The gift of foster care

The gift of foster care

By Erica Christoffer
Sun Newspapers
(Created 5/27/2004 3:14:53 PM)


Mike Remington is a rare breed. For the past 10 years the Eagan High
School math teacher and Apple Valley resident has opened his home to
teenagers in need of foster care.

It was about 14 years ago when the idea of becoming a foster parent
crossed Remington’s mind as a way to reach out. Being in the
educational field and working with students he had heard stories of
teens experiencing traumatic situations.

“A lot of kids leave lasting impressions with their stories,”
Remington said.

A few years later he jumped in and took the training to become a
foster parent to the children most in need of foster homes in Dakota
County – teenage boys.

“Through my occupation I kind of felt I would do a good job working
with kids this age,” he said.

Linda Brankley of Rosemount is a parent resource developer for Scott,
Carver and Dakota counties through the Minnesota Recruitment Project.
She said that in Dakota County both teens and sibling groups are in
need of additional foster homes, especially in West St. Paul.

“We just need to get the word out there,” Brankley said.

Recently Brankley and the Dakota County Community Action Team took
part in a nationwide Blue Ribbon Campaign to raise awareness for
foster care needs. On the front lawn of the Ryan Real Estate building
in Apple Valley, participants tied 265 blue ribbons onto one tree
representing the number of children in foster care in Dakota County.

There are several types of foster care, ranging from full-time
placements to emergency and respite programs for infants, children,
teens and adults. In respite and emergency care, children only stay in
a foster home temporarily and then return to their families. Some need
long-term foster care, usually for older children in situations where
returning to their birth family is not possible.

Treatment foster care is designed for children and teens who have
severe emotional, psychological and behavioral challenges, which
requires organized intervention by specialized foster parents and
professionals.

Brankley said that Dakota County has six months of concurrent planning
to decide whether a child age 8 and younger will go back to their
birth family or be placed for adoption or long-term foster care. For
children over the age of age of 8, the county has one year to decide.

She said that the number one goal for the county is to keep a child’s
moves to a minimum.

“A lot of people are afraid to take teens,” Brankley said. “It’s not
too often you hear the good things they do.”

As a former foster parent for about 10 years, Brankley said her
experience with teenage foster children taught her many wonderful
things. And now as a recruiter, Brankley can share what she has
learned with other foster parents.

“I’ll hold their hand through the process because I’ve been there; I
know what it’s like,” she said.

In Dakota County, there is a requirement of an initial 33 hours of
free training and additional ongoing training. In treatment foster
care situations parents need additional training.

Foster parents are reimbursed, but the amount doesn’t cover all costs
of care. Also, children do receive medical assistance.

Foster parents can either be single like Remington or a couple such as
Brankley and her husband. Apartments, town homes, single-family homes
are all appropriate locations for foster care, but all must meet
safety and fire codes.

Brankley said that most children in foster care have special needs due
to past abuse or neglect.

Foster children can be depressed, angry and fearful. Because of
neglect, abuse or trauma, some have medical or developmental problems.
Others are delayed and need help with school and social skills.

Remington said he received training on issues such as chemical abuse,
mental health and physical abuse.

“You learn better on the job,” he said.

And Remington said he is still learning, even after working with 25
foster children.

His first placement was a long term, four-year placement. They are
still in contact today.

“You have to have humor to get through the real tough times,” he said.

Remington said that he has the ability to provide foster children with
hope, which is one characteristic essential for foster parents, along
with flexibility and patience.

Since becoming a foster parent he said that he has learned that
sometimes time itself can heal wounds if the children are given the
right resources.

There is more than one way to help a child, he said.

“That comes with hope,” he said. “I’ve never been one to give up or
give in.”

He said he has also learned to keep calm in certain situations.

“You don’t become cold to it, you just learn that getting your own
emotions involved doesn’t help,” Remington said.

He calls other foster parents one of his greatest resources for
support and sharing ideas.

“It’s amazing how creative some of the foster parents can be,”
Remington said.

There are challenges, he said, in finding ways to get children through
“the system.”

“It’s frustrating sometimes to see kids go back into a non-winning
situation,” Remington said. “That’s not always the right thing to do
at the moment.”

Remington said that it is important for his foster children to stay in
touch with members of their biological families, as many often return
to their homes.

Remington is currently parenting a 17-year-old foster son, who is on
track to graduate from high school next year.

Remington said that it’s normal to feel timid about getting involved
in foster care, but he suggests people check into it if they have an
interest.

“I encourage people to dig down deep and listen to themselves,” he
said. “Go with your heart.”
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