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  #11  
Old January 4th 04, 09:38 PM
Andrew
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Andrew wrote in message
...
Just a bitter rant. Tonight I went on a binge (solo) as tomorrow my

daughter
is due back with her mother and I am just hoping and praying she comes

back
from Sweden. I think she will but I don't know. The bitter rant part is

that
people left because it was too hard the life we had and to try to let

people
relax the year someone left they had one holiday in St Lucia, three

holidays
in Zambia where they eventually settled and numerous nights out with old
school friends suddenly discovered from back in 79 all in the one year.

Also
they only worked part time to make life easier. Muggins just worked,

looked
after kid and hoped other party would be able to relax after all the

work
they had put in looking after the house etc and had no holidays.

sorry guys and I fully expect to be flamed. I am bitter. Right now I am
bloody bitter. (also a bit drunk) I think I gave everything. For three

years
I took no break no holiday no weekend etc and now for the past year I

have
the same but I am also mummy, daddy, breadwinner, there are no weekend
breaks due to the country boundaries I am doing it 24/7 365 but it was
'hard' for other people???? I really thought I was doing the best for my
family. In hindsight I probably should have stepped back and looked at

human
issues but you want to give everything you can and the best you can etc

etc
etc. If you want me to slow down then tell me FFS! I am not a mind

reader!
I
now do the dad, the mum, the work,the kids play, I attend every

performance
of every school play she is in, I pay the school fees, the housing

costs,
I
talk to the teachers when I think there are issues, do the cooking, pick

up,
transport, minding and I don't ask a thing from anyone. I am human too,

its
tough.I could use help. This Xmas only two people remembered me and sent

me
cards, my mother and my accountant. I gotta tell you it hurts. when you
marry you lose the single friends, when you get a kid you tend to lose

the
ones without, when you split you are just a pariah. well, stuff the lot

of
you world. when i get back on top ....

that boot you see in your face is gonna be mine!!!



I want to offer you some kind words but first I have no idea what you are
talking about in your first paragraph. Nothing like posting while
intoxicated. I have long learned not to email or post. Of course I

have
not had a drink in months so that is easy.

I think it is harder for parents who use to be with the partner and then

the
other leaves. I have always been a single parent so I know no different.
Vent and get it out of your system. Don't worry about everyone else in the
world, the only ones that should matter in your world is you and your kid.
The only people that matter in my world is me and my kid. Call it
selfish...... hell, maybe it is.

Mostly though Andrew..... you are tough and kind. Don't get are stressed

out
thinking you have to be the perfect parent to make up for the absent

parent.
It just isn't going to happen. You can't me MOM and DAD. You are Dad. If

you
could use help..... have you asked for it?

Tiff



Hi Tiff,

Good old intoxication. Sorry, quick bit of background. My wife left the
country Oct 2002 so no visitations or anything and her request to come and
take our daughter to spend Xmas with my wifes dad in Sweden was the first
'visitation' type thing since then hence my worries.

Happy New Year,

Andrew


  #12  
Old January 4th 04, 09:43 PM
Andrew
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
And it's because of that that you should have let him alone.


Ah, the joy of the newsgroups. I get to respond as I read it.
Can't please everyone all of the time.


And then people get to respond to your response. But to be fair, not that

you
didn't have a point, I guess I figure something labled "Rant" is a rant

and a
rant means you just want to leave off steam and you don't want advice, you

just
want to rant. So it seems a little unfair to use a rant against someone,
unless they are doing it all the time and to be fair on the other side,

Andrew
does seem to rant a lot so maybe you figured he'd had his quota of

non-rebutted
rant.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle


Yeah,

Probably, I'll try and stop ranting so much. Anyone hear that one about the
Irishman, the German and the South African in the pub? Anyhow, Dennis did
have a point that was very valid and sort of confirmed something I was
thinking about. I am all in favour of support groups that are not just about
'ahh, cuddles, you are a great person' but that tell you what you need to
hear as well and there is both types of support here. I think Dennis did put
his finger on one of the prime causes of the break up of our relationship
and his confirmation/reminder should help me in years to come.

Andrew


  #13  
Old January 4th 04, 09:59 PM
Dennis Here
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


Joelle wrote in message

And then people get to respond to your response. But to be fair, not that

you
didn't have a point, I guess I figure something labled "Rant" is a rant and

a
rant means you just want to leave off steam and you don't want advice, you

just
want to rant. So it seems a little unfair to use a rant against someone,
unless they are doing it all the time and to be fair on the other side,

Andrew
does seem to rant a lot so maybe you figured he'd had his quota of

non-rebutted
rant.



That is exactly what I thought. I have seen enough mothers come here and get
pounced on immediately for milking sympathy and whinging about how life has
dealt them a bad deal.
If there is one thing I am not, it's a sexist ;-)

Dennis



  #14  
Old January 4th 04, 10:04 PM
Dennis Here
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


'Kate 'Kate wrote in message

"Dennis Here" wrote



lm wrote in message

"Dennis Here" wrote:

I know from your previous posts that you are capable of taking pleasure

from
the small things in life that really matter. The small priceless things

that
cost nothing concerning your daughters milestones and achievements.


And it's because of that that you should have let him alone.


Ah, the joy of the newsgroups. I get to respond as I read it.
Can't please everyone all of the time.

Talk
about sanctimonious!



But of course! I really was Mr. Perfect and nothing was ever my fault. ;-)

Dennis


Boy.. that would be nice, wouldn't it?

Are both partners equally to blame, in every circumstance, for the
actions that lead to the demise of the marriage?


No but 50/50 would always be my starting point and even then it is unlikely
to be more than 75/25 one way or the other.

Have you ever felt
that it takes more than one person to make a marriage work?



Yep, that is why I suggested that Andrew was probably 50% to blame.
Personally I avoided the blame game, far to negative.

Dennis


  #15  
Old January 4th 04, 10:14 PM
Dennis Here
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


Andrew wrote in message ...


Hi Dennis,

Sadly BTInternet has not yet got the previous post you put but found it

with
a Google. The one you started with 'you are not going to like this post'.
Just a couple of things, think I am going to take the advice I saw posted
earlier about not posting when 'in my cups' and feeling maudlin. However,
no, I did not take a self satisfied approach with friends as to what I was
doing (I can only speak for what I feel), it is not the type of thing that
comes up in conversation normally. I can see your point about how it can be
viewed by other people two ways but how other people view it is something
that I feel those people have to deal with not me. What person A thinks of
me is person A's issue and not mine. You said I overlooked my
responsibilities towards quality time with my family, well, I made sure
never to stint when my daughter was not in school but you are right about

me
overlooking my responsibility to make my relationship with my wife work
after our daughter was born and I acknowledge that (not happily and its not
something I am proud of but I have been thinking about it and you being

able
to see it just confirms my thoughts). Looking back I did not put enough

work
into the relationship, yes, I am guilty. Yes, I think I screwed up there.
One other thing I must say though, if it came across that attending my
daughters functions is an obligation let me correct that right now, its an
indescribable joy! The things I do with my daughter I do because I want to
and there is no reinvention needed there. The feelings I get watching my
daughter do things and the pleasure I get from just her is something that I
am pretty sure you know about anyway. Yes, I love the small things,

deciding
what pictures are going on the wall next, the silly games we play, the
cooking experiments (apart from when I have to eat the one with the added
ingredients she thought would be great).

Keep it coming. It is useless for people to feel they have to just be all
sweetness and light. The stuff you say is appreciated. I don't agree with a
lot of that particular post but the bit that I do agree with is my failure
of responsibility on the relationships. Reminders like this will help me
learn (I hope).



I must say that I have learnt a lot here simply by picking out the relevant
sections of post that I think applied to my situation. These were not always
posts direct to me either, they could have been from advice to a young
single mother. Either way, to get the best from this group it does not do to
take everything personally, merely use the info that you think can help and
direguard the rest. None of us a smart enough to solve everyone's problems
on the back of a few posts but if just one point can help out, or even none
if it can eliminate things, then all should be well and good.
You certainly won't get cosy "there, there" replies from me.

BTW, you do rant a lot ;-)
And bitterness will eat your heart out.

Dennis


  #16  
Old January 4th 04, 10:46 PM
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


Andrew wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Andrew wrote in message
...
Just a bitter rant. Tonight I went on a binge (solo) as tomorrow my

daughter
is due back with her mother and I am just hoping and praying she comes

back
from Sweden. I think she will but I don't know. The bitter rant part

is
that
people left because it was too hard the life we had and to try to let

people
relax the year someone left they had one holiday in St Lucia, three

holidays
in Zambia where they eventually settled and numerous nights out with

old
school friends suddenly discovered from back in 79 all in the one

year.
Also
they only worked part time to make life easier. Muggins just worked,

looked
after kid and hoped other party would be able to relax after all the

work
they had put in looking after the house etc and had no holidays.

sorry guys and I fully expect to be flamed. I am bitter. Right now I

am
bloody bitter. (also a bit drunk) I think I gave everything. For three

years
I took no break no holiday no weekend etc and now for the past year I

have
the same but I am also mummy, daddy, breadwinner, there are no weekend
breaks due to the country boundaries I am doing it 24/7 365 but it was
'hard' for other people???? I really thought I was doing the best for

my
family. In hindsight I probably should have stepped back and looked at

human
issues but you want to give everything you can and the best you can

etc
etc
etc. If you want me to slow down then tell me FFS! I am not a mind

reader!
I
now do the dad, the mum, the work,the kids play, I attend every

performance
of every school play she is in, I pay the school fees, the housing

costs,
I
talk to the teachers when I think there are issues, do the cooking,

pick
up,
transport, minding and I don't ask a thing from anyone. I am human

too,
its
tough.I could use help. This Xmas only two people remembered me and

sent
me
cards, my mother and my accountant. I gotta tell you it hurts. when

you
marry you lose the single friends, when you get a kid you tend to lose

the
ones without, when you split you are just a pariah. well, stuff the

lot
of
you world. when i get back on top ....

that boot you see in your face is gonna be mine!!!



I want to offer you some kind words but first I have no idea what you

are
talking about in your first paragraph. Nothing like posting while
intoxicated. I have long learned not to email or post. Of course I

have
not had a drink in months so that is easy.

I think it is harder for parents who use to be with the partner and then

the
other leaves. I have always been a single parent so I know no different.
Vent and get it out of your system. Don't worry about everyone else in

the
world, the only ones that should matter in your world is you and your

kid.
The only people that matter in my world is me and my kid. Call it
selfish...... hell, maybe it is.

Mostly though Andrew..... you are tough and kind. Don't get are stressed

out
thinking you have to be the perfect parent to make up for the absent

parent.
It just isn't going to happen. You can't me MOM and DAD. You are Dad. If

you
could use help..... have you asked for it?

Tiff



Hi Tiff,

Good old intoxication. Sorry, quick bit of background. My wife left the
country Oct 2002 so no visitations or anything and her request to come and
take our daughter to spend Xmas with my wifes dad in Sweden was the first
'visitation' type thing since then hence my worries.

Happy New Year,

Andrew



Let us know when your daughter arrives home safely.

T


  #17  
Old January 4th 04, 11:32 PM
caroline godfrey
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant




"Andrew" wrote in message
...
Just a bitter rant. Tonight I went on a binge (solo) as tomorrow my

daughter
is due back with her mother and I am just hoping and praying she comes

back
from Sweden. I think she will but I don't know. The bitter rant part is

that
people left because it was too hard the life we had and to try to let

people
relax the year someone left they had one holiday in St Lucia, three

holidays
in Zambia where they eventually settled and numerous nights out with old
school friends suddenly discovered from back in 79 all in the one year.

