Fifth Grade Girls

Scott wrote:

I think I'm lucky that DD is not at a point that she'll
befriend toxic little Miss secret-seeker just to drive
me crazy. I also think that it's important not to react
too strongly to toxic kids -- that only builds them up
in the eyes of other kids, IMO, when they get such a
strong reaction from adults (Hey Cool! Look at what
Toxina can get Mr. Smith to do!) [...]

We have been dealing with a somewhat toxic child over here
as well. My girls are a bit older now, 16 & 17, but their
Toxina has been a part of our lives since they were about 9
& 10. The hard part about our girl is that her mother,
Beastina, has been an ongoing negative force in her life and
she has other real life issues as well. I *like* the kid,
but I have decided that I will not allow her to drag my kids
down some of the paths that she is wandering.

I have always felt it best to be very non-reactive and treat
her as I do everyone else, whilst talking with my kids about
motivations in general. It is not that they are unaware of
the negative aspects of their friend, but they enjoy her
company; she is very charismatic and a ring-leader amongst
her peers. Some of the challenges are that she is very
controlling, very experimental for lack of a better term,
exhibits fits of jealousy (hard, because she hangs out with
*both* of my girls) and suffers from the Center of the
Universe Syndrome

I finally took a stand, as they are getting older and some
of the 'foolishness' is getting more serious, and spoke with
my girls *and* Toxina. In a nutshell, I explained to all of
them that I was not going to sit by quietly and watch them
make significant errors in judgment. I told Miss T that she
was the one part of the equation that I could easily remove.
She, and most of the other teenagers, spend a substantial
amount of time at my home. I reiterated that I expected a
certain type of behavior while they were here. I explained
to her that I would begin restricting my girls from driving
with her as well, as she has basically ruined her vehicle
and drives as if the hounds of hell are on her heels. I
mentioned to all of them that rational and mature behavior
would result in similar treatment from me. I also indicated
that I was at the end of my rope.

I was worried that the confrontation might immediately
result in more fractiousness but, knock wood, things have
actually improved
--
Ruth B -- Remove your blinders to send email

Stewie (reading the Bible): "My my, what a thumping good
read, lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to
two by fours. I'll say, you won't find that in Winnie the
Pooh."



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On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:40:49 EST, "animzmirot"
wrote:


[...]


Well, our Toxina ...

Believe it or not, I saw an letter in the newspaper written by a girl
named "Nemesis."

... (I love the name too, and am adopting it as of this moment)
spent the day in court today, and I don't know the results, but I'm assuming
that she will no longer be at our school and will be joining the ranks of
kids under CPS control. I'm surprised I can't hear the outbreak of glorious
applause from parents all over the city. For those of you who haven't had a
Toxina in your life, be very very thankful. I've been living the movie
Thirteen for the past few months and it really really is scary how true to
life that film gets.

You've given me something to think about for when our girls (9yo now)
get a little older.

Do I remember correctly that you also have twins? Was there any
support for your DD from her sibling?

Nick

--
Nick Theodorakis

nicholas_theodorakis [at] urmc [dot] rochester [dot] edu

"Nick Theodorakis" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:40:49 EST, "animzmirot"
wrote:


[...]


Well, our Toxina ...

Believe it or not, I saw an letter in the newspaper written by a girl
named "Nemesis."

... (I love the name too, and am adopting it as of this moment)
spent the day in court today, and I don't know the results, but I'm
assuming
that she will no longer be at our school and will be joining the ranks of
kids under CPS control. I'm surprised I can't hear the outbreak of
glorious
applause from parents all over the city. For those of you who haven't had
a
Toxina in your life, be very very thankful. I've been living the movie
Thirteen for the past few months and it really really is scary how true
to
life that film gets.

You've given me something to think about for when our girls (9yo now)
get a little older.

Do I remember correctly that you also have twins? Was there any
support for your DD from her sibling?

I do have twins, but they are quite far apart in school and have a
completely different social life (thank goodness!) and totally different
interests. DS has been extremely supportive of his sister once he figured
out that all this has caused her immense emotional pain and has really
wrecked her social life for the time being. He absolutely HATES Toxina and
is not shy about letting her know, but she's so beyond help that she just
doesn't seem to get it, even when he organized all his friends to completely
snub her. And since they're all 'older men', that probably did a bit to
wreck her impression of herself as a sexpot.

The thing is, when a girl gets into one of these toxic relationships, it's
almost always because the Toxina knows to manipulate the innocent ones. In
our case, Toxina found DD, and 3 of her friends, all of whom have IEPS and
work in the learning center. It's like Toxina went looking for a few fragile
kids who just didn't have the wherewithall to stand up to her (she's about
5'6 and 140 lbs in the 6th grade, and VERY fully developed...she looks about
16). I'm not saying that any of these kids are blameless, they're not. But
they're just no match for Toxena and she plays one against the other like a
master. Just tonight I had to spead to two different moms because she was
playing their daughters like a violin, having them 3-way our house to try
and get in touch with DD. She didn't succeed, but man, one parent was so
livid I thought she would have heart failure. She actually called Toxina a
'skanky ho', something I've never heard said outside of Sat. Night Live!

This stuff isn't for the faint of heart, but when a kid like this is in your
daughter's school, no matter how large the school is, she's going to affect
the entire grade. Our middle school has over 1300 kids and this girl has
wreaked havock with most of the girls in 6th grade. It's frightening how
little the school can do, and how long it takes CPS to act, even when they
know that the child is in a neglectful home situation and is causing severe
harm to many many families..

Marjorie