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teenager breaking curfew



 
 
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  #101  
Old March 12th 08, 01:30 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Chris says...

On Mar 11, 2:09=EF=BF=BDpm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Banty wrote:
At what point do some folks here think it's time not to have a curfew?
Marriage? =EF=BF=BD(Beliavsky - that's your cultural answer, and only fo=

r daughters.)
College when there's just nothing you can do about it? =EF=BF=BDWhere's =

that transition
time?


=EF=BF=BD =EF=BF=BD =EF=BF=BD =EF=BF=BD I think it's a really individual c=

hoice, depending on the
individuals involved and the circumstances. =EF=BF=BDI think for a lot of
kids, they never need a curfew and all that's appropriate is a rule
that they keep you informed of where they are and when they'll be back,
and they update you promptly if there are any changes. =EF=BF=BDOther kids=


may need a very strict curfew for some period of time, followed by
a gradual transfer of responsibility as they mature and demonstrate
appropriate behavior. =EF=BF=BDFor some, a curfew might show up only as a
consequence for inappropriate behavior. =EF=BF=BDI'm not sure there is eve=

n
a one-size-fits-most point in time at which curfews go from appropriate
to inappropriate.

Best wishes,
Ericka


I have a better question, the same way it was asked of me by my
mother, what on earth is there to do for ANYONE after 2 a.m.(club
closing time in case the minor makes it in lol or after the late-late
showing at the movie theater) that is any good or productive, other
than work? Sure, the first time your curfew gets lifted and you are
free to decide just when you'll come home (not because you were
decorating all night for a senior prom or anything), it feels awesome
that you got to watch that clock go waaaay past it, but then what was
there to do? Just curious.


Sit in an empty Red Rocks amphitheater with a group of close friends, playing in
flashlights shone onto the rocks, then wait for the sun to come up?

Naw...erase that.

Return two and a half hours' drive from a ski trip, after a late dinner with a
friend's family. With the 22 year old big sister of said friend at the wheel?

Naw...erase that.


Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the
principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I
was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated
a virgin,


??!?

They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin?

How did they know?

had a job, paid for my own car, etc. and yet whenever I was
able to pull off a "I'm staying the night at so-and-so's house,"
because we would be able to stay out 'til whenever or they were having
a party because their parents were gone for the weekend, we found all
sorts of mischief that could have resulted in serious consequences in
a number of ways after midnight.


See, that's a bad *situation*. Even if one extricates oneself at 9:45 pm to
make a 10:00 curfew.

Do you really think *anything* that happens is along that line?

Heck, it was all in good fun, in the
mind of an 18-year-old. I also found myself in predicaments that could
have turned out a whole lot worse than they did with the kids who had
no curfew, and the ones who had really early ones were the worst by
the way, so I do have to thank my lucky stars for being able to keep
my wits about me and inventing ways to remove myself from those
situations.


That's a very good skill.

I can curl my mother's hair with the stories I share now,
as I'm sure some of the parents of those other children nearly drop
dead. The point being, my mother was absolutely right, there was
NOTHING good ever to come out of staying out all night. lol.


Guess you were happy with things that didn't require that. Doesn't make the
night some evul thing for everyone.

Banty

  #102  
Old March 12th 08, 02:24 PM posted to misc.kids
Beliavsky
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 453
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 12, 8:30*am, Banty wrote:

Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the
principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I
was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated
a virgin,


??!?

They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin?

How did they know?


You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the
sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right.
Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I
think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the
comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials
gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was
considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail
she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not
English class, and her meaning was clear.

I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out
and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so,
is perfectly valid.
  #103  
Old March 12th 08, 03:38 PM posted to misc.kids
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew



Sit in an empty Red Rocks amphitheater with a group of close friends, playing in
flashlights shone onto the rocks, then wait for the sun to come up?

Naw...erase that.

Return two and a half hours' drive from a ski trip, after a late dinner with a
friend's family. �With the 22 year old big sister of said friend at the wheel?

Naw...erase that.


Guess what Banty - even parents that set curfews would be 99% prone to
extending them here and there and for the type of controlled examples
you cite -- mine did. If I didn't have a planned activity, then curfew
was as it was. Your last question reveals a lot more about you than
you know. Yes, Beliavsky, you are correct -- it was meant to reveal
that I did still have a curfew despite being what most referred to as
a "model" teenager "good" girl.
  #104  
Old March 12th 08, 03:43 PM posted to misc.kids
Stephanie[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 693
Default teenager breaking curfew

Beliavsky wrote:
On Mar 12, 8:30 am, Banty wrote:

Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the
principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I
was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still
graduated a virgin,


??!?

They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin?

How did they know?


You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the
sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right.
Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I
think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the
comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials
gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was
considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail
she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not
English class, and her meaning was clear.

I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out
and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so,
is perfectly valid.



What is a need and who gets to decide? After the clubs closed or a party, we
used to go to Denny's or some other all night establishment. Did I *need* to
do this at 2:00am? Probably not. But the eggs sure tasted good!


  #105  
Old March 12th 08, 03:48 PM posted to misc.kids
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 12, 10:43�am, "Stephanie" wrote:
Beliavsky wrote:
On Mar 12, 8:30 am, Banty wrote:


Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the
principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I
was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still
graduated a virgin,


??!?


They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin?


How did they know?


You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the
sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right.
Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I
think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the
comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials
gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was
considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail
she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not
English class, and her meaning was clear.


I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out
and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so,
is perfectly valid.


What is a need and who gets to decide? After the clubs closed or a party, we
used to go to Denny's or some other all night establishment. Did I *need* to
do this at 2:00am? Probably not. But the eggs sure tasted good!- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


So did I, Stephanie, but in the US where I am located, the clubs
weren't available to 18-year-olds, or weren't supposed to be. lol. I
did the breakfast-after-clubbing thing when on my own in my own
apartment with friends at 19 - and then we could drive to Canada and
be legal. lol.
  #106  
Old March 12th 08, 03:51 PM posted to misc.kids
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 12, 7:26�am, enigma wrote:
"Sue" wrote innews:T9qdnXyJYKKKNkranZ2dnUVZ_jKdnZ2d@wideopenwe st.com:





"enigma" wrote in message
oh, i did a lot of amazingly stupid things (in retrospect,
of course. at the *time* they seemed reasonable), but
partying late wasn't one of them...
maybe being exposed to all the substance abusing kids was
part of it, or that my parents never made alcohol seem
mysterious & desirable, but unobtainable. we had wine with
dinner if we wanted from age 6 or so. we were never
forbidden from tasting cocktails if my parents had them.
it held no interest for me.


Yep, whereas in my family drinking was taboo. One couldn't
even talk about it. If you had one drink you were an
alcoholic. Even though I did stupid things, I still had my
head on my shoulders and definitely was much better than
some of the other people that I knew. (doesn't make it
better, but I do think how I was raised and the values
instilled had something to do with it). I do wonder if the
kids that totally went off the nut were the ones that
parents micromanaged.


it might be, but i started college in 1972. drinking age was
18 (went to 21 after i turned 21, then back to 18, then to 21
again). while there *was* drinking on campus & a few parties
that got out of hand, there were NOT freshmen dying of alcohol
poisoning. binge drinking rarely happened.
�i suspect this was because alcohol advertising was not as
common yet, plus the kids of my age were raised by the 50s
'suburban cocktail party' generation. while we saw alcohol as
a social norm, we mostly didn't see it as an 'escape' or as a
way to appear sexy (that was cigarettes in my age group. ick).
�yes, there were kids with drinking problems, or drug
problems, but there are & have always been addictive
personalities.
�but if you add in micromanaging a child's entire free time up
until he gets set loose at college or off to his own
apartment, *then* you can run into some seriously out-of-
control problems, because the kid has no idea how to act when
not being told what to do.
�i don't know. i am bringing Boo up like i was. he helps us
brew beer (he's tried it & doesn't like the taste). he's being
told the truth about drugs. he's allowed a lot of freedom, but
it's all based on his behaviour/maturity. last year he was
allowed to go to the pond by himself (must remember to put
limits on the # of frogs allowed in the observation tank this
year). this year he's working towards earning a carving knife
set (he'll be 8 in Aug). at this point he says he doesn't want
to go to college, but i think it's more because he's not
getting along in school. he's bright, but unfocused and
doesn't have friends at school. we may move him to a different
school next year, with a better arts & languages program,
robotics, & shop (woodworking, welding). i applied to Cornell
Veterinary school when i was 8...
lee

--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


I don't consider a curfew micromanaging. I made better decisions based
on the worries I served up to my parents every day under their roof.
My parents didn't just tell me "No." We discussed the "why" and their
reasoning, and even if I didn't agree, sometimes their "no" won out.
  #107  
Old March 12th 08, 04:05 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Beliavsky says...

On Mar 12, 8:30=A0am, Banty wrote:

Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the
principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I
was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still graduated
a virgin,


??!?

They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin?

How did they know?


You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the
sources I use.


That's not a matter of "style", it's a matter of facts and logic when you use
poor sources.

It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right.


It also has a tradition of punchy writing. A lot of people like that. Some
would rather see posters, women especially, be all 'spectful and demure.

The way to handle that, is to make good points in return. Not whine about the
pepper in the stew.

Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I
think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the
comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials
gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was
considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail
she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not
English class, and her meaning was clear.


Her meaning was clear, but it's curious that such an irrelevant (and personal)
factoid would be in her list.


I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out
and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so,
is perfectly valid.


Sure it is.

But *my* point is that, just because she has a temprament and set of intersts
that she cannot imagine wanting to be outside her house in the wee hours, does
not mean that all that is out there is evul and reckless doings.

Banty

  #108  
Old March 12th 08, 04:17 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Chris says...



Sit in an empty Red Rocks amphitheater with a group of close friends, play=

ing in
flashlights shone onto the rocks, then wait for the sun to come up?

Naw...erase that.

Return two and a half hours' drive from a ski trip, after a late dinner wi=

th a
friend's family. =EF=BF=BDWith the 22 year old big sister of said friend a=

t the wheel?

Naw...erase that.


Guess what Banty - even parents that set curfews would be 99% prone to
extending them here and there and for the type of controlled examples
you cite -- mine did. If I didn't have a planned activity, then curfew
was as it was. Your last question reveals a lot more about you than
you know. Yes, Beliavsky, you are correct -- it was meant to reveal
that I did still have a curfew despite being what most referred to as
a "model" teenager "good" girl.


The first example was not "controlled". ("Say Dad, can me and Grant and Margot
run around the environs of Denver all night, just seeing what turns up?") The
second case, perhaps, but what a curfew meant, when it did limit me, was mostly
stuff like - a friend of mine are having a heart to heart, but that didn't
really start until another mutual friend left at 10:15, and it's an 11:00 curfew
for me, and I have to leave at 10:45, so the heart to heart gets cut short.
Stuff along that line. And, yes, a lot of local concerts and stuff that I
couldn't make it back from in time so I didn't go. (Multiple continuous
exceptions don't a curfew make, so they weren't made.) More reasons to mark off
the calendar until I could be gone for good. Not the best start to a good adult
relationship with my family of origin.

This is why a lot of young adults go hogwild the freshmen year of college.
There's a heck of a lot of deferred exploration and self-discovery. And just
plain fun.

Eighteen year old fight wars for us, Chris. Only a couple of generations past
eighteen year olds were commonly married and raising families. Or at the least
already taking on trades and embarking in other ways.

It's our nutty society that takes young adults and expects them to be
quasi-babies well past adolescence. And throws up its hands when it sees stupid
decisions made by 18 year olds, and decides to pull the reins even tighter.

Banty

  #109  
Old March 12th 08, 04:20 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article , Stephanie says...

Beliavsky wrote:
On Mar 12, 8:30 am, Banty wrote:

Straight-A honor roll student here who was commissioned by the
principal and superintendent to do freelance work for them because I
was so trustworthy, mature, dependable, and I was shy, still
graduated a virgin,

??!?

They gave you freelance work because you were a virgin?

How did they know?


You have previously criticized my style of posting, especially the
sources I use. It's a free Usenet, and that is certainly your right.
Why don't you look in the mirror and examine the way you write? I
think you are often snide and needlessly argumentative, with the
comment above being an example. It's obvious that school officials
gave her freelance work because she was a good student and was
considered "trustworthy, mature, dependable". Probably the last detail
she gave should have been placed in separate sentence, but this is not
English class, and her meaning was clear.

I think Chris's general point, that is almost never a need to be out
and about at 2 AM, and that there are considerable risks to doing so,
is perfectly valid.



What is a need and who gets to decide? After the clubs closed or a party, we
used to go to Denny's or some other all night establishment. Did I *need* to
do this at 2:00am? Probably not. But the eggs sure tasted good!



'Xactly! And the Denny's stuff and similar stuff was often the most fun and led
to meeting the most people and most interesting conversations and the most
laughter. (*After* I had shed the bonds.)

What's with this that the only thing that happens at 2am is a rave at a house
vacated by parents??

Banty

  #110  
Old March 12th 08, 05:37 PM posted to misc.kids
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew

Unless my friend was suicidal or my mother agreed (knowing my friend's
circumstances), our heart-to-heart could wait until morning. As for
running around Denver all night just to see what turns up, no way, not
for me, and having been chased (me in a group with 3 other girls) by
strangers on an after-dark, I wouldn't let my children either. You may
not find trouble, but trouble may just very well find you. It is as
simple as that.

Are you actually implying that the children that never had a curfew
don't go hogwild, stay out late, partying? Puhlease. They go hogwild
because that is the freshman way, period. College isn't perceived only
as a place to learn. LMAO. The only difference is that those with
stricter parents find more creative ways to bypass the rules while
still at home, which every parent knows happens. lol.

I was one of those working and supporting myself fresh out of
highschool, so I don't need any lecture there. As a result, I didn't
have the time to stay out all night, as I'm sure 18-year-old parents
didn't either. lol.

That's exactly right, stupid decisions are made all of the time by 18-
year-olds, and as someone else here mentioned, there have been studies
conducted on their perception of/capability of adequately gauging
cause/effect, actions/consequences, reasoning skills, etc. And at 18,
the legal consequences of even stealing a yard ornament are much more
serious than when you were 16 and can result in a rap sheet. lol. The
biological mother of my cousin thought it would be okay to put her in
her bassinet next to the furnace as a newborn so she could go out and
party in the generation past at the age of 18. lol. Heck, she must've
been thinking "No big deal. Baby is going to be sleeping anyway, and
in case she wakes up to sooth herself back to sleep, the furnace noise
or just being in the basement won't give me away." @@ While there are
creepy parents that do this very thing as mature adults, well into
their 20's, can't say for certain this woman would have had she
another few years under her belt. Some college kids go hogwild
overboard only until they see it is affecting their grades or studies,
and others don't give a rip, and neither is based on whether or not
they had a later curfew than another or none at all.

18 isn't a magic number - some kids may display more readiness for
freedom than others earlier and some just plain later, and it isn't a
light switch that gets flipped on their 18th birthday either. Again,
we disagree. I find it a bit ridiculous that you were able to turn
anyone's response to the initial poster into all of this.

Just as there were kids I went to school with who had more freedom and
some who had less than I, there will be so in my generation. Not
everybody is going to, nor wants to, do it your way Banty. Good for
you and good for your kids, as you and they are sooo much luckier than
I was or mine might be. LMAO. @@ In hindsight, I believe my parents
were correct, especially when I compare the differences between the
liberties afforded my younger siblings, and them, based on being the
eldest setting the stage. They were more than fair, as many times
friends with stricter parents wanted to stay over at my house so they
could have my curfew.

We don't even know what the OP's ex's curfew was either. I don't think
an 18-year-old needs to be home by 10 p.m. on weekends or during
summer break, and that is me, but other's might.


This is why a lot of young adults go hogwild the freshmen year of college.
There's a heck of a lot of deferred exploration and self-discovery. �And just
plain fun.

Eighteen year old fight wars for us, Chris. �Only a couple of generations past
eighteen year olds were commonly married and raising families. �Or at the least
already taking on trades and embarking in other ways.

It's our nutty society that takes young adults and expects them to be
quasi-babies well past adolescence. �And throws up its hands when it sees stupid
decisions made by 18 year olds, and decides to pull the reins even tighter..


 




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