GRANDPARENTS

On 16 Aug 2004 04:19:50 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

not to mention the fact that I"m piggybacking
to a response to the orginal poster.

Well actually you are responding to a troll....which you would know if you
really have lurked and read the FAQ

anyway what you say is all very interesting and yada yada yada but I'd just
like to point one thing out to you....

. To be honest, 2 people don't
have to be married to be partner

I hope you realize that because you haven't bothered to marry your so-called
partner - if you die, your kid who has become attached to him will likely be
sent off to his father who you claim was abusive. Seems to me, for the sake of
your kid alone you would provide him with some legal protection...despite your
misgivings about marraige, which have nothing to do with marraige but are all
about the bad choices you made.

I'm married and my kids are attached to my partner but if I die my
boys will likely be sent off to their father. Adoption would change
that but marriage doesn't.

lm

That's so true. The adoption option is really the only way in which to avoid
having the kids sent off to an ex who just happens to share the gene pool.
otoh, if the ex was proven to be an unfit parent (as in my case) and since
I"ve been with my significant other for the last 7 years, we're considered
"common-law" married AND because I do have a will (I made one after my ex
tried to kill me towards the end of the marriage) my ex will never see my
son. So, Joelle, don't you worry your pretty little head about my kid.
Although, the fact that I left that horrid marriage when my son was only 15
months old has helped because my partner now has known my son since he was
just a baby/toddler and has been there through the milestones and has
invested a lot of emotion and emotional time into helping me raise my son.
Where I live, a judge looks at that.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"lm" wrote in message
...
On 16 Aug 2004 04:19:50 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

not to mention the fact that I"m piggybacking
to a response to the orginal poster.

Well actually you are responding to a troll....which you would know if
you
really have lurked and read the FAQ

anyway what you say is all very interesting and yada yada yada but I'd
just
like to point one thing out to you....

. To be honest, 2 people don't
have to be married to be partner

I hope you realize that because you haven't bothered to marry your
so-called
partner - if you die, your kid who has become attached to him will
likely be
sent off to his father who you claim was abusive. Seems to me, for the
sake of
your kid alone you would provide him with some legal protection...despite
your
misgivings about marraige, which have nothing to do with marraige but are
all
about the bad choices you made.

I'm married and my kids are attached to my partner but if I die my
boys will likely be sent off to their father. Adoption would change
that but marriage doesn't.

lm

=) The original grandparent post just annoyed me. I mean, as single parents
in today's society, we still get the dirty looks, the nasty comments, the
degradation when we have to start off in that welfare line until we can get
a good job (especially if we became stay at home moms/dads) that will pay
the bills, feed the family and have at least a little left over for any
extras we may want for the kids. I just find it shocking what some people
think! It's not something that I hear often if at all but to see it in
print.... it's enough to make anyone's guts turn sour.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Jennifer Kulp" wrote in message
...
You go girl!

--
Blessings,
Jennifer "Corabear" Kulp

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is
lind. --Albert Einstein
"slykitten" wrote in message
...
First, I want to apologize to everyone here if You get offended by what
I'm
about to say. Because I'm so new to this group and I like to generally
lurk
first so I can get an idea for who the trolls are and who is genuine and
so
I can just go over the FAQ's, not to mention the fact that I"m
piggybacking
to a response to the orginal poster. I have a lot to say on this
particular
situation and again, I hope I don't offend too many here.


You know, I only got the original of this post because if your reply.
And
my
only response to this man is this:
We did not necessarily ask to become single parents. I became a single
parent because of the abuse I endured with my exhusband. While I don't
necessarily agree with teenagers being sexually active before they're
18,
I
do believe that it's the culture in which we live. Moral Values? Come
on!
The damned government *tells* us how to "discipline" our children! They
want
us to screw around with the ol' "now Jonny, that wasn't a very nice
thing
to
do to Susie. Tell her you're sorry for throwing the cat on her!" Man, I
tell
ya what, I don't believe in physical discipline for every little
infraction
but believe you me, I do believe that physical discipline has its place!
I
try behavior modification as often as I possibly can (which means all
the
time!) and you know, you sound like my parents... "I'm not raising your
kids, you do it! I've raised my own! Look how you turned out!" Know what
I
tell them (especially my father) when he pulls this crap with me, I say,
"yes, look at how I turned out. I'm a single parent, I have a disabled
child, I work my ass off to make ends meet, I never have time for me.
Even
1
hour to go to the gym, but do you hear me complain? I can't afford to
complain! I have kids I need to raise and I'm gonna raise them, All I
want
is for you to be a *grandparent* and take the kids for a couple of
hours!!"
This was when I lived closer. We live 2 states away from each other and
They
always want me to travel... with 3 kids! Now, I consider myself a
"single
parent" to my son! My current boyfriend, or you could call him my
significant other, and I have been together for 7 years! I don't want to
get
married because of the abuse of my ex! That ring was nothing more than a
collar and leash for that jerk! I was his property and you know, I'm no
one's property!!! My SO became daddy 7 years ago because he knew I was a
packaged deal. He has no problems with it. The only problem he has is
the
feelings of helplessness when my child goes into one of his rages (part
of
his disability) and becomes hard to handle. To be honest, 2 people don't
have to be married to be partners... To be partners means that it's a
team
effort, especially where our kids are concerned! My partner and I do
quite
well in spite of any hardship we may be faced with, so to sit there and
say
that we're making the same mistakes you did is just plain gutless and
cowardly! Back then, single parents were shunned from society! The only
reason a mother was "allowed" to be a single mom was if her husband
died.
Well, let me give you a newsflash! Many parents (not just moms but dads
too)
have different reasons for becoming single parents. It has nothing to do
with moral values or lack thereof. What it has to do is with the
increased
rate of child abuse, the increased rate of spousal abuse, the increased
pressure for there to be 2 incomes, the increased pressure for parents
to
first establish their careers before starting a family... The fact that
many
times, a couple tries so hard to have a family only to find out that
there
are fertility problems, the fertility gets treated and conception comes
but
by that time, it's sometimes too late for the relationship! So you want
to
talk about mistakes? Before you judge us, make sure that you're
completely
flawless! It's a much harder society nowadays on relationships! Where's
the
time for romance, courtship and establishing a good history before
making
the plunge into the depths of what could be marital hell (like in my
situation!) Keep in mind that above when I mentioned child abuse, That
means
that like in my case, I was emotionally abused so bad by my father that
I
had 2 choices, go into the military or get married. My first choice was
military. I failed a crucial part of the physical. Plan B was marriage.
What
a MISTAKE!! (not meant as a shout, just emphasis!)
The issue with your daughter going out and messing around... Well, you
can't
necessarily blame her 100%. You're as much to blame because *you let
her*
go
out and mess around! I don't care if she's 30... She's living under
*your*
roof! She should abide by *your rules* and *you* should enforce *your
rules*
and not make it so "easy for her to go and mess around!" It's not all of
our
faults that you have problems with your daughter's irresponsibility. And
it's not all of our faults that you feel that those of us who became
single
parents (mostly through no fault of our own) did so with the intention
of
being put in our situation for the "fun" of it! The comment about the
penny
was rude, sexist and simply tasteless! It certainly shows a lack of
class
and couth. Needless to say, I'm grateful that *my* grandfather has
*never*
said anything as derrogatory and demeaning to me! I'm doubly grateful
that
my own father has never said anything as ugly as your comment about the
penny to me! I'm sure that many, if not all here would agree that we as
single parents try to be as responsible as we possibly can under the
types
of pressures out there in the real world! That we didn't necessarily ask
for
this situation but instead of going out and leaving our kids to fend for
themselves, we're trying to do the responsible thing by going to work,
getting an education, looking out for the best interest of our kids in
spite
of being purely exhausted and drained emotionally, mentally and
physically!
When I gave birth to my eldest, I made a promise to be in it for the
long
haul! Good, bad, thick and thin.... I"m doing the best I can!

Anyway, Sorry this got long.

BiG snip

On Mon, 16 Aug 2004 08:50:53 -0600, "slykitten"
wrote:

That's so true. The adoption option is really the only way in which to avoid
having the kids sent off to an ex who just happens to share the gene pool.
otoh, if the ex was proven to be an unfit parent (as in my case) and since
I"ve been with my significant other for the last 7 years, we're considered
"common-law" married AND because I do have a will (I made one after my ex
tried to kill me towards the end of the marriage) my ex will never see my
son.

The unfit parent part has some bearing on where a child would go, but
the unfit parent signing away parental rights is the only way to
ensure the child won't end up with that parent. I have been advised by
attorneys in two jurisdictions that neither my marriage nor my
explicit preferences stated in a will would have any bearing on where
my children would go were I to die sooner rather than later.

I hope this all remains hypothetical for your children and mine.

So, Joelle, don't you worry your pretty little head about my kid.

That seems an unnecessary and rather rudely put dismissal.

lm

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 16 Aug 2004 08:50:53 -0600, "slykitten"
wrote:

That's so true. The adoption option is really the only way in which to
avoid
having the kids sent off to an ex who just happens to share the gene
pool.
otoh, if the ex was proven to be an unfit parent (as in my case) and
since
I"ve been with my significant other for the last 7 years, we're
considered
"common-law" married AND because I do have a will (I made one after my ex
tried to kill me towards the end of the marriage) my ex will never see my
son.

The unfit parent part has some bearing on where a child would go, but
the unfit parent signing away parental rights is the only way to
ensure the child won't end up with that parent. I have been advised by
attorneys in two jurisdictions that neither my marriage nor my
explicit preferences stated in a will would have any bearing on where
my children would go were I to die sooner rather than later.

I hope this all remains hypothetical for your children and mine.

I agree. I hope so too. I've thought about the "worst case scenario" and
I've learned that in order to avoid overwhelming stress over something I may
not be able to control, I've had to learn to put it in perspective. I know
that my family will fight hard to keep my kids together at all costs though
and that's somewhat comforting.


So, Joelle, don't you worry your pretty little head about my kid.

That seems an unnecessary and rather rudely put dismissal.

Perhaps, and I didn't necessarily mean it to be rude. I did however mean it
to say, (but in not so many words) "I understand what you're saying but
right now, you don't know my entire situation, I'm still uncomfortable about
my situation for safety issues and to be honest, calling my significant
other my "so-called" partner was uncalled for as was making the assumption
that automatically my kid would be sent to my ex as well as insinuating that
my "claim" of spousal abuse is untrue and then reminding me in such a crude
way that the choices I made to marry that guy was bad, not to mention that
the whole "legal protection" isn't there in your opinion are totally
unfounded, false and insulting! I have the "Legal protection" for my child.
I've spoken with many lawyers. I've dealt with interstate compacts, I know
all the ramifications should my untimely death happen while my kids are
still kids. Not to mention that the quote, "I hope you realize that because
you haven't bothered to marry your so-called partner-if you die, your
kid..... yadda yadda yadda......will likely be sent off to his father who
you claim was abusive" makes you sound rather bold and snobbish in your
claims to supposedly "know me" of which you do not. Therefore, your
*opinion* is duly noted and you should not worry about my situation. I share
it in case it helps someone else and it obviously wouldn't offer you much.
So thank you but you can keep your opinion."

I hope that clarifies a little. Right now I'm frustrated because I'm still
searching for a good program for my child who is disabled. Please keep in
mind though that I will not tolerate low blows like that. So I've taken
action to ensure that I can ignore anything that could trigger negative
feelings in me about another person.

lm

the
degradation when we have to start off in that welfare line until we can get
a good job

I'm afraid you aren't going to get much sympathy here, as there are a lot of
people here who manage to raise their kids with lousy jobs. Most people
understand emergencies and dire circumstances, but if I was working a crummy
job and raising my kids, I guess I'd look askance at someone who viewed welfare
as something to live on until you get a job that is to your liking.

I still find it hard to believe you've lurked here much...

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

You know, I've tried to be nice and ignore you. I haven't lurked here much,
I only just found this group on the 6th. I don't see anything on an FAQ and
so I figured I'd wait a little bit just to get a feel for the environment
here. To be honest with you, I think your attitude sucks. When I said a
"good job" did I say a job that paid $65K or $100K a year? NO! A good job is
a job in general whether the individual consideres it good or crummy, it
doesn't matter, so long as it pays the bills. I also think that you were
just waiting for someone to begin attacking, I guess your last victims ran
off. Well sweetie, I'm ending this little feud right here and right now.
Buh-bye... into my filter you go. Sorry it ended like this. If others want
to tolerate you then fine, I'll tolerate a splinter, an ingrown toenail but
I will NOT tolerate a judgemental snob who will try and bully me and attempt
to knock me down. Honey, you can't hurt me. I've heard it all before and you
know, I'm sick and tired of listening to it. I came here figuring that
there'd be others who can relate to some of what I've been through. So far,
the vast majority here I can relate to in some ways. I don't know your
purpose other than to be a snotty little playground bully. It's easy for me
to just walk away... so here I am... walkin away.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Joelle" wrote in message
...
the
degradation when we have to start off in that welfare line until we can
get
a good job

I'm afraid you aren't going to get much sympathy here, as there are a lot
of
people here who manage to raise their kids with lousy jobs. Most people
understand emergencies and dire circumstances, but if I was working a
crummy
job and raising my kids, I guess I'd look askance at someone who viewed
welfare
as something to live on until you get a job that is to your liking.

I still find it hard to believe you've lurked here much...

