snotty 6 year old

I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one,
and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I
had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but
I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she
needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and
I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department
whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I
should be doing?

Deanna wrote:
I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one,
and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I
had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but
I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she
needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and
I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department
whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I
should be doing?

What exactly is she doing?

Clisby

Clisby wrote in message ...
Deanna wrote:
I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one,
and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I
had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but
I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she
needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and
I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department
whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I
should be doing?

What exactly is she doing?

Clisby

Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips
me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us.
Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are
all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the
hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her
teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas?
Deanna

"Deanna" wrote in message
om...
Clisby wrote in message
...
Deanna wrote:
I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one,
and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I
had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but
I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she
needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and
I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department
whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I
should be doing?

What exactly is she doing?

Clisby

Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips
me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us.
Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are
all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the
hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her
teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas?
Deanna

no idea's really but she will grow out of it.

My mum says I used to be like jekyll and hyde, I was the nicest freind some
children in school but to other children I was nothing but a pain. The
teacher noticed it and asked my parents if I was like that at home. I wasn't
like that at home just school. They worked it out eventually that I had no
where to vent my problems and therefore I was taking out on children at
school. I outgrow it within the year. (and have never done it since)


Nic

On 7 May 2004 15:41:21 -0700, (Deanna) wrote:

Well, she's started lying,

Can you give examples? Children of 6 actually still have problems
distinguishing fact from fiction especially if they are trying to stay
out of trouble.

For 5 and 6 year olds, if *you* believe them, it's actually true even
if they know things didn't happen that way.

If you are punishing her for lying, that is probably the wrong way to
go since it will motivate her not to communicate with you when she
is older.

This is a good article with suggestions on how to deal with lying
in children of this age.

http://www.parentsoup.com/elementary...225704,00.html

The major points a
Make it clear to children that the truth is important to you.
Model honesty.
Avoid labeling children as "liars."
Confront children gently but truthfully.
Talk about what makes telling the truth difficult.
Discuss the moral questions.
Offer children opportunities to make amends.

she hits the baby once in awhile,

This, of course, is unacceptable. Prevention is best.
How old is the baby?

If the baby is very young, then you need to stay close
and supervise and prevent her from hitting. When she
tries to hit, you need to stop her before she can do this.
If the baby is crawling or walking, things are a bit harder
because the baby is getting into *her* stuff and while
supervision is still necessary, it may be harder.

Is she getting enough one on one time with you?
Sometimes, the problem is that you are so taken
up with caring for the baby that the older child feels
neglected.

A very good book on siblings is: Siblings Without
Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

she lips me and her father off,

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't react *at all.*

and she purposely just outright defies us.

In what way?

Six year olds need to have a lot of choices and control
of their lives. Perhaps she needs to feel powerful. To
empower her, give her lots of things she can do for herself
and choose.

Encourage her to experiment with open ended activities
where there is no one right answer. School often suppresses
this and wants kids to get *the* answer they are trying to
teach, so at home, things need to be much more open
ended.

Use humor to lighten the mood at home.

Listen and accept her emotions. Reflect them back in statements
that don't judge her for having them. I hear..... I think you are
saying.... I see.... etc.

How to Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Children
Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has many good
scenarios that can help you to empower her to think of herself
as competent.

Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything,
but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially
the lying and the hitting.

Obviously, you cannot tolerate the hitting. For the lying, you
need to understand the emotional motivation and address
that as well as the *moral* values.

And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her
teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas?

You should be pleased that she feels *safe* at home and can
let go. It is a given that kids need to vent and to release some
of the things they hold in when they are being *good* elsewhere.
She knows she can do this safely at home because you love
her and will keep her safe from harm.

Deanna

Good luck!


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

"Deanna" wrote in message
om...

(...)

Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips
me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us.
Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are
all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the
hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her
teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas?

When you discussed this with her, what did she say?

My sense is that she still feels left out and doesn't feel like she is
getting enough positive attention. I do see she knows how to get attention,
however.

Jeff

My advice is not to spoil-rotten your daughter. A very big problem in
human society is that little girls are spoiled-to-stench while poor
little boys are cold-heartedely roughhoused.

