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#11
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Going back to the BREAST again
Shunaari wrote:
My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took him waithout letting him finnish. And you let her do this? Are you aware that her behavior is completely inappropriate and unacceptable? Sounds like you need to have a talk with Mom and explain that when it comes to your baby YOU are the mom, and she has to respect YOUR decisions about his care, or she will not have access to him. -- iphigenia www.tristyn.net "i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. i do not think that they will sing to me." |
#12
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Going back to the BREAST again
This morning I was so upset. My son was hungry and I was doing exactly
what you have all told me about lying down next to him and feeding him as often as I can until he gets used to the breast again. He was crying for a little while but was calming down as I was feeding him. My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took him waithout letting him finnish. I cannot wait until I go back home, which is another 4 more days, but anything can happen in the next four days. She doesnt allow me to spend much time with him, telling me that I am wasting my time. She is a complete control freak... I know this is your mother- but why don't you leave sooner? Only beacause my father and brother have gone abroad and are back tomorrow. Mum is alone, came to look after her and keep her company. |
#13
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Going back to the BREAST again
"iphigenia" wrote in message ...
Shunaari wrote: My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took him waithout letting him finnish. And you let her do this? Are you aware that her behavior is completely inappropriate and unacceptable? Sounds like you need to have a talk with Mom and explain that when it comes to your baby YOU are the mom, and she has to respect YOUR decisions about his care, or she will not have access to him. I have 1 more night of my controlling mother and I am out of this place as my Father and brother are back tomorrow morning. So far, I have been offering him the breast and only gave him 2 oz of formula last night. For the last 2 days he has been giving the breast, he has been on it for such a short time - like when he was a newborn. I think its because I don't have much milk on me - my right breast is getting very full, but my left breast is not so full. Do I just pump the left breast after feeding him or do I just let him feed on my left breast? I think he is coming back to the breast.... Alot of the times he will not feed while sitting on my lap, he'll cry endlessly and turn his head away the opposite direction. So, what I do is lay him on the bed and I lie down next to him and then feed him. Other times he doesnt want to do that either so I lay him on the bed on his back and I kneel over him and feed him with my breast hanging over him like a cow! Lol!! Is this ok what I am doing? will he eventually want to feed while he is in my arms again? I cant wait until I go back home, because all I will do is just spend time with him day and night and I wont have my mother or anyone else nagging at me. |
#14
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Going back to the BREAST again
"Shunaari" skrev i en meddelelse
I cant wait until I go back home, because all I will do is just spend time with him day and night and I wont have my mother or anyone else nagging at me. We'll be counting the hours with you. Good luck. Tine, Denmark |
#15
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Going back to the BREAST again
Shunaari wrote:
Only beacause my father and brother have gone abroad and are back tomorrow. Mum is alone, came to look after her and keep her company. She's a grownup - she can take care of herself. And if she can't behave appropriately toward you, then she shouldn't get the reward of your company. -- iphigenia www.tristyn.net "i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. i do not think that they will sing to me." |
#16
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Going back to the BREAST again
Shunaari wrote: How old are you may I ask? Does she always treat you like a child? I am 24 and I am the youngest out of the four of us. I have been married for 3 years and I am still treated like a little child by my mother. Maybe its because I am the youngest, maybe she cannot accept that I am growing up and I know things more than she does. I dont know... Maybe it's because you LET her. honestly. :-) She CAN'T do the things she's doing if you don't put yourself "in harm's way". you went there, supposedly to help HER, but you STAYED long after it was evident she was harming YOU and your DS and your nursing relationship. It's time to stand up, look yourself square in the eye (maybe use a mirror, it's easier) and say "My mother is not the boss of me" over and over until it sticks. Otherwise, how long are you doing to cave in to her demands and agression and belittling?? You're a mother now. Your DS will be looking to you to see how to treat others, and will be watching how you deal with people who treat you badly. Yes, he's very small, but they are just sponges for the world around them right now. He won't be too small to notice for very long. (and you DON'T want DS and gma in cahoots when DS is a teenager.... =:-O ) Your family of priority is you, DH and DS. Your "original" family is Mum, Dad, sibs and extended family. But your priority family has to be just that. It's a tough thing to get one's head around, I know for sure. But it has to be done if you're to stand as an independant and self-determining woman and be an effective mom to your DS. I'd say "good luck" but it's SO much not about luck, and pretty much entirely what YOU decide to do. You teach people how to treat you, so maybe it's time to decide who you are, and how you expect to be treated, and start teaching your mother the "new truth" ;-) Dawn |
#17
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Going back to the BREAST again
Dawn Lawson wrote:
Maybe it's because you LET her. That is, verbatim, what I was going to write : ) honestly. :-) She CAN'T do the things she's doing if you don't put yourself "in harm's way". Word. Anyone who tried to take my child from me would VERY quickly learn why you never come between a mama bear and her baby! -- iphigenia www.tristyn.net "i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. i do not think that they will sing to me." |
#18
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Going back to the BREAST again
iphigenia wrote: Dawn Lawson wrote: Maybe it's because you LET her. That is, verbatim, what I was going to write : ) honestly. :-) She CAN'T do the things she's doing if you don't put yourself "in harm's way". Word. Anyone who tried to take my child from me would VERY quickly learn why you never come between a mama bear and her baby! Well, I come by the realisation slowly and painfully from my own experiences as a mum. To the OP: Let me tell you too, it will NOT be nice the first time (or the second time...)you don't "follow the script" and play along with the role you've been playing for YEARS (aka your whole life). Do NOT cave in. It may take several episodes before you can "keep it together" for long enough to ride thru all the attempts to sabotague your progress to independance. The most helpful thing I was told in my struggle to sort out the mess "Your mother (and DS's father in my case) is NOT a good source of feedback for you" in other words.....if SHE makes you feel bad, She is NOT right, you are NOT wrong (or stupid, or a bad mom, or too inexperienced to know what you're doing, or unable to nurse, or mean to your DS), she is forcing you back into the old script where she knows what to do with you. Stay your course, hold your ground, and any other cliche that works for you. Dawn |
#20
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Going back to the BREAST again
Shunaari writes:
: This morning I was so upset. My son was hungry and I was doing exactly : what you have all told me about lying down next to him and feeding him : as often as I can until he gets used to the breast again. He was : crying for a little while but was calming down as I was feeding him. : My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and : snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay : there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took : him waithout letting him finnish. This is inexcusable. First, you are the mother. You cannot let your mother do this, feelings be damned. You mother has behaved irresponsibly. It is time for you to reverse the parenting roles and treat her like a mischievous child. The next time she tries to do something like this, you need to STOP her, tell her that she is behaving badly, and that you forbid her to do it again. She will initially be angry, like any misbehaving child, but she will learn to accept the rules if you make them abundantly clear. Larry |
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