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worried about the future



 
 
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  #11  
Old January 6th 04, 03:09 AM
Kereru
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"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
Before ds was born I intended to nurse him through the first year, it
hadn't occured to me that longer might be good. Now I'm better educated,
it's best for him to carry on longer and I intend to let him self wean.
The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts, they
already think I am a bit mad pumping for his feeds whilst I work, but the
very thought of me breastfeeding a toddler shocks them. My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give up
by the time he is a year old, she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there, when I said this probably wouldn't be possible because
of feeding she said that it would be a good time to stop and he wouldn't
mind. It's really starting to worry me as we get closer to that point,
recently the doctor even asked me when I was going to stop. I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son. When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.

-----------
Anne Rogers



To be honest I think people do the same thing whatever you do. If it wasn't
the breastfeeding it would be something else. My boys are both formula fed
now (still like to check in and see what's happening here) and my Mum nags
me about how much baby is sleeping and is he too hot/cold is he bored! Be
firm, I know it's hard. Have a response handy like "we both still enjoy it
and it's so convenient, so we're going to keep going". With these sorts of
issues when you get into a discussion about it I just goes on and on even
when you can quote WHO etc... people often have a set idea in their minds
that won't change however long you argue. Make it clear that you have made
your decision and there's no point discussing it. Then change the subject.

I think it's hard for Grandparents, friends etc.. theres a really fine line
between advice and nagging and I think it's really up to the parent to
decide where that line is.

As far as I'm concerned as long as breastfeeding works for you and for your
son go for it, be confident and don't take any ****! Kia Kaha

Judy



  #12  
Old January 6th 04, 04:44 AM
Beth
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"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
Before ds was born I intended to nurse him through the first year, it
hadn't occured to me that longer might be good. Now I'm better educated,
it's best for him to carry on longer and I intend to let him self wean.
The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts


Doesn't that drive you crazy? My DS is 13 months old and we're hearing a
few choice comments about nursing, now. So far, when the question, "You're
not still nursing that baby, are you?" comes up, I first say, "Well of
course." If they persist, I just tell them that they'd better get used to
it because he'll be going for months and probably years. There's not much
that they can say in the face of self confidence. My mom, sister, dad,
maiden aunt and a couple others have made the mistake of asking so far. If
I get some really persistent knuckleheads, I may just absent myself or
forbid such discussion in front of DS, who understands more than we think, I
am sure.

Good luck. You're doing the right thing, and best of all, *you* and *DS*
get to decide, not your mother and your friends.

Beth


  #13  
Old January 6th 04, 07:20 AM
CY
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"HollyLewis" wrote in message
My usual response to that kind of challenge is, "It's hard enough to keep

my
son from having things that are bad for him. I cannot imagine why I'd

bother
to try to keep him from having something that's GOOD for him!" :-)



Oooooh, that's a good one!! I must remember that for future reference!


  #14  
Old January 6th 04, 10:29 AM
Anne Rogers
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Well, if you *wanted* to leave a breastfeeding toddler with your mother, you
probably could; even if he were still used to nursing at particular times, by
somewhere between 12 and 18 months he'll likely be just fine going without once
in a while, and he may not be nursing more than a couple times a day anyway, so
you could leave him for quite a while without his missing a feeding. But to
me, feeding isn't the primary reason that you ought to be reluctant to leave
him with her. If she behaves that way with respect to one parenting decision
you've made, do you really trust her to respect any other parenting decisions
you've made when your son is in her care?


actually in this case we would be leaving him for a week, I'd happily
leave him for a day or overnight. I think my mum has a bit of a bee in her
bonnet about nursing toddlers, I'm not sure why. She nursed me til 11.5
months, when I self weaned (apparently I'd cut down to one feed per day at
bed time and the day I learned to walk I decided I didn't want to nurse
any more). She nursed my sister to 9 months when she weaned because my
sister was ill and couldn't suck so drank milk from a sippy cup. I think
she might feel bad about that. Also when I said that extended
breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer I think that upset her as
she had premenopausal breast cancer. I think she finds it difficult that a
reduced risk of breast cancer is given as a reason to breastfeed when she
fed longer than all her contemporaries and was the one that has had it.


FWIW, my son spent a night away from me for the very first time about a week
ago. He's 35 months old. However, he's been in the care of a nanny for 9
hours every workday since he was 6 months old and I haven't pumped since he was
13 months, so clearly the simple fact that I'm still breastfeeding doesn't
prevent me from leaving him.


same here actually, I've left him for several nights, when I've had to be
in hospital, thankfully he sleeps through at the moment, dh just gets up
at 6 and brings him to me.

My usual response to that kind of challenge is, "It's hard enough to keep my
son from having things that are bad for him. I cannot imagine why I'd bother
to try to keep him from having something that's GOOD for him!" :-)


LOL I like that one!

  #15  
Old January 6th 04, 11:28 AM
Linz
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Default worried about the future

On Mon, 5 Jan 2004 21:54:26 +0000, Anne Rogers
wrote:

Before ds was born I intended to nurse him through the first year, it
hadn't occured to me that longer might be good. Now I'm better educated,
it's best for him to carry on longer and I intend to let him self wean.
The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts, they
already think I am a bit mad pumping for his feeds whilst I work, but the
very thought of me breastfeeding a toddler shocks them. My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give up
by the time he is a year old, she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there, when I said this probably wouldn't be possible because
of feeding she said that it would be a good time to stop and he wouldn't
mind. It's really starting to worry me as we get closer to that point,
recently the doctor even asked me when I was going to stop. I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son. When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.


