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#1
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
I've got a small domestic difficulty at the moment,
any advise much welcome, B, has his own house and we all seem to get along fine, the babe goes to stay when he has time off and if she misses him I'll call him to say and he'll drop by from work to give her big cuddles. He has a spare bedroom which he is decorating for the babe. His cousin is younger than him and recently split from his girl. He asked to use the spare room temporarily until he found somewhere else. Anyways, his cousin found a new girlfriend who came to hangout, then she brought HER girlfriend in to stay the night so literally two girls and his cousin were staying in the littleones new bedroom. I'm very upset, not so much because of the way this young guy has taken like what seems an advantage of B's hospitality, but because HIS girlfriend says she wants a baby, B's cousin has said NO! so she's been trying it on with B instead. This young woman seems to be trying everything she can, so much so that one of B's aunts came to stay when the babe was there because she got the drift of what was going on there. B called round yesterday, worried, he said this woman was pulling her blouse down and pushing herself into him - shes not even his girlfriend! shes his cousins! his aunt was so angry because she was in the same room at the time and was about to throw a wobbler when my littlun comes through the door to ask where daddy was, (my daughter is kipping on a spare bed in her dad's room) I'm tempted to go on over there and rip her up, but I'm hoping auntie can do if for me, I told B that I thought he could do better and to think about our daughters safty first. When and if he finds new girlfriends I hope he'll think on it, I don't want to end up in a situation where theres real bad vibes and it would be nice to approve of his new mates. Any ideas? luv Miri |
#2
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
"miri" wrote ... 8 (cos therewas loads of it...) Any ideas? none at all.... but I *cant wait* for the next episode... ;-) Z (breathless with anticipation)... |
#3
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
Zorro wrote: "miri" wrote ... 8 (cos therewas loads of it...) Any ideas? none at all.... but I *cant wait* for the next episode... ;-) Z (breathless with anticipation)... I don't know whats worse for that guy, a feeling of inadequacy frustration, feeling used, feeling horny, but what I do know is that I do have a great deal of sympathy for him, but I'm MORE concerned about the welfare and safty of our little'un. What he decided to do in his time in his own house is obviously out of my control. . . . its non of my business. I asked for an update "is auntie still staying with your father" kind of thing.......I think he has the sort of maturity to sort it, I hope so. |
#4
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
'Kate wrote: On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Any ideas? Any chance of B growing cajones? I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant I suppose that you could tell the cousin what his girlfriend is doing behind his back but then the next predator will come along and do the same thing. I would ask B what he thinks would happen if he told his cousin what was going on and how he manages to make it ok to put up with the girlfriend's behavior, the behavior the cousin doesn't know about. He has been told, in fact B said he was in his cousins local where when she worked there and overheard a conversation that she was two timing. I think his cousin is just a nieve wuss, and it gives him something to brag about if some young filly fawns all over him. It gave him twice the ego if hes had TWO freekin women at once. Sadly, for me, both B and his cousin have been out with one of the local tarts I'm upset about. (His cousin wanted to marry her but she said no and yeh sure it crossed my mind if the big day spelt bigamy) I owe auntie a big favor, I'll see if I can contact her via another aunt. I think B's very upset, he's grown up a lot, he loves the kids more and he's absolutely certain he doesn't want any more kids until he meets someone special (weep for me, I kind of trust him there because he refused another child with me, when we have a roof over our heads, he has access when he choses to, and I worry like hell about their care. For the time being the litt'lun is fine and dandy, if I get one of those instincts, she's staying right here with me. I don't want to get this out of proportion, it was B he told me, it didn't come from anyone else, and I will ask within the family. Work it so that B is more uncomfortable with the morality of the situation... surely he knows that his cousin is being used by the girlfriend. And he must realize that he is being a martyr with regard to helping his cousin out. Part of that helping out could be teaching his cousin how to stand up for himself. In the process of helping, B will be learning that he has some control and power. Yes I totally agree, she's a good looker so I'm led to believe, and its very flattering if a girl (or fella) comes on to you. Both are sure they don't want to have her children now. She's put herself in a position where she could be used, or is purposely putting herself into a situation where she can become pregnant without the consent of her man, or accidentally contract an STD instead. We can't help falling in love, and although her activities are not my affair, they could be one day - At the moment I've got to admire B for his self control, and to give the guy a big hug. It may take time. If that's not possible, then talk about your daughter and ask him how he explains the situation of not having a bedroom to her... how does he make that OK with her? That I am angry about, I'm pretty certain you know how I feel. I'm feeling weary, must go, Best Miri |
