14yr old girl, 19yr old boyfriend

I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere. Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.

This past September I had to take guardianship of my 14 yr. old sister (I'm
24 now, 9yrs 2months older) after a police raid (responded to her domestic
violence call for the boyfriend abusing our mother & found allot of drugs).
Either I took her or DHS would (having grown up in that one myself, I didn't
want that to happen to her). We've only met up in 1998, then didn't really
see each other until end of 2000, & didn't spend allot of time together
until mid 2002, followed by her staying with a friend & myself in summer
2003 (before the 9-2003 raid). She hardly talks to her mom (who chose to
live with her boyfriend rather than try to get her back) & her father only
shows up around holidays to pay her, say he's sorry for not being around,
make more promises he has no intention of keeping, then leave until next
time. There is no other family other than 1 of our other 2 sisters that she
talks to.

Everything was fine at first & we moved into a mobile home I'd bought in
October 2003. In early January, she started seeing a 19.5yr old boy & soon
classified themselves as "dating". Since then her grades have went down (A &
B to few Cs & an F on a recent progress report, due to missing a test from
skipping school to be with him), she's been going behind my back on anything
related to him. They're kissing, not sure about sex yet, wouldn't surprise
me either way though, he even pierced her upper ear, something she knew I &
her mom were OK with IF SHE GOT IT DONE PROFESSIONALLY, now possible talk of
a tattoo though may not be in a place I'd have non-spying reason to see. He
used to spend allot of time over here until I caught her laying on top of
him & made the rule that she keep the bedroom door open, now if I'm gone
he's over, if I'm here she's gone (she claims its because he doesn't feel
welcome, but I noticed the change when I started enforcing the rule).

I've been logging her MS Instant Messenger chats, now installed a
key-logger, & want to do more. I know from this what has been going on (but
she's recently turned to phone only, hardly chat). In early February I had
evidence to show that he's supplied her with drugs (think only marijuana so
far, which she's already had), cigarettes, he has access to alcohol (his
father allows), & they talked about her giving him a lap dance, then
showering together for valentines day. I took this chat log to the police
(he's 19, she's 14), but they gave the usual "blow-off" response & said that
since they didn't come right out & say what was going on (used code words &
phrases, which though are obvious, I guess you need non-code for evidence) &
since she was pushing it, even though he was agreeing to it & suggesting it
sometimes, they said SHE had to file the report against him (even though I'm
her guardian). I couldn't even get a protective order against him. Also his
parents both know about her age & their relationship, but they don't care
(I've got chat log to show he controls them, tells them to back off about
it).

I'm going away this next week (spring break), she'll "be with friend",
though I've got more log to suggest otherwise. She's tried to convince me to
let her stay over at his place, claims his mom asked (was more likely forced
into being willing), & claims that she'll be on the couch (we all know
better).

I'm looking for hardware or software or other surveillance ideas. The only
way this will work (without causing her to go completely behind my back) is
if I can push this far enough to put him away, take some severe action
against his parents for allowing things to continue IN THEIR HOME (remember,
the cops say my chat logs aren't enough to press charges, I have to catch
them in the act & still may need evidence)...basically it's either
everything or nothing. (talking does not work, he's convinced her that I'm
just an over protective brother...most adults think otherwise & my problem
is that all adults she knows other than myself & my girlfriend support her &
what he's getting her into...so I've got ALLOT against me in this area).

--

There are 10 types of people in this world...
....those who understand binary & those who dont.

Daniel daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.

This past September I had to take guardianship of my 14 yr. old sister
(I'm
24 now, 9yrs 2months older) after a police raid (responded to her domestic
violence call for the boyfriend abusing our mother & found allot of
drugs).
Either I took her or DHS would (having grown up in that one myself, I
didn't
want that to happen to her). We've only met up in 1998, then didn't really
see each other until end of 2000, & didn't spend allot of time together
until mid 2002, followed by her staying with a friend & myself in summer
2003 (before the 9-2003 raid). She hardly talks to her mom (who chose to
live with her boyfriend rather than try to get her back) & her father only
shows up around holidays to pay her, say he's sorry for not being around,
make more promises he has no intention of keeping, then leave until next
time. There is no other family other than 1 of our other 2 sisters that
she
talks to.

