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#21
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
toypup wrote:
"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message ... toypup wrote: "Jayne Kulikauskas" wrote in message ... So how do people feel about us cross-posting a few threads between m.k and a.c.b? We can put X-post in the subject line so they are easily avoided by those who don't wish to read them. Are there any other suggestions about how to clearly mark these? I'm not interested. I don't feel I have much in common with my parentless friends ATM. In fact, I'm hoping they have some kids so we could all be on the same page. I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child? Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym, that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore. It's not like I don't have any hobbies outside my child. I knit, crochet, upgrade my computer and surf the internet. I also work part-time, travel, go to the movies and eat out alot. DH and I take a day off for ourselves at least once a month, but we try for every other week. We are not hermits who revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean that I don't have interests outside of my child? But look at what you typed above: I'm not interested. I don't feel I have much in common with my parentless friends ATM. In fact, I'm hoping they have some kids so we could all be on the same page. That isn't a gripe about single friends constantly clubbing - it's a wish for them to have children so you could be the same again. What happened? I guess like Banty, I became a parent relatively late (36) so I was the single friend with married friends and kids. I learned then to express an interest in my friend's or sibling's lives whether or not the lives mirrored mine and most likely they won't at some point. That's what makes the friendships so enjoyable. I get to peek into a different lifestyle or viewpoint. I ask my single friends about their social/love lives if it's important to them. We talk politics, finances, movies, places travelled, articles we've read as well as our personal lives. Jeaane |
#22
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
toypup wrote:
"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child? Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym, that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore. It's not like I don't have any hobbies outside my child. I knit, crochet, upgrade my computer and surf the internet. I also work part-time, travel, go to the movies and eat out alot. DH and I take a day off for ourselves at least once a month, but we try for every other week. We are not hermits who revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean that I don't have interests outside of my child? I think this is more about your friends than you, from what you describe ;-) I have a few remaining single, childless friends (though not many, just because of my age), but even when I had many more we never had issues with them being too caught up scouting for prospective partners that it interfered with our socializing. There were some minor issues resulting from their getting used to the fact that I needed more advance planning time than when I was childless (couldn't just go do adult-only things on the spur of the moment because I had to arrange child care), but other than that we had plenty to do that was satisfying to both of us. But then again, clubbing and scouting for prospective partners wasn't high on our lists of things to do even when we were all single/childless ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
#23
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
In article , Ericka Kammerer says...
toypup wrote: "Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child? Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym, that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore. It's not like I don't have any hobbies outside my child. I knit, crochet, upgrade my computer and surf the internet. I also work part-time, travel, go to the movies and eat out alot. DH and I take a day off for ourselves at least once a month, but we try for every other week. We are not hermits who revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean that I don't have interests outside of my child? I think this is more about your friends than you, from what you describe ;-) I have a few remaining single, childless friends (though not many, just because of my age), but even when I had many more we never had issues with them being too caught up scouting for prospective partners that it interfered with our socializing. There were some minor issues resulting from their getting used to the fact that I needed more advance planning time than when I was childless (couldn't just go do adult-only things on the spur of the moment because I had to arrange child care), but other than that we had plenty to do that was satisfying to both of us. But then again, clubbing and scouting for prospective partners wasn't high on our lists of things to do even when we were all single/childless ;-) Yes yes. First of all, childless or childfree marrieds presumably wouldn't be doing the scouting for partners thang. (Wellll, depends on the particular crowd, from what I hear - but that would NOT be my scene.. ;-) But I can really relate because of the time in my thirties when I was ready to move on, pursue my individual interests, buy a house, etc., and just go on with my life with sort of a Plan B (which eventually included having a child on my own). And getting really, really sick and tired of the Thursday night calls as to where the gaggle of professional singles I had at one point gotten hooked up with was going to go that coming weekend. There was a desparate air about it sometimes, places had to be amenable to the presence of other unmarried professionals, and all weekends had to be planned for. To snag that suitable partner finally, and to avoid the expected loneliness of the non work-filled days. I just sort of - outgrew - that. And when I had my son, after the shower, these are the folks who pretty much dropped away. The engineering world of my professional life has always had some examples of the settled, happy, never-married woman in her 40', 50's and 60's, both gay and straight, for me to know and emulate as a real option in life. Banty |
#24
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
We are not hermits who
revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean that I don't have interests outside of my child? So it sounds like the main difference between you and your old friends isn't that you have kids and they don't, but that you are married and they are single. Nothing to do with the absence or presence of children. (And ... it's just me maybe, but I'd get bored pretty quickly with a group of friends who could find nothing more interesting to do/talk about than look for/discuss cute guys...) Naomi CAPPA Certified Lactation Educator (either remove spamblock or change address to to e-mail reply.) |
#25
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote:
