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Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 19th 03, 01:35 PM
Kimberly
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
ripped my shirt on one occasion.

I've tried everything. I've tried being very firm with him (very),
closing the classroom door, etc. I've tried "talking" to him - nothing
works. I've tried dropping him off at the curb (they have a car
system where a teacher will walk the k'gartners to their class) and
its even worse.

Physically he's a big and strong kid, which doesn't help.

I'm at my wits end and have no idea what to do. His dad and I have
tried talking to him about it at home, but bottom line: when he gets
to the door of the classroom, he freaks out.

Please help!!

Going crazy and feeling sad -
Kim.

  #2  
Old August 19th 03, 02:57 PM
Rosalie B.
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

x-no-archive:yes (Kimberly) wrote:

Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
ripped my shirt on one occasion.

I've tried everything. I've tried being very firm with him (very),
closing the classroom door, etc. I've tried "talking" to him - nothing
works. I've tried dropping him off at the curb (they have a car
system where a teacher will walk the k'gartners to their class) and
its even worse.

Physically he's a big and strong kid, which doesn't help.

I'm at my wits end and have no idea what to do. His dad and I have
tried talking to him about it at home, but bottom line: when he gets
to the door of the classroom, he freaks out.

Please help!!


I don't have much help for you, but my dd#2 did much the same thing.
What does the teacher say? Why does HE say he does it?

In my case, this was my second child and she was to walk to school (3
blocks with no cross traffic) with her older sister. I had a new
baby, and didn't want to walk with them every morning (I did go the
first day) as I considered it perfectly safe for the two of them to
walk down to the dead end of our street (which was only two blocks
long), turn left, walk another two blocks along the side of a salt
pond (which eliminated cross traffic) and cross the street at the
crosswalk with a crossing guard to the school.

My child didn't want to go. I would put her out the front door and
she'd kick and scream and beat on the door and cry. And her older
sister would be very worried and ask me what to do because she would
be late if she didn't leave. I told her to just go ahead and go, and
her sister would catch up to her. And then I'd go inside and lock the
door. DD#2 would continue to cry and pound on the door until her
sister would turn the corner, and then she would stop and run after
her and go on to school.

The teacher said later that for the first two weeks dd#2 sat in the
class and refused to participate in anything. She wouldn't play on
the playground. She wouldn't color. She just sat there stone faced.
Then she apparently decided she was going to have to go to school, and
she turned into a perfectly normal kindergarten child. So when I went
for the first parents night (about a month after school started),
everything was OK.

My older child had been in this same class with this same teacher so I
had no fears that the teacher was at fault, although I did have one
child that kept running away and playing hookey in 2nd grade and in
that case I blame the teacher as it never happened again. I did not
have much heartburn over her behavior. I was determined that she go
to school and did not admit to any other action being possible.


grandma Rosalie

  #3  
Old August 19th 03, 04:41 PM
Noreen Cooper
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

Kimberly wrote:

: Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
: kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
: him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
: ripped my shirt on one occasion.

If your child has not shown this degree of separation anxiety before, I'd
make sure you volunteer to help out in the classroom ASAP. If for some
reason you are unable to volunteer during kindergarten hours, seek out
another parent who volunteers quite regularly in the classroom and ask
what they perceive to be the problem.

What I have found in my travels as a frequent school volunteer is that
teachers are not perfect and fall prey to the same personality conflicts
we as adults have with other people. However, in the case of a teacher
having a poor personality fit with a student, the imbalance of power is
quite intense. Often times, active boys are particularly singled out as
problem students in kindergarten classrooms and school time can be pure
misery to them if they don't have a teacher who is able to handle their
hyperactivity well.

In addition to all that, I'd ask the teacher in a very non-threatening way
how things are going in the class. Don't always trust teachers when say
things are going well. Unless a child is ready to be sent to the
principal for incorrigible behaviour, some teachers will tell you
everything is going fine. Ask if the teacher has had to dole out any kind
of light punishment, such as time outs, for poor behaviour in the class.
Tell the teacher you want to work out any behaviour problems early on
before things get out of hand. Let the teacher know you're there to back
her up as a team in handling any problem behaviors your son might have in
the class but that you must be kept informed of your child's progress
each week.

I'd jump on this one right away. Now is the time to ask to change
teachers in the first week to find a better fit. Although unusual, there
are some teachers who are a poor fit in dealing with kindergarten
students.

And all this talk may be unnecessary if your child has always shown this
kind of separation anxiety. But if this kind of behavior was no evident
in preschool, you need to reevaluate the teacher and even maybe your son's
readiness for kindergarten if things don't resolve within the next few
weeks. Crying on the first day of kindergarten is normal. Crying for an
entire week and nearly tearing off the mom's shirt seems to speak of a
bigger problem than separation anxiety to me.

Noreen

  #4  
Old August 19th 03, 04:41 PM
Penny Gaines
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

Kimberly wrote in :
[snip]
Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
ripped my shirt on one occasion.

[snip]

Is this the first time he has been in an organised setting like this,
or has he been to pre-school?

Has he acted at all like this when you have lft him in the past?

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

  #5  
Old August 19th 03, 05:43 PM
Banty
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

In article , Noreen Cooper says...

Kimberly wrote:

: Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
: kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
: him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
: ripped my shirt on one occasion.

If your child has not shown this degree of separation anxiety before, I'd
make sure you volunteer to help out in the classroom ASAP.


Or the child's other parent can volunteer to help out in the classroom for this
scouting mission ...

If for some
reason you are unable to volunteer during kindergarten hours, seek out
another parent who volunteers quite regularly in the classroom and ask
what they perceive to be the problem.


... even if he doesn't volunteer 'quite regularly', no?

Banty (yep - I'm ever aware of the common presumptions, and think it useful to
point them out ...PIA I know ;-)

  #6  
Old August 19th 03, 08:28 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

In article ,
Noreen Cooper wrote:
Kimberly wrote:

: Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
: kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
: him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
: ripped my shirt on one occasion.

If your child has not shown this degree of separation anxiety before, I'd
make sure you volunteer to help out in the classroom ASAP. If for some
reason you are unable to volunteer during kindergarten hours, seek out
another parent who volunteers quite regularly in the classroom and ask
what they perceive to be the problem.

What I have found in my travels as a frequent school volunteer is that
teachers are not perfect and fall prey to the same personality conflicts
we as adults have with other people.


While this is good advice, I'd caution the OP not to jump to the
conclusion that something must be terribly "wrong" in the school
situation to cause this reaction in her child. I had one who resisted
going to school for several years (sometimes very stronly), even though
by all accounts (including my personal observation of the classroom)
everything was fine and he loved it there. In his case it seemed to be
some combination of not wanting to have to move through the morning
routine in a timely manner (he was a definite dawdler) and resistance
to transitions (such as being dropped off at school). This happened
in multiple classes and none of the teachers could understand it. He
always had a great time once I'd been gone for 5 minutes.

--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01)

  #8  
Old August 19th 03, 10:15 PM
Bev Brandt
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

Banty wrote in message ...
In article , Noreen Cooper says...

Kimberly wrote:

: Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
: kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
: him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
: ripped my shirt on one occasion.

If your child has not shown this degree of separation anxiety before, I'd
make sure you volunteer to help out in the classroom ASAP.


Or the child's other parent can volunteer to help out in the classroom for this
scouting mission ...

If for some
reason you are unable to volunteer during kindergarten hours, seek out
another parent who volunteers quite regularly in the classroom and ask
what they perceive to be the problem.


.. even if he doesn't volunteer 'quite regularly', no?

Banty (yep - I'm ever aware of the common presumptions, and think it useful to
point them out ...PIA I know ;-)


I'm even more of a PIA. I would go one further and say that it is the
school's responsibility to help with this. I'd say that asking a
parent - any parent, really - to "volunteer regularly" is asking a
volunteer to do what paid professionals are supposed to do: evaluate
your child, educate them intellectually and socially, comfort them
when needed, etc.

Of course, my husband and I WOH, so that very likely skews my
perception of what it means to be asked to "volunteer regularly." It's
not that my child isn't worth my vacation and sick time. But that *is*
all some of us have - limited vacation and sick time. We *can't*
"volunteer regularly" or we'll get fired. So it's a choice between
volunteering and feeding our children, clothing them, paying the
mortgage.

Anyway...enough ranting. School is starting right after Labor Day for
me and my oldest has "issues." "Issues" that the counselor has
suggested could be helped if I "volunteered regularly." Thus my rant
proclivity.

- Bev

  #9  
Old August 20th 03, 01:51 AM
Banty
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Posts: n/a
Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

In article , Bev Brandt says...

Anyway...enough ranting. School is starting right after Labor Day for
me and my oldest has "issues." "Issues" that the counselor has
suggested could be helped if I "volunteered regularly." Thus my rant
proclivity.

- Bev


Ah, yes - the breezy, cheerily offered suggestions to "volunteer regularly", the
school secretary who called HOME with all questions or problems then complained
about my inaccessibility until I took to circling my WORK number twice in red
ink and pointing two red arrows to it on the information forms, the "we'd like
your son to show his science fair project at class this morning, but please come
by at 3:15 dismissal to pick it up" - I know the elementary educational
establishments utter denseness about working mothers well.

Banty

  #10  
Old August 20th 03, 02:13 AM
dragonlady
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Default Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , Bev Brandt
says...

Anyway...enough ranting. School is starting right after Labor Day for
me and my oldest has "issues." "Issues" that the counselor has
suggested could be helped if I "volunteered regularly." Thus my rant
proclivity.

- Bev


Ah, yes - the breezy, cheerily offered suggestions to "volunteer regularly",
the
school secretary who called HOME with all questions or problems then
complained
about my inaccessibility until I took to circling my WORK number twice in red
ink and pointing two red arrows to it on the information forms, the "we'd
like
your son to show his science fair project at class this morning, but please
come
by at 3:15 dismissal to pick it up" - I know the elementary educational
establishments utter denseness about working mothers well.

Banty


It gets worse in some ways: there have been several times when the
school needed to reach me, tried me at home and at a work number -- then
left my kid in the nurses office for the rest of the day when they
couldn't reach me, instead of calling their Dad! (I was told that they
hate to bother men at work; this was less than 10 years ago, and I was,
frankly, too stunned to even respond.)

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

 




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