how do I limit the amount of violence my kids are exposed to?

Hi,
While I understand that violence is something that simply cannot be avoided
completely, how do I limit it? Meaning, here at home, I refuse to allow my
kids to watch violent cartoons or surf the internet or even watch the news.
I try to keep everything as positive as possible (even when I don't feel so
great, it's best for me to take it upstairs sometimes and reflect through
meditation or reading or writing) but at school..... my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I haven't
honestly seen any kind of effect from his meds, the doc took him off of his
meds, saying that they're probably not the right kind, right dose or both.
His counselor is working very closely with us on ways to deal with his
outbursts and meltdowns. so far, we've been successful in getting him into a
special program at a special school for kids with behavioral issues and
emotional disturbances. I'm worried that with the constant bullying and peer
violence, my son will one day lash out in a big and ugly way. I think I'm
controlling the home environment but what do I do about school? Any ideas?
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
Hi,
While I understand that violence is something that simply cannot be
avoided
completely, how do I limit it? Meaning, here at home, I refuse to allow my
kids to watch violent cartoons or surf the internet or even watch the
news.
I try to keep everything as positive as possible (even when I don't feel
so
great, it's best for me to take it upstairs sometimes and reflect through
meditation or reading or writing) but at school..... my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I
haven't
honestly seen any kind of effect from his meds, the doc took him off of
his
meds, saying that they're probably not the right kind, right dose or both.
His counselor is working very closely with us on ways to deal with his
outbursts and meltdowns. so far, we've been successful in getting him into
a
special program at a special school for kids with behavioral issues and
emotional disturbances. I'm worried that with the constant bullying and
peer
violence, my son will one day lash out in a big and ugly way. I think I'm
controlling the home environment but what do I do about school? Any ideas?
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery



Unfortunately there's not much you can do to limit what happens at school.
What you CAN do however is communicate closely with the school WRT any
bullying you find out about. Stay in contact with the administration, learn
the discipline proceedings and help your son learn how to report any undue
bullying. I actually had someone tell me once, that all kids are bullied
and it's normal and to let it go. Personally, I disagree. Kids learn how
to behave in life from parents and peers. Keep doing what you are doing at
home, and stay in contact with your son's school. Try not to get personally
involved, to the extent where you are confronting students or their parents
though. If the school doesn't have a bullying policy, or is still
developing a strategy, see if you can get involved in the committee. If
there is not a committee, see if you can form one. Find out what you can do
behind the scenes. You can't control everything your child will experience,
and you can't keep him or her from having negative life experiences. You
CAN help your child learn to deal with the negatives as well as the
positives, and I think you are on the right track with your son. Good luck
to you and I hope all goes well. This is just my 2 cents.

Betsy

"Betsy" wrote in message
news:w4Crd.6284$Hk6.1686@trnddc05...

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
Hi,
While I understand that violence is something that simply cannot be
avoided
completely, how do I limit it? Meaning, here at home, I refuse to allow
my
kids to watch violent cartoons or surf the internet or even watch the
news.
I try to keep everything as positive as possible (even when I don't feel
so
great, it's best for me to take it upstairs sometimes and reflect through
meditation or reading or writing) but at school..... my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he
can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I
haven't
honestly seen any kind of effect from his meds, the doc took him off of
his
meds, saying that they're probably not the right kind, right dose or
both.
His counselor is working very closely with us on ways to deal with his
outbursts and meltdowns. so far, we've been successful in getting him
into a
special program at a special school for kids with behavioral issues and
emotional disturbances. I'm worried that with the constant bullying and
peer
violence, my son will one day lash out in a big and ugly way. I think I'm
controlling the home environment but what do I do about school? Any
ideas?
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery



Unfortunately there's not much you can do to limit what happens at school.
What you CAN do however is communicate closely with the school WRT any
bullying you find out about. Stay in contact with the administration,
learn the discipline proceedings and help your son learn how to report any
undue bullying. I actually had someone tell me once, that all kids are
bullied and it's normal and to let it go. Personally, I disagree. Kids
learn how to behave in life from parents and peers. Keep doing what you
are doing at home, and stay in contact with your son's school. Try not to
get personally involved, to the extent where you are confronting students
or their parents though. If the school doesn't have a bullying policy, or
is still developing a strategy, see if you can get involved in the
committee. If there is not a committee, see if you can form one. Find
out what you can do behind the scenes. You can't control everything your
child will experience, and you can't keep him or her from having negative
life experiences. You CAN help your child learn to deal with the
negatives as well as the positives, and I think you are on the right track
with your son. Good luck to you and I hope all goes well. This is just
my 2 cents.

Betsy

I agree with Betsy, but I also disagree... Just from my own personal
experiences, I've found that trying to shelter a child from all the bad
doesn't always help. It's just not at all possible to avoid all the
unpleasant in the world, and I guess I believe that by sheltering a child
from everything you can, what can be done when that child grows to a
teenager, then an adult? I just personally feel that it just hits hard when
it comes time to face everything that can't disappear by closing your eyes.

I do believe that at some point in life, every child has faced some form of
bullying. Although it seems it is, and shouldn't, bullying tends to be
almost a natural thing that kids must face. If your son is facing problems
with bullies, that's definitely wrong. He might not feel like he has much
of a voice, so, even though I'm sure you have already, you might need to
speak up for him. By your post above, I can tell that you love your son to
death, and as almost every parent would, you'd do anything and everything
for your son, right? As Joelle said below me (below me for now, anyways)
that maybe the issue with your son is something different. I really do hope
that you can find a way to stop what's going on to your son. That's just
not right, and yes, I do agree with trying your best to do all you can to
keep the voilence your son's subjected to at home away from him.
I think, based on what you've said, that you're doing a fine job, and with
bullies, don't feel like it's your fault, or your son's fault. Maybe also
try what Betsy said and work with the school. I do hope things turn out
just fine for you and your family, and the school.

Just my opinion, that's all. Don't meant to offend you or anything like
that.


--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I haven't

Are you familiar with Asperger's Syndrome? I'd check it out and have him
evaluated. This is a high functioning form of autism. Kids verbally
intellegent, but don't understand social cues. Are often targeted by
bullies
and hyper sensative to stress and often have emotional outbursts.

It's can easily be missed by counselors if they aren't looking for it.

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

My son was diagnosed with Aspberger's about a year or so ago.
I think, personally, it is a misdiagnosis.
The main symptom is 'hand flapping' and lack of social skills and inability to
read other's emotions, like mad or sad.
V

The main symptom is 'hand flapping'

Uh, no. Hand flapping has nothing to do with Aspergers.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
The main symptom is 'hand flapping'

Uh, no. Hand flapping has nothing to do with Aspergers.

I think V was meaning that her son was misdiagnosed because HIS main symptom
was what she mentioned ("The main symptom is 'hand flapping' and lack of
social skills and inability to read other's emotions, like mad or sad."),
which leads to the misdiagnosing of Aspberger's ("My son was diagnosed with
Aspberger's about a year or so ago.
I think, personally, it is a misdiagnosis.")
I could be wrong, though...

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"V" wrote in message
...

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
my son has been
targeted by several bullies. He has some issues and when triggered, he
can
go off into a violent fit of screaming, scratching, biting, punching,
cursing, growling, headbanging, rolling, slapping, spitting, etc. I
haven't

Are you familiar with Asperger's Syndrome? I'd check it out and have
him
evaluated. This is a high functioning form of autism. Kids verbally
intellegent, but don't understand social cues. Are often targeted by
bullies
and hyper sensative to stress and often have emotional outbursts.

It's can easily be missed by counselors if they aren't looking for it.

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

My son was diagnosed with Aspberger's about a year or so ago.
I think, personally, it is a misdiagnosis.
The main symptom is 'hand flapping' and lack of social skills and
inability to
read other's emotions, like mad or sad.
V




No, He hasn't been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.... though I think I
should at least ask his therapist about that and other things that have been
brought up to me. I also doubt that the psychiatrists have even looked for
it. For the better part of about 3 years though, I wondered if perhaps my
son did have a little autism going on.... I've been poo-poohed to death
about my "paranoid" thoughts regarding what's going on with my son. I'll do
some research on the subject for sure just to educate myself. I'm feeling
rather disappointed in the lack of help I've gotten for his issues. I've dis
covered that with things like applying for medicaid, unless I'm living on
the streets or in a shelter, they won't even look at my application! I'm
also feeling pretty desperate right about now. every year that we make it
without me losing my mind is an absolute miraculous accomplishment! I find
myself increasingly frustrated with all the doors slamming shut so to speak.
I've been trying to get my son onto SSI because of his emotional
disability.... I've been denied roughly about 5 or 6 times! It's been
suggested that I get an attorney to help me get the SSI but unfortunately,
attorneys cost lots and lots of money. I'm not receiving child support and
money's been super tight this year. One good thing though is that one of the
organizations I've called for help offered a free 3 day class on becoming an
effective advocate for my kids. Instead of working harder or being loud and
unbending, rather to work with the system while maintaining the upper hand.
Who knows? maybe if this works out, I could at least volunteer somewhwere
that helps to advocate for kids. Since I'm there now with the frustrations,
learning how to work through them will be rather interesting.
Anyhoo.... Thanks for the idea.
btw.... I'm not seeing about 40% of the posts in any of my groups so I'll
probably do lots of piggy-backing.
Thanks Joelle, V and xkatx! Your replies have helped!

No, He hasn't been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.... though I think I
should at least ask his therapist about that and other things that have been
brought up to me. I also doubt that the psychiatrists have even looked for
it.

You would be surprised how many doctors and therapists know very little about
it so it can easily be missed. Many kids with aspergers get misdiagnosed and
mistaken for other things.

For the better part of about 3 years though, I wondered if perhaps my
son did have a little autism going on....

Look into it.

did have a little autism going on.... I've been poo-poohed to death
about my "paranoid" thoughts

Yea, I know. God forbid you should suggest YOU who have been living with this
kid might know a little more about him than the "experts:

Check out that link and see if anything resonates.

You might also ask the school special ed people. They might be able to test
for it, though I don't think they can diagnose.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
The main symptom is 'hand flapping'

Uh, no. Hand flapping has nothing to do with Aspergers.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Yes it does.
It is a repetitive motion in which is common among children with asperger's.
http://www.infosearchpoint.com/display/Asperger's_Syndrome#DSM_definition
"Stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or
twisting, or complex whole-body movements) "
V

"xkatx" wrote in message
...

I think V was meaning that her son was misdiagnosed because HIS main symptom
was what she mentioned ("The main symptom is 'hand flapping' and lack of
social skills and inability to read other's emotions, like mad or sad."),
which leads to the misdiagnosing of Aspberger's ("My son was diagnosed with
Aspberger's about a year or so ago.
I think, personally, it is a misdiagnosis.")
I could be wrong, though...


I think it is a misdiagnosis, because he is more socially adept than most
children with the condition. The hand flapping, though, is not as much of a
routine as funky noises. He was also diagnosed with OCD. That is a definate
right on the money diagnosis. He is very, very ritualistic, and compulsive
about things like smells, germs, and for a while, he had a obsession with
pencils. He would pick up pencils everywhere, and anywhere. He had over 100 in
his back pack and hid in his room before I figured it out. He just loved to
"collect" them. All his little obsessions usually fade out and are replaced
with a new one. The information overload is the most difficult to deal with.
He reads something and can give it back to you a week later in it's full text.
The tone of his voice never changes and he is very monotone when he speaks. It
is at times, difficult to continue to actively listen. He will ask you a
question, then answer it. Hey, you never know, he could be the next Jeopardy
champion! We try to take the upsets and make them victories.
Good luck in your search for your son's diagnosis. It is difficult, I know.
V