Sorta stood up to MIL

"Megan Byrne" wrote in message
...
Lori,
My DH is one of 8......can only imagine all the "crap" MIL had.

Funnily enough, I'm one of 4 kids, and I don't remember having *anything*
like the pile o' toys currently 'crapping' up my house. I think my parents
just didn't give us many, in part because dad hates clutter, and because we
could play with each other. I'm trying to get rid of some of the current
crop of toys. (Free to good homes!)

--angela

You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children we
often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.

So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.

Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


"Megan Byrne" wrote in message
...
I asked my MIL to drop off some Dimetap today for Lexi's runny nose, so
when she came over I pointed out the new ride-on Hippo. I then told her
that yes, they love their fire truck, but they fight over it constantly.
Charlene (SIL) of all people should know that you cannot give one toy to
2 toddlers. MIL's response was "If you had 2 of everything it would crap
up your house". Nice, huh?


~Megan~
Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie
Born September 28, 2002

www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis



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You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children we
often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.

So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.

Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


"Megan Byrne" wrote in message
...
I asked my MIL to drop off some Dimetap today for Lexi's runny nose, so
when she came over I pointed out the new ride-on Hippo. I then told her
that yes, they love their fire truck, but they fight over it constantly.
Charlene (SIL) of all people should know that you cannot give one toy to
2 toddlers. MIL's response was "If you had 2 of everything it would crap
up your house". Nice, huh?


~Megan~
Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie
Born September 28, 2002

www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis



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Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita"
Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM
Message-id: . rogers.com

You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk
of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins,


Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand.


we are about two years apart. As children
we
often received shared gifts.

What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal interest
in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one of
you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking
turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year olds.


It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to share a
book, game, or DVD.



Sure we sometimes fought over them but we
did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope
to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.


Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't mean
they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you and
your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt it.

We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They liked
riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have caused so
many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them.




So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them.

How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be treated as
such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for twins
than those who are siblings a couple years apart.



And second, maybe it's
not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.


As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her nieces
and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if she
loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that her
children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is the
issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your
sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your
joint gift) to the rest of your cousins?





Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have more
than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to illustrate
the point you need to make.

Lori

Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita"
Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM
Message-id: . rogers.com

You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk
of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins,


Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand.


we are about two years apart. As children
we
often received shared gifts.

What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal interest
in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one of
you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking
turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year olds.


It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to share a
book, game, or DVD.



Sure we sometimes fought over them but we
did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope
to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.


Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't mean
they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you and
your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt it.

We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They liked
riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have caused so
many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them.




So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them.

How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be treated as
such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for twins
than those who are siblings a couple years apart.



And second, maybe it's
not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.


As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her nieces
and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if she
loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that her
children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is the
issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your
sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your
joint gift) to the rest of your cousins?





Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have more
than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to illustrate
the point you need to make.

Lori

Then let me make it more relevant: when my twin daughters were one they
received a ride-on toy, just like OPs did. Yes, just one. And we wrote a
thank you note, taught them how to get on it together (I have photographic
evidence) and enjoyed it. A gift does not an individual make. Being an
individual is about character, not about possessions.

I think we'd do better to find ways to demonstrate our children's
individuality in how *we* treat them than by being ungracious and
vindictive.

A.


"Rhiann1048" wrote in message
...
Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita"
Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM
Message-id: . rogers.com

You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk
of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins,


Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand.


we are about two years apart. As children
we
often received shared gifts.

What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal
interest
in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one
of
you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking
turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year
olds.


It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to
share a
book, game, or DVD.



Sure we sometimes fought over them but we
did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful
for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope
to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.


Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't
mean
they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you
and
your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt
it.

We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They
liked
riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have
caused so
many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them.




So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them.

How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be
treated as
such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for
twins
than those who are siblings a couple years apart.



And second, maybe it's
not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.


As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her
nieces
and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if
she
loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that
her
children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is
the
issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your
sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your
joint gift) to the rest of your cousins?





Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have
more
than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to
illustrate
the point you need to make.

Lori



---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.528 / Virus Database: 324 - Release Date: 16/10/2003

Then let me make it more relevant: when my twin daughters were one they
received a ride-on toy, just like OPs did. Yes, just one. And we wrote a
thank you note, taught them how to get on it together (I have photographic
evidence) and enjoyed it. A gift does not an individual make. Being an
individual is about character, not about possessions.

I think we'd do better to find ways to demonstrate our children's
individuality in how *we* treat them than by being ungracious and
vindictive.

A.


"Rhiann1048" wrote in message
...
Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita"
Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM
Message-id: . rogers.com

You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk
of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins,


Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand.


we are about two years apart. As children
we
often received shared gifts.

