If you could give one bit of advice...

If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first baby,
what would it be? Not something obvious (like "don't smoke") -- rather,
advice or insight that resonates with you but you never or rarely hear.
Thanks!

On Fri, 07 May 2004 07:24:02 GMT, "Zen Cohen"
wrote:

If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first baby,
what would it be? Not something obvious (like "don't smoke") -- rather,
advice or insight that resonates with you but you never or rarely hear.

I don't know about rarely hearing it, but the best piece of advice I
was given was to listen politely to everything, smile, nod, and ignore
everything that you didn't plan to do anyway. Sometimes people will
have good ideas you hadn't thought of but mostly they are just talking
for the sake of conversation and don't think through what they are
saying or how it will be received.


--
Cheryl
Mum to Shrimp (11 Mar 99), Thud (4 Oct 00)
and Mischief (30 Jul 02)

Zen Cohen wrote in message
If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first baby,
what would it be?

Listen to your instincts about your child and do with them what feels right
and not what grandma or other people might have to say. A lot of what the
older generation did with their children is out of date and sometimes just
not safe. Keep yourself educated and up dated and should have no problems.

If you are breastfeeding, the best advice I can give you is to never
question your supply as long as you keep breastfeeding as much and as often
as your baby wants (and you don't supplement with formula). In the
beginning, it seems they want to eat every hour, sometimes they do and that
is normal. Relax and enjoy being a mother. Some people are so anxious that
they forget to enjoy their new baby. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

"Zen Cohen" wrote in message
...
If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first baby,
what would it be? Not something obvious (like "don't smoke") -- rather,
advice or insight that resonates with you but you never or rarely hear.
Thanks!


Be prepared for short-tempers, snappiness, exhaustion induced crankiness,
lots of tears, and surprisingly getting upset with a newborn because he/she
won't let you sleep or move during the day (because of a nursing marathon).
Obviously all of that doesn't happen to everyone but I wish someone had been
telling me that my husband and I would be alot crankier with each other and
that we need to practice patience alot more or even to start seeing a
couple's counselor soon after the baby's born.
Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and Will 02/10/04

Zen Cohen wrote:
If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first
baby, what would it be? Not something obvious (like "don't smoke")
-- rather, advice or insight that resonates with you but you never or
rarely hear. Thanks!

For birth: Do not push because the nurse says you are at 10cm and can try.
Wait until you feel like it :-)

For parenthood: Don't exhaust yourself with trying to educate others on why
your way is best. Just nod your head and smile. This will be the quickest
way out of it. Then do what ever it is you feel is best :-)

For breastfeeding: Don't question your supply. Babies eat frequently and
for long periods. They cry. That is all normal. Feed them whenever they
want and for as long as they want.


--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

"Zen Cohen" wrote in message ...
If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first baby,
what would it be? Not something obvious (like "don't smoke") -- rather,
advice or insight that resonates with you but you never or rarely hear.
Thanks!

Listen to all advice, read all the parenting books, then pick and
choose what seems right to you. And feel free to ignore any and all
advice as well.

Do what feels right, and ignore the experts. If you and baby sleep
better together, then co-sleep. If you don't, then have the baby sleep
in his or her own bed. But don't do one just because someone said you
"should."

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01

"Zen Cohen" wrote in message
...
If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first baby,
what would it be? Not something obvious (like "don't smoke") -- rather,
advice or insight that resonates with you but you never or rarely hear.

It's a toss up between:

"Crying is only going to make him tired."

and

"Always underreact."


Donna

1. Listen to your gut.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff.

3. Nothing is written in stone.

4. There is no one right way.

5. Trust your body.

6. Everything passes - no matter what phase your pregnancy, baby or
child is in, keep firmly in mind that whatever problems or concerns
you are having, they are not going to last forever. Everything changes
constantly and tincture of time takes care of many things.

7. Babies and kids are flexible. If something doesn't work, you try
something else, and kids will adapt (i.e. you don't have to develop
the perfect diet, the perfect routine, the perfect discipline etc.
right from the get go - everyone has to change course repeatedly - its
completely normal, so EXPECT it, and realize that if you have to alter
bedtime routines or whatever, kid will not be scarred for life).

8. Every kid is different. Say this 150 times until you believe it.
What works for one kid doesn't work for another, so if something
doesn't work for you, don't assume its your fault (i.e. if your friend
has a kid who takes blissful 4 hour naps on a regular schedule, it
might just be a function of her kid and not some secret technique she
has).

9. Kids are NOT a blank slate. They come from the factory with very
distinct temperment and personality traits WIRED IN, so everything
they do is not a function of good or bad parenting. You have to work
with the basic nature of the kid. You can influence and encourage, but
you can't change the fundamentals (i.e. there is no magic that will
transform a very shy, retiring, self contained kid into a super
outgoing one). Everyone needs to be loved and accepted for who they
are.

10. Take time to smell the roses. Childhood is fleeting.

Don't buy too much before the baby is born (esp. clothing and toys). You
will more than likely be showered with gifts whether you have a baby shower
or not. And, you'll likely receive gifts from people whom you barely know
(such as friends of your parents, co-workers, etc.).


"Zen Cohen" wrote in message
...
If you could give one bit of advice to a couple having their first baby,
what would it be? Not something obvious (like "don't smoke") -- rather,
advice or insight that resonates with you but you never or rarely hear.
Thanks!

On Fri, 7 May 2004 10:38:25 -0400, "Donna"
wrote:
snip


"Always underreact."


Donna


I second this one. My mom's always telling me that "calm parents make
calm babies" and I really believe that. Don't freak out over every
little thing.

Also, it's really common to take a few days or even weeks before you
truly "fall in love" with your baby. People expect to feel an
overwhelming, complete love for their baby immediately (and many do)
but it's also normal to need a while to get to know this new little
person before you can say you're truly head over heels in love with
them. I *loved* DS right away but I didn't really feel "in love" with
him for quite a while. Now, I can honestly say that I love him more
than I ever knew it was possible to love someone. Don't feel guilty
if you don't feel the way you think you're supposed to feel. It
doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that you don't love your baby. I
think this may be especially true for dads. I think in many cases it
takes them a while to build a bond with their new baby.

Oh, one last thing - if you're breastfeeding, learn to nurse lying on
your side so you can get some sleep while the baby nurses. It saved
my sanity!

Katie
DS - 6 months old today!