Arghhh - stupid comments

Is anyone experiencing an epidemic in stupid comments from well-meaning (but
stupid) people lately?

I met a woman at playgroup yesterday (who's DS is about the same age as my
DD) who was absolutely flabbergasted when she found out that not only am I
"still" breastfeeding DD (almost 14 mo), but that DD is bf about 5 times a
day.
Another one asked me "what's wrong wiv 'er?"
....and another chimed in with how you "should" wean children at 12mo (and
she is a RN!)

It just seemed really weird to all happen on the one day, since they've all
seen me and two of my friends bf our daughters there every week (and DD is
the youngest of the three girls)!

So I just pointed out all the health benefits of extended bf ... but I fear
it fell on deaf ears.

What are they going to say when they find out that I'm not only "still" bf
DD, but that I'm pg *and* "still" bf DD ;P

(Note to self: prepare long speech extolling the virtues of extended bf, AP
and tandem nursing

Amanda

"A&G&K" wrote in message
...
Is anyone experiencing an epidemic in stupid comments from well-meaning
(but
stupid) people lately?

I met a woman at playgroup yesterday (who's DS is about the same age as
my
DD) who was absolutely flabbergasted when she found out that not only am
I
"still" breastfeeding DD (almost 14 mo), but that DD is bf about 5 times
a
day.
Another one asked me "what's wrong wiv 'er?"
...and another chimed in with how you "should" wean children at 12mo (and
she is a RN!)

It just seemed really weird to all happen on the one day, since they've
all
seen me and two of my friends bf our daughters there every week (and DD
is
the youngest of the three girls)!

So I just pointed out all the health benefits of extended bf ... but I
fear
it fell on deaf ears.

What are they going to say when they find out that I'm not only "still"
bf
DD, but that I'm pg *and* "still" bf DD ;P

(Note to self: prepare long speech extolling the virtues of extended bf,
AP
and tandem nursing

Amanda


I thought it was just me!
I kept getting asked about my sling, breastfeeding, attachment parenting
and cloth diapering in the airport on Tuesday last week. Then came the
advice!
You should stop feeding at 6 months or they'll bite you. You shouldn't hold
them too much. You shouldn't use cloth diapers because it hurts their
bums... it was all stupid.
I'm right there with you.

AlenasMom wrote:

"A&G&K" wrote in message
...

Is anyone experiencing an epidemic in stupid comments from well-meaning

(but

stupid) people lately?

I met a woman at playgroup yesterday (who's DS is about the same age as

my

DD) who was absolutely flabbergasted when she found out that not only am

I

"still" breastfeeding DD (almost 14 mo), but that DD is bf about 5 times

a

day.
Another one asked me "what's wrong wiv 'er?"
...and another chimed in with how you "should" wean children at 12mo (and
she is a RN!)

It just seemed really weird to all happen on the one day, since they've

all

seen me and two of my friends bf our daughters there every week (and DD

is

the youngest of the three girls)!

So I just pointed out all the health benefits of extended bf ... but I

fear

it fell on deaf ears.

What are they going to say when they find out that I'm not only "still"

bf

DD, but that I'm pg *and* "still" bf DD ;P

(Note to self: prepare long speech extolling the virtues of extended bf,

AP

and tandem nursing

Amanda



I thought it was just me!
I kept getting asked about my sling, breastfeeding, attachment parenting
and cloth diapering in the airport on Tuesday last week. Then came the
advice!
You should stop feeding at 6 months or they'll bite you. You shouldn't hold
them too much. You shouldn't use cloth diapers because it hurts their
bums... it was all stupid.
I'm right there with you.


How long do you bite back the urge to say "oh, I don't know. I'm not
impressed with the examples I've seen of kids raised that way. I'm sure
you agree. I think I'll stick with this. *smile*" and "Oh, really? I
suppose if one hasn't got the knowledge or resourcefulness to deal with
that situaion, one could end up feeling that way. We're doing so well
though. We'll just carry on with what we feel/know is best, but thanks
for offering your experience/opinon"

OR just smiling, humming a brief "um hmmmm" and turning away, only
rolling your eyes slightly. ;-)

I get most fed up when the person making the suggestions has a child who
is obviously not thriving with the parenting choices being made for
them. ("hello..? You HAVE noticed that your kid is not exactly a
poster child for your "fantastic" parenting ability/choices, right??")

