Any ideas or suggestions for visitation?

My son is only 19 months old and has 2 half sisters ages 9 and 10. If my
son's father doesn't "pick up" the girls, he usually doesn't bother to
visit. I live in Texas and we were never married so 2 months after
delivery we got a Modified Visitation Plan in the child support order
(which we both agreed to at the time)It works in phases. Phase one is 17
supervised visits from 1-5 p.m. He has visited our son 8 times in the past
year, and suddenly wants to keep him on weekends. I do want them to have a
relationship but I know too much about his lack of parenting skills. For
example, I can count on 2 hands the number of diapers he has changed for
our son since birth. He has no room for a carseat in his work truck if he
also has his 2 daughters that weekend. His youngest broke her arm playing
in a shopping cart in a vacant lot during one of her weekend visits. Guess
who put her in the cart? And no he didn't see it it happen, he was next
door tending to the bar b que. I could go on but it's about what's best
for our son. I have suggested that he start bringing a diaper bag to the
visits so that he can tend to our son's needs and he laughs. Most recently
I found out that the girls have been spending the night at "daddy's
girlfriend's parents house on friday when they are picked up from school
because daddy and girlfriend have to work early in the morning. Now why
would our son need to stay with total strangers overnite when they won't
even be visiting until Saturday anyway? Lastly, when it does come down to
overnite visits; the two daughters share the couch and I am supposed to be
okay with our son snuggling in between daddy and his girlfriend? There has
to be something I can do to stop this from happening. Any help would be
appreciated.

First of all, keep in mind you can not regulate his control of the kids.
Unless he is proven to be a detriment to their health then let it go.
First. So the girls sleep on the couch, so what??? My daughters sleep on
the couch because they love it. They can watch the big screen tv all night.
Second of all, a nineteen month old likes the snuggling effect. Who cares
about the other women, he is with his father.
That is most important here.
Think of the downsides if he was without him.
Third, get your husband a masculine bag to put the diapers and babystuff in.
Fourth, be happy he has a girlfriend there. She can help assist him in the
role of raising your children.
I.E If he won't change the diaper then she probably will.

Stop looking to limit his role and expand it. You will be glad you did in
the long run.
Sorry about your daughter's arm but freak accidents can happen to anyone.

"trixie" wrote in message
lkaboutsupport.com...
My son is only 19 months old and has 2 half sisters ages 9 and 10. If my
son's father doesn't "pick up" the girls, he usually doesn't bother to
visit. I live in Texas and we were never married so 2 months after
delivery we got a Modified Visitation Plan in the child support order
(which we both agreed to at the time)It works in phases. Phase one is 17
supervised visits from 1-5 p.m. He has visited our son 8 times in the past
year, and suddenly wants to keep him on weekends. I do want them to have a
relationship but I know too much about his lack of parenting skills. For
example, I can count on 2 hands the number of diapers he has changed for
our son since birth. He has no room for a carseat in his work truck if he
also has his 2 daughters that weekend. His youngest broke her arm playing
in a shopping cart in a vacant lot during one of her weekend visits. Guess
who put her in the cart? And no he didn't see it it happen, he was next
door tending to the bar b que. I could go on but it's about what's best
for our son. I have suggested that he start bringing a diaper bag to the
visits so that he can tend to our son's needs and he laughs. Most recently
I found out that the girls have been spending the night at "daddy's
girlfriend's parents house on friday when they are picked up from school
because daddy and girlfriend have to work early in the morning. Now why
would our son need to stay with total strangers overnite when they won't
even be visiting until Saturday anyway? Lastly, when it does come down to
overnite visits; the two daughters share the couch and I am supposed to be
okay with our son snuggling in between daddy and his girlfriend? There has
to be something I can do to stop this from happening. Any help would be
appreciated.

On Sun, 19 Dec 2004 14:52:13 GMT, "Mark Bolton"
wrote:

First of all, keep in mind you can not regulate his control of the kids.
Unless he is proven to be a detriment to their health then let it go.
First. So the girls sleep on the couch, so what??? My daughters sleep on
the couch because they love it. They can watch the big screen tv all night.
Second of all, a nineteen month old likes the snuggling effect. Who cares
about the other women, he is with his father.
That is most important here.
Think of the downsides if he was without him.
Third, get your husband a masculine bag to put the diapers and babystuff in.

I agree with most of this post but I do not think buying the father a
bag is a good idea. Send the child's things in the child's bag, or
even a grocery bag.

lm

Mark, Thanks for your response. I am very new at this and really am taking
all opinions to heart. Especially those speaking from experience. Let me
clarify two things to make sure I have your Final word. One: the 2 girls
are his from his first marriage, we were engaged and that's when me and
his daughters became close. Their mother made things very difficult for
all 4 of us and I don't want to repeat her mistakes. Now that we didn't
work out, the girls talk to me on occassion and I usually get an update.
Two:They were very mad the first time the new girlfriend came to the
apartment on their weekend to visist. She made them popcorn and then her
and daddy "went to bed". She has no children of her own but she has to
know that these girls only see their father every two weeks. I feel she
should back off until they become more serious. Now not only is she there
everynight the girls go for a visit, but her parents are watching his
kids? Not even his own parents watch them if they really needed a sitter?
Besides that he has been cheating on her for the duration of their
relationship. When she finds out and leaves all 3 children will have to
suffer again. Honestly I want to protect my son as much as possible and
really feel that he doesn't need to go through this while establishing a
bond with his father. In the meantime I will put a decent backpack
together on the whim that he shows up for visitation.

On Sun, 19 Dec 2004 13:17:07 -0500, "trixie"
wrote:

Mark, Thanks for your response. I am very new at this and really am taking
all opinions to heart. Especially those speaking from experience. Let me
clarify two things to make sure I have your Final word. One: the 2 girls
are his from his first marriage, we were engaged and that's when me and
his daughters became close. Their mother made things very difficult for
all 4 of us and I don't want to repeat her mistakes. Now that we didn't
work out, the girls talk to me on occassion and I usually get an update.
Two:They were very mad the first time the new girlfriend came to the
apartment on their weekend to visist. She made them popcorn and then her
and daddy "went to bed". She has no children of her own but she has to
know that these girls only see their father every two weeks. I feel she
should back off until they become more serious. Now not only is she there
everynight the girls go for a visit, but her parents are watching his
kids? Not even his own parents watch them if they really needed a sitter?
Besides that he has been cheating on her for the duration of their
relationship. When she finds out and leaves all 3 children will have to
suffer again. Honestly I want to protect my son as much as possible and
really feel that he doesn't need to go through this while establishing a
bond with his father. In the meantime I will put a decent backpack
together on the whim that he shows up for visitation.

Don't blame your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend that he's a crummy father.
His daughters know that it is what it is, it doesn't do them any good
to have you dis his girlfriend. Accept the guy as he is, you're not
going to change him because you and his daughters agree.

lm

I'd try to get the judge to agree that no sleepovers (and that goes for you
too) when he has the kids. Some judges will go for it, some don't give a damn,
but its worth a try.

But the other stuff, that's the dad you picked for you kid. Gotta live with
it.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle