Dad on Dr. Phil

Paula wrote:

Werebat wrote:

Henry wrote:

One final rant: I love the all double-standards within the system. I
must pay CS to my ex. After all, it is for the children. It is ASSUMED
my ex is paying her share. I have court orders to pay. I have a Child
Support Guidelines I must follow. I have the entire weight of the
government on my shoulders should I not pay. Yet no one, NO ONE, is
watching my ex and ensuring SHE is paying her "share". *shakes head*

One way to fix this (not a wise one, but it would work):

Make it profitable for the government to poke its nose into her
financial affairs. Allow them to confiscate items above a certain
lifestyle limit that were not purchased for the children, for example.
Not a good precedent, but if the government profits, it might bite.

- Ron ^*^


While I'm sure that I'm going to get flamed for this, I'm gonna
say it anyway because what you are proposing is just so
absurd.

The government has no right to come into my life and audit
on what I spend my _hard-earned_ money -- let alone take
it away from me.

The moment you file for CS.....they do.

And no, I am not referring to the money
my daughter's father contributes to her care every month.
I happen to be one of those few- and-far-between CPs who
works hard to earn a living to support myself and my child.

For clarity, I agree with you that the current system is
messed up ... let's not "fix" it by screwing even more
people over, okay!?

Paula

"Paula" wrote
.........................

But it wasn't a relaxed conversation, and I took a bit of offense to
his rubber-stamp acceptance of my decisions until I asked him to pay
for half of large, medical, out-of-pocket expenses. I didn't voice
that offense at the time, but it did manifest in my defensiveness
within the conversation.
==
Can you state simply exactly what it is you are seeking from him? This
matter has
become very confusing--Half the theoretical deductible, not already paid?
Reimbursement for
med bills already paid? Half the cost of the surgery not yet billed or paid?
I don't know how you expect
him to pay for bills you don't have.

"Paula" wrote
......................

It's very sad sometimes, and I worry about the effects that it could
have on her. He's great when he's actually with her, so maybe I worry
too much ... I don't know.
==
Is this child from an affair you had with a married man?

Gini wrote:
"Paula" wrote
.....................

It's very sad sometimes, and I worry about the effects that it could
have on her. He's great when he's actually with her, so maybe I worry
too much ... I don't know.
==
Is this child from an affair you had with a married man?

It is if I read it right, but that has no bearing on anything

On Sun, 24 Dec 2006 15:14:56 GMT, "Gini" wrote:

"Paula" wrote
........................

But it wasn't a relaxed conversation, and I took a bit of offense to
his rubber-stamp acceptance of my decisions until I asked him to pay
for half of large, medical, out-of-pocket expenses. I didn't voice
that offense at the time, but it did manifest in my defensiveness
within the conversation.
==
Can you state simply exactly what it is you are seeking from him? This
matter has
become very confusing--Half the theoretical deductible, not already paid?
Reimbursement for
med bills already paid? Half the cost of the surgery not yet billed or paid?
I don't know how you expect
him to pay for bills you don't have.

I expect him to agree that bills such as those that will be associated
with her surgery are half his responsibility and not included in the
base amount.

--
"We're sculpted from youth, the chipping away makes me weary
And as for the truth it seems like we just pick a theory"
Deconstruction - Indigo Girls

"Chris" wrote in message
...

"Phil" wrote in message
ink.net...

"Chris" wrote in message
...

"Patrick Lee" wrote in message
...

Kenneth,

Your are absolutely right! Dr. Phil is a phony!
It is frightening to hold up people like him,
Oprah, and other bleeding heart socialist liberals! Finally, let
us
all
hope and pray that
"It Takes A Village" Hillary Clinton is NOT elected(or nominated)
for
President of the
country.....When that day comes, I'm gettin'
my ass out of this country!!!!!!!!

Actually, it would be good if Hitlery wins the nomination because
then
it
will be all but guaranteed that we will not get a socialist for
president.

Do you think Hillary is not socialist-minded?
I beg to differ. She is adamant in that the state should give to all
(women and children) what they need based on their needs (without
working), taken from those who have no political power/money.
Phil #3

I agree. What I am saying is that she is so far out there that if she
gets
the nomination she will not get elected. However, if some other
dirtbag
demmie gets it, there is a much better chance that they will be
elected.


Depends... but keep in mind that NY elected her well after she proved
what she was about and her husband was re-elected as president even
after he proved himself. Being worthless to the American people does not
mean one cannot get elected as president and most importantly, it isn't
up to the American people.
Phil #3

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Paula" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 23 Dec 2006 11:16:03 -0800, "Bob Whiteside"
wrote:


"Paula" wrote in message
.. .
On Fri, 22 Dec 2006 20:43:25 -0800, "Bob Whiteside"
wrote:

So your theory is whatever you spend your "hard earned money on"
is
your
property. Does that include fathers spending their hard earned
money
on
their children through child support make the children their
property?