Dawn, managing to grit my teeth and say nothing to a friend that insists
on making very judgemental comments wrt my childproofing and toy
choices(insinuating that DS is a bit slow and not very "spirited" if he
doesn't impale/choke/crush himself) and insisting on "putting things
away" when she's visiting (erm..they ARE away. That's where they
belong. Supervise your kid.) This from the woman who has yet to put up
baby gates on her yard that opens directly onto a busy street...because
the gates are $50 and/or her husband hasn't made it a priority (??? so
hustle your butt out there and get them yourself!! If a haircut costing
$65 isn't too much, surely a safe place for your kid is worth spending
$50??????)

Sue wrote:

Please enlighten us to your suggestions that a partiuclar child is not
thriving with the parenting choices. I would like specific examples of what
in your opinion is not a poster child to their choices.

I'm not answering for Dawn but I have a friend like that and it drives
me nuts.

My example would be this:

She continually criticizes how messy my twins are when they eat (they
are 23 months old). Her girls are 8 and 9. They are PETRIFIED of
getting anything on their clothes. This is not an exaggeration. My
anecdote:

I was babysitting them one evening. To save me the "hassle" (her word,
not mine), she bathed them and put them in their nightgowns before
dinner. Dinner was spaghetti. The three of us were eating when the
younger girl started screaming (yes, screaming) and crying. I thought
she must have jabbed her mouth with the fork or something. It turned
out there was a spot of spaghetti sauce on her nightgown the size of
half an eraserhead (the kind at the end of a standard pencil). Then,
the older girl burst into tears because she knew her younger sister
would be yelled at.

I discourage *excess* messiness at the dinner table but if they get
spaghetti sauce on their clothes, big whoop. It's nothing to yell at
your kids for. That's what bibs and stain remover are for.

So there you have it. My example of a parenting choice where a child is
not thriving.

--
Brigitte aa #2145
edd #3 February 15, 2004
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

Sue wrote:

Dawn Lawson wrote in message


Dawn, managing to grit my teeth and say nothing to a friend that insists
on making very judgemental comments wrt my childproofing and toy
choices(insinuating that DS is a bit slow and not very "spirited" if he
doesn't impale/choke/crush himself) and insisting on "putting things
away" when she's visiting (erm..they ARE away. That's where they
belong. Supervise your kid.)


Well what is it that your not putting away?

What difference does that make? We're not talking about bleach and
glass. The POINT is that the stuff IS put away.

You say supervise the child. I
agree with that to an extent.

If you are visiting somewhere, do you TRULY expect the host to
childproof for YOUR child?????

However, with multiple children (since you
have no experience in this area)

Who cares? This mom doesn't either. In this case, and because she's
visiting me, that's irrelevant

Dawn, bemused at your hostility.

Sue wrote:

Geez, some moms. Yeep. I really wanted examples and thank you for providing
one. I am pretty balanced as far as messes go. Thank goodness.

This "friend" (I'm distancing myself from her now) is always getting
comments about how well behaved her children are. I've heard the
comments myself. And, they are, but at what price?

--
Brigitte aa #2145
edd #3 February 15, 2004
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

Sue wrote:
Dawn,

I really wanted examples. Because god forbid my children are like this.
Sometimes parents can't see the facts in front of their faces. If you don't
have any examples, then say so. But, don't put the blame on me.

Wow.
You really are hostile today.
What would I be blaming you for????
I snipped the part about examples, if you noticed, and wasnt' even
*commenting* on that.

Are you concerned that your children might be acting in a way that
doesn't reflect well on you as a parent?

Brigitte gave an example of the kind of thing I mean. Though I also
refer to the horribly behaved children as well. Surely good parenting
means raising children to be strong individuals with sound self-esteem
and as few hangups and possible, but doesn't rule out good manners?

