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deliriously tired...please help!
"oregonchick" wrote in message ... Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement! Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when he does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep. Right now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let someone else handle anything outside that. And yes, it'll start getting better soon. Jess |
#2
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deliriously tired...please help!
Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to
keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush. Things seem to be healing up now. Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and feeling overwhelmed. I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope? I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face.... I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too... Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement! Betsy |
#3
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deliriously tired...please help!
"Jess" wrote in message news:cFTtf.188$Dh.119@dukeread04... "oregonchick" wrote in message ... Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement! Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when he does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep. Right now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let someone else handle anything outside that. And yes, it'll start getting better soon. Jess Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter. He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do. It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to him. Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just don't know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the hormones and sleep issues! |
#4
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deliriously tired...please help!
oregonchick skrev:
"Jess" wrote in message news:cFTtf.188$Dh.119@dukeread04... "oregonchick" wrote in message ... Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement! Let someone else handle the dogs, and keep yelling at your husband when he does dope things like go off skiing when you haven't had any sleep. Right now, your four goals are to shower, eat, sleep and nurse. Let someone else handle anything outside that. And yes, it'll start getting better soon. Jess Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter. He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do. It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to him. Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just don't know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the hormones and sleep issues! Couldn't he stop for one winter and take it up next year again? I used to love to weave. I had to pack my loom together - it took up too much space when we had a small one. Only last year did I start weaving again, and my daughter is 13 years old. You make some sacrifices when you have kids, but life gets richer - especially when those little *******s start to show a little love and gratitude :-) Even my 13 yo can occationally say: You're the best mom in the world. I could live without my loom for 12 years! Tine, Denmark |
#5
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deliriously tired...please help!
"oregonchick" wrote in message ... Thanks. I hate to cut my husband off from skiing. He is in ski patrol, and has a commitment to be on the mountain at least 10 weekend days this winter. He could quit the patrol, but I know it's something that he loves to do. It's just a volunteer position, but I know that it means alot to him. Still, right now it's hard on me. But I hate to be selfish! I just don't know... I feel a little unbalanced right now - you know, with the hormones and sleep issues! Be selfish. Right now, you need to be. Ya'lls priority should be that newborn and some sleep-not doing volunteer positions And don't worry about the hormones-I remember that three week thing. I ended up on a sobbing jag over not having croutons for a dinner salad one night. It gets better. Jess |
#6
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deliriously tired...please help!
(hugs)
What kept me going was the thought that I knew once DS did go longer between feeds all the effort of getting through cracked, split nipples, supply issue in one boob, hand expressing, nipple sheilds..would be *so* worth it. It was very tempting to give up and turn to forumla but I wasn't prepared to take the risk that it would upset his stomach, then we would *never* get any sleep and I would have made life worse for him. And I can be pretty stubborn . You are doing the very best there is for you little one amd soon the rewards will come. IIRC things settled down around 6 weeks. And he smiled then too. People told me it wouldn't get better, just different, but in my experience none of the sleep issues we are going through now are in any way comparable to the first 6 weeks. In those first 6 weeks I was counting the days to get through it, but I did and so will you. The best time of change was when he started to sleep through his 8pmish feed so he went from 6.30/7-11, giving us the whole evening to relax. This was about 3 months but I'm pretty sure there are plenty of babies that do this much earlier. And it is very scary when you are left alone with the baby, but actually you will find yourself so occupied you probably won't have time to feel worried, I didn't (well mostly). I would encourage you to talk to your DH and other family membres about how you are feeling if you don't already. I didn't do that enough so I think people thought I was doing better than I was. No-one seemed to talk about how hard it was so I didn't want people to think I was useless, but actually, after talks with some of them later, more came out about how hard they found it too!. As for the housework, once I could leave DS in his bouncy chair for 15-20 mins once a day I got a few things done. I also worked out what I could get done in the time he was asleep (little horror now only naps for 45mins max!) And make sure you eat! I was trying to eat healthily but the mw said I needed calories (DS not up to birthweight/jaundice) so I could eat all kinds of junk for a while. That made me feel better. Hang on in there. I *really* thought it would never get better and I couldn't see a what to get through it but, but it does and you do!. Jeni |
#7
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deliriously tired...please help!
