how do I limit the amount of violence my kids are exposed to?

"slykitten" wrote in message
news


--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"V" wrote in message
...

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he
can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I
haven't

Are you familiar with Asperger's Syndrome? I'd check it out and have
him
evaluated. This is a high functioning form of autism. Kids verbally
intellegent, but don't understand social cues. Are often targeted by
bullies
and hyper sensative to stress and often have emotional outbursts.

It's can easily be missed by counselors if they aren't looking for it.

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

My son was diagnosed with Aspberger's about a year or so ago.
I think, personally, it is a misdiagnosis.
The main symptom is 'hand flapping' and lack of social skills and
inability to
read other's emotions, like mad or sad.
V




No, He hasn't been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.... though I think I
should at least ask his therapist about that and other things that have been
brought up to me. I also doubt that the psychiatrists have even looked for
it. For the better part of about 3 years though, I wondered if perhaps my
son did have a little autism going on.... I've been poo-poohed to death
about my "paranoid" thoughts regarding what's going on with my son. I'll do
some research on the subject for sure just to educate myself. I'm feeling
rather disappointed in the lack of help I've gotten for his issues. I've dis
covered that with things like applying for medicaid, unless I'm living on
the streets or in a shelter, they won't even look at my application! I'm
also feeling pretty desperate right about now. every year that we make it
without me losing my mind is an absolute miraculous accomplishment! I find
myself increasingly frustrated with all the doors slamming shut so to speak.
I've been trying to get my son onto SSI because of his emotional
disability.... I've been denied roughly about 5 or 6 times! It's been
suggested that I get an attorney to help me get the SSI but unfortunately,
attorneys cost lots and lots of money. I'm not receiving child support and
money's been super tight this year. One good thing though is that one of the
organizations I've called for help offered a free 3 day class on becoming an
effective advocate for my kids. Instead of working harder or being loud and
unbending, rather to work with the system while maintaining the upper hand.
Who knows? maybe if this works out, I could at least volunteer somewhwere
that helps to advocate for kids. Since I'm there now with the frustrations,
learning how to work through them will be rather interesting.
Anyhoo.... Thanks for the idea.
btw.... I'm not seeing about 40% of the posts in any of my groups so I'll
probably do lots of piggy-backing.
Thanks Joelle, V and xkatx! Your replies have helped!



Good luck! and have you tried legal aid?
V

"V" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
...

I think V was meaning that her son was misdiagnosed because HIS main
symptom
was what she mentioned ("The main symptom is 'hand flapping' and lack of
social skills and inability to read other's emotions, like mad or sad."),
which leads to the misdiagnosing of Aspberger's ("My son was diagnosed
with
Aspberger's about a year or so ago.
I think, personally, it is a misdiagnosis.")
I could be wrong, though...


I think it is a misdiagnosis, because he is more socially adept than most
children with the condition. The hand flapping, though, is not as much of
a
routine as funky noises. He was also diagnosed with OCD. That is a
definate
right on the money diagnosis. He is very, very ritualistic, and compulsive
about things like smells, germs, and for a while, he had a obsession with
pencils. He would pick up pencils everywhere, and anywhere. He had over
100 in
his back pack and hid in his room before I figured it out. He just loved
to
"collect" them. All his little obsessions usually fade out and are
replaced
with a new one. The information overload is the most difficult to deal
with.
He reads something and can give it back to you a week later in it's full
text.
The tone of his voice never changes and he is very monotone when he
speaks. It
is at times, difficult to continue to actively listen. He will ask you a
question, then answer it. Hey, you never know, he could be the next
Jeopardy
champion! We try to take the upsets and make them victories.
Good luck in your search for your son's diagnosis. It is difficult, I
know.
V

Well, when I was younger, I had an obsession with new pencils and erasers...
I'm really not sure why, but I'd collect used, clean soup cans, and fill
them up with brand new pencils, and I'm sure, at one point, I had at least
10 or 15 cans packed full of neat pencils. Erasers, I remember keeping them
in about 5 plastic pencil cases. All shapes, sizes, colors. To this day, I
have no idea why, but as I look around right now, I realize I have a major
candle and sticker fetish... I regret to inform you that I am, by no means,
the next possible Jeopardy champ, and your son sounds like he's really,
really intelligent! That is a good thing! Maybe in a few years, he'll be
able to knock that funny looking guy with big ears flat on his rear and
beat his record! Haha
It's awesome you can find good in the challenges you face.

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

Uh, no. Hand flapping has nothing to do with Aspergers.

Yes it does.
It is a repetitive motion in which is common among children with asperger's.

It's not a "main symptom" It may be "a" symptom for "some" kids with
Aspergers. That's one of the problems with diagnosing it. It manifests itself
very differently and someone superficially familiar with it will dedide "oh he
doesn't flap his hands, he doesn't have it" or "oh, she is close with her
parents, she doesn't have it"

I just think to say "hand flapping" is a "main symptom" is really misleading.
Lots of aspie kids do not hand flap.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

I think it is a misdiagnosis, because he is more socially adept than most
children with the condition.

How old is he? Because younger they can "pass" socially but as they get older,
their eccentries become more noticable and peers become less tolerant.

When you say "most kids with the condition" you are talking bout those you
know- who were more obivious and easier to diagnose. Because there is a wide
spectrum, those who are further on the spectrum and are able to "fake it" in
order to get along, (under great stress) are more difficult to diagnose "Well
he can't have it, he's not as bad as *those* kids". They can be very
intellegent in some areas and so more is expected of them, causing even more
stress because people don't realize how much effort it takes just to appearl
"normal"

He was also diagnosed with OCD. That is a
definate
right on the money diagnosis.

Often occurs with aspergers.

and compulsive
about things like smells, germ

Does he seem overly sensitive to smells and taste and complain about how his
clothes feel?

Joelle

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"slykitten" wrote in message ...
Hi,
While I understand that violence is something that simply cannot be avoided
completely, how do I limit it? Meaning, here at home, I refuse to allow my
kids to watch violent cartoons or surf the internet or even watch the news.
I try to keep everything as positive as possible (even when I don't feel so
great, it's best for me to take it upstairs sometimes and reflect through
meditation or reading or writing) but at school..... my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I haven't
honestly seen any kind of effect from his meds, the doc took him off of his
meds, saying that they're probably not the right kind, right dose or both.
His counselor is working very closely with us on ways to deal with his
outbursts and meltdowns. so far, we've been successful in getting him into a
special program at a special school for kids with behavioral issues and
emotional disturbances. I'm worried that with the constant bullying and peer
violence, my son will one day lash out in a big and ugly way. I think I'm
controlling the home environment but what do I do about school? Any ideas?
Thanks.

Hi, I saw the other posts and don't have anything to add on that front
so don't think I'm ignoring your son specifically ... but as regards
shielding children from violence ... in my experience with my kids,
when they experienced or witnessed aggression and violence in their
lives, trying to sheild them from it made them incredibly frustrated.
They have genuine emotions, including anger, that result from the
exposure and it doesn't benefit them to pretend it doesn't exist. Not
to say you're doing that, and I agree with you about tv, web, etc.,
but ... my guys had short-term violence and much longer term
aggression from their father and his girlfriend -- they were old
enough to understand 9/11 -- and the DC area sniper was in our
neighborhood (making walking to school a life-or-death matter) ...
many of the parents tried to shield their kids from what was going on
-- no recess, no outdoor play, a classmate's mother killed at the
pentagon -- and the kids were spreading rumours amongst themselves and
whispering and acting out with each other and in class. The reality of
their world was different than what their parents let on. IMO
especially if your son lashes out at times but for any kid in my
opinion ... violence is a fact of life and trying to understand it is
the only healthy way to deal with it.

This may not be at all what you're seeing, I just think it's
important.

lm

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I think it is a misdiagnosis, because he is more socially adept than most
children with the condition.

How old is he? Because younger they can "pass" socially but as they get
older,
their eccentries become more noticable and peers become less tolerant.

When you say "most kids with the condition" you are talking bout those you
know- who were more obivious and easier to diagnose. Because there is a
wide
spectrum, those who are further on the spectrum and are able to "fake it" in
order to get along, (under great stress) are more difficult to diagnose
"Well
he can't have it, he's not as bad as *those* kids". They can be very
intellegent in some areas and so more is expected of them, causing even more
stress because people don't realize how much effort it takes just to appearl
"normal"

He was also diagnosed with OCD. That is a
definate
right on the money diagnosis.

Often occurs with aspergers.

and compulsive
about things like smells, germ

Does he seem overly sensitive to smells and taste and complain about how his
clothes feel?

Joelle

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Yes!
He is so sensitive and swears he can smell lettuce. Is that part of it, as
well? I could be wrong. I could be in denial, though.
V

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
Uh, no. Hand flapping has nothing to do with Aspergers.

Yes it does.
It is a repetitive motion in which is common among children with
asperger's.

It's not a "main symptom" It may be "a" symptom for "some" kids with
Aspergers. That's one of the problems with diagnosing it. It manifests
itself
very differently and someone superficially familiar with it will dedide "oh
he
doesn't flap his hands, he doesn't have it" or "oh, she is close with her
parents, she doesn't have it"

I just think to say "hand flapping" is a "main symptom" is really
misleading.
Lots of aspie kids do not hand flap.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Not main, per say, but a lot of kids show that....from what the doc says.
V

"xkatx" wrote in message
...

"V" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
...

I think V was meaning that her son was misdiagnosed because HIS main
symptom
was what she mentioned ("The main symptom is 'hand flapping' and lack of
social skills and inability to read other's emotions, like mad or sad."),
which leads to the misdiagnosing of Aspberger's ("My son was diagnosed
with
Aspberger's about a year or so ago.
I think, personally, it is a misdiagnosis.")
I could be wrong, though...


I think it is a misdiagnosis, because he is more socially adept than most
children with the condition. The hand flapping, though, is not as much of
a
routine as funky noises. He was also diagnosed with OCD. That is a
definate
right on the money diagnosis. He is very, very ritualistic, and compulsive
about things like smells, germs, and for a while, he had a obsession with
pencils. He would pick up pencils everywhere, and anywhere. He had over
100 in
his back pack and hid in his room before I figured it out. He just loved
to
"collect" them. All his little obsessions usually fade out and are
replaced
with a new one. The information overload is the most difficult to deal
with.
He reads something and can give it back to you a week later in it's full
text.
The tone of his voice never changes and he is very monotone when he
speaks. It
is at times, difficult to continue to actively listen. He will ask you a
question, then answer it. Hey, you never know, he could be the next
Jeopardy
champion! We try to take the upsets and make them victories.
Good luck in your search for your son's diagnosis. It is difficult, I
know.
V

Well, when I was younger, I had an obsession with new pencils and erasers...
I'm really not sure why, but I'd collect used, clean soup cans, and fill
them up with brand new pencils, and I'm sure, at one point, I had at least
10 or 15 cans packed full of neat pencils. Erasers, I remember keeping them
in about 5 plastic pencil cases. All shapes, sizes, colors. To this day, I
have no idea why, but as I look around right now, I realize I have a major
candle and sticker fetish... I regret to inform you that I am, by no means,
the next possible Jeopardy champ, and your son sounds like he's really,
really intelligent! That is a good thing! Maybe in a few years, he'll be
able to knock that funny looking guy with big ears flat on his rear and
beat his record! Haha
It's awesome you can find good in the challenges you face.

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?



Hey, I sort of like office supplies. When I ordered them, it was like
Christmas or something!
Hey that guy FINALLY lost. It was an easy question, too. I bet he threw it to
take his two and half mill and go back home.
V

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
Hi,
While I understand that violence is something that simply cannot be avoided
completely, how do I limit it? Meaning, here at home, I refuse to allow my
kids to watch violent cartoons or surf the internet or even watch the news.
I try to keep everything as positive as possible (even when I don't feel so
great, it's best for me to take it upstairs sometimes and reflect through
meditation or reading or writing) but at school..... my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I haven't
honestly seen any kind of effect from his meds, the doc took him off of his
meds, saying that they're probably not the right kind, right dose or both.
His counselor is working very closely with us on ways to deal with his
outbursts and meltdowns. so far, we've been successful in getting him into a
special program at a special school for kids with behavioral issues and
emotional disturbances. I'm worried that with the constant bullying and peer
violence, my son will one day lash out in a big and ugly way. I think I'm
controlling the home environment but what do I do about school? Any ideas?
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery



I do not know how we can lower the amount of violence. I am sure that TV is a
culprit, and video games, etc, but it is also what we teach our kids about
reality and fantasy, etc. when playing those games. I played cowboys and
indians with cousins and we shot fake guns....etc. I never turned out to be a
serial killer, but who knows.
These are tough questions and I wish I had an answer. You just have to search
your heart for what is right. You are doing good by asking other opinions.
I do know this, since we have cut out tv time and video time, life has been
full of scrabble and interaction. I wonder if the violence is part of less
interaction with parents and family members. Just a thought.
Good luck!
I know it is so hard being a parent. We need instructions sometimes, don't we?
Drats.
Where is Kate with that darn instruction booklet?????
V

Does he seem overly sensitive to smells and taste and complain about how his
clothes feel?

Yes!
He is so sensitive and swears he can smell lettuce. Is that part of it, as
well?

Yup - its called sensory integration disfunction.

I could be in denial, though.

Hey, aren't we all? :-)

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle