OT RAGE ATTACKS

Jason Valencia aspires to be a writer and an actor. Jason wrote
about his rage experiences, and kindly gave me his permission to
reprint what he wrote here, including his prefacatory comments:

"I am 21 years old. I have TS + OCD + ADD + Panic Attacks +
Depression and, yes.....I have what I, personally, identify best
as "rage." It doesn't matter to me if rage is officially accepted
as part and parcel of TS or not, nor do I care what others name
it. However, as part of my own neurological picture, I have
attacks of rage--not anger...I have that too, but different from
the unreasonable sudden outbursts. I know this from deep within; I
have always know this. However, I have not always understood it.
Finding out that, for me, rage is a part of my overall symptoms,
was a great relief in comparison with the years I spent agonizing
over my "evilness." I was not "born bad," I am neither aggressive
nor dangerous. Getting past the "why" of my rage, allowed me to
concentrate on the "hows" of controlling it. Learning the reason
was the gift that prompted me to deal with it."
Here is Jason's own writing:

I move confidently through the day's routine, hanging out with
friends, watching a good movie on cable, or searching out my niche
on this planet, a necessary pursuit even non-Touretters relate to.
But I do have Tourette's syndrome. For me, these times are the
calm before the storm. Yes, just the calm before the storm......
until, abruptly, a comment is made to which I take offense, or a
person gives me a dirty look, or so I interpret it. Black clouds
of anger permeate my head and darken my mind; the cloudburst is on
its way...... the pressure begins to build, as harsh winds of the
oncoming tempest wipe away trees of reason that only moments
before stood calmly and reassuringly in my head. From somewhere
deeper, a lightning bolt strikes...... running through my body
with terrifying speed and electricity, causing my hand to lash
outward at any object near to me. Torrential rains pour from my
mouth, a mix of hate-filled words combined with obscenities that
would make Madonna blush.
In the distance I hear the faint calls of others, telling me to
calm down. But how can I calm down in the middle of this storm
with its somber clouds and suffocating winds? "Dear God, please
let it stop!" I cry out when, finally, the winds diminish to a
dizzying breeze of confusion. My mouth closes as downpour becomes
a meager sprinkle, until only droplets remain on my hate-soaked
tongue.


As gray clouds drift off to some subconscious region to await the
next storm, I step out of myself to survey the damage, if any. But
what makes my blood run cold are the reactions of those near to
me. They only stare in shocked silence, and then it hits me......
they never saw the storm coming; never suspected the damage it
might cause to their feelings or cherished belongings. They never
saw the storm coming, they only felt it. They only felt my rage.
Here are some other descriptions of "rage attacks" by adults who
experience them or by parents of children with "rage attacks:"

"I wouldn't call rages "uncontrollable" any more than I'd call
tics "involuntary". Calling tics involuntary makes it sound like
people with TS just sit there and twitch with no control
whatsoever. Not true. You can force yourself not to tic for a
period of time, but it's gonna come out. Some people can keep a
lid on it all day and explode into tics when they get home. Some
people can barely stop for more than a minute (hand raised). Some
can only stop it for a few seconds at best.
Same seems to apply to rages. It's not "uncontrollable" any more
than tics are involuntary. *I* have some measure of control over
it, but I can't stop it. It happens. I've just got enough
experience at how it manifests itself in me that I'm able to do
something with it. Other people have far better control over it
than I do, and others have far less. Some of that may be
developmental and maturational factors, some is probably just
hard-wiring."

---

"My experience is that, on the few occasions I really do lose it,
the expression is not really directed towards someone or
something, but is a furious explosion of inwardness and only
accidently has some outward manifestations (does that make
sense?). It resembles a 2 year old's tantrum -- which is rarely
violent except in terms of theatrics.
The so-called tourettic "rage" is usually extreme frustration,
frustration that can no longer be borne. At some level, one can
think of it as a kind of complex tic.

At least this is how it seems to me."

---

"I had a rage attack like 1 hour ago. U c, I was walking down the
steps and I sliped and broke my favorite pair of high heels. I
never wore them out or anything. I just LOST it!!! There are dents
in the walls.....small ones....about 3. I threw EVERYTHING and
cried and screamed........4 about 20 mins."
---

"I think I am a pretty well tempered guy but I do have my
outbursts every now and then. I have broken windows , doors ,
hands , wristst ,etc, but never , ever, laid a hand on anybody in
my life . It is not a directed anger . OK, it does get directed at
the final point of "outburst" but not at someone or something in
general."
PARENTS DESCRIBING THEIR CHILDREN

The following descriptions were provided by parents in an Internet
discussion group. I am presenting their statements in their own
words, unedited, except for redacting any child's name:

"He always has been an extremely difficult child to raise. He has
been diagnosed as ADD, TS and OCD. He also has some dyslexia. The
biggest problem area is his temper. Almost every day, there will
be at least one episode where he becomes unable to control his
anger. The least little thing will set him off (e.g. how his food
is served to him, being told to turn off the TV, etc.). His anger
causes him to become destructive at times. He often will damage or
destroy his own possessions. He will do things like throw objects,
smash articles, pound the walls, kick things, damage his
eyeglasses, etc. He also is very impulsive, distractible,
oppositional, rigid and defiant. At the same time, he has many
positive qualities.. He has excellent social skills and is very
popular. He never has had a behavior problem at school or with
other children. He's particularly kind and gentle with smaller
children and animals. He'll show remorse with us after he calms
down from one of his eruptions."
---

"They start out of a small frustration. He may be a bit tense or
agitated before a rage attack starts, but the trigger is something
little not going his way. He may start by pushing me away, or
saying extremely rude things. You can see the tension in his body
- his hands may be at his sides, but making tight fists. His eyes
may open wider. If you have never seen it before, the best
description I can give is to think of the 'flight or fight'
response of a wild animal. There is that moment of tension where
you can see the eyes open wide as the animal chooses to make a run
for it or stay on and fight.
As the parent, when I see this reaction, I try to get my son to go
to a calming down place that he knows we have designated in the
house. He can be safe there, and there is a punching bag for him
to let the aggression out. But often it happens so fast that he
refuses to go voluntarily. My son is big for his age and very
strong, so for one person to physically drag him to the calming
down spot is quite a challenge. Before we manage to get there, he
may be cursing me, spitting on me, biting me, biting himself,
hitting me, scratching me. Again, think of the wild animal that
has chosen to stay and fight, using every defensive mechanism it
has to attack the other party. He may throw things, pick up
anything he finds to use as a weapon, look directly into a
lightbulb on purpose - anything that he can think of to injure
himself or injure me.

This rage attack may last 5 minutes; it may last 1 hour. Towards
the end of the attack he frequently gets extremely remorseful. He
may be begging me to forgive him even as he hits me. He may beg me
to kill him; he is so ashamed of his actions that he cannot bear
it. The rage attack may end with him in tears, or he may fall
asleep, or he may let me lead him to a different part of the house
and play a specific game with him (one which he has had an
obsession about in the past; not just ANY game would work here).

..... The attacks are completely out of character - my son has
NEVER been involved in a playground fight, has never harmed an
animal, etc. No one who knows him would ever consider him to be a
child prone to violence - except during these rage attacks. If
there is a big disagreement, true anger, he handles it in a
completely different way than the way he handles a small
frustration in these rage attacks. And when these attacks are
over, he can remember what happened and feels just horrible about
it. And he can't understand why or how it happened any more than
anyone else around him can."

---

"My son's eye's would glaze over and he COULD NOT REASON until the
attack passed. He would have no direct memory of the attack, and
afterwards he was filled with shame, and self loathing. It has
been the hardest part of his disorder to deal with by far! I did
begin to see a connection between [H's] OCD and the rages. For MY
son, the rages were always triggered by an UNFULFILLED OBSESSION
OR COMPULSION. It wasn't obvious though, that he was obsessing on
whatever it was. He did not have the self awareness or verbal
skills to express this stuff. I am speaking of his rage attacks in
the past tense. He has really worked on self control, and he now
tries to stop it before it escalates to a rage attack by leaving
the situation, being alone, etc. He is now 15 years old, and I am
seeing real changes. He is now inwardly motivated to change his
behavior, as he now realizes it is abnormal behavior.
---

"[X's] rage attacks would start like a usual tic and escalate into
rage, in which his tic was amplified so many times that it was
unidentifiable (such as a scream) with arms and legs punching and
kicking. He would normally fall asleep when it was over. I would
physically have to put him in his room and stand by until it was
over. Luckily he was only 5 at this time and it was manageable. I
don't think that he remembered them, because he never mentioned
them when he woke up."

---

"My son has what are called 'rage tics' where he screams at the
top of his lungs, curses, stomps on the floor, strikes himself,
and generally terrorizes our household. Me, personally, I feel
like a hostage in my own home. If I sneeze, cough, laugh, speak
loudly, clear my throat or blow my nose, my son has a rage tic.
They now average 5 mins to 30 mins each.

As a rule, I try to remove myself from within hearing distance of
my son so that he does not hear any of these kinds of noises.
Sometimes, it's not possible like if I sneeze.

---

"In an effort to explain.....when [Y] was a toddler he would have
times of intense irritability of unkown origin. I remember taking
detours around him myself if he were playing quietly for a change.
If he distracted he was unconsolable and in a complete frenzy. I
remember some days when looking at a story book together something
would set him off and he would tear the pages, scratch my face ,
scream and so on. Other days he was the delightful child I love.

This irritability has remained through his entire life. He cannot
pinpoint where it comes from. My husband experiences the same
thing. He is [40+] and still cannot identify it's source. He says
it just is, and he hates it. He says he is not in a bad mood, work
is fine etc., but this feeling for whatever reason rears it's
head. What we have managed to is work around it and it seems to
work for us.

It is more like a tantrum than anything else.

It is frustration in one of it's purest forms."





Information Section: Conditions
Condition: Rage Attacks
Article: Descriptions of "Rage Attacks"
Source: Leslie E. Packer, PhD
Article Page 1 or 1







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