Are you asking if my daughter is her father's property because he
pays
child support? If so, no, she is a child - not property, and the
things purchased for her using her child support money are her
property not mine.

I agree. I was just pointing out your statement that whatever you
spend
your money on is property was filled with illogical holes.

Your point is still invalid ... I buy goods (property) and services
for my child with the received CS; I don't buy my child with it.

But I also believe fathers who pay CS deserve a say in how the money
is
spent on their children. It is very frustrating to fathers to pay
large
sums of CS and then have the children's mother send the children to
visit
their dads begging the dad's to buy things for them that should be
paid
for
out of the CS.

I'm sure it is. What did she say when you spoke to her about that?

"You only pay the bare minimum. You never pay for any extras."

I was told: "it's none of your business" on more than one occasion and
on at least one was told that perhaps I shouldn't be spending so much
time with him (which at the time was 2 days every other weekend).
Phil #3


It didn't matter I was paying more than double the average CS award
for 2
children at the time. Her perspective was I was only paying as little
as
possible.

"Paula" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 23 Dec 2006 21:17:27 -0800, "teachrmama"
wrote:
That does make things pretty complicated, doesn't it? How does his wifwe
feel about your daughter? Any relationship between them?

Yes, it does. I'm told that they get along very well, that there's
never any tension regarding her presence. I have a little trouble
accepting that as truth but believe that they do the best they can and
are human just like the rest of us.

My husband has a daughter by another woman--from years before we even met.
He didn't find out about her until she was nearly 13. I wish his daughter
all the bes--make sure birthdays and special occasions are remembered,
etc.
But I would not give that woman the time of day. I think it was vile that
she kept father and daughter apart for so long. Hopefully, part of the
reason for your chld's father's behavior is not that he does not want to
deal with an angry wife.

I fear that it is, though.

That's a really hard one to deal with. (Although, if it costs him nothing
to put her on the insurance, I do not understand why the wife would be
angry. I was furious when Child Support Enforcement wanted to force my
husband to select a policy where he worked that would cover his other
daughter, but place our closest physician 150 miles from where we lived.
Fortunately, his company attorneys got involved and told Chisl Support
Enforcement to shove off. She was put on our existing policym for which she
had a doctor in the next town ovder form her--12 miles away. You have no
idea how ridiculous CSE can be sometimes.) He really does need to get his
act together on this one. If it is free and doesn't harm his existing
family, it makes no sense for him to refuse to do it. Do the people where
he works know about your daughter? Maybe he doesn't want to spoil his
"image".

"Paula" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 23 Dec 2006 19:42:11 -0800, "teachrmama"
wrote:


"Paula" wrote in message
. ..
On Sun, 24 Dec 2006 02:10:35 GMT, "Gini" wrote:


"Paula" wrote
....................................

You're right; I could take on what certainly feels like all of the
work of making this work. But it's not healthy for me to do that; he
can be quite a taker in his own right, and I can't model the
acceptance of that behaviour for my child. I've had to set some very
strict boundaries with this man, and I won't compromise them just to
keep from taking this to court if he chooses to maintain his current
position on the medical expenses.
==
But, are you sure these expenses are required above the CS amount?
What does your order say about medical expenses?

I'm sorry, I guess I never laid that out, did I.

I don't have an order ... that's the issue. We made a calculation
based upon an online calculator for the state in question 3 years ago.
It hasn't changed since. Now we disagree, he's ignored 3 months of
request to discuss these matters, and she's got a surgery scheduled in
less than 2 weeks.

It has got to be stressful to think about your child having surgery. Is
it
something simple like a tonsillectomy or tubes in the ears? Does he
understand the necessity of the surgery?

Yes, and hopefully. He hasn't mentioned it to me since discussing it
the night before I filed the papers when he couldn't agree that half
the cost of the surgery should be his responsibility (with the other
half mine, of course).

But it wasn't a relaxed conversation, and I took a bit of offense to
his rubber-stamp acceptance of my decisions until I asked him to pay
for half of large, medical, out-of-pocket expenses. I didn't voice
that offense at the time, but it did manifest in my defensiveness
within the conversation.

I need to talk to him again, but with the holidays (and his lack of
time for it in general), I know that he won't have time. I should do
it anyway, but it's just gotten so damn discouraging.

Is your court date before or after the surgery?

"Relayer" wrote

Gini wrote:
"Paula" wrote
.....................

It's very sad sometimes, and I worry about the effects that it could
have on her. He's great when he's actually with her, so maybe I worry
too much ... I don't know.
==
Is this child from an affair you had with a married man?

It is if I read it right, but that has no bearing on anything
==
It would certainly have a bearing on the dynamics of the relationships and
the amount of
time and money he is willing to expend. Too, if the man were still married,
Paula may be
putting more "performance" pressure on him if she hoped he would leave his
wife to be with
the "new" baby. So yeah, it would have a significant bearing on lots of
things.