Am I crazy?

Hi, I'm a new member. Im a single lesbian in Wa. state. Have a great
job and the whole nine. I've wanted a child for as long as I can
remember. I suppose I could find the answers I'm looking for by asking
the sperm bank people, however this is slightly more discreet. I want
to know if there is sperm that is actually affordable. And yea yea, I
hear you all saying "well if she cant afford the sperm, how can she
afford the child?" Well, I can, and I will. I also...have a
un-supportive family, who also do not even know that I'm gay. So my
other question is, can I do this by myself? Is it as easy as ordering
sperm over the internet, getting it, and inseminating myself without
the supervision of a Dr.? If I become pregnant, then I'd obviously be
seeing a Dr. on a regular basis. But until that happens, I want to know
if its possible to do this alone? I'm sure I sound crazy. Am I?

In article .com, Disco wrote:
Hi, I'm a new member. Im a single lesbian in Wa. state. Have a great
job and the whole nine. I've wanted a child for as long as I can
remember. I suppose I could find the answers I'm looking for by asking
the sperm bank people, however this is slightly more discreet. I want
to know if there is sperm that is actually affordable. And yea yea, I
hear you all saying "well if she cant afford the sperm, how can she
afford the child?" Well, I can, and I will. I also...have a
un-supportive family, who also do not even know that I'm gay. So my
other question is, can I do this by myself? Is it as easy as ordering
sperm over the internet, getting it, and inseminating myself without
the supervision of a Dr.? If I become pregnant, then I'd obviously be
seeing a Dr. on a regular basis. But until that happens, I want to know
if its possible to do this alone? I'm sure I sound crazy. Am I?

It doesn't sound crazy to me. I do know someone who donated sperm for
two lesbian couples locally. It is quite common for people using
donated sperm to want to know the donor---after all, they are
providing half the genetic material, so half the potential for
inherited traits. Sperm banks are not the only alternative. You
should find a lesbian-friendly ob/gyn (if you haven't already) and
discuss the options with her.

------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus
Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz
Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics
(Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors, ISCB)
life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels)
Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed)
Affiliations for identification only.

In article .com,
"Disco" wrote:

Hi, I'm a new member. Im a single lesbian in Wa. state. Have a great
job and the whole nine. I've wanted a child for as long as I can
remember. I suppose I could find the answers I'm looking for by asking
the sperm bank people, however this is slightly more discreet. I want
to know if there is sperm that is actually affordable. And yea yea, I
hear you all saying "well if she cant afford the sperm, how can she
afford the child?" Well, I can, and I will. I also...have a
un-supportive family, who also do not even know that I'm gay. So my
other question is, can I do this by myself? Is it as easy as ordering
sperm over the internet, getting it, and inseminating myself without
the supervision of a Dr.? If I become pregnant, then I'd obviously be
seeing a Dr. on a regular basis. But until that happens, I want to know
if its possible to do this alone? I'm sure I sound crazy. Am I?


It would be easier to raise a child if you had a partner, but I know
quite a number of people who are single parents. If you are not very
old, you might consider waiting to see if you fall in love with someone;
if you are pushing the limit of how old you want to be before you get
pregnant, it's a different story. (Part of this is because you can
never know how things will turn out, and if you have multiples, or a
baby with significant health issues, it can be really hard with just one
adult in the house. I have no moral issue with people choosing single
parenthood -- I just think having a partner is more practical.)

I also know quite a number of lesbians who have used sperm from someone
they know, so it hasn't cost them anything. But you should get
information about that approach before you use it, too. It shouldn't be
that hard to find people who have done this.

The one thing I would advise is to make sure you have a decent support
network around you, and get to know other gay and lesbian parents. The
church I attend, for example, has a substantial number of kids being
raised in gay and lesbian headed households, so as those kids hit the
ages where it can be difficult, they have friends who are in the same
position. Some folks started coming specifically for the well
integrated community. (From my point of view, it is also great for the
kids of opposite sex couples: our kids grow up around same sex couples,
so as they get older they know it is normal and healthy and all that
important stuff; our gay, lesbian and bisexual kids tend to be out of
the closet well before they are out of high school, with very little
trauma. But I digress.)

Regardless of how you find it, as a single mother you WILL need support;
not necessarily financial, but emotional.