Everything was fine at first & we moved into a mobile home I'd bought in
October 2003. In early January, she started seeing a 19.5yr old boy & soon
classified themselves as "dating". Since then her grades have went down (A
&
B to few Cs & an F on a recent progress report, due to missing a test from
skipping school to be with him), she's been going behind my back on
anything
related to him. They're kissing, not sure about sex yet, wouldn't surprise
me either way though, he even pierced her upper ear, something she knew I
&
her mom were OK with IF SHE GOT IT DONE PROFESSIONALLY, now possible talk
of
a tattoo though may not be in a place I'd have non-spying reason to see.
He
used to spend allot of time over here until I caught her laying on top of
him & made the rule that she keep the bedroom door open, now if I'm gone
he's over, if I'm here she's gone (she claims its because he doesn't feel
welcome, but I noticed the change when I started enforcing the rule).

I've been logging her MS Instant Messenger chats, now installed a
key-logger, & want to do more. I know from this what has been going on
(but
she's recently turned to phone only, hardly chat). In early February I had
evidence to show that he's supplied her with drugs (think only marijuana
so
far, which she's already had), cigarettes, he has access to alcohol (his
father allows), & they talked about her giving him a lap dance, then
showering together for valentines day. I took this chat log to the police
(he's 19, she's 14), but they gave the usual "blow-off" response & said
that
since they didn't come right out & say what was going on (used code words
&
phrases, which though are obvious, I guess you need non-code for evidence)
&
since she was pushing it, even though he was agreeing to it & suggesting
it
sometimes, they said SHE had to file the report against him (even though
I'm
her guardian). I couldn't even get a protective order against him. Also
his
parents both know about her age & their relationship, but they don't care
(I've got chat log to show he controls them, tells them to back off about
it).

I'm going away this next week (spring break), she'll "be with friend",
though I've got more log to suggest otherwise. She's tried to convince me
to
let her stay over at his place, claims his mom asked (was more likely
forced
into being willing), & claims that she'll be on the couch (we all know
better).

I'm looking for hardware or software or other surveillance ideas. The only
way this will work (without causing her to go completely behind my back)
is
if I can push this far enough to put him away, take some severe action
against his parents for allowing things to continue IN THEIR HOME
(remember,
the cops say my chat logs aren't enough to press charges, I have to catch
them in the act & still may need evidence)...basically it's either
everything or nothing. (talking does not work, he's convinced her that I'm
just an over protective brother...most adults think otherwise & my problem
is that all adults she knows other than myself & my girlfriend support her
&
what he's getting her into...so I've got ALLOT against me in this area).

--

There are 10 types of people in this world...
...those who understand binary & those who dont.



Wow....

That is commendable that you are taking care of your sister. I am going to
leave the issues about getting evidence against the boyfriend to others who
may have dealt with the police in something like this. I will suggest that
its likely even if you do get this boyfriend put away, there will just be
another one to fill his void. This 14 year old has many issues going on.
Abuse? Neglect? A father that doesn't care, ect. She is only 14 but it
sounds as though she has WAY to much freedom. Kids will do bad things if
they have to much free time. I image you are working, as most of us have to
do and that it makes it hard for you to be with her all the time. First, she
needs to be seeing someone professional. She is drinking, doing drugs and I
hate to say this, I would bet it all she is having sex. Second, get her
involved in some positive activities. Sports, community stuff, anything that
is around there. Third, I know we are need a break but you are leaving for
spring break when you know that she is going to go wild. You took the parent
role, its a full time job.

Tiffany

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Daniel daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.

This past September I had to take guardianship of my 14 yr. old sister
(I'm
24 now, 9yrs 2months older) after a police raid (responded to her
domestic
violence call for the boyfriend abusing our mother & found allot of
drugs).
Either I took her or DHS would (having grown up in that one myself, I
didn't
want that to happen to her). We've only met up in 1998, then didn't
really
see each other until end of 2000, & didn't spend allot of time together
until mid 2002, followed by her staying with a friend & myself in summer
2003 (before the 9-2003 raid). She hardly talks to her mom (who chose to
live with her boyfriend rather than try to get her back) & her father
only
shows up around holidays to pay her, say he's sorry for not being
around,
make more promises he has no intention of keeping, then leave until next
time. There is no other family other than 1 of our other 2 sisters that
she
talks to.

Everything was fine at first & we moved into a mobile home I'd bought in
October 2003. In early January, she started seeing a 19.5yr old boy &
soon
classified themselves as "dating". Since then her grades have went down
(A
&
B to few Cs & an F on a recent progress report, due to missing a test
from
skipping school to be with him), she's been going behind my back on
anything
related to him. They're kissing, not sure about sex yet, wouldn't
surprise
me either way though, he even pierced her upper ear, something she knew
I
&
her mom were OK with IF SHE GOT IT DONE PROFESSIONALLY, now possible
talk
of
a tattoo though may not be in a place I'd have non-spying reason to see.
He
used to spend allot of time over here until I caught her laying on top
of
him & made the rule that she keep the bedroom door open, now if I'm gone
he's over, if I'm here she's gone (she claims its because he doesn't
feel
welcome, but I noticed the change when I started enforcing the rule).

I've been logging her MS Instant Messenger chats, now installed a
key-logger, & want to do more. I know from this what has been going on
(but
she's recently turned to phone only, hardly chat). In early February I
had
evidence to show that he's supplied her with drugs (think only marijuana
so
far, which she's already had), cigarettes, he has access to alcohol (his
father allows), & they talked about her giving him a lap dance, then
showering together for valentines day. I took this chat log to the
police
(he's 19, she's 14), but they gave the usual "blow-off" response & said
that
since they didn't come right out & say what was going on (used code
words
&
phrases, which though are obvious, I guess you need non-code for
evidence)
&
since she was pushing it, even though he was agreeing to it & suggesting
it
sometimes, they said SHE had to file the report against him (even though
I'm
her guardian). I couldn't even get a protective order against him. Also
his
parents both know about her age & their relationship, but they don't
care
(I've got chat log to show he controls them, tells them to back off
about
it).

I'm going away this next week (spring break), she'll "be with friend",
though I've got more log to suggest otherwise. She's tried to convince
me
to
let her stay over at his place, claims his mom asked (was more likely
forced
into being willing), & claims that she'll be on the couch (we all know
better).

I'm looking for hardware or software or other surveillance ideas. The
only
way this will work (without causing her to go completely behind my back)
is
if I can push this far enough to put him away, take some severe action
against his parents for allowing things to continue IN THEIR HOME
(remember,
the cops say my chat logs aren't enough to press charges, I have to
catch
them in the act & still may need evidence)...basically it's either
everything or nothing. (talking does not work, he's convinced her that
I'm
just an over protective brother...most adults think otherwise & my
problem
is that all adults she knows other than myself & my girlfriend support
her
&
what he's getting her into...so I've got ALLOT against me in this area).

--

There are 10 types of people in this world...
...those who understand binary & those who dont.



Wow....

That is commendable that you are taking care of your sister. I am going to
leave the issues about getting evidence against the boyfriend to others
who
may have dealt with the police in something like this. I will suggest that
its likely even if you do get this boyfriend put away, there will just be
another one to fill his void. This 14 year old has many issues going on.
Abuse? Neglect? A father that doesn't care, ect. She is only 14 but it
sounds as though she has WAY to much freedom. Kids will do bad things if
they have to much free time. I image you are working, as most of us have
to
do and that it makes it hard for you to be with her all the time. First,
she
needs to be seeing someone professional. She is drinking, doing drugs and
I
hate to say this, I would bet it all she is having sex. Second, get her
involved in some positive activities. Sports, community stuff, anything
that
is around there. Third, I know we are need a break but you are leaving for
spring break when you know that she is going to go wild. You took the
parent
role, its a full time job.

She has had activities in school...she dropped them for him & wont pick up
more. Cancling this trip isn't an option at this point so thats why I've
taken the proper precautions there & she will be watched very closely
(beleive it or not, I HAVE done ALLOT before posting here...this wasn't my
first attempt to get help). Dont take this as a flame any more than your
last sentence was a flame.

Daniel daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Daniel daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
Wow....

