Etiquette Question - wedding invites

Anne Rogers wrote:
If it's genuinenly not at all practical for whatever reason to leave the
peanut with a sitter for four hours, then a simple one line response to
the invitation is all that's warranted; something along the lines of "It
is with sincerest regret that I am unable to attend your wedding
celebration" and make sure to follow up with a card or a gift card/present
from off their registry.

is that etiquette in the US? I don't think it is here, at least not for
friends, family maybe, the usual thing is for them to send a card for the
best man to read out during the speeches and again that would be only a
small number of people, I think we had 4.

This wedding we didn't go they had a list from a well-known department
store where they actually wrap it and deliver it to the couple without
you ever seeing it. We did send a card on later. I find that idea of
the guests not even wrapping and bringing their own presents really
clinical myself, but each to their own.

Jeni

This wedding we didn't go they had a list from a well-known department
store where they actually wrap it and deliver it to the couple without
you ever seeing it. We did send a card on later. I find that idea of
the guests not even wrapping and bringing their own presents really
clinical myself, but each to their own.

me too, I've only done it once, other times, I've tried to do something a
little different!

Anne

wrote in message
This wedding we didn't go they had a list from a well-known department
store where they actually wrap it and deliver it to the couple without
you ever seeing it. We did send a card on later. I find that idea of
the guests not even wrapping and bringing their own presents really
clinical myself, but each to their own.

According to the etiquette books, you are not supposed to bring your present
to the wedding. You are supposed to have it shipped to the couple's house or
bride's mother's house that way the bride and groom don't have to worry
about transporting the gifts. When you are at the reception, you give cards
to the best man or parents, but not to the couple directly. You may find it
cynical, but it's the proper way to do it, according to the etiquette gurus.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Sue wrote:
wrote in message
This wedding we didn't go they had a list from a well-known department
store where they actually wrap it and deliver it to the couple without
you ever seeing it. We did send a card on later. I find that idea of
the guests not even wrapping and bringing their own presents really
clinical myself, but each to their own.

According to the etiquette books, you are not supposed to bring your present
to the wedding. You are supposed to have it shipped to the couple's house or
bride's mother's house that way the bride and groom don't have to worry
about transporting the gifts. When you are at the reception, you give cards
to the best man or parents, but not to the couple directly. You may find it
cynical, but it's the proper way to do it, according to the etiquette gurus.

I find it clinical because it's completely not the way it's normally
done in the UK. What happens is you turn up with your pressie and card
and they all get put on a big table at the reception. I don't know who
does it but it's not usually the bride and groom that arranges to have
the gifts sent to the house for them to open later. I think what I find
most clinical is that the guests don't even get to wrap the presents
which to me just seems to be an by-product of wedding lists - a feature
which again wouldn't be my choice either. I want romance and
celebration, not organisation up to the ying yang.Which is why if I
ever got married it would be utter chaos

Jeni

"Anne Rogers" wrote:
If it's genuinenly not at all practical for whatever reason to leave the
peanut with a sitter for four hours, then a simple one line response to
the invitation is all that's warranted; something along the lines of "It
is with sincerest regret that I am unable to attend your wedding
celebration" and make sure to follow up with a card or a gift
card/present from off their registry.

is that etiquette in the US? I don't think it is here, at least not for
friends, family maybe, the usual thing is for them to send a card for the
best man to read out during the speeches and again that would be only a
small number of people, I think we had 4.

What's not good etiquette in the UK? Responding to an invitation? I don't
get it. People who don't come to the wedding send a card to be read at the
reception? I've never heard of that. Shouldn't you let them know in
advance?

As to gifts, anyone who is invited to a wedding should send a gift to the
couple. You should not take gifts to the wedding anyway, although many
people do.

-Patty, mom of 1+2

I can't imagine ending friendships because
they don't have kids, nor did we skip out on our single friends when we
got married.

I'm not responding to anyone in particular here, but I have an
observation....

I believe the OP of this sub-thread said that she wouldn't stay close to
friends who did not *like* children, not those who did not *have* children.

I have friends without children, but I don't think I know anyone who doesn't
like children. If I did, I wonder if we could have a friendship? Being a
mom is a huge part of my identity, and I don't know if we could relate to
each other.

-Patty, mom of 1+2

PattyMomVA wrote:
I can't imagine ending friendships because
they don't have kids, nor did we skip out on our single friends when we
got married.

I'm not responding to anyone in particular here, but I have an
observation....

I believe the OP of this sub-thread said that she wouldn't stay close to
friends who did not *like* children, not those who did not *have* children.

I have friends without children, but I don't think I know anyone who doesn't
like children. If I did, I wonder if we could have a friendship? Being a
mom is a huge part of my identity, and I don't know if we could relate to
each other.

My dp's sister doesn't like children but she is very fond of William
and is one of his 4 non-god parents. She is always interested in how he
is getting on and is really pleased when he grins at her lamby noises.
We always got on really well and whilst at first I was quite miffed
that she wasn't as keen to coo over William when he was born as
everyone else was, it hasn't affected our friendship in the least. We
were friends for 8 years before he was born so I couldn't imagine
chucking that away because she doesn't like children. If she made it a
problem then it might be different but we are both adult enough to
accept we have made different choices in life and to respect each
others feeling on kids.

Jeni

PattyMomVA wrote:
I can't imagine ending friendships because
they don't have kids, nor did we skip out on our single friends when we
got married.

I'm not responding to anyone in particular here, but I have an
observation....

I believe the OP of this sub-thread said that she wouldn't stay close to
friends who did not *like* children, not those who did not *have* children.

I have friends without children, but I don't think I know anyone who doesn't
like children. If I did, I wonder if we could have a friendship? Being a
mom is a huge part of my identity, and I don't know if we could relate to
each other.

I have friends who don't like children. Some people just don't have
that instinct. It's ok if they don't go gaga over our kid, they're
friends for reasons other than the kid.

) writes:
I don't know how to say this politely (to those who invited you), but
I certainly agree with you. Simply tell them that your are nursing,
you can't leave your baby for long, and if he is not welcome, you
cannot come. end of story.

I agree with the other poster who says you must
express genuine regret: let them know that you really
want to come to the wedding and are really sorry to
have to say no. Just "I'm sorry" is often said lightly,
so you need to use more words than that to get across
the degree of regret.

Sue wrote:
wrote in message
This wedding we didn't go they had a list from a well-known department
store where they actually wrap it and deliver it to the couple without
you ever seeing it. We did send a card on later. I find that idea of
the guests not even wrapping and bringing their own presents really
clinical myself, but each to their own.

According to the etiquette books, you are not supposed to bring your present
to the wedding. You are supposed to have it shipped to the couple's house or
bride's mother's house that way the bride and groom don't have to worry
about transporting the gifts. When you are at the reception, you give cards
to the best man or parents, but not to the couple directly. You may find it
cynical, but it's the proper way to do it, according to the etiquette gurus.

Though proper etiquette in the US, what's customary varies by region,
and I suspect the same is true in the UK. The weddings I've been
involved with in the UK (and in Ireland followed a similar procedure) -
gifts were *not* brought to the wedding itself, but mailed to the
couple directly. Or cards with cash were given to the best man, very
similar to standard US etiquette. However most of the US weddings I've
been to have had gift tables because people bring their gifts to the
wedding.

The gift list idea seems to be relatively recent in the UK, whereas it
has been the norm for awhile now in the US.

FWIW - at our Swiss wedding, most people brought gifts to the wedding.
But I have no idea if that's standard behaviour. It was a very casual
wedding.