that last year, when DD2
was still in grade school - but it's disappeared now that she's also in
middle school).

Plus there's the convenience factor you mentioned - getting to put all
the baby stuff away early. Being able to buy new furniture knowing your
kids aren't going to pee all over them. Hee hee. And also only having
to juggle a brief time with two kids in different schools, and being
able to put them both in the same afterschool program and summer camps.
And on the career front, being able to take off 5 years to get my kids
off to a good start, then return to the workforce with very little pain
of being out of the loop.

Of course, there is a financial aspect that needs considering too: are
you prepared to cover two children in daycare at the same time? Two
kids in braces at the same time? Two kids in college at the same time?
That last one can be a biggie.

And then there's the emotional aspect: will you be prepared to have two
kids reach adolescence around the same time? And both kids leave the
nest in only two years' time, one right after the other sniff?

Overall, for me weighing the disadvantages against the advantages it
was a "no contest." But if you do decide the same, just be very
meticulous about your own health. You're going to need the energy!

jen

shinypenny wrote:
[snip]
Overall, for me weighing the disadvantages against the advantages it
was a "no contest." But if you do decide the same, just be very
meticulous about your own health. You're going to need the energy!

jen

Thanks for your input. I hadn't even considered the health aspect, I
must say. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during this first
pregnancy, but was able to keep my blood sugar in check with a slightly
lower-carb diet. Whether or not the GD was real or bogus, my baby did
weigh 8 pounds at birth (we're not big people, my husband and I) and
she did have slight shoulder dystocia, and the slightly hairy pinnae at
birth (also linked to GD), so presumably I could expect to develop GD
again, and be tested for it sooner.

"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in message
oups.com...
My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

Personally I'd wait about 6 more months and then decide. I had baby fever
at 3mos (but didn't try) and by 7-8 months I was really glad we waited a
bit, lol. 6 months really isn't that long to hold off unless there are
other factors. I have 6wk olds and have baby fever. It is hard to not
just love love love babies, lol. I'm 100% sure I don't want to be pregnant
though, lol.

On the other hand, if you really want them that close then that would be
your pesonal decision. Lots of people do decide that.

My brother and I are 12 months apart. My mom always said the first year or
two was really hard but my brother (the younger) was very colicy for a very
long time. Her pregnancies were fine. I was 8lbs, my brother 8lbs 1oz.
Both full term. She liked having us (we are the only two) that close once
we were out of toddlerhood.

My older two are 24 months apart, which was our plan. That is as close as I
would want them but my older one still wasn't sleeping through so my future
plans included weaned, sleeping, older kids :-). That might not bother
everyone.

Are you nursing? If so it is fairly common to have supply issues starting
at around the 5th month so if breastfeeding for 12 months is a priority I'd
hold off on ttc for that reason as well.

Good luck with your decision!!


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
My daughter is three and a half months old and I recently got my period
again. My husband and I would love another child and, both being 35
now, we feel we should do it sooner rather than later. By sooner, I
mean start trying already!

I am back at work part time for a month and will then resume full time.
My Mum who is retired has moved in for six months to help us look
after the baby. After she leaves we plan to put our daughter in
daycare.

I've asked around to see what other people's experiences have been like
with having two young children, and I am getting mixed responses.

What's the right way to approach this question? I feel we might do
something rash if I got pregnant while still in this 'babymoon' phase!

Another way of looking at things is to consider what you would regret
most.

The worst of the "next baby now" is perhaps your mother doesn't help,
you have a difficult second baby, and you spend all your salary on
daycare fees.

The worst of the "leave it" situation is that you can't have another baby.

Which option would be worse for you?

You could spend a few months not trying, but also not trying not to
(if you see what I mean).

FWIW, the older mums I know tend to have them fairly close together
in age.

FWIW2, I had a two year gap, which I thought was good. I think though,
given a choice between a 4 year gap and a 1 year gap, I'd have picked
the 1 year gap.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three