In article , lizzard woman says... "Banty" wrote in message ... (snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking for activity-buddies, one can always join a club. A club like USENET perhaps? e.g. Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register... (tee heee heee.....) Except when you vote... hehe -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. Outer Limits |
#26
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
"toto" wrote in message ... On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote: In article , lizzard woman says... "Banty" wrote in message ... (snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking for activity-buddies, one can always join a club. A club like USENET perhaps? e.g. Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register... (tee heee heee.....) Except when you vote... hehe And not even then (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!) Signed, Mrs. Banty's mother |
#27
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
In article , lizzard woman
says... "toto" wrote in message .. . On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote: In article , lizzard woman says... "Banty" wrote in message ... (snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking for activity-buddies, one can always join a club. A club like USENET perhaps? e.g. Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register... (tee heee heee.....) Except when you vote... hehe And not even then (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!) But it's only a matter of timing... :-) Signed, Mrs. Banty's mother MOMMY! (And it's MS. Banty!) Banty |
#28
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
On Wed, 06 Aug 2003 20:07:51 GMT, "lizzard woman"
wrote: "toto" wrote in message .. . On 6 Aug 2003 08:22:20 -0700, Banty wrote: In article , lizzard woman says... "Banty" wrote in message ... (snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking for activity-buddies, one can always join a club. A club like USENET perhaps? e.g. Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register... (tee heee heee.....) Except when you vote... hehe And not even then (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!) Signed, Mrs. Banty's mother do too... just in an all in one process g (now you say do not)... (I say do too) and we all fall down -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. Outer Limits |
#29
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
x-no-archive:yes
To answer the original question - I don't care one way or the other if stuff is xposted. Mamasamba wrote: On Wed, 06 Aug 2003 15:47:57 GMT, user wrote: These parents you're talking about are the ones that have problems when their nest is empty because they've invested everything in their children not leaving anything for themselves. It's a two way street and there is nothing wrong with having or doing things without the children in my opinion. Same goes for the marriage. It's not simply that there's nothing wrong with it - you HAVE to do things without the children, or you start to lose whatever made you interesting in the first place. There are times and I don't think it is necessary to force activity without the children in order to stay 'interesting'. I reject that idea. If you are an interesting person, you will stay that way whether you have children or not and whether you go out without the children or not. Nor do you have to do stuff without the children in order to be OK when the children leave the nest. If you have a functional family, the children will leave the nest but will still be in touch, and you will still be doing stuff for them and with them even though they are 65 and you are 94. (me and my mom) Or 42 and 65 (me and dd#1). places where children can, and should be involved. There are also times when you just need to go out, even just for a couple of hours, and have conversations or do things that have nothing to do with the kids. I can't imagine not doing that. In regards to marriage, you're correct - it works the same way. Some people think my wife and I are strange because we don't need to be joined at the hip and go out with different friends, on occasion. Personally, I like having some variety in our social experiences. When your children get older you will be doing (or I was doing) many things together as a family WITH the children. We were going to practice and competitions etc. And when my youngest was 6, I was a WOHM with a full time job and just before that I was a full time student for a year. I concur, every parent *should* start at some point. Obviously this is harder to do when one's child is an infant. My dd is 5 now and already knows that daddy and mama do things without her. She has no problem with this and looks forward to being with her sitters who bring to the table some things that we can't. Some people think my dh and I are a bit strange too. He takes a couple of long weekends with his friends and for 4 yrs has been going on hiking trips with his pards. He has a large circle of childhood friends that have remained friends after all these years and he goes with my blessings. I'm sure you can guess how many of my married friends wouldn't do the same. shrug It's a little harder for me My dh was quite adamant that he would NOT go off with the guys. But he was coming from a slightly different perspective. He was in the Navy for 20 years and so periodically he was required to 'go off with the guys' (mostly guys in those days). He felt that when he was in port, it was childish to go right off on a fishing trip or something like some of the men did, when he had a family he hadn't seen in a couple of weeks or a couple of months. He does not have a circle of friends from childhood and really neither do I. Plus moving around that was required with the Navy meant that the friends we had in one place (and we usually were living in civilian neighborhoods and never on base) would gradually drop away when we left the area. because my group of friends is much smaller but I take classes from time to time at the local bead store to fill in the gaps, trips to the bookstore/library, movies we both don't want to see, etc. No trip with the girls this year but maybe next. He's taking dd on a father/daughter weekend in October while I work my first art faire. Think about all the things we'll talk about, the 3 of us when that weekend is over. Variety! It's the spice of life, truly. I do agree with that. I did a lot of things without my dh by default because he wasn't there. So in effect a lot of the time in the first 20 years of our marriage I was a single parent. It was probably harder to adjust to his being home all the time than it was to adjust to being alone a lot. grandma Rosalie |
#30
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How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?
"Banty" wrote in message ... (And it's MS. Banty!) No, dear. That was in reference to the "Welcome Back, Kotter" TV show where one of the characters would bring in notes signed not with the usual "Mrs. First Last" (entire mother's name) but instead with "Mrs. (Character's name) mother which is funny because it was obviously forged by the character. And aren't you a "Dr." anyway?????????? -- sharon, momma to savannah and willow (11/11/94) |
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