#5
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
"miri" wrote in message ups.com... 'Kate wrote: On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Any ideas? Any chance of B growing cajones? I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling people who are not welcome to leave his home. |
#6
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
Moon Shyne wrote: "miri" wrote in message ups.com... 'Kate wrote: On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Any ideas? Any chance of B growing cajones? I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling people who are not welcome to leave his home. Yes, that rings true, but the women here seem do all the work as far as chatting up goes, the fellas turn the girls down (or up) if they're not into it. There's so much exposure about her 'irresponsibilities' that these guys get used to shrugging it off, women are again left to sort this problem out again, his ego's no worse off, a matriarch takes control. If there was a patriarch, a mature male, grandpa, or dad who was 'wise to the ways of youth' I can just imagine him sitting there, lying in wait to act as an old letch, taking his false teeth out sucking them and saying 'Yeh I'll give you a baby, but you'll have to scrub a few colostomy bags but we can live quite happy on a pension right?, its now or never!' (OAP's are great!) He MUST assert himself in his own house, thats certain, whatever he decided to do in whatever relationship he chose to have, I'm angry and upset about the risk to someone very small MY 5yr OLD if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern. luv Miri |
#7
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
"miri" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "miri" wrote in message ups.com... 'Kate wrote: On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Any ideas? Any chance of B growing cajones? I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling people who are not welcome to leave his home. Yes, that rings true, but the women here seem do all the work as far as chatting up goes, the fellas turn the girls down (or up) if they're not into it. There's so much exposure about her 'irresponsibilities' that these guys get used to shrugging it off, women are again left to sort this problem out again, his ego's no worse off, a matriarch takes control. If there was a patriarch, a mature male, grandpa, or dad who was 'wise to the ways of youth' I can just imagine him sitting there, lying in wait to act as an old letch, taking his false teeth out sucking them and saying 'Yeh I'll give you a baby, but you'll have to scrub a few colostomy bags but we can live quite happy on a pension right?, its now or never!' (OAP's are great!) He MUST assert himself in his own house, thats certain, whatever he decided to do in whatever relationship he chose to have, I'm angry and upset about the risk to someone very small MY 5yr OLD if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern. I'm not quite sure what 'danger' you envision - because someone has decided they want to have a baby? Would there be the same risk to your daughter if B had agreed to have another child with you? (Or you deciding to have another child with ........ anyone, for that matter) You said something in your original post - "it would be nice to approve of his new mates" - that's really not your place, any more than it's B's place to approve of your new mates. luv Miri |
#8
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
Moon Shyne wrote: "miri" wrote in message oups.com... Moon Shyne wrote: "miri" wrote in message ups.com... 'Kate wrote: On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Any ideas? Any chance of B growing cajones? I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant She's asking if he might grow some balls. Right now, he's letting people walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling people who are not welcome to leave his home. Yes, that rings true, but the women here seem do all the work as far as chatting up goes, the fellas turn the girls down (or up) if they're not into it. There's so much exposure about her 'irresponsibilities' that these guys get used to shrugging it off, women are again left to sort this problem out again, his ego's no worse off, a matriarch takes control. If there was a patriarch, a mature male, grandpa, or dad who was 'wise to the ways of youth' I can just imagine him sitting there, lying in wait to act as an old letch, taking his false teeth out sucking them and saying 'Yeh I'll give you a baby, but you'll have to scrub a few colostomy bags but we can live quite happy on a pension right?, its now or never!' (OAP's are great!) He MUST assert himself in his own house, thats certain, whatever he decided to do in whatever relationship he chose to have, I'm angry and upset about the risk to someone very small MY 5yr OLD if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern. I'm not quite sure what 'danger' you envision - because someone has decided they want to have a baby? Would there be the same risk to your daughter if B had agreed to have another child with you? (Or you deciding to have another child with ........ anyone, for that matter) No danger what so ever of having a child, I'm anti-abortion but I think she was going about it using the irrational route. She was fortunate to stay with with B, the risk is that if she behaves the way she has she could find herself in either a hospital (ie mental) or drugged up and caught in a prostitution racket because she's been taken in by less sympathetic folks. You said something in your original post - "it would be nice to approve of his new mates" - that's really not your place, any more than it's B's place to approve of your new mates. Ahh, its possible that the difference between you and I is that I make absolutely certain that HE DOES approve of my freinds BEFORE introducing them to our child/ren. If he dislikes someone, I respect him for his opinions, - unfortunately for him (and maybe for me) beyond that, and as far as our adult to adult relationships go we date with whom-so-ever we choose. Yeh, I tell him if I want to introduce the kids to someone new. luv Miri |
#9
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
'Kate wrote: Of course you worry about their care. But... you can't protect them 24/7 or shelter them from the hurts of the world. They have to learn how to comfort themselves, avoid trouble, and avoid harm all on their own. I'm not suggesting not to protect them. I'm simply saying that no matter how hard we try to avoid them, bad things happen. They happen even if you do everything right. It's better to teach kids how to take care of their own needs, physical, emotional, educational, mental... than to raise whusses, tarts, and others who lack the ability to care for themselves and wind up turning to drugs/drinking to soothe their hurts. This is true, but how far is reasonable? I'm strict about drink and drugs anywhere near the children, but if they don't have some exposure to people who drink then theres a risk that it will become a novelty to them when they're older - (maybe taking them into the city on sunday morning to see the amounts of naked vomit there is doorways may be a deterrant? thinks? - better in hot weather....more flies about A good party atmosphere is a must, but its what it could degenerate into that freaks me. I don't know how you manage. I have enough taking care of myself and my family... but to be concerned about ex's, ex's cousins, and strange girlfriends. I'm fond of them, but I don't get out to socialize very often. If my friendship wasn't so reasonable - I'd be feeling like a caged rat. Whatever, its always nice to know that someone important in my life is doing OK. - even if they don't give a s**t about me. Geeze I'd have been out and it would have all been forgotten if we'd never met - I wanted a fresh start and adore the results even tho I also have to tolerate16 years of him with it. I might not like it, but its the way things have to be, and he is a good man. I had a laugh at the Simpsons, one of Marges sisters was complaining about Homer "Gee Marge, once you've planted the seeds you throw away the packet don't you!" I can imagine you are weary! Ok, I know... 6 hours later than here. Seriously, though, does worry control you sometimes? nothing that a good nights rest won't put right, sometimes I give myself time to go through some photos, old music, old favorite things that remind me of who I am...NOT the stuff that makes me nostalgic but stuff like addresses and phone numbers, to help remind me that there are other people out there. And you know, angry is ok. It's best to address it with the person that you're angry at and get it all out so that it doesn't become bigger than life itself. I think your ex needs some practice saying no. He absolutely has a ton of self control.... maybe too much. I wonder what he gets out of being so self-sacrificing that he'd risk his daughter's safety. I wonder somehow, does he try to make my loneliness worse? what benefit to him to tell me about the party invites he's had, so and so's wedding, who shagged who? |
#10
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'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'
can I drivel on a bit more?
What irritates me most is that I've entertained his friends I've never been impolite with them, when he was here I offered to cook and clean if he wanted throw parties, if he wanted me out when at the weekend when the match was on. Ok I get the picture its my abode, my residence, he moved in from his creamy little pad but probably never felt at home, but why spend more and more time at the home of his best mate and his wife? Hell ! its about time I remembered that I'm not an effing charity! - the odd knobs I've taken under my wing and fed and cared about (male and female, one of my mottos is always be kind to people, one of my friends put it another way "always be kind to people when you're on your way up.....you never know who you might meet when you find yourself going down!") What irritates me most, is that he gossips about my neighbours to me. He doesn't even live in the area, but he's there telling me about what they've been up to. Pub culture! He's the mistake........ 'so and so and his commonlaw have split after 15 years. Everything was fine - suddenly she goes on the internet and ends up arm in arm with a strange shifty looking guy, parading him around, What a heartless bitch! So and so has worked his nads off for those kids! Miri don't you agree that's dreadful?' What I saw....commonlaw running the house while her brother ferries the kids to school and back, in fact its very rare I actually saw So and so with his kids, even though he has been a provider par-excellence. One of the wonderful things he provided was a holiday residence.....which he invited me to stay at, without his commonlaw or the kiddies for a weekend (nudge,nudge, wink, wink say no more love) gasp in amusement NO! NEVER! They're both very nice people, and the kids are brilliant. I have nothing more to say on the matter because I have no contact with either them or the children. I just couldn't tell anyone about his invitation, nor will I ever. He was just ****ed. I live here damn it! I wasn't ever invited to their parties, but B was, then he tells me later! what have I ever done wrong to that guy? Huh! signed miserable |
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