Screamingly frustrating...

Friend of mine and her bf are splitting up.... he wants custody. Baby is 8
months and bf... He wants "equal time" before the hearing... and said, "If
she wants the baby breastfed, she should pump and send milk along. I was
weaned at 3 months and I'm fine."

beats head against any hard object

Jenrose

Jenrose wrote:
Friend of mine and her bf are splitting up.... he wants custody. Baby is 8
months and bf... He wants "equal time" before the hearing... and said, "If
she wants the baby breastfed, she should pump and send milk along. I was
weaned at 3 months and I'm fine."

beats head against any hard object

Jenrose

I am all for BF but I am even more in favour of *both* parents having a
relationship with their child. Full time BF will hopefully be the least
of the casualties in this situation ... that baby is 50% his after
all, I don't see why he shouldn't be entitled to equal time if he is a
fit parent. I would hate to see one parent's time with their child
(this isn't a newborn and can conceivably drink from a cup) sacrificed
for the sake of taking milk from the breast. Babies drink from cups and
bottles for a variety of reasons, spending time with their dad doesn't
seem like the worst of them.

Hopefully they will find a way to share custody so the child suffers as
little as possible. Personally I can't imagine how difficult it must be
to go from being a full time parent to having limited visitation with
my children

Elle

wrote in message
oups.com...
Jenrose wrote:
Friend of mine and her bf are splitting up.... he wants custody. Baby is
8
months and bf... He wants "equal time" before the hearing... and said,
"If
she wants the baby breastfed, she should pump and send milk along. I was
weaned at 3 months and I'm fine."

beats head against any hard object

Jenrose

I am all for BF but I am even more in favour of *both* parents having a
relationship with their child. Full time BF will hopefully be the least
of the casualties in this situation ... that baby is 50% his after
all, I don't see why he shouldn't be entitled to equal time if he is a
fit parent. I would hate to see one parent's time with their child
(this isn't a newborn and can conceivably drink from a cup) sacrificed
for the sake of taking milk from the breast. Babies drink from cups and
bottles for a variety of reasons, spending time with their dad doesn't
seem like the worst of them.

Hopefully they will find a way to share custody so the child suffers as
little as possible. Personally I can't imagine how difficult it must be
to go from being a full time parent to having limited visitation with
my children

Elle
\

I would be more than willing to come suck the breast milk from her teat and
spit it into the bottle so that this poor girl will not have to suffer the
humiliation of the pump. She will also be used to this as I have heard that
the reason he has left her is that she is a spitter.

Always here to help,

Jack Meov

"Jenrose" wrote in message ...
Friend of mine and her bf are splitting up.... he wants custody. Baby is 8
months and bf... He wants "equal time" before the hearing... and said, "If
she wants the baby breastfed, she should pump and send milk along. I was
weaned at 3 months and I'm fine."

beats head against any hard object

Jenrose


Similar thing happened to me.. but my BF left me as soon as he found out I
was pregnant. My 6 month old daughter was breastfed, and he came along after
6 months and decided he wanted to see her and take her out. He took me to
court who told him he could have visitation in my home or contact centre
until she was no longer breastfed AND she knew who the hell he was!

Andrea and baby Erin.

"Jenrose" wrote in message
news:1133036293.c64dcfd68a7d9d4b376e765ed563342f@f e5.teranews.com...
Friend of mine and her bf are splitting up.... he wants custody. Baby is 8
months and bf... He wants "equal time" before the hearing... and said, "If
she wants the baby breastfed, she should pump and send milk along. I was
weaned at 3 months and I'm fine."

beats head against any hard object

Good for the dad to want to be in the child's life, many don't want to.
Nothing wrong with the mom pumping and sending along EBM.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

On Sat, 26 Nov 2005 20:18:13 +0000, "Jenrose"
wrote:
Friend of mine and her bf are splitting up.... he wants custody. Baby is 8
months and bf... He wants "equal time" before the hearing... and said, "If
she wants the baby breastfed, she should pump and send milk along. I was
weaned at 3 months and I'm fine."

Equal time will be very, very hard to do while breastfeeding. That is
more milk needing to be pumped than a working mom has to deal with.
IME this visitation thing doesn't usually last long, other things come
up for the non-custodial parent (I've seen it in mothers, too) that
are more important than spending time with the child. So I doubt it
would literally be "equal time".
Marie

Sue wrote:
"Jenrose" wrote in message
news:1133036293.c64dcfd68a7d9d4b376e765ed563342f@f e5.teranews.com...
Friend of mine and her bf are splitting up.... he wants custody. Baby is 8
months and bf... He wants "equal time" before the hearing... and said, "If
she wants the baby breastfed, she should pump and send milk along. I was
weaned at 3 months and I'm fine."

beats head against any hard object

Good for the dad to want to be in the child's life, many don't want to.
Nothing wrong with the mom pumping and sending along EBM.

I guess, although what if she hasn't been pumping and finds out she
can't let down for one, like any number of women currently posting
here?

Jenrose is likely distressed by two things: the conflation of the kind
of active nursing one does of an eight-month-old for comfort and other
parenting needs with providing EBM, and the horrible, horrible argument
that the bf made about early weaning in his case extrapolating to other
cases when the scientific evidence clearly says otherwise.

--
C, mama to three year old nursling

wrote in message
I guess, although what if she hasn't been pumping and finds out she
can't let down for one, like any number of women currently posting
here?

Many of the women here have found ways around it. I can bet though, that the
dad is angry and is just saying these things as a way to get mom's goat. I
also bet that the dad will tire of the arrangement and down the road, some
other arrangement will be found after the hurt and anger subsides.

Jenrose is likely distressed by two things: the conflation of the kind
of active nursing one does of an eight-month-old for comfort and other
parenting needs with providing EBM,

It's not like the child is a newborn, the child is 8 months old. Definitely
old enough to be given a sippy cup and eating solids. The dad can also
provide comfort. The idea that mom can only do this is hogwash in my mind.

and the horrible, horrible argument
that the bf made about early weaning in his case extrapolating to other
cases when the scientific evidence clearly says otherwise.

Yeah, I hear that a lot, but I have not witnessed these horrible things that
formula fed babies are supposed to have.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Sue wrote:
wrote in message
I guess, although what if she hasn't been pumping and finds out she
can't let down for one, like any number of women currently posting
here?

Many of the women here have found ways around it. I can bet though, that the
dad is angry and is just saying these things as a way to get mom's goat. I
also bet that the dad will tire of the arrangement and down the road, some
other arrangement will be found after the hurt and anger subsides.

That's entirely possible. I'd *love* to figure out how to let down for
a pump, though, and none of the tricks have worked for me. :-)

Jenrose is likely distressed by two things: the conflation of the kind
of active nursing one does of an eight-month-old for comfort and other
parenting needs with providing EBM,

It's not like the child is a newborn, the child is 8 months old. Definitely
old enough to be given a sippy cup and eating solids. The dad can also
provide comfort. The idea that mom can only do this is hogwash in my mind.

When I had an eight-month-old, it was mom or no one. I'd go out to
teach for a few hours, and he'd cry himself to sleep in a sling on
Daddy, and when I got home, his whole body would relax and he'd nurse
for two hours and then be clingy. And he didn't figure out sippy cups
until almost a year old. Kids are all different, and what they find
easy to adapt to varies. Evolution probably designed babies of that
age to be generally easier to comfort at the breast than otherwise.
But again, all kids are different.

and the horrible, horrible argument
that the bf made about early weaning in his case extrapolating to other
cases when the scientific evidence clearly says otherwise.

Yeah, I hear that a lot, but I have not witnessed these horrible things that
formula fed babies are supposed to have.

What do your personal experiences have to do with the hard data from an
unbiased sample, though? It's anecdotal, just like my example with my
son above...

--
C, mama to three year old nursling

In message .com,
writes
I am all for BF but I am even more in favour of *both* parents having a
relationship with their child. Full time BF will hopefully be the least
of the casualties in this situation ... that baby is 50% his after
all, I don't see why he shouldn't be entitled to equal time if he is a
fit parent.

I think it depends on what the arrangement has been up until now. If
they've been caring for the baby 50-50 up until now, then I think it
would be beneficial for that to continue. If, as is more likely, she's
been the primary caregiver, then moving to equal time would be quite
disruptive for the baby, as it would mean spending less time with the
person with whom he/she is most strongly bonded.

Ideally, the judge will take into account the baby's emotional needs and
how much time he/she is used to spending with dad at one stretch. At
eight months, though, I don't think that decision should be made one way
or the other on the basis of breastfeeding.


All the best,

Sarah

--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.blogspot.com

But how do we _know_ that nobody ever said on their deathbed that they wished
they’d spent more time at the office?