Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

Jamie Clark wrote:
cjra wrote:


I agree fully with what you said, but I do see a small complication:
if the birthmother is involved in their lives, and doesn't view
breastfeeding in this light, and DOES see it as a sexual thing from
which her boys should be shielded, the step mom discussing this with
HER kids may cause significant problems with her. That may not be a
big deal, but perhaps they wish to avoid complicating further what
could already be a delicate relationship. (I've no idea about the
birth mom here, just offering a possibility). This is further
complicated by a father who is also not on board.

You know, me breastfeeding my child in my house, is my business. A
discussion between the step-kids, their dad, and myself (if this were all
me), would be between all of us. If their mother had a problem with
breastfeeding, then that's something that she would need to talk to her boys
about. But her problems with breastfeeding wouldn't be my worry or concern,
nor stop me from trying to communicate with the step-kids that live in my
house and will be seeing me feed my child. I'm not going to call her up and
ask her permission to breastfeed my child.

I wasn't suggesting she needed to talk to the birth mom at all. But I
can see this playing out many ways, including this - she opens a
discussion on BF with the boys, boys are a little squicked out and
being immature (which her posts suggests maybe they are), happen to
mention to birth mom that step mom has been talking about boobies a
lot, or worse, showed pictures of naked boobs (in an attempt to get
kids to understand what it's all about). Mom freaks out that step-mom
is talking about 'inappropriate' sexual things to HER boys or showing
porn, calls dad to threaten legal action against step mom. Dad is
already not on board with BF. All hell breaks loose.

An extreme scenario and totally ridiculous? maybe. but if the birth mom
is anti-BF, doesn't comprehend that it's natural, that seeing a bit of
flesh is no big deal, etc - and we know such people exist, then yes,
such a discussion with the kids is not so cut and dried. Not that she
shouldn't have it if necessary, or that the birth mom's views should
interfere in any way with her decision to BF, but if the birth mom is
the sort to jump on such a thing, who's been waiting for the
opportunity to attack step-mom for 'inappropriate behaviour', this
might be the perfect opportunity.

All that means is, there _could_ be some complications, and perhaps the
OP needs to proceed with caution. OTOH, maybe the birth mom will be her
biggest supporter.

I definitely believe she should use the opportunity to teach the
step-sons that BF is normal and natural and best - either by just doing
it and not making an issue of it, or if she knows they'll need some
discussion, discussing it. But first, I would get dad on board.

Kim wrote:
[snip]
I agree that it's different when it's not your own child. When he's at
school, I breastfeed/pump in the living room or wherever I want. When he's
at home, I go into the baby's room or my bedroom and close the door. He
knows I'm feeding the baby and he knows to knock if he needs me. He knows
how the baby is being fed and he thinks it's gross... he's 8. But I think
he also sees it as normal, which is good.

I used to find that most of my feeds were in a limited number of places:
if I was downstairs, there was one chair which was convenient to use.

I don't think the S-Mom should have to go somewhere private. However if
she has one place for feeding in the public part of the house, then it
is up to the boys whether they use that bit of public space when she
is in mid-feed.

The other issue is with their friends. They might find it awkward if
their friends see S-Mom feeding, and if they have one place to check
then they can avoid the issue more easily.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.


That's what I agree with, if your husband isnt' supportive then how can
he portray to his children that breastfeeding is a natural beautiful
thing. There is no way that breastfeeding is inconvenient. How can a
bottle be convenient when you have to mix it up, sterilize, warm it
when you're out, bring enough with you in case you happen to stay out
all day, etc, etc.

I have a teenage brother who never batted an eyelash that I breastfed,
of course we were all breastfed and there was never a doubt that I
would be, the only unsupportive person was mil who is generally a
negative person who we don't see often.

Best of luck with breastfeeding! I certainly hope it works out for
you!


KR

Wow - you and I should become friends! I have 4 step-kids as well. 3
boys (19, 15 & 14) and 1 girl (21, but lives on her own) and we have
full custody of them as well (their mom sees them once a month if
they're lucky!). I just had my first child 3 months ago and I am
breasfeeding.

We explained to them that I'd be breastfeeding and they were a little
weird about it, but now they are used to it. I feed my daughter in my
bedroom or hers. And if they need me, they knock on my door and I just
say "I'm feeding her" and they know they need to wait. If I pump and
store the milk in the refrigerator or freezer, they don't say anything.
But they have asked questions - some I answer and some, like "how do
you get the milk into the bottle", I just say "you don't want to know"
and smile. I think they like that I breastfeed because formula is so
expensive and I told them breastfeeding was free, so there is more
money for them

Good luck with everything. And I wouldn't consider not breastfeeding -
it is so good for the baby and you!

wrote:
Wow - you and I should become friends! I have 4 step-kids as well. 3
boys (19, 15 & 14) and 1 girl (21, but lives on her own) and we have
full custody of them as well (their mom sees them once a month if
they're lucky!). I just had my first child 3 months ago and I am
breasfeeding.