If you are in contact with your family, I'd also advise coming out to
them before you have a baby rather than after. If you have no contact
with them, it doesn't really matter.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Hi -

If you elect to get sperm from anyone you know, be sure to involve a
lawyer so that rights and responsbilities are spelled out (or abrogated)
right from the start.

Best of luck to you,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

Yes.


Now, that being said(sorry, i've always wanted to say that when someone has
asked!).....maybe a year or so ago, i sent a friend a website that provide
sperm to the "comfort of your home", or something like that. She wants a baby,
but doesnt yet have a man--so it was somewhat of a yes it can be done type
thing. Anyway, i must have found it by googling, and the directions did
involve a turkey baster btw.
So...it's out there, but that's all i know. So try google.
Another possibility--male friend?? who would then sign parental rights away??
Just a thought...dont know how feasible.
Yes, you can do it on your own. You dont sound crazy! good luck!!

I suggest you contact Single Mothers by Choice
http://mattes.home.pipeline.com/ and visit a few meetings to hear the pros
and cons of what you're comtemplating. I'd also advise considering using a
sperm bank rather than a local donor for quite a few reasons:

Health (checking for STDs, a complete medical history, genetic information)
Legal aspects (do you want to share custody or fight for custody with a
sperm donor?)
Financial aspects (yes, it costs to buy vials of sperm, but it's a LOT less
than dealing with lawyers fees

In article , T68b says...

Yes.


Now, that being said(sorry, i've always wanted to say that when someone has
asked!).....maybe a year or so ago, i sent a friend a website that provide
sperm to the "comfort of your home", or something like that. She wants a baby,
but doesnt yet have a man--so it was somewhat of a yes it can be done type
thing. Anyway, i must have found it by googling, and the directions did
involve a turkey baster btw.e
So...it's out there, but that's all i know. So try google.
Another possibility--male friend?? who would then sign parental rights away??

Parental rights don't get just signed away. Because these are rights of the
*child* to parental support, and a legal responsibility of the parent.

Even anonymous sperm donation is protected largely by the anonymity of the
donor; otherwise the legal status is somewhat murky.

That's not to say that there aren't many arrangements involving known donors
that work out well. But it depends on the earnest intentions of the adult
parties involved, and a certain amount of good fortune that the single parent
family not need to seek public assistance.

Banty

In article , Banty wrote:
Parental rights don't get just signed away. Because these are rights of the
*child* to parental support, and a legal responsibility of the parent.

Even anonymous sperm donation is protected largely by the anonymity of the
donor; otherwise the legal status is somewhat murky.

That's not to say that there aren't many arrangements involving known donors
that work out well. But it depends on the earnest intentions of the adult
parties involved, and a certain amount of good fortune that the single parent
family not need to seek public assistance.

In the case I'm familiar with, the sperm donor wanted to help raise
the children, and the agreement that was reached with both couples
involved him having some visitation rights and parental
responsibilities. Having 3 parents for each child (well, 5 for 2
kids) certainly reduced the amount of stress on the parents raising
the kids. I don't know the details of any financial arrangements, but
it certainly helped that all people involved were good friends before
the arrangements were made, and that all were honest, honorable people
who wanted to do the best for the then-unborn children.


------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus
Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz
Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics
(Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors, ISCB)
life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels)
Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed)
Affiliations for identification only.

I am having a hard time with this...children need to have supportive,
involved parent"s" and wanting to do this by yourself (without even
family support) is risky.

I am not saying you could not do it but are you looking at this by
taking yourself out of the picture and thinking what is best for your
child.

Perhaps I am old fashioned, and yes I realize there are lots of single
parent families out there...does that make it right?

Have you thought about adoption or foster care?
Jason - http://www.funpreschooleractivities.com

In article om,
A Mighty Fun Time wrote:


I am having a hard time with this...children need to have supportive,
involved parent"s" and wanting to do this by yourself (without even
family support) is risky.

I am not saying you could not do it but are you looking at this by
taking yourself out of the picture and thinking what is best for your
child.

Perhaps I am old fashioned, and yes I realize there are lots of single
parent families out there...does that make it right?

Have you thought about adoption or foster care?

Perhaps I am misunderstanding your statements here, but it sounds like
you are saying that single-parent families are OK for adopted or
foster kids, but not for biological children. Is that what you meant
to imply?

--Robyn