OT - SAH or work full time... the issue gets pushed

In article , Nan says...

On 19 May 2004 08:37:48 -0700, Banty wrote:

Gee - an obvious solution presents itself. The other wagearner (her husband, I
presume), can stop whatever *he's* doing that keeps him away from his precious
child and stay with the child while she works.

How about it?

Banty

Ah, you took the words out of my mouth ;-)

There is absolutely no reason why the mother should always be judged
so harshly, when the father can step up and become primary caretaker.

Nan


Don't these 'daycare is awful' rants usually contain (and even derive from)
that presumption, though.... :-/

Banty

On 19 May 2004 11:41:02 -0700, Banty wrote:

In article , Nan says...

On 19 May 2004 08:37:48 -0700, Banty wrote:

Gee - an obvious solution presents itself. The other wagearner (her husband, I
presume), can stop whatever *he's* doing that keeps him away from his precious
child and stay with the child while she works.

How about it?

Banty

Ah, you took the words out of my mouth ;-)

There is absolutely no reason why the mother should always be judged
so harshly, when the father can step up and become primary caretaker.

Nan


Don't these 'daycare is awful' rants usually contain (and even derive from)
that presumption, though.... :-/

Banty

Unfortunately, yes.
It's always assumed that the mother should be the one to stay home,
and if she chooses to go to work, she's a horrid mother. Pfft.

Nan

On Wed, 19 May 2004 14:09:20 -0500, Nan wrote:

On 19 May 2004 11:41:02 -0700, Banty wrote:

In article , Nan says...

On 19 May 2004 08:37:48 -0700, Banty wrote:

Gee - an obvious solution presents itself. The other wagearner (her husband, I
presume), can stop whatever *he's* doing that keeps him away from his precious
child and stay with the child while she works.

How about it?

Banty

Ah, you took the words out of my mouth ;-)

There is absolutely no reason why the mother should always be judged
so harshly, when the father can step up and become primary caretaker.

Nan


Don't these 'daycare is awful' rants usually contain (and even derive from)
that presumption, though.... :-/


Unfortunately, yes.
It's always assumed that the mother should be the one to stay home,
and if she chooses to go to work, she's a horrid mother. Pfft.

And unfortunately, some of the "staying at home is awful"
replies aren't using much better logic. The kid is just sitting
around, watching TV, having no interaction, etc. Pfft to that too.


P. Tierney

Banty wrote in message ...
In article , JM says...


I'm
steamed because I have a friend whose 1-yr old who is miserable in daycare
yet my friend says she's just hoping he'll get used to it because she loves
her job too much to quit. The basic message she's sending her child is "Yes,
I love you but I love my job more" (since her family could easily survive on
one income). And since she's never spent a full day at her son's daycare she
has no idea what her son's life is really like during the course of a day.

Gee - an obvious solution presents itself. The other wagearner (her husband, I
presume), can stop whatever *he's* doing that keeps him away from his precious
child and stay with the child while she works.

How about it?

Banty

Or "Jules," the "good friend," could offer her (?) services as in-home
daycare for her good friend's child.

They *must* have a relationship that is close enough for Jules to do
that. After all, Jules knows her friend's financial situation, her
friend's reasoning for having a job, her friend's child's issues with
daycare, her friend's schedule in that Jules knows her pal hasn't been
at the daycare for an entire day. It would seem that Jules even has
personal insight into the quality of her friend's daycare provider.
And I presume she knows firsthand the conversations her friend and
(presumably) her friend's spouse have had regarding childrearing,
working outside the home and how her friend and spouse came to their
conclusions.

What a wonderful close friend Jules must be! How great is it to have
such intimate insights into another person's reasoning AND be in a
position to help! I think she should go for it and provide the best
care her friend's child could ever have.

- Bev

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:36:26 GMT, P. Tierney
wrote:

On Wed, 19 May 2004 14:09:20 -0500, Nan

It's always assumed that the mother should be the one to stay home,
and if she chooses to go to work, she's a horrid mother. Pfft.

And unfortunately, some of the "staying at home is awful"
replies aren't using much better logic. The kid is just sitting
around, watching TV, having no interaction, etc. Pfft to that too.

What! You mean a SAHP doesn't lead a life of laaaaazzzy luxury?

Nan, running and ducking EG

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message ...
I am having a horrid day. I found out today that the option to work part
time is being removed. I either have to go full time at my current job or
find another job. We have financial issues that prevent me from staying at
home today. Maybe 3 months from now, but not today.

I am so sad. I do not want to leave my babies (OK one is three) at daycare
all day, even for 3 months.

Thanks for letting me vent. Or more like whine.

S

I understand completely. Try, perhaps, to think of it as an
opportunity to make some extra money for the next 3 months. Maybe you
can sock it away to do something really special for the kids that you
would not normally be able to afford? Maybe you can use the extra
money to buy good convenience food/take-out and/or some little help
around the house so you can spend your evenings and weekends really
hanging out with the kids rather than cooking and cleaning up?

I assume you can use your current part-time caregiver full-time for as
long as needed? If so, that will be a great help. The kids will
already be used to it; they will probably not even notice the change
much, if at all!

I never wanted to work full time after having kids, but I really had
to for a while after #1 was born, and, you know, it was fine. It
wasn't according to my plan, so I chafed against it to some extent the
whole time (and plotted a way out, which I eventually came up with),
but the reality was a lot less miserable than my imagining. The key,
of course, is a good caregiver.

Try to get "an attitude" about it, or you may communicate your misery
to your kids. "Jules" has her info wrong: studies seem to be showing
that long-term, high-quality daycare causes no problems for kids or
the parent-kid relationship. That doesn't mean that you have to be
happy about working full time; that is a subjective thing, and I hope
for your sake that you can get into a situation-of-your-choice ASAP.
But know that your kids'll be FINE, and try to communicate that to
them by being cheerful about the situation.

"Nan" wrote in message
...


Don't these 'daycare is awful' rants usually contain (and even derive
from)
that presumption, though.... :-/

Banty

Unfortunately, yes.
It's always assumed that the mother should be the one to stay home,
and if she chooses to go to work, she's a horrid mother. Pfft.

I have been biting my tongue on this one, because these sorts of threads,
like the BF ones, generally fall along two lines: "I do X, and therefore am
the better parent", "No you aren't, I do Y, and that's better for my
situation, and you suck anyway." grin

I get a little frustrated because I'm the major, occasionally sole
breadwinner in our house. No one has ever implied that my *husband* is a
selfish father for finishing his education, even though it's requiring that
the kids be in daycare, god no. But I hear these anti-daycare diatribes all
the time.

And you know what? The day DH is out making a living, and I have the option
of staying home full time, which I won't be choosing to do, I'll start
hearing about what a crappy, selfish mother I am.

It's *never* about daycare itself. It's always about gender role
expectations.

Donna

In article , Donna says...


"Nan" wrote in message
.. .


Don't these 'daycare is awful' rants usually contain (and even derive
from)
that presumption, though.... :-/

Banty

Unfortunately, yes.
It's always assumed that the mother should be the one to stay home,
and if she chooses to go to work, she's a horrid mother. Pfft.

I have been biting my tongue on this one, because these sorts of threads,
like the BF ones, generally fall along two lines: "I do X, and therefore am
the better parent", "No you aren't, I do Y, and that's better for my
situation, and you suck anyway." grin

Hey - you just canned misc.kids! :-)

Banty

In article , Nan says...

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:36:26 GMT, P. Tierney
wrote:

On Wed, 19 May 2004 14:09:20 -0500, Nan

It's always assumed that the mother should be the one to stay home,
and if she chooses to go to work, she's a horrid mother. Pfft.

And unfortunately, some of the "staying at home is awful"
replies aren't using much better logic. The kid is just sitting
around, watching TV, having no interaction, etc. Pfft to that too.

What! You mean a SAHP doesn't lead a life of laaaaazzzy luxury?

Nan, running and ducking EG



Once you've had a bon-bon while watching "Days of our Lives", you'll never got
back.

"Donna" wrote in message ...
"Nan" wrote in message
...


Don't these 'daycare is awful' rants usually contain (and even derive
from)
that presumption, though.... :-/

Banty

Unfortunately, yes.
It's always assumed that the mother should be the one to stay home,
and if she chooses to go to work, she's a horrid mother. Pfft.

I have been biting my tongue on this one, because these sorts of threads,
like the BF ones, generally fall along two lines: "I do X, and therefore am
the better parent", "No you aren't, I do Y, and that's better for my
situation, and you suck anyway." grin

I get a little frustrated because I'm the major, occasionally sole
breadwinner in our house. No one has ever implied that my *husband* is a
selfish father for finishing his education, even though it's requiring that
the kids be in daycare, god no. But I hear these anti-daycare diatribes all
the time.

And you know what? The day DH is out making a living, and I have the option
of staying home full time, which I won't be choosing to do, I'll start
hearing about what a crappy, selfish mother I am.

It's *never* about daycare itself. It's always about gender role
expectations.

You know, I have to disagree with this. It's not *always* about
gender role expectations, though I'm certain that does color the
conversation.

Husbands are staying home to be full-time caretakers more and more of
the time. When that happens it's usually the case that the wife is
the major wage-earner. Women, even in 21st century America, typically
earn considerably less than men. For most couples, when they consider
having a parent stay home, it's not so much that it's the women's role
to stay at home, but the reality that the loss of income is less if
she stays home than if he does.