14yr old girl, 19yr old boyfriend

"V" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" . wrote in message
newswv4c.791171$ts4.681593@pd7tw3no...

"V" wrote in message ...

Not a pedophile, but a statuatory rapist. The legal age is 18. He
needs to
abide by that rule. She is too young for him and someone has got to
put
their
foot down or she will be posting to this group, as a single mother.
Hi, I
am a
15 y/o with a newborn. Come on!
V

Every place is different. I'm not sure if it's been established where
abouts in this world that Daniel is, but here I know for sure the age of
consent is 14. And... Although I'm not 100% sure, I think it goes
something
like age of consent is 14, and up to a 10 year age difference OR
something
similar to that. I know for sure that at 14, a girl/boy can have sexual
relations with a 19 year old man/woman.
And, in all reality, I should be stepping out of this entire
conversation
before I really do lose it. I WAS in that position. I had just turned
16
when my first son was born. Go figure. I had just turned 17 when my
second
was born. Only now, though, I can take responsibility for my own
actions.
I seriously do need to put this entire thread on ignore...



Where do you live?
Statutory laws are usually similar.
V



Good ol' Canada.
Laws usually are similar, but they still vary. I think they should all be
the same. People are still people, no matter where they live.
--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"V" wrote in message ...

"xkatx" wrote in message
...

"Daniel" wrote in message ...


The emotional effects of
giving your kid up for adoption dont work on someone who only met
their
brother & sister a few years ago because similar situation happened to
them.
She understands what that did to HER (our) mother & to us as well.

Ok, seriously. You need to shut the **** up. Hit another nerve on me
and
you'll regret everything you've ever said. Take this as the warning it
is,
not as a threat it isn't.


kat you have the right to hit "ignore".
I argue in a lot of my newgroups and threats and warning are to be taken
seriously. Just what do you think you are going to do? Go where he is and
kick
his ass because he has a different opinion.
Come on girl!
V




No, of course not. But I will get out of hand on certain subjects, this
being one of them, and I'll really let him have my views on such things,
which can be very, very strong, and really, I'm not sure anyone really wants
to read EXACTLY what I think right now, on the subject, not going over to
find him and smack him over the head, although there have been times when
the thought has crossed my mind and I have wished he were a friend of
mine so I could take his sister out for a day or two and show her what
happens, in the long run, when you do things I did and continue to do things
that she seems to be doing right now and lately.

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Sat, 13 Mar 2004 04:04:18 GMT, "xkatx" .
I survived, although maybe not in the 'ideal' way, but in
the long run, and still running, I have and continue to survive, although
sometimes barely.

Kat,
I know it's hard for you right now. I remember feeling the same way -
I could never sleep late, have a day off, etc... it passes in time. I
can sleep late now if I want but after 25 years of motherhood I'm up
bright and early every damn morning. :-)

I was a 20 year old mom but didn't have much of a childhood. I took
care of my siblings during my teen years and went right from that into
marriage. Mom was hospitalized a lot and compared with that, married
and on my own with someone who loved me seemed so much better. It was,
actually... for many years and then it wasn't for a few. I simply
completed a pattern that I'd learned. I can see it now but it's been a
20+ year cycle of behavior that started well before I was old enough to
make my own decisions.

You took on all that responsibility but you're not the only one who
created the choices that you made. Life situations create them too.
Patterns of behavior, survival decisions, and having to take on too much
responsibility with little support are just a few things that lead us to
make choices.

I know you didn't want to make this about you... so that's all I wanted
to say. It wasn't *all* your fault and you got the better end of the
deal. So did I.

'Kate



Yes, I know. I've had a few friends, mostly from a teen parenting class at
a school I went to for high school, and many were in the same area of the
field I was. Some are doing just fine, and some aren't, in my eyes. Ran
into a girl I had lived with just before and right after B was born, she
actually moved in the same day I came home with a new baby, and had a
daughter 11 days later, I think it was... Anyways, ran into her at the mall
within the last year, and she said child welfare took her baby from her, and
she seemed fine about it... I dunno... Something like that would kill me,
and it's just not something I could ever imagine. Another girl I went to
school with said they took her baby (about 6 months older than B) away from
her because she was working as a stripper or something... She always came
across, to me, as a stable and fighting mother, and she, really, was the
last person I'd have thought I'd hear what I did from... But yea, some
things change, for so many reasons, and have just as many outcomes.
I definitely do believe I got the better hand and really, I wouldn't change
a damn thing I had ever done, because I really do believe that if I had done
one thing different, nothing would be as it is right now.

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:38:28 -0500, "P.Fritz"


'Kate wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Mar 2004 12:45:20 -0500, "P.Fritz"


.a 14 y.o. girl while emotionally immature is
phyically an adult. Hell, a century ago, that was 'marrying' age.

Say what?

Think 'Kentucky' LOL

No no no... the part that I was refering to was that she is physically
an adult. She may be fertile but she is definitely not physically
mature.

You haven't seen some of the 14 y.o. I have.....LOL


'Kate

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:36:16 -0500, "P.Fritz"



I don't know about calling her normal ;-) but again, I see the
root
cause of it from an almost total rejection by her biological father.

I don't remember the father being mentioned.

I thought you were making a comment about my 'step-niece' not the OP, in
OP, the I think the root cause is being 'rejected' by BOTH parents.


'Kate

"V" wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

P.Fritz wrote in message
...

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 12 Mar 2004 10:41:53 -0600, 'Kate wrote:

On Fri, 12 Mar 2004 07:43:47 -0600, "Daniel"
daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom

Been doing that...the reason I say it doesn't work is that there
isn't
much
left to take...

Yeah, just the internet and the phone. Consistancy, routine, and
dependability will have to do then. If her relationship with you
is
easier than her relationship with the 19 year old, then she'll be
more
likely to give that up.



I've NOT been telling her how bad she is...

I figured you weren't overtly telling her that she was but
because I
have no way of knowing that, I felt strongly about putting it out
there
and letting you deny it.

& like I said, the problem wasn't
from the start, it only happened before this guy. I do keep up
with
her
teachers (have had problems contacting them though).

I'm glad to hear that you are. It's very important. They can fax
you
if
you can't keep in touch with them via phone.

Other activities dont
work, tried them, she dropped EVERYTHING (even communication
with me)
for
him. The problem is preventing her to build the alter to make
offerings
&
sacrifices to him next.

Or finding ways to open communication up between you again. She
doesn't, I'm sure, want to feel like she's doing everything wrong
and
that she should be beholden to you (even if she is). We all need
some
pride. He is giving her something that she needs or he wouldn't
be
able
to influence her. She is probably putting out to get what she
needs
emotionally - to be appreciated and feel loved for who she is and
not
someone else's ideal of who she should be or what she should be
doing.
"I love you but" is the worst phrase I've ever heard.

I think you're going to have to enlist her help in providing what
she
needs from you. Outright ask her, aside from carte blanche with
her
boyfriend, what one thing would improve your relationship with
her.
Start there and make sure you get something out of it. For
example, if
you give her X, then you want Y in return.


The main problem is taking someone who was doing good before
they met
him,
getting them to realize what they're in, & then reversing her to
the
way
she
was before meeting him.

I don't think you can stuff her back into the pre-teen box. The
19
year
old has influence over her. This has become a fight and she's
rooting
for the other side. If she sees an effort from you to change the
present, then maybe, in time she will meet you more than
half-way.

This hasn't been just since the boyfriend, BTW. There were
problems
before that directly relate to what is going on now. All the
blame is
not the boyfriend's. The solution is not just get rid of the
boyfriend.
The solution is to fix the problems that resulted in her feeling
that a
19 year old boyfriend is appropriate.

Yes, definitely. Daniel, you and she had no time to establish a
relationship before all this happened. So unfortunately you don't
know
each other well, don't have a give-and-take, don't have basic
rules
for around the house. You're reacting to each other and to events.
You
need to take a breather from the power struggle that's going on
and
talk/listen to each other. Is there someone local, maybe with the
foster care agency, who can serve as a social worker/mediator? You
can't parent by surveillance, I understand your need to document
this
guy's predatory behavior, but as far as working with her, you need
to
communicate face to face.

I wouldn't necessarily label the guy a predator, sounds more like a
jerk
that can't establish a relationship with someone his own age, or
perhaps
has
the maturity of a 14 y.o.

And I also get tired of people lumping them together with
pedophiles..............a 14 y.o. girl while emotionally immature is
phyically an adult. Hell, a century ago, that was 'marrying' age.




I agree he is not a pedophile also and shouldn't be called such. As
for a 14
year old being emotionally immature.... I know 20-60 year olds that
are
emotionally immature. Male and female. This guy is definitely a jerk.
But
just as a side note (not to downplay what Dan is going through), maybe
she
is aggressive and seeking him and controlling him. Hell, women are
known to
do that. I think that main point though is getting this girl help.
Period.

T



Not a pedophile, but a statuatory rapist. The legal age is 18. He needs
to
abide by that rule. She is too young for him and someone has got to put
their
foot down or she will be posting to this group, as a single mother. Hi,
I am a
15 y/o with a newborn. Come on!

THe legal age depends on the state, but I agree with everything else.

V

"V" wrote in message
...

"P.Fritz" wrote in message
...
snip
Of course, but the O.P. is focusing on 'the jerk' as the root of all
the
problems, I think Joelle hit the nail on the head, and you are closer
to the
truth. In my work at the H.S., I've had 14 y.o. girls hit on me, one
was
so bold she came up and asked "why I just didn't take her home with
me" It
would have been very easy to take advantage of them. I can easily see
how a
loser 19 y.o. would do so.


So Paul you are so **** hot ***** a teenager will hit on you?
lol..I am kidding you.
V


I don't think so, but often I am the first male adult that shows them any
attention, which is what makes them so vulnerable to jerks like the 19 y.o.
I try to keep a bit of distance by acting a bit of a sexist pig LOL.....
Some here will believe I don't have to act :-)

"xkatx" . wrote in message
news:6Qw4c.39715$Up2.3539@pd7tw1no...
"V" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" . wrote in message
newswv4c.791171$ts4.681593@pd7tw3no...

"V" wrote in message ...

Not a pedophile, but a statuatory rapist. The legal age is 18. He
needs to
abide by that rule. She is too young for him and someone has got to
put
their
foot down or she will be posting to this group, as a single mother.
Hi, I
am a
15 y/o with a newborn. Come on!
V

Every place is different. I'm not sure if it's been established where
abouts in this world that Daniel is, but here I know for sure the age of
consent is 14. And... Although I'm not 100% sure, I think it goes
something
like age of consent is 14, and up to a 10 year age difference OR
something
similar to that. I know for sure that at 14, a girl/boy can have sexual
relations with a 19 year old man/woman.
And, in all reality, I should be stepping out of this entire
conversation
before I really do lose it. I WAS in that position. I had just turned
16
when my first son was born. Go figure. I had just turned 17 when my
second
was born. Only now, though, I can take responsibility for my own
actions.
I seriously do need to put this entire thread on ignore...



Where do you live?
Statutory laws are usually similar.
V



Good ol' Canada.
Laws usually are similar, but they still vary. I think they should all be
the same. People are still people, no matter where they live.
--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?



Me too. Here's to Canada! (I think about that South Park epsiode with the war
with Canda, gosh that show is bad, but it is hilarious)
V

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...

"V" wrote in message
...

"P.Fritz" wrote in message
...
snip
Of course, but the O.P. is focusing on 'the jerk' as the root of all
the
problems, I think Joelle hit the nail on the head, and you are closer
to the
truth. In my work at the H.S., I've had 14 y.o. girls hit on me, one
was
so bold she came up and asked "why I just didn't take her home with
me" It
would have been very easy to take advantage of them. I can easily see
how a
loser 19 y.o. would do so.


So Paul you are so **** hot ***** a teenager will hit on you?
lol..I am kidding you.
V


I don't think so, but often I am the first male adult that shows them any
attention, which is what makes them so vulnerable to jerks like the 19 y.o.
I try to keep a bit of distance by acting a bit of a sexist pig LOL.....
Some here will believe I don't have to act :-)






Ahem.
I will plead the fifth.
V

"xkatx" . wrote in message
news:KTw4c.791642$ts4.387877@pd7tw3no...
"V" wrote in message ...

"xkatx" wrote in message
...

"Daniel" wrote in message ...


The emotional effects of
giving your kid up for adoption dont work on someone who only met
their
brother & sister a few years ago because similar situation happened to
them.
She understands what that did to HER (our) mother & to us as well.

Ok, seriously. You need to shut the **** up. Hit another nerve on me
and
you'll regret everything you've ever said. Take this as the warning it
is,
not as a threat it isn't.


kat you have the right to hit "ignore".
I argue in a lot of my newgroups and threats and warning are to be taken
seriously. Just what do you think you are going to do? Go where he is and
kick
his ass because he has a different opinion.
Come on girl!
V




No, of course not. But I will get out of hand on certain subjects, this
being one of them, and I'll really let him have my views on such things,
which can be very, very strong, and really, I'm not sure anyone really wants
to read EXACTLY what I think right now, on the subject, not going over to
find him and smack him over the head, although there have been times when
the thought has crossed my mind and I have wished he were a friend of
mine so I could take his sister out for a day or two and show her what
happens, in the long run, when you do things I did and continue to do things
that she seems to be doing right now and lately.

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?


I do too, but he does not seem to be listening to the women who have been
there.
Oh well. I just "cyber smack" people. I wonder if I could get sued for
damaged..mmm..
V