Also
they only worked part time to make life easier. Muggins just worked,

looked
after kid and hoped other party would be able to relax after all the work
they had put in looking after the house etc and had no holidays.

sorry guys and I fully expect to be flamed. I am bitter. Right now I am
bloody bitter. (also a bit drunk) I think I gave everything. For three

years
I took no break no holiday no weekend etc and now for the past year I have
the same but I am also mummy, daddy, breadwinner, there are no weekend
breaks due to the country boundaries I am doing it 24/7 365 but it was
'hard' for other people???? I really thought I was doing the best for my
family. In hindsight I probably should have stepped back and looked at

human
issues but you want to give everything you can and the best you can etc

etc
etc. If you want me to slow down then tell me FFS! I am not a mind reader!

I
now do the dad, the mum, the work,the kids play, I attend every

performance
of every school play she is in, I pay the school fees, the housing costs,

I
talk to the teachers when I think there are issues, do the cooking, pick

up,
transport, minding and I don't ask a thing from anyone. I am human too,

its
tough.I could use help. This Xmas only two people remembered me and sent

me
cards, my mother and my accountant. I gotta tell you it hurts. when you
marry you lose the single friends, when you get a kid you tend to lose the
ones without, when you split you are just a pariah. well, stuff the lot of
you world. when i get back on top ....

that boot you see in your face is gonna be mine!!!


Ah, the bitter drunken rant - haven't we all had one of these at some point
in time. I threw my ex husband out 3 years ago, i was heavily pregnant at
the time (my boys 3 on the 17th), and had a 17 month old girl (who is now
4.5) - so I've been doin it tough. Even though its been 3 years I still
ocassionally have my little rant and rave about him and my whole situation -
this generally occurs on one of those no kids nights, and with a bottle of
bourbon. But my rant is a bit different to yours, I can't believe that my
kids dad hasnt tried to see them since he left (neither has any of his
family) - not even a birthday card. So my kids are growing up with no idea
of what a Daddy is - and it ****es me off at times. He gets away with blue
murder and I'm left having to work, go back to uni to get better work, care
for 2 kids, pay all the bills, etc etc etc. I can understand how you must
be feeling, and it's not good is it. Some days I feel like curling up in
bed and just not getting out - then my peace gets intruded with two very
loud and bubbly kids playing trampolene on my bed. Wouldn't swap it for
anything in the world. Try and keep your chin up and look at the good
things that you have. You are the one after all that gets to see your
childs smile every morning, you get the arms thrown around your neck, you
get the snuggles at the end of the day and you get kisses and the I love
yous every single day. Think yourself lucky - causes thats something your
ex is missing out on and can never get back.

Hope you start feeling better soon
Caroline


  #18  
Old January 5th 04, 12:01 PM
Andrew
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


"caroline godfrey" wrote in message
...



"Andrew" wrote in message
...
Just a bitter rant. Tonight I went on a binge (solo) as tomorrow my

daughter
is due back with her mother and I am just hoping and praying she comes

back
from Sweden. I think she will but I don't know. The bitter rant part is

that
people left because it was too hard the life we had and to try to let

people
relax the year someone left they had one holiday in St Lucia, three

holidays
in Zambia where they eventually settled and numerous nights out with old
school friends suddenly discovered from back in 79 all in the one year.

Also
they only worked part time to make life easier. Muggins just worked,

looked
after kid and hoped other party would be able to relax after all the

work
they had put in looking after the house etc and had no holidays.

sorry guys and I fully expect to be flamed. I am bitter. Right now I am
bloody bitter. (also a bit drunk) I think I gave everything. For three

years
I took no break no holiday no weekend etc and now for the past year I

have
the same but I am also mummy, daddy, breadwinner, there are no weekend
breaks due to the country boundaries I am doing it 24/7 365 but it was
'hard' for other people???? I really thought I was doing the best for my
family. In hindsight I probably should have stepped back and looked at

human
issues but you want to give everything you can and the best you can etc

etc
etc. If you want me to slow down then tell me FFS! I am not a mind

reader!
I
now do the dad, the mum, the work,the kids play, I attend every

performance
of every school play she is in, I pay the school fees, the housing

costs,
I
talk to the teachers when I think there are issues, do the cooking, pick

up,
transport, minding and I don't ask a thing from anyone. I am human too,

its
tough.I could use help. This Xmas only two people remembered me and sent

me
cards, my mother and my accountant. I gotta tell you it hurts. when you
marry you lose the single friends, when you get a kid you tend to lose

the
ones without, when you split you are just a pariah. well, stuff the lot

of
you world. when i get back on top ....

that boot you see in your face is gonna be mine!!!


Ah, the bitter drunken rant - haven't we all had one of these at some

point
in time. I threw my ex husband out 3 years ago, i was heavily pregnant at
the time (my boys 3 on the 17th), and had a 17 month old girl (who is now
4.5) - so I've been doin it tough. Even though its been 3 years I still
ocassionally have my little rant and rave about him and my whole

situation -
this generally occurs on one of those no kids nights, and with a bottle of
bourbon. But my rant is a bit different to yours, I can't believe that my
kids dad hasnt tried to see them since he left (neither has any of his
family) - not even a birthday card. So my kids are growing up with no

idea
of what a Daddy is - and it ****es me off at times. He gets away with

blue
murder and I'm left having to work, go back to uni to get better work,

care
for 2 kids, pay all the bills, etc etc etc. I can understand how you must
be feeling, and it's not good is it. Some days I feel like curling up in
bed and just not getting out - then my peace gets intruded with two very
loud and bubbly kids playing trampolene on my bed. Wouldn't swap it for
anything in the world. Try and keep your chin up and look at the good
things that you have. You are the one after all that gets to see your
childs smile every morning, you get the arms thrown around your neck, you
get the snuggles at the end of the day and you get kisses and the I love
yous every single day. Think yourself lucky - causes thats something your
ex is missing out on and can never get back.

Hope you start feeling better soon
Caroline



Wow, unbelievable that your ex has not tried to see the kids. I know nothing
about him but pardon me if I don't like him already. Yep, I think I
mentioned in a previous post I sometimes feel sad for my ex as I have the
emotional fulfillment my daughter gives me and she does not, it is a big
thing. Feel better now thanks.

Andrew


  #19  
Old January 5th 04, 07:41 PM
Dennis Here
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


caroline godfrey wrote in message ...

Ah, the bitter drunken rant - haven't we all had one of these at some point
in time. I threw my ex husband out 3 years ago,


OK then, lets get them all over with in the next week or so that we can then
have a constructive new year.
Anyone else care to have a blast, come on, get it off your chest. As nasty
and bitter as you can make it please. I'm talking tears on the keyboard
here. I want to see doom and gloom, I want tanker fulls of sympathy milked,
give me a coliseum full of self martyrdom.
Hang on, I'll go and get the Kleenex.

Dennis


  #20  
Old January 5th 04, 09:10 PM
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Bitter rant


Dennis Here youreply
wrote in message ...

caroline godfrey wrote in message ...

Ah, the bitter drunken rant - haven't we all had one of these at some

point
in time. I threw my ex husband out 3 years ago,


OK then, lets get them all over with in the next week or so that we can

then
have a constructive new year.
Anyone else care to have a blast, come on, get it off your chest. As nasty
and bitter as you can make it please. I'm talking tears on the keyboard
here. I want to see doom and gloom, I want tanker fulls of sympathy

milked,
give me a coliseum full of self martyrdom.
Hang on, I'll go and get the Kleenex.

Dennis


Jesus Dennis.... now my stomach aches from laughing. You are to much. lol

But I will add one rant (no drunken though). Well, never mind. I don't like
to post my problems. lol

T


 




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