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#31
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Leslie wrote:
I'm glad you've found a way to make it work! Just a point of etiquette--the ONLY people invited to the wedding are those whose names are on the invitation. Therefore, if only your name and that of your husband were on the invitation, then only the two of you were invited. Leslie Hunh. No one told me that when I was getting married. Good thing I put "and family" on all of them..... (we had some relatives my husband hadn't seen in 10+ years, and I swear, a couple he'd never even met!) -- Cheri Stryker mom to DS1 - 7 yrs, and DS2 - 3.5 months Check out my new breastfeeding T-shirts on CafePress! http://www.cafepress.com/dancingbones |
#32
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"KD" wrote in message
ups.com... Greetings folks: Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental, gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc. Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone. Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding, there's no one to leave him with. Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most important member of my family isn't welcome. Well, it's not great etiquette IMO to attempt to separate a breastfeeding mother and baby, as they should be considered as one unit. If it were me, I would just politely decline with a simple explanation as to why. It isn't poor etiquette to be unable to attend a wedding because of a dependant child. -- Amy Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02, & Ana born screaming 30/06/04 http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/ http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/ My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/ |
#34
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message ... Anne Rogers wrote: if they still don't want you there, then are these people really your friends? It's not them that the friends don't want there, it's the baby. I don't think feeling that way has to be mutually exclusive with being friends. Some people just aren't baby people. That doesn't mean they can't be friends with people who are. hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over the last 3+ years? I suppose in the first year after the birth it would have been a possiblilty to have some friends that did't like babies, but with 2 children, whilst I'd like to think I can have a conversation that isn't about babies, it just isn't substainable to still be friends after this length of time. (As it happens, I cannot think of any friends I have "lost" since having children). And there is a difference between understanding and not, if they say "I understand, but for this day I'd rather you all didn't come" that is rather difference to "I can't see why you can't just find a sitter...." Anne |
#35
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Anne Rogers wrote: "Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message ... Anne Rogers wrote: if they still don't want you there, then are these people really your friends? It's not them that the friends don't want there, it's the baby. I don't think feeling that way has to be mutually exclusive with being friends. Some people just aren't baby people. That doesn't mean they can't be friends with people who are. hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over the last 3+ years? I suppose in the first year after the birth it would have been a possiblilty to have some friends that did't like babies, but with 2 children, whilst I'd like to think I can have a conversation that isn't about babies, it just isn't substainable to still be friends after this length of time. (As it happens, I cannot think of any friends I have "lost" since having children). Lots of our friends don't have babies and don't really like them but it hasn't got in the way of anything so far. Or at least not that I'm aware. They are all pretty accomodating of all our needs, just not up for a bit of babysitting. Actually for me the saddest thing is close family who don't like children. I do feel William will be missing out as a child, but I think it will improve when this family can communicate on a more adult level. But then I was never one for babies either and look what happened. Both dp and I said we never wanted kids when we met 9 years ago and it took 6 years for us to change our mind and we don't regret a thing. Jeni |
#36
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over the last 3+ years? Wow, that's kind of narrow-minded. I am able to maintain relationships with people who don't have or want kids. I love my kids, but I am definitely able to have a life outside of them. -- Sue (mom to three girls) |
#37
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Anne Rogers wrote:
hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over the last 3+ years? I dunno... Before I had children, I had friends who had children, but I certainly did not want to hear them screech at a wedding. For me, one has no bearing on the other. I certainly have friends who do not have children and I try not to inflict my children on them. -- Anita -- |
#38
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Sue" wrote in message news:b9adnfyqvMHkpCPZnZ2dnUVZ_vadnZ2d@wideopenwest .com... "Anne Rogers" wrote in message hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over the last 3+ years? Wow, that's kind of narrow-minded. I am able to maintain relationships with people who don't have or want kids. I love my kids, but I am definitely able to have a life outside of them. I suppose it depends on what you do with your time, I don't know what would have happened if a close friends had not liked children, because I haven't had to cross that bridge. But as a SAHM I haven't had chance to meet anyone who doesn't have children! If I worked, then I could definitely imagine having friends who weren't into children, as I presume my husband does, but myself I have limited opportunities to meet people, other than those who also have children. Anne |
#39
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
It's definitely not poor etiquette to decline, and as other people have
said, it's not even poor etiquette to explain to good friends the details of your decline (and they might even say, "OH, please come with the baby!!"). BUT, it's also not poor etiquette to invite someone and not invite their baby, just as it's not poor etiquette to invite your elderly great-aunt who lives across the country, can't fly out because of physical limitations, and thus automatically can't come anymore than an exclusively breastfeeding mom. Unfortunately, too many weddings can be fraught with unrealistic and selfish expectations, on the part of the bride/groom, parents, *and* guests. Mind you, I'm definitely not saying that not wanting to be separated from your breastfeeding baby is selfish! But part of choosing to have a baby (and part of choosing to breastfeed, come to think of it) is recognizing that you may not be able to do everything you could do BC (before children), and that it's not always because of a great conspiracy against nursing motherhood. IMO, wanting to have an adults-only wedding falls into the non-nefarious category. Em mama to Micah, 11/14/04 Mum of Two wrote: Well, it's not great etiquette IMO to attempt to separate a breastfeeding mother and baby, as they should be considered as one unit. If it were me, I would just politely decline with a simple explanation as to why. It isn't poor etiquette to be unable to attend a wedding because of a dependant child. -- Amy Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02, & Ana born screaming 30/06/04 http://www.freewebs.com/carlos2002/ http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ana%5Fj%5F2004/ My blog: http://spaces.msn.com/members/querer-hijo-querer-hija/ |
#40
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Anne Rogers wrote: "Sue" wrote in message news:b9adnfyqvMHkpCPZnZ2dnUVZ_vadnZ2d@wideopenwest .com... "Anne Rogers" wrote in message hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over the last 3+ years? Wow, that's kind of narrow-minded. I am able to maintain relationships with people who don't have or want kids. I love my kids, but I am definitely able to have a life outside of them. I suppose it depends on what you do with your time, I don't know what would have happened if a close friends had not liked children, because I haven't had to cross that bridge. But as a SAHM I haven't had chance to meet anyone who doesn't have children! What about the friends you had before you had children? Most of the weddings we go to are of family and friends who we have known for many, many years. I can also easily envisage being invited to a wedding of friends I have in the choir I sing in, many of whom are older and have finished having their family or have no children and perhaps want a grown-up affair. I was in the choir before kids, took a long time off, and joined again when DS was 3. Mary Ann If I worked, then I could definitely imagine having friends who weren't into children, as I presume my husband does, but myself I have limited opportunities to meet people, other than those who also have children. Anne |
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