oregonchick wrote: Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and feeling overwhelmed. Oh, Betsy, I so could've written this at 3 weeks - in fact, I think I probably did, but I'm too lazy to google it. This is so, so, so very normal. Your body is still recovering from the birth, you're in a HUGE transition period in your life, you're getting no sleep - of course you feel miserable. I think your husband is an ass for skiing when you're home with a 3 week old, ski patrol or not. He could drop it and pick it up next year, as someone else suggested. You are so much more important than his hobbies/volunteer work and you NEED him right now, way more than they do. Look at it this way - there are other people who can do ski patrol, but you've only got one husband. I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. Is she noodling? I know that my daughter will nurse when she wakes up for nutrition, then she'll noodle when she's ready for nap (using me as a pacifier, not actually eating). Since I don't mind, that's what we do. It really helped me, mentally, though when I learned the difference between nursing and noodling. I went from feeling like I was nursing all the damned time, to feeling like I was nursing half the damned time, and noodling the other half of the damned time. I know it doesn't sound like a big difference, but considering the supply issues we had, it was an important distinction for us. The accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope? You just put one foot in front of the other until she's a little bigger. Don't go anywhere, don't do anything that isn't critical. The only things that are critical right now are your nutrition, her nutrition, and sleep for both of you, so eat and sleep and don't feel guilty over the floors or the laundry or the bathroom... Let someone else do that. Hire it done, if you can. Another way to cope is to have a friend bring over lunch from your favorite restaurant. Good food and good company go a long way toward making you feel better. Make sure it's a good friend, so she doesn't mind that you're still in your PJs. You definitely want to seek the company of other moms right now, because we understand, and seeing that we're all still standing will give you hope that you'll survive this, too. I've found my friendships with my non-mom girlfriends getting weaker, because they just don't get it. My friendships with other moms, though, have gotten a lot deeper. And I know that my non-moms will catch up when they have kids. I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. A few short months (weeks, even) ago, I felt the same way. If I wasn't holding the baby, I was holding the cat (or sometimes the baby AND the cat), or petting the dog, or scratching my husband's back, and I just wanted to be left ALONE and have no one touching me for 10 seconds... It gets better. Give the baby to someone else for 15 minutes and go take a nice, long, hot shower or bath. You deserve it. It'll perk you up, and give you some "me" time. Even if she cries the whole time, 15 minutes won't hurt her. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face.... Oh, God, you should see the video of me from when we brought the baby home. I was a mess, and DH wasn't much better. We look at it now and wonder how we survived - it's a miracle that we didn't fall asleep at the wheel while driving to a doctor's appointment, or burn the house down because we were too tired to remember to turn off the stove. It only lasts a few more weeks, and then you'll start to forget. Seriously. That's how we go on to have more than one kid! I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to start. Thou shalt not start!!! Leave it alone! It is NOT important. Use paper plates and plastic cups and silverware, the landfill can take it. Eat as much takeout as you can afford. Ask friends to bring you food. Beyond food and sleep and staring at that baby, nothing else matters right now. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too... He's not too tired to ski, now, is he? Call him, tell him to get his sorry butt home, and put him to work on the laundry. Seriously. He helped make this family and this home with you, he can help take care of both (and by family, I mean the baby and YOU, not just the baby). Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement! It really started to get better for us at 8 weeks. At 12 weeks I was starting to feel sane again. At 16 weeks I hosted Thanksgiving for my family and it was fine. At 20 weeks I started thinking, "Maybe she won't be an only child..." Between 16 and 20 weeks I managed to get all the Christmas prep done, including making metric boatloads of cookies. That's not too far off, and it goes so fast. I want you go take a nap. Take the baby to bed with you, let her nurse or noodle or whatever, and shut your eyes. Don't get up for at least 3 hours. Even if you don't sleep, your body needs the rest. Do not clean. The queen is not coming for tea, and anyone who loves you enough to be at your house today is going to be very forgiving about the state of your cleaning. It's fine. Your sanity is so much more important. My baby's awake now. You go rest. It'll be ok soon. It gets easier every day. Hugs, Amy |
#8
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deliriously tired...please help!
