What to do????? What to do?????

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I think what ****es me off is that her feelings have
always been secondary in her father's life and it still shows.


Well, that's right. That's the hard truth. THe woman and baby meant more
to
this guy than your daughter. That's what ****es you off. Not the fact
that
you can't get some stuff for your daughter.

You or I can't really say that this women and baby meant more to him then my
daughter. He may have did the same thing to them as he did to me. That is
NOT the issue here. He didn't stick around long enough to prove anything.


Grief is a time of anger and anger gets misplaced. It's not this woman's
fault. You are not angry at her. You are angry at a dead man. Don't
start
aiming it at her, or she'll start aiming her anger at you and you don't
need
that, your daughter doesn't need that.

I am not wanting to aim anger at her, which was why I posted suggestions on
the best way to proceed.


Take a deep breath. The stuff is not worth it. The stuff will not change
the
fact that he was not a father to her. Maybe he would have been, but he
went a
died and stuff isn't going to change that.

That's what you need to talk to your daughter about. You may need to let
this
woman, her baby and his stuff go.

joelle


I would love to let the whole thing go but you see, she keeps emailing S,
talking about the baby and stuff. I wish I could say the stuff isn't worth
it but I think in the long run it will be. She does have some memories and
it is nice to have momentums of people we loved. I am glad for the things
that I got from my Grandparents when they passed. She will also be glad to
have some things of her fathers.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

T

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 9 Jul 2004 09:11:29 -0400, "Tiffany"
wrote:


"lm" wrote in message
news
On Thu, 8 Jul 2004 22:33:57 -0400, "Tiffany"
wrote:

Hi all.....



snip


Tiff, does your daughter want this stuff or do you?

lm

She wants something to remember him. Again, this stuff isn't worth money,
its stuff like cd's, baby book/pictures, ect.

Whether or not its her or I acting in her best interest, she is still
entitled to his stuff.

It's just stuff. If she has memories, she can remember him without
stuff. If she has a photo of him or of them, that's even better. CDs
of his might be meaningful if they had shared a love for music and
listened together or something, but otherwise where's the value in
them for your daughter? Grief is one thing, anger and resentment are
another thing altogether.

I understand your POV but I'm not sure how your frustration over the
way things *should* be is helping either you or your daughter.

lm

My anger is dealt with between me and my friends, not between my daughter
and I. It is not an issue with her. Yes, its just stuff, but some people
like to have momentums of the people that have been in their lives. The
value for my daughter is to have music that he loved and listened too. The
value is to have pictures to pass on to her children.

T

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
she is still
entitled to his stuff.

No, what she is entitled to is her father, and she's not going to get
that.
Ever. Stuff or no.

Remember what and who you are really ****ed off at, Tiffany.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Again, my anger aside, S would like to have some things to remember him by.
I don't understand why this point seems to be ignored in this thread???

T

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...
Hi all.....

Most you know my situation, my daughters father dying and all. That took
place the end of April.

I had asked his girlfriend to send S some of his stuff. T-shirts, jewelry,
personal things of his, and half his cd collection. She is by law entitled
to half his stuff. Actually at this point, all his stuff until the baby is
born and is proven to be his. ( As I have found more stuff out about what
WAS going on, I think there is a chance the baby might not be his.)

2 months and nothing. How long does one wait? What is appropriate? She
emails S and talks about her fathers things and hanging them in the babies
room and stuff. She said she had a necklace HE bought with the intention of
giving it to S but hasn't even mailed that yet. I want to be decent here but
I am getting to wonder if she won't just keep everything for HER baby. I
have seen people act worse so it wouldn't surprise me. Of course, I can get
an attorney to write up a nice little letter and threaten to take it to
court in a heartbeat or maybe just take a day off and drive down there and
get the **** myself. I am getting ****ed. I don't discuss this with S but I
am really getting ****ed! I found out from his mother that he has all his
baby book stuff and even she wants S to have that. S is the first born and
all. This baby is going to grow up knowing another man as his father
anyways. I know he should know of his biological father too but I am
realistic and I know the mother is going to get a man and that man is going
to be daddy. All S has now of her father is a few memories and hopefully
some of his **** so she has SOMETHING! These things aren't worth money so
don't get me wrong. This is NOT about money. He had nothing of financial
value.

I don't know why this ****es me off so much! I am also dealing with my
Grandfather passing too and my Dad hiding the will from us grandkids and
that is a whole other story.

Ok guys..... tell me something!

T



Get an attorney, seriously. If you can not afford one, call legal aid.
Upon his passing, social security should also be sending your child a check.
V
V

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
she is still
entitled to his stuff.

No, what she is entitled to is her father, and she's not going to get
that.
Ever. Stuff or no.

Remember what and who you are really ****ed off at, Tiffany.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Again, my anger aside, S would like to have some things to remember him by.
I don't understand why this point seems to be ignored in this thread???

T



I understand what you are going through. My grandmother passing, and I just
wanted to have something she had.
It is understandable.
V

"Tiffany" wrote in message ...

Yes, she is by law entitled to his stuff. If it went to his parents, she
would most definitely get most the stuff. I already talked to an attorney
and in the end I wouldn't really need to pay an attorney. That is all LAST
resort. No, this is not a financial thing. Nothing is worth money. It is
baby pictures, childhood things, ect. The music collection are bootlegs and
yes they shared a love of music, when they were together, that is.

Well, sounds like time may be the strongest ally for you then. People
perceive time differently and the gf may think it's been a blink of
the eye time while you may see a long two months time. If you add
pressure, the gf may start seeing she wants this stuff. She may see a
value that wasn't there before if you want it so bad.

Karen