That is commendable that you are taking care of your sister. I am going
to
leave the issues about getting evidence against the boyfriend to others
who
may have dealt with the police in something like this. I will suggest
that
its likely even if you do get this boyfriend put away, there will just
be
another one to fill his void. This 14 year old has many issues going on.
Abuse? Neglect? A father that doesn't care, ect. She is only 14 but it
sounds as though she has WAY to much freedom. Kids will do bad things if
they have to much free time. I image you are working, as most of us have
to
do and that it makes it hard for you to be with her all the time. First,
she
needs to be seeing someone professional. She is drinking, doing drugs
and
I
hate to say this, I would bet it all she is having sex. Second, get her
involved in some positive activities. Sports, community stuff, anything
that
is around there. Third, I know we are need a break but you are leaving
for
spring break when you know that she is going to go wild. You took the
parent
role, its a full time job.

She has had activities in school...she dropped them for him & wont pick up
more. Cancling this trip isn't an option at this point so thats why I've
taken the proper precautions there & she will be watched very closely
(beleive it or not, I HAVE done ALLOT before posting here...this wasn't my
first attempt to get help). Dont take this as a flame any more than your
last sentence was a flame.



I am not taking anything as a flame..... just offering suggestions. No one
has assumed that you did nothing before posting here..... We can't know
exactly what all has been done so we start at the first steps.

But has she been to a professional yet? Also... .try a more technical type
newsgroup for all that spy stuff. I am sure they are out there. They will
have tons of knowledge.

As more of the story unfolds though, I can't help but feel for her. She is
hurting, probably screaming inside, even depressed. This dickhead makes her
feel special. You are so new in her life that she might not trust you
completely yet. Heck, by the sounds of it, she might not be able to trust
many people at all.

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Daniel daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Daniel daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
Wow....

That is commendable that you are taking care of your sister. I am
going
to
leave the issues about getting evidence against the boyfriend to
others
who
may have dealt with the police in something like this. I will suggest
that
its likely even if you do get this boyfriend put away, there will just
be
another one to fill his void. This 14 year old has many issues going
on.
Abuse? Neglect? A father that doesn't care, ect. She is only 14 but it
sounds as though she has WAY to much freedom. Kids will do bad things
if
they have to much free time. I image you are working, as most of us
have
to
do and that it makes it hard for you to be with her all the time.
First,
she
needs to be seeing someone professional. She is drinking, doing drugs
and
I
hate to say this, I would bet it all she is having sex. Second, get
her
involved in some positive activities. Sports, community stuff,
anything
that
is around there. Third, I know we are need a break but you are leaving
for
spring break when you know that she is going to go wild. You took the
parent
role, its a full time job.

She has had activities in school...she dropped them for him & wont pick
up
more. Cancling this trip isn't an option at this point so thats why
I've
taken the proper precautions there & she will be watched very closely
(beleive it or not, I HAVE done ALLOT before posting here...this wasn't
my
first attempt to get help). Dont take this as a flame any more than
your
last sentence was a flame.



I am not taking anything as a flame..... just offering suggestions. No one
has assumed that you did nothing before posting here..... We can't know
exactly what all has been done so we start at the first steps.

But has she been to a professional yet? Also... .try a more technical type
newsgroup for all that spy stuff. I am sure they are out there. They will
have tons of knowledge.

I've got a crapload of software and recommendations for stuff like that.
Something like a crappy, downloaded 'firewall' (such as ZoneAlarm) won't
work. Although not quite like spying, have you ever considered something
that will lock unauthorized users out? Something like SystemSecurity2003 (I
believe it is) is perfect for the administrational part of computers.
Nothing can get through it without going through the 'admin' (you) and all
traffic in and out of the computer stays logged and kept readily available.
I've liked it. I used it when I had a deadbeat, leeching friend staying
with me for a little while. I found it very useful. lol


As more of the story unfolds though, I can't help but feel for her. She is
hurting, probably screaming inside, even depressed. This dickhead makes
her
feel special. You are so new in her life that she might not trust you
completely yet. Heck, by the sounds of it, she might not be able to trust
many people at all.

"Daniel" daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.

This past September I had to take guardianship of my 14 yr. old sister
(I'm
24 now, 9yrs 2months older) after a police raid (responded to her domestic
violence call for the boyfriend abusing our mother & found allot of
drugs).
Either I took her or DHS would (having grown up in that one myself, I
didn't
want that to happen to her). We've only met up in 1998, then didn't really
see each other until end of 2000, & didn't spend allot of time together
until mid 2002, followed by her staying with a friend & myself in summer
2003 (before the 9-2003 raid). She hardly talks to her mom (who chose to
live with her boyfriend rather than try to get her back) & her father only
shows up around holidays to pay her, say he's sorry for not being around,
make more promises he has no intention of keeping, then leave until next
time. There is no other family other than 1 of our other 2 sisters that
she
talks to.

Everything was fine at first & we moved into a mobile home I'd bought in
October 2003. In early January, she started seeing a 19.5yr old boy & soon
classified themselves as "dating". Since then her grades have went down (A
&
B to few Cs & an F on a recent progress report, due to missing a test from
skipping school to be with him), she's been going behind my back on
anything
related to him. They're kissing, not sure about sex yet, wouldn't surprise
me either way though, he even pierced her upper ear, something she knew I
&
her mom were OK with IF SHE GOT IT DONE PROFESSIONALLY, now possible talk
of
a tattoo though may not be in a place I'd have non-spying reason to see.
He
used to spend allot of time over here until I caught her laying on top of
him & made the rule that she keep the bedroom door open, now if I'm gone
he's over, if I'm here she's gone (she claims its because he doesn't feel
welcome, but I noticed the change when I started enforcing the rule).

I've been logging her MS Instant Messenger chats, now installed a
key-logger, & want to do more. I know from this what has been going on
(but
she's recently turned to phone only, hardly chat). In early February I had
evidence to show that he's supplied her with drugs (think only marijuana
so
far, which she's already had), cigarettes, he has access to alcohol (his
father allows), & they talked about her giving him a lap dance, then
showering together for valentines day. I took this chat log to the police
(he's 19, she's 14), but they gave the usual "blow-off" response & said
that
since they didn't come right out & say what was going on (used code words
&
phrases, which though are obvious, I guess you need non-code for evidence)
&
since she was pushing it, even though he was agreeing to it & suggesting
it
sometimes, they said SHE had to file the report against him (even though
I'm
her guardian). I couldn't even get a protective order against him. Also
his
parents both know about her age & their relationship, but they don't care
(I've got chat log to show he controls them, tells them to back off about
it).

I'm going away this next week (spring break), she'll "be with friend",
though I've got more log to suggest otherwise. She's tried to convince me
to
let her stay over at his place, claims his mom asked (was more likely
forced
into being willing), & claims that she'll be on the couch (we all know
better).

I'm looking for hardware or software or other surveillance ideas. The only
way this will work (without causing her to go completely behind my back)
is
if I can push this far enough to put him away, take some severe action
against his parents for allowing things to continue IN THEIR HOME
(remember,
the cops say my chat logs aren't enough to press charges, I have to catch
them in the act & still may need evidence)...basically it's either
everything or nothing. (talking does not work, he's convinced her that I'm
just an over protective brother...most adults think otherwise & my problem
is that all adults she knows other than myself & my girlfriend support her
&
what he's getting her into...so I've got ALLOT against me in this area).

--

There are 10 types of people in this world...
...those who understand binary & those who dont.



Holy crap. I have to wonder what's with this 19 yr old that he would be
interested in a 14 yr old girl?? Talk about a predator. I see that you
have tried a number of ways to confront this, without mention of the
obvious. Have you had discussions with this guy letting him know that you
do not want him seeing your sister? That it's totally inappropriate? She's
just a kid? A discussion, that is clearly being held from the perspective
of legal guardian, not "overprotective" brother.

Additionally, if it's not absolutely necessary for you to go on this trip,
maybe you could rethink how wise it is to go away at this time. I
understand how everyone needs a break, but, right now your sister needs a
parent, which is you for the time being.

I really commend you, by the way for stepping up to the plate like you have.
Good luck.

Lisa

"Lisa" wrote in message
.. .

"Daniel" daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.

This past September I had to take guardianship of my 14 yr. old sister
(I'm
24 now, 9yrs 2months older) after a police raid (responded to her
domestic
violence call for the boyfriend abusing our mother & found allot of
drugs).
Either I took her or DHS would (having grown up in that one myself, I
didn't
want that to happen to her). We've only met up in 1998, then didn't
really
see each other until end of 2000, & didn't spend allot of time together
until mid 2002, followed by her staying with a friend & myself in summer
2003 (before the 9-2003 raid). She hardly talks to her mom (who chose to
live with her boyfriend rather than try to get her back) & her father
only
shows up around holidays to pay her, say he's sorry for not being
around,
make more promises he has no intention of keeping, then leave until next
time. There is no other family other than 1 of our other 2 sisters that
she
talks to.

