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Loafing step-daughter



 
 
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  #11  
Old January 19th 06, 11:32 PM posted to alt.support.step-parents,alt.support.marriage,alt.child-support
external usenet poster
 
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Default It's a complex and usually no-win situation


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Bob
Whiteside
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article . net, Bob

Whiteside
says...


"cathryn" wrote in message
roups.com...


It's a complex situation, there's no black and white, and there's no
generalities you can apply. Suggesting that "women kick men out for
the
cash incentives" is ill-informed and quite frankly, a bit stupid.

I don't know what the magic answer is (I don't think there is one),
but
certainly allocating blame (either universally to her, or universally
to him) is not going to resolve anything and help anyone.

A good start would be to understand there is a big difference between
the
financial (CS) and emotional (custody) incentives that encourage
divorces

to
occur and a list of reasons why people divorce. The ease of no-fault
divorce coupled with the incentives to divorce make even the most minor

of
issues to become reasons to end a marriage.

Since women statistically initiate divorces about 85% of the time, it
is
important to understand the reasons women give for ending their

marriages.
The top 5 reasons Dr. Sanford Braver found in his research include: 1.)
Gradual growing apart, losing a sense of closeness, 2.) Serious

differences
in lifestyle and/or values, 3.) Not feeling loved or appreciated by

spouse,
4.) Spouse not able or willing to meet major needs, and 5.) Emotional
problems of the spouse.

I guess you could classify a cross dresser as being included in
emotional
problems of the spouse. Gambling problems that lose everything would

most
likely fit into the 9th listed reason - spouse not reliable. Long term
humiliation would most likely fit into the 8th listed reason -
frequently
felt put down or belittled by spouse.

But the fact remains, all of the top reasons women list for initiating
divorce are touchy-feely reasons that reflect women's mental
perceptions

of
the marriage relationship and have nothing to do with specific, defined
negative behavior by their husbands.


So, number four, for example, would be a matter of 'mental perception'?

If she
dint' meet *his* needs, would it be viewed the same? That's a pretty

broad
category.


Men who initiate divorce cite "spouse not able to meet mjors needs" as the
4th most important factor. So the "needs" issue is identically perceived
by
both men and women. The difference is women cite the "needs" issue as
being
very important in 41% of divorces while men cite it as very important in
32%
of divorces they initiate.


In 'Chris's' case, his wife may well be met with a dilemma of helping
her
daughter vs. staying married. But Chris has stated he won't divorce.

So that
leaves the resolution of the dilemma to - her. So, forced into a
choice

like
that, *she'd* end up in the "initiated divorce" stat. But, I'd submit

that
"initiated divorce" is quite a different thing from "destroyed
marriage".

And
that isn't such an uncommon thing.


Wow! The old bad husband/dad image, he made me do it, outdated thinking
that women throw out when they are reluctant to accept responsibility for
their own actions. Chris will have to comment on his own case, but it
sounds like he took his marriage vows a lot more seriously than his wife
did.

Look at the list of top 5 reasons women divorce again. There is nothing
there to substantiate the old fault based reasons for divorce like
violence,
abuse, drugs, alcohol, extramarital affairs, etc. I think everyone would
agree those would be issues that "destroyed a marriage." But the research
indicates the old fault based reasons are not cited that often by women
for
initiating a divorce.


Wow. (How did old bad dad get into this?) What's outdated.

If someone is backed into a corner where they have to choose between, say,
child
and marriage, but the spouse who made that demand won't divorce, it's a
matter
of limited recourse.

I think the wife-initiated stats for divorce reflect that, if for one
gender
there is less power within the marriage, more often the only 'out' is out.


Reading comprehension isn't one of your strong points.



Banty



  #12  
Old January 20th 06, 01:20 AM posted to alt.support.step-parents,alt.support.marriage,alt.child-support
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Default It's a complex and usually no-win situation

Statistics is not a strong point for her either, apparently. I feel it
must be this way, so it is so.

  #13  
Old January 20th 06, 02:47 AM posted to alt.support.step-parents,alt.support.marriage,alt.child-support
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Default It's a complex and usually no-win situation


"P. Fritz" paulfritz ATvoyager DOTnet wrote in message
...



Wow. (How did old bad dad get into this?) What's outdated.

If someone is backed into a corner where they have to choose between,

say,
child
and marriage, but the spouse who made that demand won't divorce, it's a
matter
of limited recourse.

I think the wife-initiated stats for divorce reflect that, if for one
gender
there is less power within the marriage, more often the only 'out' is

out.

Reading comprehension isn't one of your strong points.


Neither is logic. The femwits want no-fault divorce so they can get out of
marriages easily yet they want to blame men with fault to justify why they
leave their marriages. And at the same time they don't want men pointing
out women are at fault for the increasing divorce rates because women are
using touchy-feely reasons to end marriages by taking advantage of the
divorce incentives the femwits demanded. It's definitely pretzel logic!


  #14  
Old January 20th 06, 04:51 AM posted to alt.support.step-parents,alt.support.marriage,alt.child-support
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default It's a complex and usually no-win situation


"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
nk.net...

"P. Fritz" paulfritz ATvoyager DOTnet wrote in message
...



Wow. (How did old bad dad get into this?) What's outdated.

If someone is backed into a corner where they have to choose between,

say,
child
and marriage, but the spouse who made that demand won't divorce, it's

a
matter
of limited recourse.

I think the wife-initiated stats for divorce reflect that, if for one
gender
there is less power within the marriage, more often the only 'out' is

out.

Reading comprehension isn't one of your strong points.


Neither is logic. The femwits want no-fault divorce so they can get out

of
marriages easily yet they want to blame men with fault to justify why they
leave their marriages. And at the same time they don't want men pointing
out women are at fault for the increasing divorce rates because women are
using touchy-feely reasons to end marriages by taking advantage of the
divorce incentives the femwits demanded. It's definitely pretzel logic!


Indeed. Here is some real logic:

http://www.independent.org/pdf/tir/t...askerville.pdf

Probably nothing you don't already know; but something the "Child
Support"/Divorce industry does NOT want you to know.
I was enlightened to the fact that fathers are being punished by the loss of
their children even though they have broken no laws, civilly or criminally.
Apparently, the right of a father to raise his children turns out to be no
right at all, rather a privilege. After much pondering, I can only conclude
that what a father does/did to lose such privilege is to be born male.





  #15  
Old February 1st 06, 06:34 AM posted to alt.support.step-parents,alt.support.marriage,alt.child-support
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default It's a complex and usually no-win situation

Sheesh. And to think I left my husband because he was a lying abusive
cross-dresser. That my sister left her husband because he gambled away
everything they had including their house and children's future. That
another sister left hers because after 25 years of public intimidation
and humiliation, she realised she didn't have to put up with it.


Yeah - I don't believe that and statistically that is extremely
unlikely.

Ruben

 




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