"Water doesn't contain the antibodies he gets from my milk, does it?",
you ask, innocently!
--
Linz
YB: 11 weeks, around 13lbs
  #17  
Old January 6th 04, 11:42 AM
Mary Ann Tuli
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Default worried about the future



Anne Rogers wrote:
Before ds was born I intended to nurse him through the first year, it
hadn't occured to me that longer might be good. Now I'm better educated,
it's best for him to carry on longer and I intend to let him self wean.


Great :-)

The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts,


It's a big shame that you don't have anyone to support you. I soon found
the few people who were supportive. By the time you're nursing a
toddler you don't really need so much advice or encouragement, but just
some kindred spirits to chat to. Have you contacted LLL? I'm near
Cambridge (as you probably know), and am happy to support you :-)
By the time my son was a toddler only a few people knew he was still
nursing.


they
already think I am a bit mad pumping for his feeds whilst I work,


Are they willing to be educated? I don't mean that in a patronising way,
but it would be really easy to show them that what you are doing is the
best thing for your son.

but the
very thought of me breastfeeding a toddler shocks them.


I do think that's quite common.

My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give up
by the time he is a year old,


Ask her not to.

she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there, when I said this probably wouldn't be possible because
of feeding she said that it would be a good time to stop and he wouldn't
mind.


Two issues here. One is about weaning him. *If* you wanted to wean him,
doing it by leaving him at your mothers house would be quite traumatic
for everyone. Two: it is perfectly possible for your son to stay
overnight with your Mum when you are nursing. I found that DS was
dependent on me to get to sleep *if* I was there (remember I'm talking
about a toddler), but if I wasn't, he found his own way. It was really
great for me and DH to get out and by that stage I could get through to
the morning without terrible engorgement.

It's really starting to worry me as we get closer to that point,
recently the doctor even asked me when I was going to stop.


Did they give a reason? You need to be confident that YOU are doing the
right thing and forget those around you. Your DH is supportive..right?

I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son. When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.


BM is not an alternative to formula due to water contamination.

Good luck.

Mary Ann

  #18  
Old January 6th 04, 11:53 AM
Chookie
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Default worried about the future

In article ,
Anne Rogers wrote:

The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts, they
already think I am a bit mad pumping for his feeds whilst I work, but the
very thought of me breastfeeding a toddler shocks them. My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give up
by the time he is a year old, she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there,

snip

Ah, Mums, gotta love 'em. Just tell her about Chookie in Australia, whose son
is still bfing at 2 3/4 !!! Except she'd probably think I was some kind of
pervert. It's unusual to be bfing at this stage here, too, but we have a
strong culture of minding your own business. BFing prevented me from
menstruating for 18 months, which was nice (especially good if you lost a lot
of blood during the birth, as I did). Extended bfing cuts down on some kinds
of cancers too, and is a very helpful toddler management tool. DS didn't have
the Terrible Twos; possibly the bfing helped, as he often bfed to regain his
equilibrium (bfing becomes more an emotional thing for a toddler than a
nutritional thing).

[...] I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son. When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.


Some of your friends are displaying "agnorance" rather than ignorance (ie,
arrogant ignorance -- they simply won't listen to you). Just tell 'em you're
doing it to avoid getting your period back, or some other reason that makes
them feel completely embarrassed!!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Jeez; if only those Ancient Greek storytellers had known about the astonishing
creature that is the *Usenet hydra*: you cut off one head, and *a stupider one*
grows back..." -- MJ, cam.misc
  #19  
Old January 6th 04, 01:39 PM
Anne Rogers
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Default worried about the future

equilibrium (bfing becomes more an emotional thing for a toddler than a
nutritional thing).


ho ho ho, that's even worse, I've just about convinced my mum its
nutritionally valid, she things the emotional thing is bad!


Some of your friends are displaying "agnorance" rather than ignorance (ie,
arrogant ignorance -- they simply won't listen to you). Just tell 'em you're
doing it to avoid getting your period back, or some other reason that makes
them feel completely embarrassed!!


LOL, unfortnately it already came back :-(

  #20  
Old January 6th 04, 02:13 PM
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Default worried about the future

Anne Rogers wrote in message ...

My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give up
by the time he is a year old, she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there, when I said this probably wouldn't be possible because
of feeding she said that it would be a good time to stop and he wouldn't
mind.


Mine would. Honestly, of all the possible weaning times, I think the
magic one year mark is quite possibly one of the worst in terms of the
amount of cooperation you'll get from the baby. Every nursing
one-year-old I've ever met is *quite* attached to that part of his or
her daily routine.

My DS is accustomed to Daddy as a caretaker, but won't go to anyone
else and wants a nurse right away when I get home, even if he's only
been with DH for an hour. I can't imagine my mom taking him for three
hours, and as my mom breastfed all her babies, thankfully neither can
she. DH and I are trying to figure out how to go see RotK in shifts.
:-)

It's really starting to worry me as we get closer to that point,
recently the doctor even asked me when I was going to stop.


My OB asked me when I planned to stop. I said, "When he decides to
stop." He said, "That could be years from now." I said, "Yep." He
shut up. What business is it of the OB's in any case??

I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son.


Eh. I know I'm misanthropic, but people are idiots. Something like
40% of people surveyed in the USA can't tell the questionner which one
revolves around the other of the Sun-Earth pair. Other mammals nurse
roughly until the milk teeth fall out and the permanent ones erupt.

Hang in there.

--
C, mama to one year old nursling
 




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