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  #1  
Old August 4th 08, 04:42 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
lu-lu
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Posts: 113
Default Torn

I'm just wondering what you think...

Jessica started at the childminder's today. She just went for about 3 hours,
normally she'll be there for 5. I hated every minute of her being out of my
care.

I didn't want her to go. DH and I always said we'd never have a childminder,
and I feel like I've sold out. The only reason she's gone is that DH started
a new job this morning. He has to travel and be at work by 08.30. I don't
leave work til just after 08.00. For this reason, he'll now take her at
07.00, and I'll be collecting her at midday. That means that as I'm at work
overnight, I won't see her from 19.30 until midday for three days a week. I
work weekends too, and already feel prety crappy that I miss her bedtime and
breakfast 5 times a week. To now lose three mornings too is too much for me
to cope with. The stupid thing is that I'm partly working to pay for the
child minder, that really sucks.

Everyone's telling me how great it is that I'll get time to myself. I'll get
that when she's grown up. I don't want to miss her being small.I've barely
seen her for the last month as I've been doing huge amounts of overtime
where DH was out of work. In 4 months, I'll have a new baby, and my
attention will be divided. I resent paying someone to have her three
mornings a week, when that should be my time with her.

I don't know what to do. I think I just want to quit my job. That way I
won't need a childminder. DH is earning more now, so it wouldn't be too
horrific. I don't want someone else bringing up my baby...


  #2  
Old August 4th 08, 04:59 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Jamie Clark
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Posts: 855
Default Torn

Lulu,
It's hard when circumstances change and we have to change our plan. How
much of your paycheck goes to pay the childminder? 50%, 75%? 90%? If you
deduct the amount going to the childminder, and see what's left after taxes
and all that, you may well realize that for all the work you are doing, you
are only bringing in $100 a month or so. And for $100 extra a month, it may
well not be worth it to you to work. Certainly there are things you can
likely to do tighten your belt and budget a bit that might well make it
possible for you to quit your job. Especially since dh's new job pays more
than his last.

Talk to dh about it tonight, and lay out the financials for him. Hopefully
you'll both be on the same page. Good luck.
--

Jamie Clark

www.ClarkDigitalArts.com

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
I'm just wondering what you think...

Jessica started at the childminder's today. She just went for about 3
hours,
normally she'll be there for 5. I hated every minute of her being out of
my
care.

I didn't want her to go. DH and I always said we'd never have a
childminder,
and I feel like I've sold out. The only reason she's gone is that DH
started
a new job this morning. He has to travel and be at work by 08.30. I don't
leave work til just after 08.00. For this reason, he'll now take her at
07.00, and I'll be collecting her at midday. That means that as I'm at
work
overnight, I won't see her from 19.30 until midday for three days a week.
I
work weekends too, and already feel prety crappy that I miss her bedtime
and
breakfast 5 times a week. To now lose three mornings too is too much for
me
to cope with. The stupid thing is that I'm partly working to pay for the
child minder, that really sucks.

Everyone's telling me how great it is that I'll get time to myself. I'll
get
that when she's grown up. I don't want to miss her being small.I've barely
seen her for the last month as I've been doing huge amounts of overtime
where DH was out of work. In 4 months, I'll have a new baby, and my
attention will be divided. I resent paying someone to have her three
mornings a week, when that should be my time with her.

I don't know what to do. I think I just want to quit my job. That way I
won't need a childminder. DH is earning more now, so it wouldn't be too
horrific. I don't want someone else bringing up my baby...




  #3  
Old August 4th 08, 07:03 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,293
Default Torn

lu-lu wrote:

I don't know what to do. I think I just want to quit my job. That way I
won't need a childminder. DH is earning more now, so it wouldn't be too
horrific. I don't want someone else bringing up my baby...


I think you need to ask yourself a couple questions:

1) Do you want to work, or not? If you don't want to work (and
can afford not to, see question 2), then don't. If you do
want to work, then work and make the best arrangements you
can. If your daughter is in quality childcare five hours/day,
she is not being brought up by someone else. There is no
special magic to breakfast or bedtime. The magic happens
where you make it happen, and as long as you spend the time
and create the experiences, it doesn't matter if it's breakfast
or some other time of the day.

2) Can you afford not to work? That encompasses both the direct
effects (what does it do to family income right now, when you
work out what you're bringing home vs. tax impacts vs. money
for child care and other work-related expenses) and the indirect
effects (do you need to work to keep up your skills in the
marketplace? is your ability to work your "rainy day fund"?).

If you don't want to work and you don't need to work, then it doesn't
make any sense to me for you to keep working. If you want to work or
need to work, it doesn't make any sense to me for you to be guilty
over having your child in childcare 5 hours/day. I understand that
you don't *like* it, and I understand your feelings, but I don't
think there's any need to feel guilty about that amount of child
care and as long as it's quality care, I don't think it is in any
way detrimental to your child.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #4  
Old August 5th 08, 02:30 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
lu-lu
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 113
Default Torn

Hi all

Thanks for your support, I felt really miserable about the whole situation
yesterday.

I've been talking to DH about it all... I still really hate her going to the
childminders, but I guess I can see that there's a couple of advanteages. I
spoke to my boss today about my working hours in regards to my pregnancy.
I'll be 23weeks tomorrow. Because I didn't know I was pregnant when I
started, my 6 month probationary period isn't up until the end of Sept, but,
far away as that seems, it's only 7 weeks away.I'm going to try and stick
this crummy situation until then and then drop back to just doing Friday and
Saturday nights, so that DH will have her. I'll also see him more - at the
moment, I see him for a couple of hours over the weekend, then half an hour
a day between our shifts for three days a week.

Then, in early November, I'll be 36 weeks, and I'll go on maternity leave...
There's a bit of me that's not sure what I'm going to do with the
childminder. By then, she'll be used to going, and today she really wanted
to stay there. One of the few advantages I could see was that when the baby
arrives, she'd still go as it'd do her good to keep her routine (that was
before I decided I hated having a childminder). Also, I thought that if she
stayed there once I cut my nights, DH would still take her, and I'd actually
get a lie in during the last stages of pregnancy - because I don't drive,
I'm spending all morning travelling back and forwards on busses and tiring
myself as they're unreliable and I end up waiting 90 mins in the rain.)

I don't know. All that is ahead of me, and I'm going to have to see if I
settle into it all as well as Jessica has. I love being a mum, but the guit
is crap!

Thanks again x

Lucy x


 




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