My example? Being told similar things by a parent of a child who ran
ahead of us to the barn about 10 minutes later and beat one of my pet
hens (to its later death) with a stick. No reason. No negative
consequences from the parent. No apology from parent or child. I don't
think that kid was thriving on the parenting he was getting. And I
can't see that as a way to raise a caring decent person.

I didn't specifically mention anything other than saying that it's
annoying when people see fit to criticise holding, nursing and attending
to one's child, especially when it seems they don't have children who
reflect well on the alternatives. I suppose it could be that they feel
they didn't make good choices and now don't want to see others making
better choices, or that they sincerely don't realise that there are
other options than early weaning, CIO, etc.

Dawn, puzzled by Sue's reaction.

Dawn Lawson wrote in message
I get most fed up when the person making the suggestions has a child who
is obviously not thriving with the parenting choices being made for
them. ("hello..? You HAVE noticed that your kid is not exactly a
poster child for your "fantastic" parenting ability/choices, right??")

Please enlighten us to your suggestions that a partiuclar child is not
thriving with the parenting choices. I would like specific examples of what
in your opinion is not a poster child to their choices.

Dawn, managing to grit my teeth and say nothing to a friend that insists
on making very judgemental comments wrt my childproofing and toy
choices(insinuating that DS is a bit slow and not very "spirited" if he
doesn't impale/choke/crush himself) and insisting on "putting things
away" when she's visiting (erm..they ARE away. That's where they
belong. Supervise your kid.)

Well what is it that your not putting away? You say supervise the child. I
agree with that to an extent. However, with multiple children (since you
have no experience in this area) you always can't be everywhere and it was
easier to put away my crystals or other precious things to me instead of
having to take said child away every time. I am curious.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Dawn,

I really wanted examples. Because god forbid my children are like this.
Sometimes parents can't see the facts in front of their faces. If you don't
have any examples, then say so. But, don't put the blame on me.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Dawn Lawson wrote in message
news:sLCgb.39620$6C4.4749@pd7tw1no...


Sue wrote:

Dawn Lawson wrote in message


Dawn, managing to grit my teeth and say nothing to a friend that insists
on making very judgemental comments wrt my childproofing and toy
choices(insinuating that DS is a bit slow and not very "spirited" if he
doesn't impale/choke/crush himself) and insisting on "putting things
away" when she's visiting (erm..they ARE away. That's where they
belong. Supervise your kid.)


Well what is it that your not putting away?

What difference does that make? We're not talking about bleach and
glass. The POINT is that the stuff IS put away.

You say supervise the child. I
agree with that to an extent.

If you are visiting somewhere, do you TRULY expect the host to
childproof for YOUR child?????

However, with multiple children (since you
have no experience in this area)

Who cares? This mom doesn't either. In this case, and because she's
visiting me, that's irrelevant

Dawn, bemused at your hostility.

DeliciousTruffles wrote in
She continually criticizes how messy my twins are when they eat (they
are 23 months old). Her girls are 8 and 9. They are PETRIFIED of
getting anything on their clothes. This is not an exaggeration. My
anecdote:

I was babysitting them one evening. To save me the "hassle" (her word,
not mine), she bathed them and put them in their nightgowns before
dinner. Dinner was spaghetti. The three of us were eating when the
younger girl started screaming (yes, screaming) and crying. I thought
she must have jabbed her mouth with the fork or something. It turned
out there was a spot of spaghetti sauce on her nightgown the size of
half an eraserhead (the kind at the end of a standard pencil). Then,
the older girl burst into tears because she knew her younger sister
would be yelled at.

I discourage *excess* messiness at the dinner table but if they get
spaghetti sauce on their clothes, big whoop. It's nothing to yell at
your kids for. That's what bibs and stain remover are for.

So there you have it. My example of a parenting choice where a child is
not thriving.

Geez, some moms. Yeep. I really wanted examples and thank you for providing
one. I am pretty balanced as far as messes go. Thank goodness.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...