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Good Newsweek article



 
 
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  #1  
Old February 16th 05, 06:43 PM
Sue
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Default Good Newsweek article

I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190

--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #2  
Old February 16th 05, 07:09 PM
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Sue wrote:
I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190


What a pessimistic view of motherhood!!

I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different
after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all
their time in the car. Duh. No one is holding a gun to her head
forcing her to have each kid in an art class, a music class, a physical
activity, and a club. It's not necessary to do that every week to be a
good or well rounded person.

When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched
to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my
bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making
it work - not my mom. One year I wanted to take PE during summer
school (you got to wear your own swim suit instead of the nasty ones
that the school provided during the year). I rode my bike to school,
ran and swam for the entire morning, then rode home. I was in the best
shape of my life that summer.

My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to
choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class
outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't
inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts
or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who
never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or
lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement.

Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that
"society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if
the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with
the napkins and cups. Kids are far more practical than that. Sure,
it's nice for everything to look lovely, and if that's what you're
into, fine. But if you're already frazzled, driving all over town to
find streamers in that *perfect* shade of pink is self-imposed torture.
Society doesn't give a crap about your streamers.

It's like fashion - men don't give a rip about fashion - we say we're
dressing up for our S.O.s but we're really doing it to try to impress
or outdo other women. Kids don't give a crap about being in the BEST
pre-school, they just want to finger paint. We do it to increase our
status with other women.

If women want relief from the stress of parenting, they need to let go
of this ridiculous competitiveness we have with each other. They need
to let go of the idea that there's no such thing as good enough - and
it doesn't start with tax breaks, the government, or "society" - it
starts with the self.

It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the
government needs to change anything to make me a better (future)
parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and
my family, the better.

Amy

  #3  
Old February 16th 05, 07:24 PM
Circe
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Default

wrote in message
ups.com...
Sue wrote:
I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190


What a pessimistic view of motherhood!!

I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different
after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all
their time in the car. Duh. No one is holding a gun to her head
forcing her to have each kid in an art class, a music class, a physical
activity, and a club. It's not necessary to do that every week to be a
good or well rounded person.

When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched
to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my
bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making
it work - not my mom. One year I wanted to take PE during summer
school (you got to wear your own swim suit instead of the nasty ones
that the school provided during the year). I rode my bike to school,
ran and swam for the entire morning, then rode home. I was in the best
shape of my life that summer.

My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to
choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class
outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't
inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts
or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who
never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or
lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement.

Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that
"society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if
the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with
the napkins and cups. Kids are far more practical than that. Sure,
it's nice for everything to look lovely, and if that's what you're
into, fine. But if you're already frazzled, driving all over town to
find streamers in that *perfect* shade of pink is self-imposed torture.
Society doesn't give a crap about your streamers.

It's like fashion - men don't give a rip about fashion - we say we're
dressing up for our S.O.s but we're really doing it to try to impress
or outdo other women. Kids don't give a crap about being in the BEST
pre-school, they just want to finger paint. We do it to increase our
status with other women.

If women want relief from the stress of parenting, they need to let go
of this ridiculous competitiveness we have with each other. They need
to let go of the idea that there's no such thing as good enough - and
it doesn't start with tax breaks, the government, or "society" - it
starts with the self.

It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the
government needs to change anything to make me a better (future)
parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and
my family, the better.

Oh, Amy, you rock! I couldn't have said it better myself.

I have to admit, I am well aware that I have many advantages that other
mothers don't: I am able to work at home, I can afford a nanny/housekeeper,
and my husband is very involved in our kids' lives and activities. I'm truly
one of the lucky few who don't *have* to try to do it all.

Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints
seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to
impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all.
When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much
that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose
interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not*
your kids'!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Mr. Congeniality (7), the Diva (5) and the Race Car Fanatic (almost
3)

I have PMS and ESP...I'm the bitch who knows everything! (T-shirt slogan)


  #4  
Old February 16th 05, 07:28 PM
Irrational Number
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Default

" wrote:

Sue wrote:
I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190


What a pessimistic view of motherhood!!

I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different
after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all
their time in the car.


While I agree with this, there is something
to the fact that college applications look at
things like well-roundedness. For some people,
for whom it's important to go to a "good college",
this kind of stuff is "necessary".

When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched
to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my
bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making
it work - not my mom.


Actually, this is partially true. When I could,
I took the bus to my piano lessons. Of course,
my parents did a lot of driving around, but I
did take the bus when possible.

[...] We are not going to be one of those families who
never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or
lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement.


Love this! Our family policy is that
we SHALL have dinner together.

Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that
"society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if
the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with
the napkins and cups.


Thank you for saying this. When reading the
article, I was thinking, WHAT??? Colour-coordinated
paper plates??? Heck, get whatever plates and cups
are on sale, get some streamers, DONE. Whatever
other parents want to have done and were calling her
to do..., THEY can do themselves!

It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the
government needs to change anything to make me a better (future)
parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and
my family, the better.


Yep, it's all about choices. My stepmother-in-law
is a dingbat, but she has a great phrase: Being
Supermom is also about being yourself. I think the
woman who spent 3 hours with her kid before work,
then 3 hours after work was insane. Where's her
husband???

I also hated that the article mentions that the husbands
are basically incompetent. Who are these women
anyway? Are the the ones who get mad because
the husbands got the wrong brand of milk? Or didn't
get colour-coordinated paper plates???