What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal
interest
in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one
of
you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking
turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year
olds.


It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to
share a
book, game, or DVD.



Sure we sometimes fought over them but we
did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful
for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope
to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.


Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't
mean
they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you
and
your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt
it.

We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They
liked
riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have
caused so
many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them.




So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them.

How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be
treated as
such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for
twins
than those who are siblings a couple years apart.



And second, maybe it's
not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.


As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her
nieces
and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if
she
loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that
her
children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is
the
issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your
sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your
joint gift) to the rest of your cousins?





Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have
more
than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to
illustrate
the point you need to make.

Lori



---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.528 / Virus Database: 324 - Release Date: 16/10/2003

I was wondering if maybe there was a financial issue here? Maybe the SIL
didn't have enough money to buy two? Also, perhaps the MIL saying two of
everything would "crap up the house" was her speaking from experience, since
she did have 8 children . . . it's not clear to me from the OP and I guess
I've missed more posts on this topic, but if the gift was from the SIL maybe
the MIL didn't appreciate you saying something to her about her daughter . .
.. I don't know . . . I've just found that in-laws don't change and the only
thing you can do is be gracious and deal with your emotions inside because
seriously, they DON'T change, and until/if they do it's easier to take them
with a grain of salt . . . don't feel like I'm trying to make you feel in
the wrong, Megan, because I'm not. I understand that MIL/SIL didn't do the
right thing; I just also understand that they're probably never going to.
And I certainly sympathize with you, so continue venting here when you
need to! And stand up for yourself when you need to, just remember that
your in-laws see it so differently than you so don't let things get to you
too much, if possible.

Nik

"Anita" wrote in message
ble.rogers.com...
You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children
we
often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we
did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope
to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.

So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's
not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.

Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


snip

I was wondering if maybe there was a financial issue here? Maybe the SIL
didn't have enough money to buy two? Also, perhaps the MIL saying two of
everything would "crap up the house" was her speaking from experience, since
she did have 8 children . . . it's not clear to me from the OP and I guess
I've missed more posts on this topic, but if the gift was from the SIL maybe
the MIL didn't appreciate you saying something to her about her daughter . .
.. I don't know . . . I've just found that in-laws don't change and the only
thing you can do is be gracious and deal with your emotions inside because
seriously, they DON'T change, and until/if they do it's easier to take them
with a grain of salt . . . don't feel like I'm trying to make you feel in
the wrong, Megan, because I'm not. I understand that MIL/SIL didn't do the
right thing; I just also understand that they're probably never going to.
And I certainly sympathize with you, so continue venting here when you
need to! And stand up for yourself when you need to, just remember that
your in-laws see it so differently than you so don't let things get to you
too much, if possible.

Nik

"Anita" wrote in message
ble.rogers.com...
You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of
being flamed off the planet...

My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children
we
often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we
did
not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The
truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for
what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope
to
raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same.

Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of
everything will become clutter.

So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think
about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is
consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's
not
really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws.

Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on.

Anita


snip

Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita"
Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 11:00 AM
Message-id: . rogers.com

Then let me make it more relevant: when my twin daughters were one they
received a ride-on toy, just like OPs did. Yes, just one. And we wrote
a
thank you note, taught them how to get on it together (I have photographic
evidence) and enjoyed it.

Mine 'fit' on their scooter together as well. But not comfortably and could
not operate it very well pressed together. I wanted a toy they could use the
way it was intended and help their large motor skills along the way. And
although 2 years+ later they are a little big for them at this point, they
still race each other around from time to time. We got our money's worth and
then some from these toys.

A gift does not an individual make. Being an
individual is about character, not about possessions.

Being expected to share gifts is just another way that twins are sometimes
lumped together. It doesn't define them. No one said it did. But it is one
way of many that people assume that their individual desires don't matter --
that somehow because they are twins one gift is 'good enough' and they won't
mind sharing. IMO that shows a lack of respect. And I don't think that is
fair to them.

I think you are naive if you think this kind of treatment by others isn't going
to matter to them at some point. *Especially* if they have cousins who are
treated differently and they see that.





I think we'd do better to find ways to demonstrate our children's
individuality in how *we* treat them than by being ungracious and
vindictive.


Ungracious and vindictive? Wow. It is clear that you missed the point.


Of course our treatment of them effects how they will develop their
individuality. But since they interact with people other than us, it is up to
us -- as their parents -- to stand up for them when they are treated unfairly.
That is all Megan is doing and I applaud her for it. Sometimes standing up for
your kids is more important than being polite.

Lori




A.