Stuff the housework, who cares if the place is a tip when you've got a
newborn? It's a myth that new mothers have immaculate houses, those that do have others that do the housework for them. I was so tired feeding my son at about 4 weeks that we hired a cleaner to come in a couple of hours a week and do the essentials until I was getting more rest. It WILL get better. My son woke 3 times a night until 10 weeks, but between 3 and 10 weeks got more efficient at feeding and better at going back to sleep, so the wakening times dropped from an hour each time to 15 minutes. Morag "oregonchick" wrote in message ... Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush. Things seem to be healing up now. Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3 wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. I hardly fall asleep before she is needing to be fed again. Everyone is going back to school and work this week, and I'll be alone with the baby for the first time since she was born. I'm a little afraid and feeling overwhelmed. I need some more hope! If she would just go 3 or 4 hrs between feedings, I think I'd be ok, but this is almost more than I can take. The accumulating exhaustion is wearing me down. What is the best way to cope? I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding, and between all the "kids" I feel like there is nothing left of me but a zombie who hardly is able to shower or brush my teeth before 11am every day. I look in the mirror and feel sad that I look so terrible. It's not even the weight gain or stretch marks that bother me, it's the dark circles and haggard look in my face.... I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention. My husband can only do so much! He's tired too... Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement! Betsy |
#9
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deliriously tired...please help!
In ,
oregonchick wrote: *Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to *keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush. *Things seem to be healing up now. That's great! And you're way ahead of me (from my first lactation, I mean - it took a long time for me to heal up unfortunately) *Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm *getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for *leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. I *was mean, and then I bawled my head off. I feel just awful now. Emily is 3 *wks old, so I know this is to be expected, but she feeds every 1 1/2 - 2 Just for what it's worth, the two formula feeding moms I know personally both behaved that way too -- Hillary Israeli, VMD Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read." --Groucho Marx |
#10
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deliriously tired...please help!
oregonchick writes:
Thanks to all of you who have dangled the carrot of hope in front of me to keep feeding breastmilk through cracked nipples, mastitis and thrush. Things seem to be healing up now. Good! That in itself will probably help you feel better able to cope soon. Right now, my biggest issue is sleep deprivation. I mean, I'm so tired I'm getting loopy and emotional. I broke down and yelled at my husband for leaving to go skiing this morning after a particularly sleepless night. Reasonable thing to do, in my book - yelling at him, not going off skiing! At 3 weeks postpartum, I had my mother staying with me, and I felt as though I needed the support - and I didn't have dogs to deal with, either. I know plenty of people have to cope on their own, but that doesn't mean it's supposed to be easy. What is the best way to cope? You'll have heard "sleep when the baby sleeps". It's not so helpful IME, but part of it is - don't feel you have to aim to be showered and toothbrushed by 11am, in the sense of needing to because you ought. I mean, you probably feel better if you get a shower and a toothbrush or two in somewhere over the course of the day! But if you spend all day in your pyjamas (or you change from one pair into another instead of into clothes!) that is perfectly OK at this stage, and might make it easier to be in the midset of grabbing sleep when you can, not only during "nighttime". My son did many months of hourly wakings at night. What made the difference between coping and not for me was that around 6am, my husband took over for an hour or two or sometimes blissfully three, to let me get some uninterrupted sleep on my own. Could yours do that? I also have 2 dogs that are very demanding I don't have any practical ideas about that, not being a dog person. I suppose they need to be walked, is that the main thiing? Can someone else do it? I get up in the morning and wander around my messy house, wondering where to start. Things look like they are slowly unraveling without my attention. Well, they probably are a bit, but I'm sure it looks worse than it is, and you *will* be able to sort it out later! My husband can only do so much! He's tired too... Yeah, but not as tired as you are. It is good to be alert to how he's feeling, but don't feel you can't ask him to do what you need him to do, even if that's giving up his own leisure time entirely at the moment. You said 10 ski days per winter, right? In a month from now, it'll be a lot easier for you to cope without him - but even so, if this is on top of a full time job, it's not something I'd be happy with, if I were in your shoes. Please tell me this will start to get better soon. I'm not looking for a miracle of 8 hrs of sleep, just a slight improvement! It will start to get better soon. In that, you will start to find ways of working with it, and will feel better in yourself. I'm not promising that gaps between feeds of more than 1.5-2 hours will happen soon; they may or may not, but either way, it will start to feel easier! Sidheag DS Colin Oct 27 2003 |
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