-- Anita --


  #6  
Old February 16th 05, 07:37 PM
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Circe wrote:
wrote in message


Oh, Amy, you rock! I couldn't have said it better myself.


Yay! After I posted that I was worried that I was about to get
lambasted...

One other thing that struck me after I posted - you don't hear men
complaining about their lack of choices. By and large, men are
expected to get jobs and support their families. Most of them never
get the option to stay home, even though many of them would probably
like to, and yet there aren't articles about how the poor, poor men
need help from the government to do what they're supposed to do - they
just suck it up and do it.

Women could take a page out of their play book, don't you think?

Amy

  #7  
Old February 16th 05, 07:41 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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wrote:


My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to
choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class
outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't
inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts
or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who
never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or
lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement.


While I agree with you in principle, it isn't always
that easy to follow through on this. For it to work, you assume
that your kids will either jump about from activity to activity
(doing something different each semester) or will focus on just
one activity exclusively (doing the same activity over and over).
Most kids in my experience want to keep doing things they enjoy.
With sports it's easier, as most of them have seasons, so you're
only doing the sport during part of the year (until and unless you
get more devoted to the sport, in which case training needs start
to go year 'round). But, most kids who want to play a musical
instrument will do that *all* year, with the corresponding need
for lessons and related activities. Will that, then, be the
*only* thing your child does? What if your child also would
like to do a sport or some other physical activity? Do you want
to discourage something that can help your child's health and
physical development because he or she is already playing an
instrument and has maxed out on activities? Or do you interrupt
the music lessons (and impede natural progress) to accommodate
a sport?
While there are lots of cases of obvious overscheduling,
it is possible for a family to get overwhelmed very quickly
(especially with lots of kids) even if each child isn't doing
all that much. Plus, you add in things like excessive homework
or the practicing that goes along with music lessons or whatever
else, and what seem like small commitments become large commitments.
Add to that the fact that how these things are organized has changed
a lot in many areas--there may not be late busses or it may not
be possible for a child to safely bike to school or activities.
And, with more families with two parents working outside the home,
activities have *become* the place where lots of kids interact
with their friends (who are otherwise unavailable due to after
school care or other activities).
And, of course, heaven forbid your child should become
very devoted to any activity in particular, as that typically
turns into a monster all its own. Travel soccer (or most any
other sport) can eat a family alive. Music can run you into
the ground between school music groups, youth orchestra, private
lessons, band camp, etc. Like dance? Every few years you're
adding another weekly class.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #8  
Old February 16th 05, 07:55 PM
shinypenny
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Sue wrote:
I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190


I'm still reading, but this jumped out at me:

"But most women in our generation don't think to look beyond themselves
at the constraints that keep them from being able to make real choices
as mothers. It almost never occurs to them that they can use the muscle
of their superb education or their collective voice to change or
rearrange their social support system. They simply don't have the
political reflex-or the vocabulary-to think of things in this way."

I have long thought about this myself. IMO, it's not that the thought
ever occurs to us, but that we're too darn busy raising families and
juggling careers to have any time to affect political and social
change.

And then the kids grow up, and while we may find we have the time, we
just don't care as much anymore because it's not an issue directly
affecting us anymore!

jen

  #9  
Old February 16th 05, 07:55 PM
Laura Faussone
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Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints
seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to
impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all.
When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much
that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose
interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not*
your kids'!


Martha Stewart's also divorced and, from what I've heard, doesn't have the best
relationship with her daughter.

Laura

  #10  
Old February 16th 05, 07:57 PM
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Default


Ericka Kammerer wrote:
wrote:


My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed

to
choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class
outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't
inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up

Scouts
or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who
never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice

or
lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement.


While I agree with you in principle, it isn't always
that easy to follow through on this. For it to work, you assume
that your kids will either jump about from activity to activity
(doing something different each semester) or will focus on just
one activity exclusively (doing the same activity over and over).


That's a good point. I figure that our kids will probably take music
lessons, and we'll go to the gym (or the park) as a family and get
physical activity there. I don't think that physical activity needs to
be a "sport" to have value, and while sports are an important part of
development for a lot of kids, it's possible to raise happy, healthy
kids who never play an organized sport. The kids in my neighborhood
are forever outside shooting hoops and riding their bikes (much to the
delight of my dog, who barks at them day and night...).

If they don't have an affinity for music, we'll try dance or art or
something else. The thing is that I would rather that we eat as a
family every night than have overscheduled, overburdened kids. If
they're in school for 7 hours a day, then they're in activities all
afternoon, and then they have to do their homework, they miss out on
other things (like dinner and family time) that are, IMHO, more
important.

My mom spent thousands of dollars on music lessons for me, and I can't
play more than a few notes anymore. Was it good for me? Sure. But
the things I really remember about childhood were that I hated to
practice, and I really loved it when we all sat down and had dinner
together. I never played soccer, but the neighborhood kids would all
get together and play Kick the Can or Tag in the empty lot down the
street. I had a great childhood, and I was limited to one activity a
semester (I think we were allowed to pick up more during the summer).

Sometimes you can enrich your kids to the point of poisoning them -
even objectively healthy things, like water, are toxic in large
amounts.

But if you want your kids to be in two activities a semester, you won't
get any complaints from me. Maybe I can work it out so that we
have piano for both kids on Monday, and then they're both in the same
martial arts class on Friday or something... With creative scheduling,
you can make something like that work without making yourself crazy.

Hahah... What am I talking about, "both kids," I'm just now pregnant
with #1!!

Amy (not a mother yet, so still a "perfect parent" )

 




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