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
You know, I've tried to be nice and ignore you. I haven't lurked here
much,
I only just found this group on the 6th. I don't see anything on an FAQ
and
so I figured I'd wait a little bit just to get a feel for the environment
here. To be honest with you, I think your attitude sucks. When I said a
"good job" did I say a job that paid $65K or $100K a year? NO! A good job
is
a job in general whether the individual consideres it good or crummy, it
doesn't matter, so long as it pays the bills. I also think that you were
just waiting for someone to begin attacking, I guess your last victims ran
off. Well sweetie, I'm ending this little feud right here and right now.
Buh-bye... into my filter you go. Sorry it ended like this. If others want
to tolerate you then fine, I'll tolerate a splinter, an ingrown toenail
but
I will NOT tolerate a judgemental snob who will try and bully me and
attempt
to knock me down. Honey, you can't hurt me. I've heard it all before and
you
know, I'm sick and tired of listening to it. I came here figuring that
there'd be others who can relate to some of what I've been through. So
far,
the vast majority here I can relate to in some ways. I don't know your
purpose other than to be a snotty little playground bully. It's easy for
me
to just walk away... so here I am... walkin away.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

snip for the top poster HINT HINT. lol

I thought as you once a looong time ago. I've been here awhile, geez going
on 4+ years, I've lost track... anyways, my point is this. Joelle may not
tell you what you WANT to hear, but she'll definitely tell you what you
NEED to hear. We've had our words in the past, but I've come to love and
respect her input.

Welcome to the group btw, nice to see another feisty one in the mix.

Christine

"CME" wrote in message
news:w5gUc.34644$fz2.5946@edtnps89...

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
You know, I've tried to be nice and ignore you. I haven't lurked here
much,
I only just found this group on the 6th. I don't see anything on an
FAQ
and
so I figured I'd wait a little bit just to get a feel for the
environment
here. To be honest with you, I think your attitude sucks. When I said
a
"good job" did I say a job that paid $65K or $100K a year? NO! A good
job
is
a job in general whether the individual consideres it good or crummy,
it
doesn't matter, so long as it pays the bills. I also think that you
were
just waiting for someone to begin attacking, I guess your last victims
ran
off. Well sweetie, I'm ending this little feud right here and right
now.
Buh-bye... into my filter you go. Sorry it ended like this. If others
want
to tolerate you then fine, I'll tolerate a splinter, an ingrown
toenail
but
I will NOT tolerate a judgemental snob who will try and bully me and
attempt
to knock me down. Honey, you can't hurt me. I've heard it all before
and
you
know, I'm sick and tired of listening to it. I came here figuring that
there'd be others who can relate to some of what I've been through. So
far,
the vast majority here I can relate to in some ways. I don't know your
purpose other than to be a snotty little playground bully. It's easy
for
me
to just walk away... so here I am... walkin away.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

snip for the top poster HINT HINT. lol

I thought as you once a looong time ago. I've been here awhile, geez
going
on 4+ years, I've lost track... anyways, my point is this. Joelle may
not
tell you what you WANT to hear, but she'll definitely tell you what you
NEED to hear. We've had our words in the past, but I've come to love
and
respect her input.

Welcome to the group btw, nice to see another feisty one in the mix.

Feisty isn't the word I would have used. It is always amazing how people
come in here looking/asking for opinons, ( in a world wide public forum) and
then label people as 'judgemental' (or worse) because the opinions the get
are not the enabling ones they expected, when in fact, they are the ones
being so judgemental.



Christine

On Mon, 16 Aug 2004 19:26:07 -0600, "slykitten"
wrote:

You know, I've tried to be nice and ignore you. I haven't lurked here much,
I only just found this group on the 6th. I don't see anything on an FAQ and
so I figured I'd wait a little bit just to get a feel for the environment
here. To be honest with you, I think your attitude sucks. When I said a
"good job" did I say a job that paid $65K or $100K a year? NO! A good job is
a job in general whether the individual consideres it good or crummy, it
doesn't matter, so long as it pays the bills. I also think that you were
just waiting for someone to begin attacking, I guess your last victims ran
off. Well sweetie, I'm ending this little feud right here and right now.
Buh-bye... into my filter you go. Sorry it ended like this. If others want
to tolerate you then fine, I'll tolerate a splinter, an ingrown toenail but
I will NOT tolerate a judgemental snob who will try and bully me and attempt
to knock me down. Honey, you can't hurt me. I've heard it all before and you
know, I'm sick and tired of listening to it. I came here figuring that
there'd be others who can relate to some of what I've been through. So far,
the vast majority here I can relate to in some ways. I don't know your
purpose other than to be a snotty little playground bully. It's easy for me
to just walk away... so here I am... walkin away.

"And don't you try to stop me... I'm walkin away... here I go...
you've blown your chance... and I won't be back... you'll be sorry...
I mean it this time..."

....they always have such dramatic goodbyes.

lm