(Deanna) wrote in message . com...
I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one,
and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I
had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but
I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she
needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and
I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department
whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I
should be doing?

toto wrote in message . ..
On 7 May 2004 15:41:21 -0700, (Deanna) wrote:

Well, she's started lying,

Can you give examples? Children of 6 actually still have problems
distinguishing fact from fiction especially if they are trying to stay
out of trouble.

For 5 and 6 year olds, if *you* believe them, it's actually true even
if they know things didn't happen that way.

If you are punishing her for lying, that is probably the wrong way to
go since it will motivate her not to communicate with you when she
is older.

This is a good article with suggestions on how to deal with lying
in children of this age.

http://www.parentsoup.com/elementary...225704,00.html

The major points a
Make it clear to children that the truth is important to you.
Model honesty.
Avoid labeling children as "liars."
Confront children gently but truthfully.
Talk about what makes telling the truth difficult.
Discuss the moral questions.
Offer children opportunities to make amends.

she hits the baby once in awhile,

This, of course, is unacceptable. Prevention is best.
How old is the baby?

If the baby is very young, then you need to stay close
and supervise and prevent her from hitting. When she
tries to hit, you need to stop her before she can do this.
If the baby is crawling or walking, things are a bit harder
because the baby is getting into *her* stuff and while
supervision is still necessary, it may be harder.

Is she getting enough one on one time with you?
Sometimes, the problem is that you are so taken
up with caring for the baby that the older child feels
neglected.

A very good book on siblings is: Siblings Without
Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

she lips me and her father off,

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't react *at all.*

and she purposely just outright defies us.

In what way?

Six year olds need to have a lot of choices and control
of their lives. Perhaps she needs to feel powerful. To
empower her, give her lots of things she can do for herself
and choose.

Encourage her to experiment with open ended activities
where there is no one right answer. School often suppresses
this and wants kids to get *the* answer they are trying to
teach, so at home, things need to be much more open
ended.

Use humor to lighten the mood at home.

Listen and accept her emotions. Reflect them back in statements
that don't judge her for having them. I hear..... I think you are
saying.... I see.... etc.

How to Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Children
Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has many good
scenarios that can help you to empower her to think of herself
as competent.

Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything,
but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially
the lying and the hitting.

Obviously, you cannot tolerate the hitting. For the lying, you
need to understand the emotional motivation and address
that as well as the *moral* values.

And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her
teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas?

You should be pleased that she feels *safe* at home and can
let go. It is a given that kids need to vent and to release some
of the things they hold in when they are being *good* elsewhere.
She knows she can do this safely at home because you love
her and will keep her safe from harm.

Deanna

Good luck!
Thanks so much, Dorothy. I really appreciate the help.
Deanna

"Nic" wrote in message . au...
"Deanna" wrote in message
om...
Clisby wrote in message
...
Deanna wrote:
I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one,
and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I
had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but
I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she
needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and
I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department
whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I
should be doing?

What exactly is she doing?

Clisby

Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips
me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us.
Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are
all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the
hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her
teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas?
Deanna

no idea's really but she will grow out of it.

My mum says I used to be like jekyll and hyde, I was the nicest freind some
children in school but to other children I was nothing but a pain. The
teacher noticed it and asked my parents if I was like that at home. I wasn't
like that at home just school. They worked it out eventually that I had no
where to vent my problems and therefore I was taking out on children at
school. I outgrow it within the year. (and have never done it since)


Nic

thank you, Nic.
Deanna

x-posts snipped - the troll's an idiot, but he keeps coming back
to mk, so answering in mk.

On 7 May 2004 19:42:58 -0700, (Fair For All)
wrote:

My advice is not to spoil-rotten your daughter.

Really, you have a big blind spot. No child should be spoiled,
but in infancy and toddlerhood, all children need to be held,
cuddled and to have their emotions validated by the adults around
them. It really does not matter whether they are boys or girls.

A very big problem in
human society is that little girls are spoiled-to-stench while poor
little boys are cold-heartedely roughhoused.

Roughhousing is not at all cold-hearted. My granddaughter loves
having daddy or grandpa roughhouse with her. They throw her up
in the air and catch her and she laughs and laughs. They play tickle
games (always stop this if the child doesn't like it) and she signals
*more, more, more.* Roughhousing, provided the adult is controlling
the pace so that the child doesn't get hurt is *fun* for most
children, both boys and girls.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits