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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote in message
oups.com... I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we got married in 2003). Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual type issues. I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real way to balance the issue. Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience with a similar situation, is appreciated. Okay, for what it's worth, here's the opinion of a guy... I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should definitely be done in private. One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom, the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not related. While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's still a pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible. I hope this is taken in the way I intended. |
#13
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote about breastfeeding with older
children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. I'm afraid I just don't see what is inconvenient about BF. Bottles to clean, fill, store, warm, etc. Now that is inconvenient. Covering yourself discreetly and breast feeding your baby almost anytime, almost anywhere. What could be more convenient? Sandie |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Irrational Number wrote:
The first couple of weeks, breastfeed in your bedroom so that they don't see you naked from the waist up for hours at a time while you learn how to breastfeed. With DS#1, I didn't know how to BF with a bra on and I was so exhausted that I didn't care, but there were only DH and my mom around. My stepsons were 12 and 11 when I gave birth to my son, and the advice above is just what I did. While I was getting the hang of breastfeeding, I excused myself and went upstairs to my bedroom to nurse, which is what I did when *anyone* but my husband was present for those first few weeks. After I grew more comfortable with it, I started nursing in front of my stepsons (who didn't live with us full-time, but were with us on weekends and school holidays). My stepsons had been around extended family on their mother's side who breastfed so it wasn't that big a deal for them. The 11 year old couldn't have cared less and ignored what I was doing. I did have a couple of occasions with the 12 year old when he came over to look -- I know it wasn't to see my breasts, but it was that he was very involved (you could say overly-involved) with his new baby brother and wanted to see what the baby was doing all the time. The second time, he saw a lot more than he was bargaining for, backed off, and never snuck a peek again. I have a girlfriend who breastfed all of her babies in front of her two stepsons (both of whom lived with her full-time) and she was a bit worried at first (as was I) but she didn't have any problems. It really gets to be boring and old news with them very quickly. I think a supportive husband would make a world of difference, so get DH on board, and best wishes. -Stephanie |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Irrational Number wrote:
wrote: I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. [...] Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. The first couple of weeks, breastfeed in your bedroom so that they don't see you naked from the waist up for hours at a time while you learn how to breastfeed. With DS#1, I didn't know how to BF with a bra on and I was so exhausted that I didn't care, but there were only DH and my mom around. This can certainly happen, and you may want some privacy if it does, but I just wanted to add the encouraging note that it doesn't always take that much time or difficulty. Then, practice breastfeeding in front of the mirror so that you don't show too much flesh. Yes, BF is natural and good, but you don't have to flash everyone all the time. And this is also not all that challenging to do. You'll find out what works best for you. Towards the end of pregnancy, invest in a good nursing bra or two (remember to allow a little room for growth) and practice opening and closing it one handed. Have a nursing nightgown and/or some nursing tops, but many women find that a loose t-shirt works very well. Don't invest a lot before you figure out what sort of bras and clothing work best for you, because different women have different preferences. Don't worry too much--by the time your baby's a month old, you'll be wondering why you were so worried about any of it ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Frisbee® wrote:
I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should definitely be done in private. I understand your intentions are good, but do you understand the repercussions of this statement? It most definitely makes breastfeeding a difficult and isolating chore for women. Many babies spend quite a lot of time at the breast. You cannot always predict when they will need to eat. Breastfeeding only in private means that most women will give up breastfeeding early because they're going stir crazy and are unable to carry on with their lives because they can't go anywhere for fear that they'll be caught out in public when they need to nurse. (And believe me, public restrooms and such are *NOT* an acceptable alternative most of the time.) So, keeping it in private is an absolutely unacceptable solution, in my opinion. I've spent about four years of my life breastfeeding, and breastfed in public whenever necessary or convenient for all of it. I never got a single dirty look or comment. It is entirely possible to breastfeed discreetly in public. Anyone who's seeing too much when a woman is breastfeeding discreetly is actively looking for trouble. One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. I don't believe that's necessarily true. I'm sure it'll be odd and maybe even uncomfortable at first, but they will very quickly get to the point that they don't give a rip and just want to make sure baby gets fed and stops fussing quickly. It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom, the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not related. I don't buy that either. I suspect most step-sons would feel guilty about ogling, but you know what? There's a *really* easy cure for that. They can choose not to ogle. While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's still a pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible. I would definitely agree that discretion is appropriate. However, saying a woman must avoid breastfeeding in public AND ALSO in her own home whenever one of four family members happens to be around is just way beyond the pale in my opinion. I can't imagine hardly anyone breastfeeding beyond a week or two under those circumstances. Who'd want to live like that? I just don't think you can claim to be "supportive" of breastfeeding on the one hand, and then impose so many restrictions on it that practically no sane person would continue to do it. One of the things many women need the most after having a baby is support and companionship. Handing her a baby that needs to eat frequently (and possible for long stretches of time) and then telling her to go away every time she needs to nurse can have lots of negative consequences. Best wishes, Ericka |
#20
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Anne Rogers wrote: ). To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that that is how mammals feed there young. I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is! I don't think this approach would be a great one for most 13 and 16 year olds. They KNOW where babies come from. They also know, on an intellectual level, that women produce milk in their breasts. I would totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some) and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to! This is the one that makes the most sense to me. Maybe I'm wrong here (having a teen-age daughter, and a teenage daughter who has ALWAYS known what breasts are for!), but I think the best approach to to say something much about it. Just as you are unlikely to be discussing the details of whether or not you have an epidural, or use cloth/disposible diapers, how you feed the baby is, on most levels, not really their concern. If they ask about it (why haven't you bought bottles yet? What kind of formula do you need?) you say, "Oh, I'll be breastfeeding the new baby. Otherwise, you just do it. (I think it makes sense to be a bit discreet about it initially, just as you might be with any other non-intimate family member, but there's certainly no reason to hide.) Naomi Cheers Anne |
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