Opinions.....is this rude?

attitude adjustment

Oh, I'm sorry, I didnt realize who this poster was,,,,,now i'm just
going to consider the source!

Thanks to all the rest of you for your mature opinions...;-)
even if they're not in my favor...;-))
just wanted to see what ya all thought...;-))

Chrissy & Chloe....

In message , Christine
writes
Ok, DH wants to plan a small vacation with his 2 daughters,,,7 and
14,,,,,

he wants to take them to a huge ( FUN ) water park in Erie, then to
Canada....to see the falls,
and to the beach...etc.
from what I understand you should'nt take a baby out of the country till
they have x amount of shots....

Might be worth checking the regulations on this. Personally, I wouldn't
have thought Canada would be a problem, but check if you're not sure.

and she cant go on the beach....she is very fair, complected, and might
burn OR be cold on the beach if its chilly ( and IT IS! ) and my main
concern is ‘‘sand in her eyes’’ she doesnt even sit up by
herself yet..shes 12 weeks....

As others have said, she'd probably be just fine on the beach with
adequate precautions (loads of suntan cream, a hat to keep the sun out
of her eyes, etc.). However, the question is also whether you'd feel
happy and comfortable having her there.

DH thinks I should just go and sit in the hotel while him and his kids
have a ball...

Is it selfish of me to expect him to wait till next year, for a
vacation? because I told him she would probably be able to do a beach at
age one,

I think so, yes. Understandably so, but still selfish. He has two
other daughters and wants to spend time with them, and I think it's only
right that he should, both for her sake and theirs.

but he wants to take his kids,,,,,,,
they BOTH had been on a NICE vacation already with their moms....as a
matter of fact, the 7 year old is at the beach as we speak!
PLUS we went to a nice resort a few weeks ago,,,it was all indoors,,,I
walked around with chloe while they had fun!

But none of that replaces a holiday with Dad (for the girls) or a
holiday with the girls (for Dad).

BUT this place,,( the water park ) you cant take a stroller in, and she
is too little to sit in the water, so we would have to stay in the hotel
room,,,

I would MUCH rather spend my time with chloe than leave her with a
sitter...that is OUT!
DH would never expect me to get a sitter either...if it was just him and
I...then I would have my mom keep her BUT i wont leave Chloe behind to
go on a ‘‘family’’ vacation!

But I just want to stay home if he wants to go that bad......

so, is it rude of ME to stay here with Chloe?
and is it rude of HIM to still go knowing chloe is too small yet?

I would say 'No' to both questions. If you stay home and he goes, then
both you and him get time with your respective daughters, he's not stuck
at home and you're not stuck on a holiday you don't want to go on. That
sounds like a perfectly reasonable decision all round.

I think the final desicion is that I am going to stay home with
Chloe...but i was just wondering what you all thought?

Well, there you have it.....


All the best,

Sarah

--
"I once requested an urgent admission for a homeopath who had become depressed
and taken a massive underdose" - Phil Peverley

You asked for opinions.

yes, thats right, opinions not derogatory insults

Chrissy & Chloe....

"Christine" wrote in message
...
BUT this place,,( the water park ) you cant take a stroller in, and she
is too little to sit in the water, so we would have to stay in the hotel
room

Just because you can't go to the water park doesn't mean you need to be
trapped in the room.
If DH has his heart set on going, then I'd go along anyway and find some
other fun thing to do myself with the baby while DH and the girls go to the
waterpark (BTW, all the waterparks that I've been to have allowed
strollers).

"Christine" wrote in message
...
Ok, DH wants to plan a small vacation with his 2 daughters,,,7 and
14,,,,,

he wants to take them to a huge ( FUN ) water park in Erie, then to
Canada....to see the falls,
and to the beach...etc.
from what I understand you should'nt take a baby out of the country till
they have x amount of shots....
and she cant go on the beach....she is very fair, complected, and might
burn OR be cold on the beach if its chilly ( and IT IS! ) and my main
concern is ''sand in her eyes'' she doesnt even sit up by
herself yet..shes 12 weeks....


She'll be fine. Take a huge bag with super-sun-block, and a stroller with a
shade and umbrella. You'll need lots of things, google beach items to take
with a baby and see what you come up with. It'll be easier actually with
her at this age as she isn't mobile and you don't have to worry about her
eating sand. I grew up on the beach and when I took my toddler 7 years ago
I had the sand-eating problem.






DH thinks I should just go and sit in the hotel while him and his kids
have a ball...

I think he thinks you're being paranoid and worrying excessively. I don't
think he expects you to just sit in a hotel room for the heck of it.





Is it selfish of me to expect him to wait till next year, for a
vacation? because I told him she would probably be able to do a beach at
age one,


Go now, I'm telling you at age one you'll be complaining again after you get
back about how it was so unfair DH expected you to chase a toddler around
the whole time to keep her from eating sand and shells and who-knows-what
else.

but he wants to take his kids,,,,,,,
they BOTH had been on a NICE vacation already with their moms....


So? What's that got to do with it? This is their Dad, and they come from
split homes, which are considered separate. They need this with their
father, it's very unfair to compromise it with excessive worrying.




as a
matter of fact, the 7 year old is at the beach as we speak!
PLUS we went to a nice resort a few weeks ago,,,it was all indoors,,,I
walked around with chloe while they had fun!

Well, it sounds like you have more of a marriage problem here than anything
else. But you also have a 12 week old, walking around with the baby is to
be expected. I agree DH should help out more, but you've said before that
your DH is pretty set in his ways, I don't see how you're going to change
his mind.



BUT this place,,( the water park ) you cant take a stroller in, and she
is too little to sit in the water, so we would have to stay in the hotel
room,,,

Don't go on the vacation.

I would MUCH rather spend my time with chloe than leave her with a
sitter...that is OUT!
DH would never expect me to get a sitter either...if it was just him and
I...then I would have my mom keep her BUT i wont leave Chloe behind to
go on a ''family'' vacation!


Oh geez. She's 12 weeks, I don't think she'll be scarred from it. If you'd
go if it was just you and DH, why on earth not go? You complain about
having to be stuck with your daughter, but then say if it was just you and
DH you'd leave her with your mom, but then say "no way" to leaving her with
your mom if the other kids get to go. I think you want attention and are
creating drama to get it.

But I just want to stay home if he wants to go that bad......

Instead of staying home like I said before, I think you should go. If you'd
go if it was just the two of you, then I think you should go with the other
girls. Go, and while they do their thing, do something for yourself, get a
massage or spa or something.

so, is it rude of ME to stay here with Chloe?

No, it's perfectly fine. It's your choice. I think it's wrong of you to
complain and create drama because of your choices, though.

and is it rude of HIM to still go knowing chloe is too small yet?

Nope. He's telling you where he stands. Not saying it's the best way to
be, but it's his choice and he's being honest at least.



I think you should both seek marriage counseling, that's what I think. Good
luck.

Heather

While DH is gone you can plan a few
outings/projects

yep that is yet another reason I would like to stay home, her baptisim
is the day after they will be coming back, and we will be having alot of
ppl at the house,,,so I do need to get planning....

Chrissy & Chloe....

Christine writes:
: I'd say it was sad that you are dividing the
: family into "his" and "ours". You sound like a
: very reluctant stepmother

: YOU HAVE NO IDEA OW GOOD I AM TO THE KIDS!

Hmmm. I think she was rather blunt in her "advice"
but I think it could easily be preceived that way
whether you intend it that way or not.

I think there are things you could do with the baby
at the beach for sure, and maybe even at the water
park. You seem to be talking yourself into making
it a negative experience as an excuse to stay away.

If your DH is asking you to come, then there is a good
chance you could create bad feelings between yourself
and both him and his daughters by staying home.