Everything was fine at first & we moved into a mobile home I'd bought in
October 2003. In early January, she started seeing a 19.5yr old boy &
soon
classified themselves as "dating". Since then her grades have went down
(A
&
B to few Cs & an F on a recent progress report, due to missing a test
from
skipping school to be with him), she's been going behind my back on
anything
related to him. They're kissing, not sure about sex yet, wouldn't
surprise
me either way though, he even pierced her upper ear, something she knew
I
&
her mom were OK with IF SHE GOT IT DONE PROFESSIONALLY, now possible
talk
of
a tattoo though may not be in a place I'd have non-spying reason to see.
He
used to spend allot of time over here until I caught her laying on top
of
him & made the rule that she keep the bedroom door open, now if I'm gone
he's over, if I'm here she's gone (she claims its because he doesn't
feel
welcome, but I noticed the change when I started enforcing the rule).

I've been logging her MS Instant Messenger chats, now installed a
key-logger, & want to do more. I know from this what has been going on
(but
she's recently turned to phone only, hardly chat). In early February I
had
evidence to show that he's supplied her with drugs (think only marijuana
so
far, which she's already had), cigarettes, he has access to alcohol (his
father allows), & they talked about her giving him a lap dance, then
showering together for valentines day. I took this chat log to the
police
(he's 19, she's 14), but they gave the usual "blow-off" response & said
that
since they didn't come right out & say what was going on (used code
words
&
phrases, which though are obvious, I guess you need non-code for
evidence)
&
since she was pushing it, even though he was agreeing to it & suggesting
it
sometimes, they said SHE had to file the report against him (even though
I'm
her guardian). I couldn't even get a protective order against him. Also
his
parents both know about her age & their relationship, but they don't
care
(I've got chat log to show he controls them, tells them to back off
about
it).

I'm going away this next week (spring break), she'll "be with friend",
though I've got more log to suggest otherwise. She's tried to convince
me
to
let her stay over at his place, claims his mom asked (was more likely
forced
into being willing), & claims that she'll be on the couch (we all know
better).

I'm looking for hardware or software or other surveillance ideas. The
only
way this will work (without causing her to go completely behind my back)
is
if I can push this far enough to put him away, take some severe action
against his parents for allowing things to continue IN THEIR HOME
(remember,
the cops say my chat logs aren't enough to press charges, I have to
catch
them in the act & still may need evidence)...basically it's either
everything or nothing. (talking does not work, he's convinced her that
I'm
just an over protective brother...most adults think otherwise & my
problem
is that all adults she knows other than myself & my girlfriend support
her
&
what he's getting her into...so I've got ALLOT against me in this area).

--

There are 10 types of people in this world...
...those who understand binary & those who dont.



Holy crap. I have to wonder what's with this 19 yr old that he would be
interested in a 14 yr old girl?? Talk about a predator. I see that you
have tried a number of ways to confront this, without mention of the
obvious. Have you had discussions with this guy letting him know that you
do not want him seeing your sister? That it's totally inappropriate?
She's
just a kid? A discussion, that is clearly being held from the perspective
of legal guardian, not "overprotective" brother.

Exactly...(Though seems how when you ask for assistance after trying many
things, many people assume you've done nothing & come running for help
first.)

Additionally, if it's not absolutely necessary for you to go on this trip,
maybe you could rethink how wise it is to go away at this time. I
understand how everyone needs a break, but, right now your sister needs a
parent, which is you for the time being.

I do have to go...so I did think things out & have taken the proper
precautions...for example, calling at random to the parent's phone lines
(you know there are public databases to look up area code & prefix to see
the provider...so I know if its a cell phone or not), plus having my
girlfriend's sister check in on her at random too. She IS being watched...I
fully expect her to try a few things.

I really commend you, by the way for stepping up to the plate like you
have.
Good luck.

Its either me or a shelter which she'd run from & not get any education even
if she was in it. There is ABSOLUTELY NO ROOM for kids her age in the
foster care system here...thats the reason they jumped at the chance to give
her to me. Took them less than 24 hrs to finalize.

Lisa

"Daniel" wrote in message ...
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.
snip


Wow. This hits me damn close to home. Reading this, I honestly saw myself
in a lot of it. To be completely honest, I can really say, "Been there,
done that!"

I was 15. I had a "boyfriend" who was 20, but had the mentality of a 13
year old, I see now. He was slow, stupid, had no ambition, no job, no home
aside from living off his 18 year old brother, who was also trying to
support their mother and a cousin of about the same age. I got into
'hanging' out with him, and his brother/cousin, and next thing I knew, I was
15 years old, pregnant, and even before they knew I was pregnant, I was
already on bad terms with them. My grades in school dropped because I had
just stopped going to school all together, just to go hang out at his trashy
little apartment. I now see everything had broken my parents' (and
family's) heart to have to go through it all, and all because of me. If
what you say is really how everything is, I can GUARANTEE you that she's
going to end up pregnant, and where do you think Mr. Wonderful will be?
He'll move on. If he shows such little respect for his own parents, and
your sister right now, when the **** hits the fan, he'll be gone faster than
a fart in the wind.

This child, and yes, she is still a child, needs to know that you do love
her. She needs to be shown that you love her and care for her and don't
want to hurt her. You need to enforce rules and yes, structure. This is
YOUR house that she is living in. YOU make the rules. You are not her
father, and you aren't expected to be, but you just might be the best male
role model she's ever had and maybe ever will have. You have taken on the
parenting roll of your sister, and for that, I'd give you a pat on the back
and my best wishes because I know it's hard. You need to be cutting that
Internet, or putting limits on it. There's many, MANY programs for all
platforms and computers that will allow you to lock up your computer, and
putting a password on your screen saver is useless because a quick reboot
will disable that. Lock unauthorized users out of your system because it's
your computer, your Internet, your power, your home, YOUR RULES. Limit her
time on the telephone, and monitor her calls if you can. Sit beside her in
the same room and read a book while she's on the phone if you must, but
don't make it obvious that you're actually 'watching' her, if you can.
She'll give you looks of death the whole time, but looks can't kill. Set
concrete rules, and let all rules have consequences, both 'good' and 'bad.'
If she doesn't want to live by your rules, then that's too bad for her.

Here, the age of consent is 14. I believe there's also x amount of years
difference for minors, but I'm not 100% sure. Does she pay rent? Bills?
Maybe she can get a job to fill some time, although I know that's an
impossible thought. I honestly don't know what to suggest because I was on
her side at that age, not yours. Send her to me for a month and she can
find out what the reality is of being a single, teen parent, and having 2
babies long before her 18th birthday.

There's a lot you can use to fill up her time, like said before, sports
teams, music lessons, teen church groups, rehab, since that's something she
just might need, and if not right now, almost definitely in the near future
if she keeps being so wild and a danger to herself, mainly, and those who
actually do love her and care for her, and really, this little boyfriend of
hers does not appear to actually care for her.

I don't know. If anyone wants to flame, flame away. I've been through the
EXACT same thing, as the wild teen, so I can definitely relate on a very
high level, but as far as suggestions go, I'm all out of them.
How about the time you are going to be away (although I'm not sure why you'd
go away, unless, of course, it is absolutely necessary) you can ship her off
to me and she can have a small taste of what could be reality. lol (j/k)

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"xkatx" . wrote in message
news:nz14c.25980$Up2.22526@pd7tw1no...

"Daniel" wrote in message ...
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.
snip


Wow. This hits me damn close to home. Reading this, I honestly saw
myself
in a lot of it. To be completely honest, I can really say, "Been there,
done that!"

I was 15. I had a "boyfriend" who was 20, but had the mentality of a 13
year old, I see now. He was slow, stupid, had no ambition, no job, no
home
aside from living off his 18 year old brother, who was also trying to
support their mother and a cousin of about the same age. I got into
'hanging' out with him, and his brother/cousin, and next thing I knew, I
was
15 years old, pregnant, and even before they knew I was pregnant, I was
already on bad terms with them. My grades in school dropped because I had
just stopped going to school all together, just to go hang out at his
trashy
little apartment. I now see everything had broken my parents' (and
family's) heart to have to go through it all, and all because of me. If
what you say is really how everything is, I can GUARANTEE you that she's
going to end up pregnant, and where do you think Mr. Wonderful will be?
He'll move on. If he shows such little respect for his own parents, and
your sister right now, when the **** hits the fan, he'll be gone faster
than
a fart in the wind.

Actually I cant tell you where he'll be (at least after a few years)...but I
can say he'll be registering every time he moves...& I'm not meaning to vote
either...(I'll have the evidence...though I'D REALLY NOT WANT IT THAT
WAY!!!)

This child, and yes, she is still a child, needs to know that you do love
her. She needs to be shown that you love her and care for her and don't
want to hurt her. You need to enforce rules and yes, structure. This is
YOUR house that she is living in. YOU make the rules. You are not her
father, and you aren't expected to be, but you just might be the best male
role model she's ever had and maybe ever will have. You have taken on the
parenting roll of your sister, and for that, I'd give you a pat on the
back
and my best wishes because I know it's hard. You need to be cutting that
Internet, or putting limits on it. There's many, MANY programs for all
platforms and computers that will allow you to lock up your computer, and
putting a password on your screen saver is useless because a quick reboot
will disable that. Lock unauthorized users out of your system because
it's
your computer, your Internet, your power, your home, YOUR RULES. Limit
her
time on the telephone, and monitor her calls if you can. Sit beside her
in
the same room and read a book while she's on the phone if you must, but
don't make it obvious that you're actually 'watching' her, if you can.
She'll give you looks of death the whole time, but looks can't kill. Set
concrete rules, and let all rules have consequences, both 'good' and
'bad.'
If she doesn't want to live by your rules, then that's too bad for her.

Actually thats some of what I'm looking for...know of any more software for
Win98 to help in this. By the way, I do know about zone alarm for internet
disabling, though I'd much rather leave that as her ONLY communication since
that is loggable & I can see whats going on & countermeasure it.

Here, the age of consent is 14. I believe there's also x amount of years
difference for minors, but I'm not 100% sure. Does she pay rent? Bills?
Maybe she can get a job to fill some time, although I know that's an
impossible thought. I honestly don't know what to suggest because I was
on
her side at that age, not yours. Send her to me for a month and she can
find out what the reality is of being a single, teen parent, and having 2
babies long before her 18th birthday.

She wont do anything else extra right now...job, school, activities...she
had plans...until him.

There's a lot you can use to fill up her time, like said before, sports
teams, music lessons, teen church groups, rehab, since that's something
she
just might need, and if not right now, almost definitely in the near
future
if she keeps being so wild and a danger to herself, mainly, and those who
actually do love her and care for her, and really, this little boyfriend
of
hers does not appear to actually care for her.

Again thanks for the suggestions...but again, see above.

I don't know. If anyone wants to flame, flame away. I've been through
the
EXACT same thing, as the wild teen, so I can definitely relate on a very
high level, but as far as suggestions go, I'm all out of them.
How about the time you are going to be away (although I'm not sure why
you'd
go away, unless, of course, it is absolutely necessary) you can ship her
off
to me and she can have a small taste of what could be reality. lol (j/k)

Glad you understand the going away part (& not say "we all need a break, but
cancel the trip"). I'm prepared for that part (see other reply somewhere).
Having others watch her & random calling to the parents land based line to
ensure she's there.

But glad to see someone understands from her side why this isn't an easy fix
like so many think it is.

Remember, the one attempted to be controlled is the one with the real
ultimate decision...even someone at gun point has the decision to die...& if
someone doesn't care about losing everything anyway, what is there to lose?

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"Daniel" daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
far, which she's already had), cigarettes, he has access to alcohol (his
father allows), & they talked about her giving him a lap dance, then
showering together for valentines day. I took this chat log to the police
(he's 19, she's 14), but they gave the usual "blow-off" response & said that
since they didn't come right out & say what was going on (used code words &
phrases, which though are obvious, I guess you need non-code for evidence)

go to someone higher up, through the chain and do not take no for an answer.
It does not sound like this boy is a good influence on her. I would stay on
her like smell on poop!
V