We explained to them that I'd be breastfeeding and they were a little
weird about it, but now they are used to it. I feed my daughter in my
bedroom or hers. And if they need me, they knock on my door and I
just say "I'm feeding her" and they know they need to wait. If I
pump and store the milk in the refrigerator or freezer, they don't
say anything. But they have asked questions - some I answer and some,
like "how do you get the milk into the bottle", I just say "you don't
want to know" and smile. I think they like that I breastfeed because
formula is so expensive and I told them breastfeeding was free, so
there is more money for them

Good luck with everything. And I wouldn't consider not breastfeeding
- it is so good for the baby and you!

Why wouldn't you let the kids into your room, or the baby's room when you
are feeding her? And why wouldn't you explain to them about pumping? To
answer an honest question with "You don't want to know" is strange to me,
because obviously they DO want to know, or they wouldn't have asked. By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their questions
openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the girls a disservice
in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding. You are missing out on a
really good learning opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding
from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when
they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully
breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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In misc.kids.breastfeeding wrote:

: But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
: boy.

Why? Why? Why? There is really very little to explain. It is the
best food for babies by far, and protects them against many conditions
that formula certainly does not! As Ericka said, it's a no brainer!

: boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
: purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
: afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.

Your main problem right now is your own fear. Conquer that first.
Simply be ready to tell them the benefits of breastfeeding if they
ask, and go about your business. They'll get the idea after a while.

Larry

"Jamie Clark" wrote:

wrote:
Wow - you and I should become friends! I have 4 step-kids as well. 3
boys (19, 15 & 14) and 1 girl (21, but lives on her own) and we have
full custody of them as well (their mom sees them once a month if
they're lucky!). I just had my first child 3 months ago and I am
breasfeeding.

We explained to them that I'd be breastfeeding and they were a little
weird about it, but now they are used to it. I feed my daughter in my
bedroom or hers. And if they need me, they knock on my door and I
just say "I'm feeding her" and they know they need to wait. If I
pump and store the milk in the refrigerator or freezer, they don't
say anything. But they have asked questions - some I answer and some,
like "how do you get the milk into the bottle", I just say "you don't
want to know" and smile. I think they like that I breastfeed because
formula is so expensive and I told them breastfeeding was free, so
there is more money for them

Good luck with everything. And I wouldn't consider not breastfeeding
- it is so good for the baby and you!

Why wouldn't you let the kids into your room, or the baby's room when you
are feeding her? And why wouldn't you explain to them about pumping? To
answer an honest question with "You don't want to know" is strange to me,
because obviously they DO want to know, or they wouldn't have asked.

I agree with that - they are old enough to be told what the mechanics
are.

By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their questions
openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the girls a disservice
in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding. You are missing out on a
really good learning opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding
from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when
they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully
breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older to
another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of them
has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the oldest, my
sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember anything about my
mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2 years older than her
brother. My mom successfully bf two children, and my sister (the
youngest) and I successfully bf her seven grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has
been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities
between a book, and familial observation.

"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
Well, if step-mom is (or looks like) Nichole Kidman, Terri Hatcher, or
some
other hawt person, the opposite might happen.

That's pretty funny, considering these particular women are scarecrows who
DON'T HAVE ANY BOOBS.

Yeah, seeing my step-mom (who
I didn't live with) in this situation might have scarred me for life, heh.

I just asked my teenage sons (17 and 13) what they would think if they saw a
woman breastfeeding a baby.
DS17 : ""That baby must be hungry."
DS13: "Aww, look at the baby!"

"deja.blues" wrote in message
news:Q0lQg.266$wh.149@trnddc04...

"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
Well, if step-mom is (or looks like) Nichole Kidman, Terri Hatcher, or
some
other hawt person, the opposite might happen.

That's pretty funny, considering these particular women are scarecrows who
DON'T HAVE ANY BOOBS.

Yeah, seeing my step-mom (who
I didn't live with) in this situation might have scarred me for life,
heh.

I just asked my teenage sons (17 and 13) what they would think if they saw
a
woman breastfeeding a baby.
DS17 : ""That baby must be hungry."
DS13: "Aww, look at the baby!"



My brothers (13 and 16) both made the comment if babies didn't get milk from
their Mum's boob where else would it come from. Pretty much says it all for
me. I BF in front of them and they didn't even bat eye lids.


--
Pip

My girls :
DD1 Jasmine - 5 weeks early - 21 March 02 -
Still as small as a peanut but as smart as a whip!

DD2 Abby - 8 weeks early - 3 Feb 05 -
"Uhhhhh ohhhhhh" is my new favourite phrase, now what other trouble can I
find!

"Yes you can drive me insane just by talking to me!"


--

"deja.blues" wrote in message
news:Q0lQg.266$wh.149@trnddc04...
That's pretty funny, considering these particular women are scarecrows who
DON'T HAVE ANY BOOBS.

I hope I look as good as Angelina Jolie when I grow up. *nods*

Jess