My advice is to go and put on a happy face.

Larry

"Christine" wrote in message
...
but he wants to take his kids,,,,,,,
they BOTH had been on a NICE vacation already with their moms....as a
matter of fact, the 7 year old is at the beach as we speak!
PLUS we went to a nice resort a few weeks ago,,,it was all indoors,,,I
walked around with chloe while they had fun!

Like everyone else said, being with their mom does not replace being with
their dad. They need special time with their dad.

But I just want to stay home if he wants to go that bad......

so, is it rude of ME to stay here with Chloe?

Yes.

and is it rude of HIM to still go knowing chloe is too small yet?

No. Let's put it this way, if you had two older children of your own, would
you put your whole life on hold until the youngest was older? If so, for
how long? Each year you put on hold is a year you miss out with the older
children. They go through phases and when the phase is passed, it's gone.
The oldest may not even be interested in water parks by the time Chloe is
ready. Maybe she would be too busy with school or other activies. The time
to build memories is now and your DH realizes that. He wants you to be a
family. That means you give and take. One little vacation cannot be all
that bad. I'd suck it up and go. You can always retreat to the hotel if
you feel too tired. Read a book and go shopping while you're there and meet
up for lunch, dinner or whatever. But if it were me, I'd go to the water
park and do it all, because it might lead to bonding with the girls to where
you might not find spending time with them to be such a burden (and it's sad
that you do).

Sorry Christine, but I agree with what Gloria wrote. At least from what we
"see" here on the ng, you seem to post several times about issues between
you and dh, and his kids and you and Chloe. It feels very separatist and
divisive, although you may not mean it that way. I think family time is
really important, and when you married dh, your family became You, Him, his
two girls, and now Chloe. I think spending family time together on a
vacation is a good thing to do, even if it's not the vacation of your
dreams.

I don't think planning a vacation with your kids, wife, and 12 week old is
rude. I think it's nice. Perhaps the timing is off, but that's another
issue.

Since you asked, I say go. Change your attitude about it, but go. Have a
wonderful time, bonding with dh, bonding more with his girls, which you
already have a good relationship with, letting them bond with Chloe, and
letting dh bond with Chloe. Chloe will be fine at the beach -- bring
sunscreen and extra clothes. She'll be fine at the water park -- often
times they actually have rental stroller. Perhaps bring a Baby Bjorn for
you to wear her around. Maybe dh can watch her a bit while you go play with
the older girls in the water. Plus, they usually have kiddie pools too, so
you can take Chloe in that and let her splash her feet about.

Sounds like a great trip to me! Since you asked.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://www.geocities.com/clarkadopt2004/


"Christine" wrote in message
...
I'd say it was sad that you are dividing the
family into "his" and "ours". You sound like a
very reluctant stepmother

YOU HAVE NO IDEA OW GOOD I AM TO THE KIDS!

I just meant that I would rather have m 12 week old baby at home, she
HAS traveled and quit WELL! but I think THIS vacation is for OLDER
children......
MY DH EVEN SAYS the kids enjoy MY company beter than there OWN mothers!

I didnt think it was rude to STAY HOME!


you sound mental!

Chrissy & Chloe....

Yes, consider the source -- Gloria is a regular poster who calls it like she
sees it. She's not emotionally tied into the situation, and may offer
another perspective. And you can't forget, we only know what you tell us,
and what you've posted before. You are right, none of us know what kind of
stepmother you are. So keep that in mind as you ask for advice.

from another straight shooter...
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://www.geocities.com/clarkadopt2004/


"Christine" wrote in message
...
attitude adjustment

Oh, I'm sorry, I didnt realize who this poster was,,,,,now i'm just
going to consider the source!

Thanks to all the rest of you for your mature opinions...;-)
even if they're not in my favor...;-))
just wanted to see what ya all thought...;-))

Chrissy & Chloe....